The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am brand new to this forum, but I joined tonight because I'm scared and I'm lonely I really don't know where to turn.
My boyfriend checked into rehab on Saturday (the day before my birthday). He checked in after I discovered that he'd gone back to using painkillers to the tune of $5000.00. We've been living together 4 years, he has a 5 1/2 year old daughter, and he's always controlled the finances (what a mistake!)
He came clean originally about his addiction in March, but chose out-patient rehab.. I was shocked by the knowledge that he was an addict, though in retrospect every red flag was there. He did outpatient for a month while I slowly recovered from my shock and struggled to know how to deal with the plethora of emotions that plagued me. Last week, I discovered that he'd been writing numerous checks (checks!!!!!) written to a dealer...5k over 3 months.
And then he left for 6 weeks to seek treatment. I'm feeling so many things. My mood chcanges minute to minute. I'm lonely. I'm scared out of my mind. I want to leave and then I don't (I so don't).I miss him. I feel stupid for missing him. I feel stupid/guilty/mad/sad about a lot of things.
This is the third serious relationship in my life. All 3 were addicts. The first ended when he went to jail. The second ended when he died. I don't know any other outcome. Is there hope?
I've never been a drinker (my father was a dry alcoholic all my life). I don't do drugs.
I am sorry for the long post. I just needed to reach out tonight. Thank you for listening.
You are in the right place, you are not alone. Where my life seriously has taken a change for the better was when I walked into the alanon rooms. Finding this board has also been a God send because when I can't find a meeting I can come here. I beat the drum on the f2f, it took my pain to outweigh the emotional payoff I was getting from my own emotional highs and lows for me to walk through the doors. It helps to know others are going through the same things I am, maybe their stories may differ the emotions are still the same.
I can only share that I am not the same person I walked into the meetings 8 months ago. If not for alanon I don't know if I could have faced this past year and had my wits about me. Please keep coming back, reading, sharing whatever you feel comfortable doing. You are so worth the time and effort putting the focus back on you, getting healthy you so deserve to have support as you heal.
I know it sounds corny however keep coming back you are worth it. :)
Hugs, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I would echo what dear Pushka said. You are very welcome here and you're in the right place! I have also found that Alanon has changed my life really quickly, dramatically for the better. I started going to meetings a few months ago, reading, posting, etc. and practicing the steps and I feel SO MUCH BETTER despite having been through a lot of pain and craziness and LOSS.
You will find you're not alone. I identify with a lot of what you posted today. My two most serious, long-term loves have been with addicts and the last one added alcohol and broke my heart. I also think I grew up with a dry alcoholic father. I don't want to continue the patterns I have been falling into. And now, I feel like I'm on the right track and healing, like I've found a key to a locked door.
I'm sorry for what you're going through and hope you will find the hope and strength you need. I REALLY recommend that you take care of yourself and try out some Alanon face-to-face meetings. It made a huge difference for me.
Without help the pain and emotions the disease of alcoholism or addiction brings into our lives is to much for most of us. We need recovery from the effects the disease has had on us just as your boyfriend is seeking help and recovery in rehab. The Al-Anon program will offer the tools and support you need. At face to face Al-Anon meetings you will find a new family who understands you, accept you, and will offer you their experience, strength, and hope (what worked for them). The program has been a life saver for me and thousands of others wordwide for over 60 years. It's proven and tested, and this is a perfect time for you to get involved. There will be a chair waiting for you, take a seat, listen and learn.
Spend some time and read prior post on this board. We are all different but our problems are all the same. We have all been effected by someone else's drinking or addiction. You made a big step in coming to Miracles in progress, take the next step and find a f2f meeting in your area. You deserve it and it's the best thing you can do for yourself.
Aloha Golightly...Glad you found the family. You're in the right place for what you have been thru and are feeling now because of it. Stick around and continue to read the new stuff and the old stuff. You will see that many many others have been in your same position. Then go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number the Al-Anon and call it. You will find the places and times we meet in the program and come join us because there is so much Experience, Strength and Hope waiting for you at your first meeting and thereafter. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Clapping loudly that you have posted !!! You are so brave for sharing ..Well Done! Keep coming back every day !!!! Al-a-non will and can help you ..you are worth it !!!! xoxoxo
Thank you all so much for your comforting words. I have never been to Alanon before, but per your advice have looked up some meetings and will be going to my first one on Tuesday.
I just feel nausiated all the time...I feel on the verge of tears a lot. I'm overewhelmed by fear. I've been reading all of the threads here and have been moved to tears by how similiar everyone's story is to my own. I feel truly blessed to have discovered that I am not alone.
