The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welp... Don't know what is up with me this morning... I feel ok I suppose, but a little off... I am not sure if it has to do with Yesterdays Good/Great news or not... when it come to getting rid of the My Deseased Afathers estate or what... Or if it is just Realizing... That I am getting were I need to be with it all...
This Estate, has taking a HUGE part of my life these last 6 months...So I am thinking that now I have to FACE ME... Which I have been putting in to effort, and running my Program the best I know how...I just think that once this is Off My Back I will then have to get down and more serious on were "I" am heading ...
Yes the Stresses of all this will be off my back, but once it is over, I have to learn to LET GO, of all the resentment that I held on my siblings, all the stress that it held alone, and all the struggles I have been thru to get this far...
How is it, I can be Getting EVERYTHING that I wanted and still feel like my soul is unsure of what is next to come...
I know it will be a relief without a daught, but... I am thinking once it is over, I will then have to open up to a new Greiving process when it comes to lossing my afather... For I don't feel I have taken that time, trying to thro myself in the middle of the Estate, and "Handle" everything...
I guess my fears of the Completion of this all has a pit in my stomach.. I try not to project the situation, but ... I catch myself...(What If, How Come, Would it, Could it be'n) ... All the time... I guess I just run out of Cart Wheels Today, and need to get my breath back...
Sometimes when something good happens to me?? I think that the darkness or life or whatever is gonna just "pop up" and pull the rug out from under me...
I do this as much, but yea, sometimes I have a "let down" after something REAL good happends...Like old tapes playing "Ok you got your good, NOW I am gonna slam dunk you with something REAL bad".......I just have to keep telling me "HEY I DESERVE IT".....and just keep saying THANK YOU to HP and lots of self talk that "I DESERVE THIS GOOD"....and also "YEA!!! it is MY turn now"......
I am soo used to the UNwanted events of the past...Rounds and rounds of misery....I gotta get used to the fact that I am a diferent person....A NEW and better *magnet* and that *magnet* is now pulling to me the GOOD......
YOU DESERVE IT!!!! Do somethig nice for you and keep doing positive/ encouraging and loving self talk to JOZIE......
I keep telling me "I have had ENOUGH pain....NOW it is time for my GOOD....I DESERVE it".....
Yes, I find the peace hard to manage, with all the chaos, it feels as if normality has something missing, its just a matter of getting used to isn't it.
