Ok as most of you know, my deseased Afathers things have been plaquen me for a while now, and that is now slow coming to an end..(Next Week)... Yesterday I was kinda drag'n and with great ESH... (Thank You All) I came to realize, that Yes... I was Waiting for the Storm..For It has been WAY To Calm, and things seem to be moving at a rather fast pace, for having No Drama Attached...

Growing up an ACOA I have come to realize, I am ALWAYS waiting on the storms...because the calm never seems to last...Well I got up this morning and read two of my dailys and it was quiet funny how the two things they spoke of was "Patience & Hugs"...lol...

As a young child, even after my mom & dad divorced, I would Go to DAD when something was on my mind.. Because Mom was/is Great... but Moms emotions to what you were feeling and your sadness were sometimes more overwhelming then I could handle in most days of dread... So... Dad NEVER came to me.. I always Went to him...

He would see me in tears on his doorstep, and he would always take and lead me to the kitchen, and sit me down at the table..He would go straight to the fridge pour me some water, or what ever... And Sit there and look me in the eye and ask me of my problems... I would babble on forever, and when I was thru..He would then give me a big hug so I could wipe my tears on his shoulder...and then...hewould give me his take on it... "Kinda like that feeling you get in F2F meetings" He always seemed to have "Patience with ME"... Now life.. He could not handle it stressed him everyday, bills, and responisibility, payments and upkeep... but ME for some reason,  He Got me.. and he always seemed to Know what I wanted and needed to hear...

Those of you that remember when I was first started, remember me speaking of my "Dad's Hugs" that moved moutains in my soul... That is the one thing I miss more then anything else in the world...Well after reading of my "Hugs" this morning and my "Patience" with myself... It was almost as tho, in the "Calm" I could feel his arms around me once more, and the tears rolled like the "Mississippi River" (Still are :) Not tears of sadness really, tears that needed to come out, for they have been laying stagnant and building up for a while now.. :)

It was a feeling I had missed for soo long, 6 months accuaully next week and in "Slowing" in the Calm" it was there all along... I just never excepted it...The tears I believe are more Happy tears then sad, I believe I am Finally starting to come into my own, and realize...That I am going to be OK.. I still have my Daddy's Hugs :)... I just have to enjoy the moments of calm in order for them to come thru...

Soooo After HP slapped me around this morning :)  and Woke me Up to the New Me... I grabbed one of my books, and the page fell open to a sticky I have put in there some months before when I was thinking of how I could give tribute to my afather that would only be special to me :)

And on that sticky was the tattoo I had drew up and the quote "Here I Go... Turn the Page" Well I think i cried for about 20 minutes straight... For "Turn the Page" by Bob Segar was one of my Afathers Favorite Songs.. We would side at "The Firehall (BAR)" and play it on the juke box and he would always say when it was over... "Honey... Sometimes you have to Know...When to Turn the Page!"

And at the time I always thought to myself... (Well then Get Turning Old Man for I am ready for YOU to Change!! lol) He was never a hands on father, unless we tracked him at the locol hang out, but he was there when I Ask Him to be..."Another Story For Another Day :)"

So... I guess Dad is still sit'n up there... Telling me to Be "Patient" with my self, but also telling me it is time to close this chapter in my life, Except that he is gone...and to Slowly "Turn the Page".!..

 And now I feel his strength in me thru his HUGS that still make me feel like I am floating on a cloud... And he is hang out with me :) I have been thru an emotional roller coaster ride this morning, but I feel the ride this time was one "I" Needed to face headon to get to the Next chapter in my life...Welcome to my "Storybook Forest" :)

There is So Much I owe Al-anon for "making/Allowing me to Find ME, and to Explore My Own Feelings, and what I WANT not what pleases others... I have learned so much and can be nothing but grateful for this journey I have "Just Begun"... I don't know yet were it leads, but I am sure going to try and "Enjoy" the Calm... And let HP guide down the next Tour Of My LIfe :)

Thanks so much MIP Family... You Are All A Blessing In My Life... Just like Daddy's Hugs :)

Thanks for letting me Share...
Love & Prayers To All
Jozie