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I have been reading all of the threads here and am so grateful to have foudn you all. I'll be attending my first meeting on Tuesday (the first night I am able with my work schedule). UNtil then, I need advice and don't know where else to turn.
My A boyfriend checked himself into rehab on Saturday. He came clean with us about a pill relapse. He asked to go away. He has a 5 year old daughter that he shares custody with. He has never been arrested or in legal trouble.
His baby mamma (for lack of a better term) spoke with me the day he checked himself in (Saturday) and said that I shouldn't worry about the child support while he's gone and that she would figure it out with him once he got back. She said that she would never take his daughter away because he saught treatment on his own and that she would only arrange for a 'temporary modification" to the custody agreement.
Today, she emailed me to say that she needs the child support money and that his daughter will not be allowed to come to Disney World with me, my boyfriend and my family in September (A trip I paid for, in full, for all three of us). She said this was because she was taking him to court to prove to a judge that he is "not a competant parent" and that if she let her go she's be negating that. She also said she watns to tell her daughter where Daddy really is (she thinks he's on a business trip). Now both her father and I have "lied" to her by telling her he's on a trip....it was what her mother told us to do...
I don't want to pay his child support. I have access to his funds but she doesn't know that. I feel that it's not my problem. I told her I'd relay the message.
I want to tell him that he should contact a lawyer. Is that the right thing to do?
How do i deal with with the immense dissapointment that she can't come on the trip with us? How do I deal with the anger that the nonrefundable $2000 I spent a year paying for is out the window? How do I say these things to him without attacking? I feel he should know all the damage he's caused.
I will be goign to a f2f meeting on Tuesday, but I needed advice now. I am taking his daughter to dinner tonight, and asked his mother to come along because I wasn't comfortable after getting the email from her mom this afternoon.
Please, does anyone have advice? I don't know where else to turn...
Tell him about the child support and let him take care of it or give you permission to access his account and pay the lady .. sept is along way off she may change her mind by the time the trip comes around if not there is not much you can do , take the loss cancel her ticket you may be able to get a little bit of the money back .
If I were in your situation I would do what abbyal suggested. Actually, I'd tell her to contact him. Write him, or tell her you will relay a message to him to call her. If she in fact does file...they will ask for his address, which will be the rehab facility. They can't really serve him at home if he's not there to be served. Personally, I would stay out of the issue of to tell or not to tell the daughter. Unfortunately that needs to be between the child's mother and father. Just my 2 cents. :D
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~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
There isn't much you can do but tell him that she contacted you and what she said. Then let him contact her and deal with it. If you take the child to dinner, keep things light and happy. If you have to cancel her ticket, so be it. You can't take a child out of the state without both parent's permission... Welcome here by the way. Keep coming, try meetings, read alanon literature and remember to take care of you!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
You have received some wonderful ESH, I just wanted to say hello and to please keep coming back and more importantly go to the meetings it really makes a huge difference.
Hugs again, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi, Golightly - The child support is his problem and his obligation. You need to tell his "baby mama" to go to him about it -- in a kind way that also shows you care about the child. As far as the trip is concerned, you can continue to hold out the invitation, and she may well change her mind.
