Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

I see a LOT of posts about kicking your A out... or making them leave when they cross the boundary you set....from what I have found out, it's not always that easy. I know from personal experience... since my ABF was living here I could kick him out, make him leave, tell him to never come back, whatever.....

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone! I'm taking a break right now, and listening to some Zen music, reflecting on the last week. I am grateful that my recovering AH and I have at least been able to talk and enjoy each other's company. I see him struggle with being laid off still. It's extremely difficult as well for me, as I'...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I finally went to a face to face meeting today. I was sick at my stomach over anxiousness this morning but did it anyway and it was such a good experience. I shared how I needed help dealing with anxiety and the need to control others and even said "it's not my husband - it's me". I was shocked...

NovSun · NovSun

Well I went and did it. Last week my AFiance was supposed to see a substance abuse counselor on Thursday. He said they called and cancelled the appt. I checked the phone records and realized he called them and cancelled it. He lied about it. I know it was completely wrong and against everythi...

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

I am not new to AlAnon, just to here..... Can't get to meetings very often due to location. AH has been sober for quite awhile and doing very well. Now he has convinced himself that he could probably handle it a few times a year. At family get togethers, social situations, or whatever. Doesn't want t...

Gailey · Gailey

A son got his 3rd dui/dwi on Tuesday of last week. He is still on probation for the 2nd one. I am sure he will serve some jail time now. I did very well at first. He totaled his car and was taken to the er in a ambulance. He refused the sobriety test because a lawyer told him before to never take one. He was not fo...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi all, my partner is drinking again after 9 months in rehab and a dry house. He has ran from me to his mums as i will not enable him anymore. He is being very cold its like when they become active again their emotional side dies. He is back to being selfish and uncaring when sober and attending aa he could...

lovee · lovee

I left the father of my child a year and a half ago. He wanted me back badly and I refused. I love him, but our dynamic was toxic. He now has a girlfriend. I see them around town all the time. All the sudden my grief for the loss of my family is so strong I can't breathe. I can't eat and can't stop crying. I'm sa...

RLC · RLC

Happy Birthday MDK....#29 Melissa is in my Home Group. She has the program tonight. She has chosen the 3 C's as the topic. Birthday Hugs To Melissa, RLC

youfoundme · youfoundme

I just got off the phone with two people: my qualifier (A-fiance) and then my sponsor. My A, is in the middle of trying to get off of everything the suboxone and the alcohol. He got his NA book out and was looking at it. He is reading a website for people in recovery. I don't understand how these doctor...

Lolly · Lolly

Hello..Im new to this site,but not to the Al a non meetings ...my friend who is dating a A needed my support and so I went along Boy was I in for a reality check of my own! I thought I had done all the healing that there was ..as I come from a very controlling parent and drinking grandparent...which led me into...

Jozie · Jozie

When life goes faster then I can... In 2 days my Baby boy will be 14... Its hard to beleive that he is that old all aready, but I have been very accepting most of the time of him growing into a young man.. Not easy for me... He is my One & Only and at times I truly can't believe how fast time has gone by... this...

hawaiilover · hawaiilover

Hi Family: Just feel like venting a bit today. Still not working and I depend on my AH for medical benefits and finances to pay our bills. My AH is back on his drinking and driving cycle. He had stop for a while, but now is happening daily. I can not afford to be without his income nor his medical benefits. It...

kay115 · kay115

Last night, my AH called at 3am and said he could was going to sleep over at a friend's house. He had been out drinking, then continued drinking there and no one was in the shape for driving. I offered to go and get him (I am working on not being so enabling), but he declined. This morning, I get a text at 7:30...

KLotus · KLotus

As I've said in previous posts, my husband is on a mission to have me declared "sick." Our marriage counselor, it seemed, was confounded by his arguments and anger. He stated that I chose this situation, and reminded me that I drank with him when we began dating, and that I "had more b...

Sandy_K · Sandy_K

This is a place I knew I needed to revisit. I came here several months ago, shortly after we lost our youngest son to suicide. At that time my husband had once again begun the random pattern of sporadic drinking. At that point, my husband returned to counseling and I found a counselor of my own, but we did n...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone, Why do alcoholics flirt, and even cheat? My husband, to my knowledge, has never cheated on me, and I do not fear that he will. If he does, he does, and I would likely leave, but that would be his choice. However, when times have been the most difficult between us, I feel he is extra flirtati...

KLotus · KLotus

Today I was feeling very down while at work. Feeling overwhelmed, and anxious. So, I called my AH, as we've had better interactions recently. I didn't really tell him that I was feeling badly (about myself), and just sort of checked in. When I realized that talking with him meant that I was going to...

clep · clep

The new job for my A is going very well. He is happy now and they are keeping him on. He won't tell his old boss that he has quit!!!!! At first it was because he wanted to make sure he landed the new job, then it was because he wanted to make sure they were going to keep him, and now it is because he is having a ha...

mctgo · mctgo

I guess that got his attention, but moreover, it got mine. Hated the person I have become when I was shouting at him yesterday morning - anything I say creates shame, guilt, etc. so why bother? This is my 3rd relationship. I feel sick. I have been so stupid. I "fix" things all of the time,...

Cloudsea · Cloudsea

Hi, all. I just wanted to share that my AH just had his one year sober "birthday" this weekend. Our 15 year old son and I went with him to the AA birthday meeting, and it was truly inspiring. All three of us cried. There were people there with from 1 year to 35 years of sobriety, and each got t...

ladym · ladym

Hi, I am new here, I found this website a couple of days ago and been doing a lot of reading. I didnt realize there are so many people out there that are living my life! I will start by giving a description about my life. I have been with my AGF for 12 years and I knew she drank; I drank too but very little. I guess...

ErinMVo · ErinMVo

So this is my first time on here and just feel so overwhelmed! I am recently single after 3 years of dating an alcoholic which then led to drugs. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but now that he is gone I do not feel any better about the situation. All I did was bad mouth him the whole relationship...

Pushka · Pushka

Today was the big "C" day as in court day. We found out Friday that A was suppose to be in court, lawyer did not tell him he was suppose to be there, so today we went. I'm shocked at the bottom line for the lawyers involved and I don't know if it's all of them or just some of them, they are looking for...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I will make this brief: I really wish I had more time to get on this lovely forum! It is very frustrating when I can't read stories & comments very often. I really enjoy being on here. It can be the highlight of my day! I thank my friend Jen who helped me get on here. It has been a blessing. It is 12:30 &...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

The past two weeks have been Rough no lie, rough to the point that at one time I asked HP to just take me, anything to stop the pain. I believe when a person reaches a certain level of pain with no relief in site that they loose their will to fight in many instances and I did. I had to turn sooo much over to my HP...

sameoldstuff · sameoldstuff

hi everyone! everytime i think i know where i need to be i take one step forward and one step back. i have been seeing a therapist for about 8 months nearly on a weekly basis and at the beginning she kept stearing me towards alanon mtgs and finally after about 6 months i found this site and went to a couple of f...

Debilyn · Debilyn

First I have faith. Not afraid. Mainly hate all the driving and my body hurting so bad wehen I get home. then am basically doing nothing for three days to heal up.I am talking driving to the tests etc. The horrible heat stroke symptoms are very bad.If you look that up it will tell you. It is life threatenin...

Lyne · Lyne

How did I get addicted to the addict? Why didn't I notice that happening? I told a friend of mine to try alanon, that it was really helping me. She said she's afraid to get healthy because she'll leave her husband. I choose to stay with my A spouse. Why would a healthy person stay? Doesn't a healthy...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

Last Monday night my dh and I had a talk. He told me that his depression has him at a new low and that he has nothing to give me emotionally. He said he's in survival mode and is barely getting by just trying to do his job and get up in the morning. He's been pulling away and got mad at me when I told him I wanted...

KLotus · KLotus

My AH and I actually had a good weekend. Things, as many of you know, have been difficult, and particularly building over the last few weeks. We finally had it out (a little), and since then we've seemed to "re-set" a bit. I am always leery of this time, what I now view as a "honeymoon p...

michellelong · michellelong

Well last night was supposed to be my first f2f meeting, I was so excited for days!! I found myself for the past few days trying once again to control the outcome of the days, I would ask my AH to do specific things with me as to not let him out of my sight! He runs his own business to where he can quit for the day w...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

My AH is not drinking, (or at least not muchor around me) but we have been through so much water under the bridge and fighting that it is hard right now to even talk to each other. I am trying hard to not want to control him but I don't feel like being sweet or giving just yet. I am hurt and when I do talk to him h...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

First, thank you to everyone on this board. Until now I have felt so alone and depressed, your support is literally a lifesaver. I need some guidance: I am finally ready to attend my first f2f meeting. Do you tell your A that you are going to Alanon? I know my husband will deny he is using so the question wi...

tommyecat · tommyecat

So tomorrow I am leaving for a six day AA/Alanon conference out west. I will be going alone and am feeling thrilled, excited, all kinds of mixed emotions. It is the first time I will away all by myself on a trip in years. I have my own room and am really looking forward to quiet evenings, workshops, and h...

Betterfuture · Betterfuture

HI everyone, Things are have changed alot since my very first post. I was sick and tired of everything then. I was so lost and helpless not to mention confused. I loved my AH but hated him wanted him home but wanted him out etc. I cried and cried. One night I was so engulfed w/ grief and pain I just prayed to my...

MDK · MDK

Ok guys need imput.................. Next week is my Birthday!!!!! I am so excited about this but I also am going to be the chairmain of my face to face meeting that day! I am going to discuss the 3 Cs but there isn't many pages to refer to in the Courage to Change Book is there any books or any suggestion any...

supermom · supermom

My husband has been sober for over 4 months now and I am so thankful. He is consistently taking his meds and seeing his doctors. He is not going to AA (hasn't gone during any of this sobriety and doesn't want to). I am having a hard time detaching from his depression. I know we can be happy whether they a...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I haven't posted much on the topic of my A brother, primarily because he has been out of state, and my family has been able to completely detach from him. When he left here 9 years ago, he was an attractive, functioning husband, and a really good dad to five kids. Suffice to say, he just recently got...

Lyne · Lyne

Ok so now my spouse is seeing the CASAC, 3 weeks in a row. I feel better. The alc. counselor wants her to see a weight specialist. She says she will call and hasn't. Now I don't feel better. She needs 90 in 90 and I guess if anyone can get her there, it will be the CASAC because I sure as heck can't get her in...

Iamgood · Iamgood

Hello everyone, I have a mom who is very angry right now. With me, it seems. For not being caring enough to her, not emotional enough. I can she is just scared right now and wants love and a hug and sympathy and someone to sit with her and ask her how she is. She wants me to be that person. Oh gosh, I am not t...

rara avis · rara avis

Hey everybody, First, quick update: I have been to, and am looking for more alanon meetings, seeing a couselor, and reading literature. I'm also seeing friends, exercising, and making exciting decisions in my creative life. Basically I'm doing the best I can to focus on me. But, relationshipwis...

Iamgood · Iamgood

Maybe I am asking for approval, but here goes. I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for 1 year. I am working on Step 1 with a sponsor. I have never lived with active alcoholics. I come from a dysfunctional family, but alcohol/drugs were not at play in this generation. My mother is a rageaholic (m...

jamfu · jamfu

Recently(within the past 2 weeks) a girl I used to be absolutely smitten over in high school contacted me through facebook. Turns out she has had feelings for me for some time as well. Well, my dad was in the hospital, and we had spoken everyday about her us our feelings .. and such. She is a divorcee, and h...

maresie · maresie

I have a new roommate who is gradually moving into the place next door to me. In the past my way of encountering others is to bond by giving of myself, giving too much, asking too much, wanting to be "friends" very quickly. Being roommates in a shared household is a pretty intimate undertaki...

hiflying1 · hiflying1

I have been in al anon for a few months.. Have a face to face sponsor. I struggle because my husband is not alcoholic. We are both adult children of alcoholics. Married for 30 years. I think we have been fighing and arguing the whole time. Could never figure out what the heck was going on. I mean, he is i...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

Bad day today. I was hospitalized this week, now am out. My AH was supportive and did all the rights things while I was there. On the way home however, bang! Car was swerving in our direction, I said "watch out" and the explosion occured. "How dare you question my driving skills, I know w...

Mylife · Mylife

I found wine hidden in my AM's linen closet....I confronted her about it, because she said she had stopped, and she said that she has just a glass at night and that's it. I know that as an alcoholic she shouldn't be having ANY alcohol...but can an alcoholic just have a glass or two every few days. I know for...

maresie · maresie

So much of my resentment towards the ex A was about my expectations of him. I had an expectation that he would turn around, be repsonsible, caring and an eual partner. He was never that. Of course he alluded to it. At times he would put on a great show of being that. Day in and day out he was never that. ...

michellelong · michellelong

Hi all, I am trying so flipping hard to think and act in a positive manner, maybe it's because I am a newbie and just can't get some of the self help awareness down or maybe it's just the way I am going to be for awhile but GOD knows I need help. My AH just sent a text that his poker game (a long ago habit that is pok...

soozin12 · soozin12

so my AH is not working right now, meaning no income on his part, and things are tight. we can make it on my salary but I hate having to hand out money to him-feels like he is a child and it irks me, but i have no choice as i certainly cant give him free rein to our bank account or no bills get paid. Anyway I give him...

Tracy · Tracy

The topic at my meeting this morning was waiting. Everyone had a different perspective on this topic however we all identified with waiting for the drinker to get sober, better on a programme, to work it to change their behavior. However today I realise that life is short I am focusing hard on my recov...

Pushka · Pushka

Well, another court date came and this time the lawyer screwed up because AH was suppose to be in court so take a wild guess what I will be doing Monday in the AM. Truthfully, to hear exactly what will be said makes it all worth while. I need to know $$, how much will this cost exactly. I don't know I might be...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

As of today my AH has now lost: 1. His health 2. His home 3. His self-owned business 4. His childhood best friend 5. His children 6. Me What else is it going to take for him to finally hit the bottom? I keep asking this question when I pray to my HP. My HP's plan for my AH is a mystery to me. -- Edited by Green Eyes...

Bettina · Bettina

You hear that phrase a lot , "Unconditional Love". My daughter and I were having a discussion about it. I told her you need to be a parent to really feel it. What does it mean to you and how does it fit in with your Alanon program???? Luv, Bettina

oldergal · oldergal

People have mentioned a SCRAM bracelet on here a couple of times, what is it? Oldergal

sameoldstuff · sameoldstuff

WELL, HERE IAM AGAIN VENTING. MY AH AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE HE JUST GOT OUT OF HIS 3RD INPATIENT REHAB IN ABOUT 9 MONTHS, BUT THIS ONE ONLY FOR 2 WKS, OF COURSE I PICKED HIM UP LET HIM COME HOME (JUSTIFIYING IT BECAUSE HE STAYS IN ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE AND ALSO THINKING I BETTER DO WHAT HE WANTS OR HE WILL GET...

2nice4_2long · 2nice4_2long

I'm not good at identifying my feelings. Please help me put a name to the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now. My husband has lost his job. We knew it was coming. We have enough money. There are benefits available to cover tuition for people who choose a vibrant employable field. My husband w...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

As I was sitting here, minding my own business, my mom once again interrupted my post. I could barely type or think about what I wanted to say! Now she wants to get on here & I am sorely against it--how can I share on here with my mom on here as well. My privacy is already invaded when she comes over & a...

surfingmaestro · surfingmaestro

When I am calm I am so able to work a solid program but when the attack comes from my A wife in recovery I am at a loss to hang on to what program says to do. Here's what happened: My wife was getting ready to leave for her AA meeting and she said she needed to talk to me about our plans for the next day. I closed my...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Kicking out the A (Preview) I see a LOT of posts about kicking your A out... or making them leave when they cross the boundary you set....from what I have found out, it's not always that easy. I know from personal experience... since my ABF was living here I could kick him out, make him leave, tell him to never come back, whatever.....	ELEKTRAWMN	12	636	Aug 4, 2011 by ELEKTRAWMN
	Zen (Preview) Hi Everyone! I'm taking a break right now, and listening to some Zen music, reflecting on the last week. I am grateful that my recovering AH and I have at least been able to talk and enjoy each other's company. I see him struggle with being laid off still. It's extremely difficult as well for me, as I'...	KLotus	6	665	Aug 4, 2011 by oldgraduate
	Finally went to a F2F Meeting (Preview) I finally went to a face to face meeting today. I was sick at my stomach over anxiousness this morning but did it anyway and it was such a good experience. I shared how I needed help dealing with anxiety and the need to control others and even said "it's not my husband - it's me". I was shocked...	oldgraduate	9	631	Aug 4, 2011 by oldgraduate
	It's a long story - sorry! (Preview) Well I went and did it. Last week my AFiance was supposed to see a substance abuse counselor on Thursday. He said they called and cancelled the appt. I checked the phone records and realized he called them and cancelled it. He lied about it. I know it was completely wrong and against everythi...	NovSun	11	633	Aug 4, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Going to drink again (Preview) I am not new to AlAnon, just to here..... Can't get to meetings very often due to location. AH has been sober for quite awhile and doing very well. Now he has convinced himself that he could probably handle it a few times a year. At family get togethers, social situations, or whatever. Doesn't want t...	Hot Chicka	12	628	Aug 4, 2011 by flopadopilus
	detached....detached....detached..............attached! (Preview) A son got his 3rd dui/dwi on Tuesday of last week. He is still on probation for the 2nd one. I am sure he will serve some jail time now. I did very well at first. He totaled his car and was taken to the er in a ambulance. He refused the sobriety test because a lawyer told him before to never take one. He was not fo...	Gailey	8	512	Aug 4, 2011 by Ness
	Fear (Preview) Hi all, my partner is drinking again after 9 months in rehab and a dry house. He has ran from me to his mums as i will not enable him anymore. He is being very cold its like when they become active again their emotional side dies. He is back to being selfish and uncaring when sober and attending aa he could...	Tracy	7	623	Aug 3, 2011 by ELEKTRAWMN
	When you leave someone and they move on (Preview) I left the father of my child a year and a half ago. He wanted me back badly and I refused. I love him, but our dynamic was toxic. He now has a girlfriend. I see them around town all the time. All the sudden my grief for the loss of my family is so strong I can't breathe. I can't eat and can't stop crying. I'm sa...	lovee	10	644	Aug 3, 2011 by lovee
	MDK (Melissa) Has A Birthday Today !!!!! (Preview) Happy Birthday MDK....#29 Melissa is in my Home Group. She has the program tonight. She has chosen the 3 C's as the topic. Birthday Hugs To Melissa, RLC	RLC	11	646	Aug 3, 2011 by Jozie
	Encouragement needed (Preview) I just got off the phone with two people: my qualifier (A-fiance) and then my sponsor. My A, is in the middle of trying to get off of everything the suboxone and the alcohol. He got his NA book out and was looking at it. He is reading a website for people in recovery. I don't understand how these doctor...	youfoundme	8	471	Aug 3, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Confused! (Preview) Hello..Im new to this site,but not to the Al a non meetings ...my friend who is dating a A needed my support and so I went along Boy was I in for a reality check of my own! I thought I had done all the healing that there was ..as I come from a very controlling parent and drinking grandparent...which led me into...	Lolly	7	704	Aug 3, 2011 by flopadopilus
	And it Still Goes On :) (Preview) When life goes faster then I can... In 2 days my Baby boy will be 14... Its hard to beleive that he is that old all aready, but I have been very accepting most of the time of him growing into a young man.. Not easy for me... He is my One & Only and at times I truly can't believe how fast time has gone by... this...	Jozie	7	669	Aug 3, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Feeling Vulnerable (Preview) Hi Family: Just feel like venting a bit today. Still not working and I depend on my AH for medical benefits and finances to pay our bills. My AH is back on his drinking and driving cycle. He had stop for a while, but now is happening daily. I can not afford to be without his income nor his medical benefits. It...	hawaiilover	6	425	Aug 2, 2011 by hawaiilover
	Not sure what to do next (Preview) Last night, my AH called at 3am and said he could was going to sleep over at a friend's house. He had been out drinking, then continued drinking there and no one was in the shape for driving. I offered to go and get him (I am working on not being so enabling), but he declined. This morning, I get a text at 7:30...	kay115	9	667	Aug 2, 2011 by ELEKTRAWMN
	Enabling? (Preview) As I've said in previous posts, my husband is on a mission to have me declared "sick." Our marriage counselor, it seemed, was confounded by his arguments and anger. He stated that I chose this situation, and reminded me that I drank with him when we began dating, and that I "had more b...	KLotus	6	707	Aug 2, 2011 by flopadopilus
	New, but not brand spankin' shiny new (Preview) This is a place I knew I needed to revisit. I came here several months ago, shortly after we lost our youngest son to suicide. At that time my husband had once again begun the random pattern of sporadic drinking. At that point, my husband returned to counseling and I found a counselor of my own, but we did n...	Sandy_K	5	547	Aug 2, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Flirt (Preview) Hi Everyone, Why do alcoholics flirt, and even cheat? My husband, to my knowledge, has never cheated on me, and I do not fear that he will. If he does, he does, and I would likely leave, but that would be his choice. However, when times have been the most difficult between us, I feel he is extra flirtati...	KLotus	6	591	Aug 2, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Trying (Preview) Today I was feeling very down while at work. Feeling overwhelmed, and anxious. So, I called my AH, as we've had better interactions recently. I didn't really tell him that I was feeling badly (about myself), and just sort of checked in. When I realized that talking with him meant that I was going to...	KLotus	2	459	Aug 2, 2011 by maresie
	Even the good situations are turned to crap. (rant) (Preview) The new job for my A is going very well. He is happy now and they are keeping him on. He won't tell his old boss that he has quit!!!!! At first it was because he wanted to make sure he landed the new job, then it was because he wanted to make sure they were going to keep him, and now it is because he is having a ha...	clep	8	459	Aug 2, 2011 by clep
	I told my significant other he's a trainwreck and an alcoholic. (Preview) I guess that got his attention, but moreover, it got mine. Hated the person I have become when I was shouting at him yesterday morning - anything I say creates shame, guilt, etc. so why bother? This is my 3rd relationship. I feel sick. I have been so stupid. I "fix" things all of the time,...	mctgo	7	749	Aug 2, 2011 by Lyne
	Grateful (Preview) Hi, all. I just wanted to share that my AH just had his one year sober "birthday" this weekend. Our 15 year old son and I went with him to the AA birthday meeting, and it was truly inspiring. All three of us cried. There were people there with from 1 year to 35 years of sobriety, and each got t...	Cloudsea	8	457	Aug 2, 2011 by Cloudsea
	Feel Like I'm going crazy! (Preview) Hi, I am new here, I found this website a couple of days ago and been doing a lot of reading. I didnt realize there are so many people out there that are living my life! I will start by giving a description about my life. I have been with my AGF for 12 years and I knew she drank; I drank too but very little. I guess...	ladym	7	619	Aug 2, 2011 by hotrod
	New at this! (Preview) So this is my first time on here and just feel so overwhelmed! I am recently single after 3 years of dating an alcoholic which then led to drugs. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but now that he is gone I do not feel any better about the situation. All I did was bad mouth him the whole relationship...	ErinMVo	4	404	Aug 2, 2011 by ErinMichelle
	Anger .. and ANGRY .. (vent) (Preview) Today was the big "C" day as in court day. We found out Friday that A was suppose to be in court, lawyer did not tell him he was suppose to be there, so today we went. I'm shocked at the bottom line for the lawyers involved and I don't know if it's all of them or just some of them, they are looking for...	Pushka	6	805	Aug 2, 2011 by Pushka
	I really wish I had more time... (Preview) I will make this brief: I really wish I had more time to get on this lovely forum! It is very frustrating when I can't read stories & comments very often. I really enjoy being on here. It can be the highlight of my day! I thank my friend Jen who helped me get on here. It has been a blessing. It is 12:30 &...	Hoot Nanny	4	422	Aug 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	Peace and Clarity....Who knew it could feel sooooo good. (Preview) The past two weeks have been Rough no lie, rough to the point that at one time I asked HP to just take me, anything to stop the pain. I believe when a person reaches a certain level of pain with no relief in site that they loose their will to fight in many instances and I did. I had to turn sooo much over to my HP...	shellyj123	3	449	Aug 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	confused with therapy vs al-anon (Preview) hi everyone! everytime i think i know where i need to be i take one step forward and one step back. i have been seeing a therapist for about 8 months nearly on a weekly basis and at the beginning she kept stearing me towards alanon mtgs and finally after about 6 months i found this site and went to a couple of f...	sameoldstuff	9	1558	Aug 1, 2011 by GailMichelle
	health issues ugh letting it out (Preview) First I have faith. Not afraid. Mainly hate all the driving and my body hurting so bad wehen I get home. then am basically doing nothing for three days to heal up.I am talking driving to the tests etc. The horrible heat stroke symptoms are very bad.If you look that up it will tell you. It is life threatenin...	Debilyn	11	487	Aug 1, 2011 by xeno59
	addicted to the addict (Preview) How did I get addicted to the addict? Why didn't I notice that happening? I told a friend of mine to try alanon, that it was really helping me. She said she's afraid to get healthy because she'll leave her husband. I choose to stay with my A spouse. Why would a healthy person stay? Doesn't a healthy...	Lyne	8	769	Aug 1, 2011 by Ruby
	Still very hurt by something my spouse said last week (Preview) Last Monday night my dh and I had a talk. He told me that his depression has him at a new low and that he has nothing to give me emotionally. He said he's in survival mode and is barely getting by just trying to do his job and get up in the morning. He's been pulling away and got mad at me when I told him I wanted...	ilovedogs	3	646	Aug 1, 2011 by hotrod
	Weekend (Preview) My AH and I actually had a good weekend. Things, as many of you know, have been difficult, and particularly building over the last few weeks. We finally had it out (a little), and since then we've seemed to "re-set" a bit. I am always leery of this time, what I now view as a "honeymoon p...	KLotus	5	548	Aug 1, 2011 by youfoundme
	Disappointed in me! (Preview) Well last night was supposed to be my first f2f meeting, I was so excited for days!! I found myself for the past few days trying once again to control the outcome of the days, I would ask my AH to do specific things with me as to not let him out of my sight! He runs his own business to where he can quit for the day w...	michellelong	10	620	Aug 1, 2011 by Mylife
	How do you deal with the awkwardness and rejection. (Preview) My AH is not drinking, (or at least not muchor around me) but we have been through so much water under the bridge and fighting that it is hard right now to even talk to each other. I am trying hard to not want to control him but I don't feel like being sweet or giving just yet. I am hurt and when I do talk to him h...	oldgraduate	7	438	Aug 1, 2011 by hawaiilover
	First Meeting : To Tell or Not To Tell? (Preview) First, thank you to everyone on this board. Until now I have felt so alone and depressed, your support is literally a lifesaver. I need some guidance: I am finally ready to attend my first f2f meeting. Do you tell your A that you are going to Alanon? I know my husband will deny he is using so the question wi...	surfgirl123	9	3207	Aug 1, 2011 by Jozie
	Off to the mountains (Preview) So tomorrow I am leaving for a six day AA/Alanon conference out west. I will be going alone and am feeling thrilled, excited, all kinds of mixed emotions. It is the first time I will away all by myself on a trip in years. I have my own room and am really looking forward to quiet evenings, workshops, and h...	tommyecat	6	389	Jul 31, 2011 by White Rabbit
	So different.. (Preview) HI everyone, Things are have changed alot since my very first post. I was sick and tired of everything then. I was so lost and helpless not to mention confused. I loved my AH but hated him wanted him home but wanted him out etc. I cried and cried. One night I was so engulfed w/ grief and pain I just prayed to my...	Betterfuture	6	556	Jul 31, 2011 by ELEKTRAWMN
	The 3 Cs (Preview) Ok guys need imput.................. Next week is my Birthday!!!!! I am so excited about this but I also am going to be the chairmain of my face to face meeting that day! I am going to discuss the 3 Cs but there isn't many pages to refer to in the Courage to Change Book is there any books or any suggestion any...	MDK	6	2702	Jul 31, 2011 by flopadopilus
	the sobering addict's depression (Preview) My husband has been sober for over 4 months now and I am so thankful. He is consistently taking his meds and seeing his doctors. He is not going to AA (hasn't gone during any of this sobriety and doesn't want to). I am having a hard time detaching from his depression. I know we can be happy whether they a...	supermom	8	476	Jul 31, 2011 by flopadopilus
	al-anon is saving my b*** (Preview) I haven't posted much on the topic of my A brother, primarily because he has been out of state, and my family has been able to completely detach from him. When he left here 9 years ago, he was an attractive, functioning husband, and a really good dad to five kids. Suffice to say, he just recently got...	Loupiness	3	532	Jul 31, 2011 by Debilyn
	when is my ah ha moment? (Preview) Ok so now my spouse is seeing the CASAC, 3 weeks in a row. I feel better. The alc. counselor wants her to see a weight specialist. She says she will call and hasn't. Now I don't feel better. She needs 90 in 90 and I guess if anyone can get her there, it will be the CASAC because I sure as heck can't get her in...	Lyne	6	931	Jul 31, 2011 by Jerry F
	Mom stuff - how to hug her? (Preview) Hello everyone, I have a mom who is very angry right now. With me, it seems. For not being caring enough to her, not emotional enough. I can she is just scared right now and wants love and a hug and sympathy and someone to sit with her and ask her how she is. She wants me to be that person. Oh gosh, I am not t...	Iamgood	5	457	Jul 31, 2011 by likemyheart
	When does 'someday' become 'now'? (Preview) Hey everybody, First, quick update: I have been to, and am looking for more alanon meetings, seeing a couselor, and reading literature. I'm also seeing friends, exercising, and making exciting decisions in my creative life. Basically I'm doing the best I can to focus on me. But, relationshipwis...	rara avis	8	627	Jul 31, 2011 by Pushka
	Okay if i attend Al-Anon? (Preview) Maybe I am asking for approval, but here goes. I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for 1 year. I am working on Step 1 with a sponsor. I have never lived with active alcoholics. I come from a dysfunctional family, but alcohol/drugs were not at play in this generation. My mother is a rageaholic (m...	Iamgood	11	801	Jul 31, 2011 by Iamgood
	not sure what to do if anything (Preview) Recently(within the past 2 weeks) a girl I used to be absolutely smitten over in high school contacted me through facebook. Turns out she has had feelings for me for some time as well. Well, my dad was in the hospital, and we had spoken everyday about her us our feelings .. and such. She is a divorcee, and h...	jamfu	10	521	Jul 31, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Without a map! (Preview) I have a new roommate who is gradually moving into the place next door to me. In the past my way of encountering others is to bond by giving of myself, giving too much, asking too much, wanting to be "friends" very quickly. Being roommates in a shared household is a pretty intimate undertaki...	maresie	4	459	Jul 30, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Newish....weekends r the hardest (Preview) I have been in al anon for a few months.. Have a face to face sponsor. I struggle because my husband is not alcoholic. We are both adult children of alcoholics. Married for 30 years. I think we have been fighing and arguing the whole time. Could never figure out what the heck was going on. I mean, he is i...	hiflying1	9	619	Jul 30, 2011 by hiflying1
	I Slipped Today - Feel Awful (Preview) Bad day today. I was hospitalized this week, now am out. My AH was supportive and did all the rights things while I was there. On the way home however, bang! Car was swerving in our direction, I said "watch out" and the explosion occured. "How dare you question my driving skills, I know w...	surfgirl123	9	713	Jul 30, 2011 by Debilyn
	Question (Preview) I found wine hidden in my AM's linen closet....I confronted her about it, because she said she had stopped, and she said that she has just a glass at night and that's it. I know that as an alcoholic she shouldn't be having ANY alcohol...but can an alcoholic just have a glass or two every few days. I know for...	Mylife	6	522	Jul 30, 2011 by Debilyn
	Expectations (Preview) So much of my resentment towards the ex A was about my expectations of him. I had an expectation that he would turn around, be repsonsible, caring and an eual partner. He was never that. Of course he alluded to it. At times he would put on a great show of being that. Day in and day out he was never that. ...	maresie	3	535	Jul 30, 2011 by Jerry F
	OK I'm freaking out! (Preview) Hi all, I am trying so flipping hard to think and act in a positive manner, maybe it's because I am a newbie and just can't get some of the self help awareness down or maybe it's just the way I am going to be for awhile but GOD knows I need help. My AH just sent a text that his poker game (a long ago habit that is pok...	michellelong	9	719	Jul 30, 2011 by maresie
	how to "let go" financially & when kids are involved (Preview) so my AH is not working right now, meaning no income on his part, and things are tight. we can make it on my salary but I hate having to hand out money to him-feels like he is a child and it irks me, but i have no choice as i certainly cant give him free rein to our bank account or no bills get paid. Anyway I give him...	soozin12	4	593	Jul 30, 2011 by maresie
	waiting (Preview) The topic at my meeting this morning was waiting. Everyone had a different perspective on this topic however we all identified with waiting for the drinker to get sober, better on a programme, to work it to change their behavior. However today I realise that life is short I am focusing hard on my recov...	Tracy	2	578	Jul 30, 2011 by Pushka
	Progress not perfection (Preview) Well, another court date came and this time the lawyer screwed up because AH was suppose to be in court so take a wild guess what I will be doing Monday in the AM. Truthfully, to hear exactly what will be said makes it all worth while. I need to know $$, how much will this cost exactly. I don't know I might be...	Pushka	3	406	Jul 30, 2011 by Pushka
	How Low is the Bottom my AH Needs to Hit? hitting bottom (Preview) As of today my AH has now lost: 1. His health 2. His home 3. His self-owned business 4. His childhood best friend 5. His children 6. Me What else is it going to take for him to finally hit the bottom? I keep asking this question when I pray to my HP. My HP's plan for my AH is a mystery to me. -- Edited by Green Eyes...	Green Eyes	7	841	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Unconditional Love. (Preview) You hear that phrase a lot , "Unconditional Love". My daughter and I were having a discussion about it. I told her you need to be a parent to really feel it. What does it mean to you and how does it fit in with your Alanon program???? Luv, Bettina	Bettina	11	4713	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	What is a SCRAM bracelet? (Preview) People have mentioned a SCRAM bracelet on here a couple of times, what is it? Oldergal	oldergal	2	514	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	I FEEL LIKE A YO YO (Preview) WELL, HERE IAM AGAIN VENTING. MY AH AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE HE JUST GOT OUT OF HIS 3RD INPATIENT REHAB IN ABOUT 9 MONTHS, BUT THIS ONE ONLY FOR 2 WKS, OF COURSE I PICKED HIM UP LET HIM COME HOME (JUSTIFIYING IT BECAUSE HE STAYS IN ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE AND ALSO THINKING I BETTER DO WHAT HE WANTS OR HE WILL GET...	sameoldstuff	4	634	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Help put a name to my feeling (Preview) I'm not good at identifying my feelings. Please help me put a name to the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now. My husband has lost his job. We knew it was coming. We have enough money. There are benefits available to cover tuition for people who choose a vibrant employable field. My husband w...	2nice4_2long	11	933	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Moms mothers dry me crazy sometimes! (Preview) As I was sitting here, minding my own business, my mom once again interrupted my post. I could barely type or think about what I wanted to say! Now she wants to get on here & I am sorely against it--how can I share on here with my mom on here as well. My privacy is already invaded when she comes over & a...	Hoot Nanny	7	597	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Arrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!! Vent (Preview) When I am calm I am so able to work a solid program but when the attack comes from my A wife in recovery I am at a loss to hang on to what program says to do. Here's what happened: My wife was getting ready to leave for her AA meeting and she said she needed to talk to me about our plans for the next day. I closed my...	surfingmaestro	6	609	Jul 29, 2011 by tommyecat
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.