Today was the big "C" day as in court day.  We found out Friday that A was suppose to be in court, lawyer did not tell him he was suppose to be there, so today we went.

I'm shocked at the bottom line for the lawyers involved and I don't know if it's all of them or just some of them, they are looking for repeat clients I swear. That part broke my heart for everyone who has to go through this with a loved one, child, spouse, sibling that part really hit me hard.  The system doesn't care who gets a violation of any kind just move them through the system at some point because apparently it's not fast and be done with them.  If the lawyers are lucky they will be back through again.  There is no help offered through the lawyers offices, which I guess it's not their issue at the same time how about a helping hand of some kind?  How about some accountability instead of excuses of how can we get you out of this?  I'm just floored. 

The I'm extremely happy with the way that the settlement is laid out.  Of course the lawyer is trying to negotiate less probation.  Who knows what else if that happens it will really be sad. I'm 1/2 way tempted to march myself back into the court house and say NO .. this needs to stay as it is please for my husbands sake please don't change things.  He really needs this wake up call.  If everyone down plays this he's going to down play it and he's going to pretend it really wasn't that bad.  Trust me it WAS that bad, the kids and I lived through this and he's pretended the whole time nothing is happening, house on fire helloooo .. lol?

15$ a DAY for the SCRAM bracelet UGH UGH UGH .. that's almost 500$ a month.  Which in turn is basically 3000$ for 6 months.  It was everything I mean everything I could do within myself not to say something OR come unglued.  I did very well I went a few places and stopped myself, at this point my A is in the remorseful stage.  Of course after MONTHS of the courts dragging bureaucratic butts.  They want 350$ right now.  I don't have it.  I put this back on my AH, the kids HAVE to be registered for school THIS week not next week THRUSDAY!!  He's going to have to figure out where the money is going to come for his DUI crap.  It's not out of the house budget.  I'm going to be lucky not to have our bank account in the red Friday based upon what we have to pay.  Or better yet a place to live.  You know what I've decided this is 150% on my AH.  I really don't care what he has to do all I know is our children will be registered for school and he's going to have to deal with his stuff. I'm sooo done right now. 

I watched my A rationalize this in his own little world saying well I thought it would be more?  OMG .. really??  MORE?  As if this isn't bad enough??  That's the part that just infuriates me to a point that it takes my breath away.  Is the rationalization .. ummm there IS no rationalizing this situation.  End of story, .. it's HIS responsibility.  He can go rationalize away somewhere else he is NOT going to do it with me.  I just don't buy it.  HA .. now I'm the jell-o .. lol.  He threw out a figure of 4k as being what he though, ...  ummm .. by the time this is all said and done I'm talking fines and everything it WILL be 4k!!?  Thankfully the rest will come out when he goes back to court Feb 1, 2012 .. again .. still seeing this crap next year!  I asked him what happened to 7$ - 8$ a day?  This is the number he told me and was so sure about, he actually said this came from the LAWYER!!  Of course it comes out this is information he's getting from the "DUI club", at this point these people have very little information on how things are now.  Maybe a year ago, maybe two years ago, now things are very different. So NO they don't know and I told him whatever information he decides to share it better come from a real source aka actual LAWYER.  Not the internet NOT his DUI club, it dang well better come from a REAL source.  After all if it's on the internet it's gotta be true.  This is exactly what my A buys into.  He's bought ever single internet rumor hook line and sinker.  This is what he does .. if it's on the internet it must be true!! 

This does not include the 300$+ he's going to have to come up with to get his license reinstated.  I wonder if he's fully aware of that at this point that just because he's suppose to be able to drive in the month of Oct, doesn't mean it will happen that way.  That part chaps my hide because I'm done driving big time. At that point he's going to be walking or riding a bike.  It's probably a good thing I'm going to have time to cool off. It's a very good thing he has a ride home today because I am so not fit for good company right this second. I did let him know that, I had to have time today, I can't talk to him right now or I'm going to blow.  It would make me feel better short term, long term I seriously doubt I'd be married by Oct. 

We don't have a house line because we have cell phones well he's telling me we have to have a house line for this thing.  Ummm another bill?  Really just what we need so this can now cost us even more money.  Cha-ching another notch in the What has the DUI cost us yet belt.  I told him figure out a different way and what do you know he did .. lol.  So it's going to cost us however it will force him into the probation office once a week, and he will have to pay it still won't be as much as a phone line for him to have it read at the office.  It's probably better that way anyway, I'm nervous that because of where we live the issues in the walls with the wiring the last thing we need is something to go wrong in a reading. 

Anyway, I'm really angry, I wish there was a meeting tonight there is not.  I don't know if I could share anything anyway because I'm so angry all I want to do is cry.  Being around people who are supportive and understand would just help me a lot.  I need a LARGE attitude adjustment .. lol.  Like I've mentioned before I really don't care about whatever consequences he's got to pay what I'm really angry about is I'm sick and tired of being the collateral damage.  I'm tired of him pretending that nothing is wrong. 

I did verbalize to my A that I'm really not fit to talk to about this right now that I'm so angry I'm having a difficult time holding myself together.  He verbalized back that he is to, well I'm sorry not very compassionate, I really don't care.  I really don't.  The DUI is NOT MINE!!  It's HIS!  He should be having a hard time holding it together these are his consequences, it's ON HIM!!  If I had to go before a judge and be told I had some serious consequences for my decisions I would be falling apart.  I hope I would be accepting responsibility for my actions.  If nothing else so I could move on. 

Again I told him, I need time to cool off that being around me right now or talking to me on the phone is not a good way to go.  He happened to move the truck out of eye sight, I let him know that's probably a good thing because I'm having serious impulse issues myself.  I look at that truck and I just hate the truck with a passion.  I'm not looking for matches, I still say it's better than going after something that is actually alive .. lol.  Of course like clock work his mother calls me, I really do not want to talk to her.  He must have used her for a reference and since he's lied to her about the DUI to begin with she's going to be full of questions I'm more likely to be a lot more honest than I need to be with her. I wonder if he will finally fess up to what it all is. 

Well, I feel better now .. lol .. thank you for letting me just vent.  There's nothing to be said that will fix this situation right now for me.  I am angry. I have a right to be angry.  Anyone who wouldn't be angry to get close to a 4k bill that isn't even for anything good.  We didn't get a new used car, we didn't get some super sized tv, the kids school isn't paid for 100%.  This is for absolutely NOTHING, it's not even some bill so we're debt free.  This is straight out money to the state that has nothing to do with something good. 

I"m just trying to find a way to move through the anger so I can go on to have a really great day.  It's hot, however the sun it out, the kids are trying to be understanding the best they can.  I've had to tell my eldest, she wanted to talk about some things she needed for school today is not the day for that conversation.  I'm sorry, I just can't do it.  I've reached my limited.  I told her to write everything down and we will talk about it, I just can't today.  I've sent the kids to play in their rooms because I need a timeout.  I want to do something fun with them.  I plan on the library and McD's for the youngest he wants to go play and I'm going to read (my alanon lit) and write.  He can play for hours I don't care .. lol. That will help me before 5pm. 

I will be gosh darn danged if this is going to dictate the rest of my day, .. dag nab it!!  :)  P :)