Kicking out the A - Al-Anon Family Group

ELEKTRAWMN · Senior Member

Kicking out the A

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Kat,

I'm going to be honest, this is how I would choose to handle the situation. If the A doesn't know I wouldn't be informing the A of their "rights". Once he leaves am I wrong in assuming you can say it was voluntary? I mean he didn't give any notice and he left, especially if he's taken his stuff. He's left, he'll have to deal with that part of things. Please educate me on that one. The only one I've ever heard of where it becomes an issue is IF his name is on the lease. Then yes, as long as the name is on the lease then yes he doesn't have to leave. Now that's my understanding of the laws in my state. I could be missing a few of the loop holes. I asked my AH to leave at one point and very honestly he didn't have to, his name is on the lease, however he left on his own or the police were going to be called, he was fully aware I had no issue following through on that one. My advantage was he was drunk at the time and wasn't reasoning things out. What was I going to call the cops on him about? Nothing .. lol .. he believed me though and at the time it's all I needed. I just needed him to not know and it was really for the best that he left.

Hugs P :)

ELEKTRAWMN · Senior Member

Thanks Pushka. I'm not at a situation where I need to make him leave... he needs to get out of jail first! LOL I've just come across many posts and didn't know how situations were handled legally with that. Here, whether you get mail at the address or not, being there just a month or so establishes residency. It's a VERY fine line. It just really stinks because IF ABF decides to come home drunk, yeah, I can kick him out.... but he can come right back whenever he wants. It's very dis-heartening to even think of something like that.

Anyway, just wanted to bring up a point. :)

Otie · Senior Member

Dear ELECTRAWMN, I know from experience that if the person in question states that it is their place of residence, the police will not remove them unless they have committed a crime. Many things can establish it as their residence---a piece of mail with their name and that address, the presence of their belongings in the house, the fact thay they were invited into the dwelling in the first place, etc... The police advise that you go through the eviction process. In this state (Virginia) it can take up tp six weeks if the person contests it in court--less if they don't contest it in court.

You will need to consult a lawyer who is familiar with your local laws. It is easier if he doesn't know all his legal rights.

Another situation is that you can get a protective order in the case of domestic violence. I have known of people to do this. Again, you need to find our the details of this for your locality. My state is very tough on dometic violence.

I just say to think through every option very carefully and, above all, when it comes to legal matters---educate yourself as thoroughly as possible. People will dispense lots of half information or information that is actually wrong with the greatest of confidence!!

In support, Otie

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

(((ELECTRKAWMN))) I can SO relate to your situation! We bought this property together and both our names are on the deed. I tried to get ah to leave, but he won't go voluntarily so I can't make him go. The only thing that has helped is that we have a small guest house that we used to rent as a B&B. He moved in there recently and that has made things somewhat better. Of course there goes our income from the B&B, but we hadn't been renting it much lately anyway because it's not good to have guests when one of the hosts is almost always drunk. It seems that if the house is in your name you may have some options. Might be a good idea to check with a lawyer and find out. Best of luck, keep us posted and keep taking care of YOU!

-- Edited by pineapple on Thursday 4th of August 2011 10:20:15 AM

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

WOW!!! .. That is some seriously crazy stuff!! Well, like I said before what the A doesn't know I'm way ok with it!! Thank you for the information learned something tonight :)

ELEKTRAWMN · Senior Member

Like I said.... No worries! :) I'm not in this situation as we speak.... but came very close right before A got locked up, as well as WHEN the incident occurred.

Just wanted to throw it out there. Many people aren't aware....

Thanks to you all! :)
Glad the support is there IF and WHEN I need it!

Much love!

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I fully believe that if you continue to learn in alanon, that it will change the way things go when you A gets out. You are learning that if you DON'T REACT and REMAIN CALM, things will go better. Keep attending alanon and find a sponsor so that you can keep working on you. Take care of you!

NovSun · Senior Member

Thank you all! I didn't know this either. The house is mine, I bought it alone, long before my Afiance and I were together. But he has lived there for the past 18 months or so. Like others here, he didn't know his rights. Also, I worded it that I needed him to leave because I could not be around him. And although I took his key, I think he thought I just needed somet time to cool off. I don't think he thought it was forever. I'm not sure if I thought it was either, come to think of it.

DadtoCandE · Veteran Member

Elektrawmn,

Cops don't always give the best legal advice. You may want to consider talking to a lawyer about it the get the real scoop. Some lawyers give free consultations, it may be worth it to know your rights and could save you money in the long run if things do get ugly.

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Or you can call a women's center, they can't give you advice on what to do, but they can tell you your options. :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Search for instance, Oregon landlord tenant law. put in your state though.

Give A an eviction notice asap. You can write it yourself or go online and download or go to a paper supply place.

Make sure you put ALL the dates and times on it. Make copies. Hand one to him and put one on your door.

You can go for cause but if they contest it, its a mess. 30 days is nothing. If he does not comply, go to court house, file fed. costs like $75. He will be served a court date, usually a week.

BTW 30 days is going to go by anyway.....its not hard to post a note!

Judge will grant your eviction as it is no cause. Nothng to argue about. Judge may then give him 3 days. IF he does not leave, go to the court house and a sheriff will come to your house and make him leave.

In oregon you have to store their stuff for 30 days. they pay the costs to get their stuff. If they don't you can throw it away or donate. You cannot sell it.

this is oregon.

YEs i see how some won't leave. Mine would leave. He loved to go to mommies and drink.

I hate it when the police lie. IF he gets out of control breaks things, you fear for you life the sheriff or police can take him out, you then file a restraining order. AND you can give him a 24 hour notice for outragious behavior.

I know it is hard, but sometimes its the best thing to save your life and possibly theirs. This is all my experience.love,deb

-- Edited by Debilyn on Thursday 4th of August 2011 11:57:21 AM

ELEKTRAWMN · Senior Member

You guys are so awesome.... but I just want to reiterate that I'm NOT in that situation....

Thanks for worrying though! ;)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.