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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Weekend
Post Info TOPIC: Weekend
KLotus


Senior Member

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Posts: 142
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Weekend
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My AH and I actually had a good weekend.  Things, as many of you know, have been difficult, and particularly building over the last few weeks.  We finally had it out (a little), and since then we've seemed to "re-set" a bit.  I am always leery of this time, what I now view as a "honeymoon phase."  This is the husband I know and miss.  I know I'm not supposed to be "in his head" so to speak, but I find myself wondering what he's been going through - I think recovery has been confusing and frustrating for him so far.  When he lashes out at me as much as he has recently it usually means he's upset with himself.  That's a lot of hell for me to have to go through, however.  I hope it's not like that for the rest of our lives.  

I'm afraid of the next "round."  Sigh.  

On another note:  I have been so insecure at work.  I have this wonderful opportunity in front of me, and I am consumed by exhaustion and my situation with my AH.  I project constantly about my daughter's upbringing.  I can't seem to focus and my self-confidence/self-esteem is SHOT.  Help. 

 

KLotus



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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."

 
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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KL :)

F2f meetings make all the difference in the world. I had to stop living in my AH's head thinking he should be doing this or that or directing in him that direction as I best saw fit because after all I had the right answers for him. Once I put the focus back on me started living in the present moment of today (it's not to say I don't think about things coming up, they are the things that need to be addressed usually), things at my house got better. I also had more energy, more time because I was less worried and consumed with what my A was or wasn't doing. It's not my place to tell him what to do. He's a grown up. He knows.

The alanon lit really makes a huge difference in my daily work. Courage to Change as well as M. Beattie books, Co Dependent No More. Those are the tools I used to start moving myself forward.

Hugs and it does get better, it only works if you choose to work the program, P :)



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
flopadopilus


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 662
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Try face to face meetings and do you have a sponsor? "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is a great read. Try to take each day as it comes and not worry for the future ahead of time. Sending you love and support.

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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With being a widow raising two teens, one of whom was a boy who brought all his friends home, then some ended up being runaways....

ugh here I am trying to work full time. there was tons more too., but I honestly learned to focus on work and that was all when I was there. If my mind wandered I would bring it right back.

doing this I became a better employee. Of course if there was an emer. I was there for my kids.

But I had to support us. we can learn to let it go and rest awhile.

I hope you can take a breath and take this opportunity you spoke of! Its challenges that help us to grow to be confidant.

I was Scared to death when my husband died and I had to go to work. ugh. I was NEVER planning to go to work. never.but I tell ya I found out how strong I was, how efficient and what a hard worker too. I would never have known!

Also found out I hated being controlled, was an independant worker...I guess it is my nature...

hugs! You can do it,little steps! deb



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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xeno59


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1138
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Klotus

This is what i have learned about early recovery for the A. First of all they have just lost thier best friend ( drink/drug) and I remind myself how would I act if I just lost my best friend. I would be grieving of course. I would be sad, mad, moody, and pretty much self absorbed. An A self absorbed imagaine that?
Early recovery can be very stressful for all involved.
My suggestion, leave your husband to his recovery and you become absorbed in your own.
Time to take the focus off him. Getting into deep issues right now probably not the best time. He is busy trying to stay sober.
Blessings

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youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1221
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There is a great book called Getting Them Sober that helps me so much. The other books are One day at a time in alanon and COurage to CHange. Going to meetings, calling my sponsor and reading on this board also help me stop focusing on my addiction (HIM)... It works when we work it. Reach out to others, help people who are new here, call someone from Alanon, go to a meeting... all things to help you get better. Take care of you!

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
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