Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

littlemotel · littlemotel

My AH said he would stop drinking, I want to believe him but I can't. I feel like I am just waiting for the ball to drop. Is this part of letting go? I know he is going to do whatever he chooses to do & I suppose I am ok by that. I've set my boundaries with him. I just don't want to be blindsided or too pos...

clep · clep

My sister as some of you know has been living with me for a few months. She has not been very driven to get a job and has not taken the apprenticeship she has been offered. I have let her know already she has to pay rent to live here and have given her the amount. I told her a month and a half ago. The date was y...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

As time goes by, I'm seeing more and more examples of how I turn the focus on everyone in my life but myself. I'm encouraged that I'm at least aware of it, but I'm worried about how I'm ultimately going to stop doing it. My wife & I have 2 kids, ages 4 & 2. They are great kids, but as with most kids this a...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I have been working 4 part time jobs all Summer long, I slow down work wise this Fall just because that is how the work comes and goes where I live. And I know I will make it another couple weeks. I am still reading my daily reader's which keep my attitude good and at night I am reading a book written by my spons...

rara avis · rara avis

Hey wonderful people! I know none of you are mind readers, but any ESH would be appreciated!!! Long story short, I've had enough w/my beloved RA, he didn't seem to pay attention to his self care or to my basic needs, things which I told him had to change. I made extensive plans to get out and kick him out...

glad lee · glad lee

Detachment doesn't mean denying compassion. Approaching life with detachment may seem cold at first. We are accustomed to offering lots of help to other people. Thus the first few times we back off from what has become our natural inclination - we feel uncomfortable. Through this program we are lea...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I am in a quandary this morning As I have been keeping to myself and reading and trying to change my anxious and controlling behavior,(and codependence) my AH has upped the ante and been acting out even more than before. Is this a common pattern? His behavior is so disrespectful of me that I dont know...

Pushka · Pushka

Went to another wonderful open speaker AA meeting and I have to say this is on my rotation of meetings. They are just terrific! I really encourage anyone to go to a meeting to see the other side of the coin. It is like being at an alanon meeting and hearing your own story through someone else. Listenin...

Pushka · Pushka

Ok .. I have no idea why a little cell phone or any regular phone becomes the size of an elephant and just as heavy when I have to ask for help on anything. Doesn't matter what it is, something simple to something difficult the idea of rejection just sizzles me to the core and I become very afraid. I hit a ma...

bonobo · bonobo

Hi there, I have been an al anon member for about 3 years, and am currently working the steps with my sponsor. For the next month I'm travelling for work, and my sponsor is sick with her own issues anyway, so I am very glad I found this message board! I just want to share something that happened to me last wee...

MeTwo2 · MeTwo2

I'm not in town at the moment and can't make it to my meetings .. I am in another state with my adolescent daughter visiting my alcoholic's family members and so far things have gone ok .. with all things considered .. in fact they've gone (up to this point) better than i'd expected .. only by the grace of hi...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I had an interesting conversation with my grown daughter yesterday. Background, I have been having bouts of high Blood Pressure over the past few months. I know they are related to my stress with my spouse. I feel it go up if we fight and when I lose sleep due to issues we are having. I finally went to t...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone, I just realised that I have been feeling some strange vibes from my AH recently, when I happen to be writing on this site/on the computer. He has read my journal before, and would not be opposed to finding and reading my posts - and, believe me, he could figure out which are mine. Is there an...

Jozie · Jozie

Welp.... Currently My Life has Started to breathe a New Way of Living, and it is Non Stop- Balls to the Wall- Wide Open... I Have so Much To be Thankful for, So Much to be Grateful for, and yet still have these desires to just Disappear sometimes and Hide from it all... My Sons Schedule went from 3 days a week...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I rarely write about my qualifier on here since the relationship has been over for a while and also my whole AA side takes over when I respond to many posts here. But...I have been meaning to write that I got a text from my ex-A that stated he went to his first AA meeting because his life had gotten so unmana...

KLotus · KLotus

This morning I am having a really hard time again. I have always been able to speak with my MIL about any difficulties I have with my AH or myself. Lately, I don't feel I can. I guess that means I'm feeling alone. I'm doing as many al-anon related things as I can, and trying to practice. I just feel hope...

Katy · Katy

My husband and I went to Oxford, to help our 23 year old daughter move house, Oxford is the place where Harry Potter was filmed with all the fabulous buildings and history, it's a very beutiful university Town, or maybe even city, it has so much to offer, rivers with punts on, boat trips, and open top doub...

PrincessPeriwinkle · PrincessPeriwinkle

I saw a separate post entitled "Al-Anon Annoys Me" by jBunny. I agree with many of her findings regarding Al-Anon meetings (I've been to four). I am new, too, and am having a very difficult time sorting everything out. My son is married to a raging alcoholic, which has now been going on for t...

Doozy · Doozy

I am so thankful for this board and each of you posting and sharing your thoughts, experience, strength and hope! I haven't been posting much or replying, but I have been reading quite a bit and finding so much insight and inspiration. Thank you!! And thank you so much for providing such a safe place to s...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

After another weekend of being ignored by my AH, I am wondering if it's time to give it all up. I would almost rather be yelled at than ignored or disrespected. My AH ignores me, for example, he fails to tell me he isn't coming home for dinner on Saturday. When I call him at his parents, he is all sweet...

david62 · david62

Hello Everyone, I got home this evening from a AA/Al-Anon conference I have attended every year since I first sat in a recovery meeting on April 17, 2004. I love conferences, and this one is probably my favorite. It always has wonderful speakers, great Al-Anon meetings and has had anywhere from 700...

Talula · Talula

Greetings MIP's, Got a call from my brother who isn't doing so well. He wants to end his life, I talked him out of it for today but he lives in another city - 7 hours away. We're both ACOA, he has been to rehab 2 times now and still drinking. He put his head through a window last night and I urged him to go to the em...

Dufferin · Dufferin

Hi everyone, I've never posted here before - and haven't even taken the time to read the FAQs, but I will do that in a minute. I just need to vent a bit first. My husband is off at his second-ever AA meeting at the moment - or so he told me. Except that his sponsor called our home number about twenty minutes aft...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Things are actually quite good these days. My wife has been sober many, many more days than not in the last couple of months. There have been some bumps in the road but she's in a much better place than she was a year ago. Her patience with our sometimes challenging kids has left me in awe at times, especia...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

I have woken with very high anxiety levels I think that ocky strap (I found out are called bungy cords?? in America) has sprung back and hit me in the head. I think I have taken it back on. (previous post reference, I was visualising handing his pot drawer over to the universe but it was still attached to a...

NovSun · NovSun

Morning all, Good news - I got the job!! I start training today. Big promotion, more money, more responsibility. Good also because I won't have time during the day to obsess over whether my Afiance drinks or not. On that note, couldn't get through even ONE DAY of no drama. I came home from work last night...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone really needed to come on here and share. I went to a meeting last night. People shared about their childhoods. In my share I said my childhood was good (i do have lots of good memeories of childhood my dad had lots of time for me). I said that my co dependency came from my mother and grandmoth...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Here's our Littile Lucky, the abandoned kitty that I agreed to care for and then find a good home. There's NO way I'm giving him up now! When I first got him, I worried the entire day about what to do with him. Will our adult cat accept him? Do we really want another indoor cat? (No, but...) How will I fi...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Hi guys I am feeling better today. I gave in and looked in his drawer. I don't know why. I was feeling anxious and it took the anxiety away.. I got my hit??? anyhooooooo.. I didn't do anything with the information but I know I looked for the wrong reasons... We had a chat last night. He was my wonderful ca...

maresie · maresie

I grew up in a family where the boundaries were all amiss. My elder sister was relegated to the parent role (I should say bully really because that's what she became). My parents could barely hold it all together on the most basic level of providing shelter, food and sustenance and there was no emotio...

chinup · chinup

i just came in from a 12 step meeting here in my town i go to ,we r on the 2nd step ,ive found it hard to leave it in gods hands ,but im learning little by little to leave it with him and its actually worked everytime,lol i just want to keep takeing it all back ,but not everytime im learning to leave it with him an...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

It's like I feel like I'm a little kid. Like I need permission to get off the dang merry go round that I started in motion to begin with. I have every right and every desire to get off but I still fall into my sick ways. Last night he came home from a dinner out with his boss and the President of his company. ...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone! I have a confession to make: I don't like drama. I enjoy pause, calm, reflection, and joy. I think sometimes my part in the drama has to do with my fear when I can sense things building in my atmosphere (e.g. if my AH is struggling). I might ask too many times "Are you ok? What's goin...

CUrbs83 · CUrbs83

I'm 27 years old and started dating a guy a year and a half ago who is an alcoholic. He has hurt me so much throughout the past year and I became so disgustingly ill and a codependent b/c of him. He has been sober for 5 months now and says he's a different person but I can't believe him. I truly think he doesn'...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Hi all I have posted on the ACOA board. I did so yesterday and had a bit of a vent about those childhood things. I think perhaps maybe, it has triggered something inside me and yesterday I had a massively big urge to check on my husbands pot drawer. I deliberately didn't. I stayed away from the drawer so...

bjkansas · bjkansas

When I met my boyfriend, 2 years ago, I knew he drank. He was 42 and I was 38. We got to gether in a relationship and his drinking calmed down considerably. He used to be drunk EVERY night. now it is maybe 3 times a week (still too much). I have told him that he has done much better. If I get on to him about ho...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Prayers please!!!!!!!!!!!! A very dear friend of mine has been fighting cancer for over a year and found out this week that the cancer has metastasized to the bone and a bone marrow transplant isn't an option. The doctors are giving her a few weeks to a couple of months. Please pray for her and her husb...

rara avis · rara avis

I was told something yesterday that I know was told to someone here too. Last night my RA was again being loving, pleasant..and patronizing. Keep in mind he's not going to program and lied to me earlier yesterday morning about ditching his sponsor and why. He said, " I love you.....I don't want...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

This started as a response to another about taking the bait, but I figured out I really have a question. Is it part of the disease for my AH to keep me out of the loop on things regarding the family, then refuse to honor my wishes on them. I feel so left out of things that I should know about in our marriage...

holenheart · holenheart

Working in a toxic enviornment. I know I can't change the people and their gossip and lies etc. I can't change the fact that they don't love me....etc. It bothers me what they think and say about me and how their lies may or may not influence the manager etc. I need to change myself and be consumed wit...

Katy · Katy

As I keep coming back, listening and learning I think it is called peeling away the layers of the onion skin, the answers are always here LURKING, living with an addict really is soul destroying and something I read here this week has really helped me to acknowledge that pain of living in that dreadful...

jbunny · jbunny

What's the point of Al-Anon? I don't get it at all. The whole program seems like a cult trying to sell books. I don't understand why people in Al-Anon don't give "advice" to others. How helpful is that? Al-Anon is not about helping the alcoholic to stop drinking. It seems to me that it...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

After this I will not mention the cruise until I get back. I am almost to the point where I am going to say Yes to my MOM. I know she wants to go pretty bad. I guess I am convinced that I want her to go. I am so grateful today that I live in a beautiful area where even when it is hot, it is still the most beautiful plac...

tommyecat · tommyecat

Many of you know that I just love to laugh. For me laughter is the best medicine. I came across this quote yesterday that just set me off. It is:Regardless of what other people say, my tendency to overreact and lose ALL perspective makes me a THEATRICALLY interesting person.Gosh, that really tickl...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Aloha all and thank you Chinup for your post..."The fear of having to move" because along with my morning meeting and the ESH there and now here I am able to stay centered with what I have learned and am learning in this process called recovery. Chinup said; "ive been renting here for 7...

rara avis · rara avis

Does anyone here have any esh on breaking up/moving out when you're the one with the house and and the sig. other/A/RA is the one who must go? Long story short my RA has blasted through my loose ultimatum, is not taking care of himself, not going to program, not spending time with me, and breaking prom...

chinup · chinup

ive been renting here for 7 yrs my x landlord gave it all up and turned it all over to her lawyer son and things have changed oh my ,ive had to on him about my air conditioner its old and in bad need of maintenance or gotten rid of,he my new lawyer lanlord didnt say nothing except to call back and tell his secret...

odalis · odalis

OK, so my dad is gone and my AH is still here. He has shown no signs of moving out. After not speaking to each other for about a week, We are getting along perfectly now even though he is still drinking. Sometimes this feels so confusing because I was positive I wanted him to move out. Now I am not so sure. I ha...

davehill60 · davehill60

New here and looking for some guidance wife is an A and also abuses ephedra supplements. Have caught her taking the pills numerous times and each time the promises are made to stop. All I asked was to tell me if she used again that never happened the denial that the pills were hers even when they were in h...

emilyNYC · emilyNYC

Hi all- This is my first time posting here as I have just recently come to the decision that I am enabling my ABF and cannot live with his behavior anymore. I know this is not an atypical situation, and while I feel really badly about the whole situation I know that this is what I need to do for myself, and ho...

atheos · atheos

I have had my job for about eight months. It's my first full-time "grown-up" job. The schedule isn't great, and neither is the pay, but I like the people I work with and the company I work for. My manager has been giving me some leeway to adjust my schedule and make it more sleep-compatible, wh...

Patk · Patk

Hi Everyone, Well I never did get that opportunity I had been planning to confront my dad with the divorce document since the court registry would not give it to anyone other than the plaintiff/defendant or the executor of my mothers estate. So, I never met with him personally during my 19-day stay...

winnie · winnie

i just wanted to say thank you to all who responded to my very first post. it feels so good to be able to freely speak my mind, and to have people listening who understand exactly what i'm feeling is just amazing. it's been an ok week. lots of intermittent stress from hurricane irene, but we faired qu...

littlemotel · littlemotel

I feel better this evening. Going to cook dinner for my son & I. Spent the day " talking to myself", "it's not about me", "I need to work on myself", "today the healing begins", "let go & let God", etc. I decided to look & see exactly w...

louberry · louberry

I've been married to my AH for four years, been attending al-anon for four months. I am also 4 months pregnant (surprise to us!). Since finding out that we are pregnant, my AH has quit his job, refused to support me through attempting to get health insurance, drinks/is stoned most of the day and is quite...

atheos · atheos

Had a crummy weekend, made worse by an unexpected and painful health problem, and worrying about a job interview Monday morning (it was a second interview, which I was surprised at even getting because at the first interview I was so nervous I broke the interviewer's pen!). Went to a meeting, left in a...

youfoundme · youfoundme

I try to be open with my kids and put stuff down and use good body language when they want to talk to me. Tonight my 8 year old shared with me that a kid on his foot ball team gave him a hard time. He said the kid and him were against each other in a scrimage. They had to block each other. He said the kid got mad a...

NovSun · NovSun

Hello Everyone, Just wanted to share that I am starting to believe this stuff works! Thanks to all my Al-Anon brothers and sisters who have talked me down and cheered me up. I have been slowly participating in the pricinpals and teachings of Al-Anon for about 2 months. I was just starting to see that I...

Mlkiss75 · Mlkiss75

My poor husband, trying so hard to quit drinking! Input way to the er to deal with the pain of detox. He's been up since 4 and I can't even imagine the agony. I am proud of him for his efforts. -- Edited by RLC on Monday 29th of August 2011 08:43:11 AM

youfoundme · youfoundme

Alls well! We got back our power last night. The sun is shining and nothing hit our town house! I feel greatly blessed and grateful... There were others in our complex that had a tree land on their home, and about 7 full trees were blown over in just our complex. I am back at work this morning. Alls we...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Trust or stupidity? (Preview) My AH said he would stop drinking, I want to believe him but I can't. I feel like I am just waiting for the ball to drop. Is this part of letting go? I know he is going to do whatever he chooses to do & I suppose I am ok by that. I've set my boundaries with him. I just don't want to be blindsided or too pos...	littlemotel	11	703	Sep 3, 2011 by lasthope
	I think my sister is coming to a meeting tonight!!!!! Prayers Please. (Preview) My sister as some of you know has been living with me for a few months. She has not been very driven to get a job and has not taken the apprenticeship she has been offered. I have let her know already she has to pay rent to live here and have given her the amount. I told her a month and a half ago. The date was y...	clep	6	378	Sep 3, 2011 by Pushka
	Pointing the finger at yourself (Preview) As time goes by, I'm seeing more and more examples of how I turn the focus on everyone in my life but myself. I'm encouraged that I'm at least aware of it, but I'm worried about how I'm ultimately going to stop doing it. My wife & I have 2 kids, ages 4 & 2. They are great kids, but as with most kids this a...	usedtobeanyer	10	930	Sep 3, 2011 by pinkchip
	Burnin out (long) (Preview) I have been working 4 part time jobs all Summer long, I slow down work wise this Fall just because that is how the work comes and goes where I live. And I know I will make it another couple weeks. I am still reading my daily reader's which keep my attitude good and at night I am reading a book written by my spons...	Breakingfree	7	568	Sep 3, 2011 by elizabethcontreras
	ESH please, regarding breakup? So confused (Preview) Hey wonderful people! I know none of you are mind readers, but any ESH would be appreciated!!! Long story short, I've had enough w/my beloved RA, he didn't seem to pay attention to his self care or to my basic needs, things which I told him had to change. I made extensive plans to get out and kick him out...	rara avis	12	638	Sep 3, 2011 by rara avis
	Detachment (Preview) Detachment doesn't mean denying compassion. Approaching life with detachment may seem cold at first. We are accustomed to offering lots of help to other people. Thus the first few times we back off from what has become our natural inclination - we feel uncomfortable. Through this program we are lea...	glad lee	6	698	Sep 3, 2011 by hotrod
	Questioning everything this morning. (Preview) I am in a quandary this morning As I have been keeping to myself and reading and trying to change my anxious and controlling behavior,(and codependence) my AH has upped the ante and been acting out even more than before. Is this a common pattern? His behavior is so disrespectful of me that I dont know...	oldgraduate	15	584	Sep 3, 2011 by youfoundme
	Open AA Meeting .. (Preview) Went to another wonderful open speaker AA meeting and I have to say this is on my rotation of meetings. They are just terrific! I really encourage anyone to go to a meeting to see the other side of the coin. It is like being at an alanon meeting and hearing your own story through someone else. Listenin...	Pushka	4	361	Sep 3, 2011 by hawaiilover
	Asking for help (Preview) Ok .. I have no idea why a little cell phone or any regular phone becomes the size of an elephant and just as heavy when I have to ask for help on anything. Doesn't matter what it is, something simple to something difficult the idea of rejection just sizzles me to the core and I become very afraid. I hit a ma...	Pushka	8	620	Sep 3, 2011 by hawaiilover
	hello - new here... need to share about crazy FOO (Preview) Hi there, I have been an al anon member for about 3 years, and am currently working the steps with my sponsor. For the next month I'm travelling for work, and my sponsor is sick with her own issues anyway, so I am very glad I found this message board! I just want to share something that happened to me last wee...	bonobo	9	562	Sep 3, 2011 by bonobo
	In need of support (experience, to give me strength and hope asap .. ? (Preview) I'm not in town at the moment and can't make it to my meetings .. I am in another state with my adolescent daughter visiting my alcoholic's family members and so far things have gone ok .. with all things considered .. in fact they've gone (up to this point) better than i'd expected .. only by the grace of hi...	MeTwo2	8	627	Sep 3, 2011 by MeTwo2
	interesting twist on grown daughter's perception (sorry it's long) (Preview) I had an interesting conversation with my grown daughter yesterday. Background, I have been having bouts of high Blood Pressure over the past few months. I know they are related to my stress with my spouse. I feel it go up if we fight and when I lose sleep due to issues we are having. I finally went to t...	oldgraduate	2	789	Sep 2, 2011 by Too hard
	This Message Board and Privacy (Preview) Hi Everyone, I just realised that I have been feeling some strange vibes from my AH recently, when I happen to be writing on this site/on the computer. He has read my journal before, and would not be opposed to finding and reading my posts - and, believe me, he could figure out which are mine. Is there an...	KLotus	6	674	Sep 2, 2011 by likemyheart
	Still Going... Were I Not Sure yet... (Preview) Welp.... Currently My Life has Started to breathe a New Way of Living, and it is Non Stop- Balls to the Wall- Wide Open... I Have so Much To be Thankful for, So Much to be Grateful for, and yet still have these desires to just Disappear sometimes and Hide from it all... My Sons Schedule went from 3 days a week...	Jozie	5	455	Sep 2, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Just an update (Preview) I rarely write about my qualifier on here since the relationship has been over for a while and also my whole AA side takes over when I respond to many posts here. But...I have been meaning to write that I got a text from my ex-A that stated he went to his first AA meeting because his life had gotten so unmana...	pinkchip	6	520	Sep 2, 2011 by Pushka
	My A (Preview) This morning I am having a really hard time again. I have always been able to speak with my MIL about any difficulties I have with my AH or myself. Lately, I don't feel I can. I guess that means I'm feeling alone. I'm doing as many al-anon related things as I can, and trying to practice. I just feel hope...	KLotus	4	415	Sep 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	Yesterday! (Preview) My husband and I went to Oxford, to help our 23 year old daughter move house, Oxford is the place where Harry Potter was filmed with all the fabulous buildings and history, it's a very beutiful university Town, or maybe even city, it has so much to offer, rivers with punts on, boat trips, and open top doub...	Katy	4	500	Sep 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	The Alcoholic Spouse, my Son and the Elephant in the Room (Preview) I saw a separate post entitled "Al-Anon Annoys Me" by jBunny. I agree with many of her findings regarding Al-Anon meetings (I've been to four). I am new, too, and am having a very difficult time sorting everything out. My son is married to a raging alcoholic, which has now been going on for t...	PrincessPeriwinkle	19	987	Sep 2, 2011 by PrincessPeriwinkle
	my own worst critic and attacker (Preview) I am so thankful for this board and each of you posting and sharing your thoughts, experience, strength and hope! I haven't been posting much or replying, but I have been reading quite a bit and finding so much insight and inspiration. Thank you!! And thank you so much for providing such a safe place to s...	Doozy	8	519	Sep 2, 2011 by oldgraduate
	How to reconcile staying versus giving up (Preview) After another weekend of being ignored by my AH, I am wondering if it's time to give it all up. I would almost rather be yelled at than ignored or disrespected. My AH ignores me, for example, he fails to tell me he isn't coming home for dinner on Saturday. When I call him at his parents, he is all sweet...	oldgraduate	8	467	Sep 2, 2011 by maresie
	Thank You for Being Here (Preview) Hello Everyone, I got home this evening from a AA/Al-Anon conference I have attended every year since I first sat in a recovery meeting on April 17, 2004. I love conferences, and this one is probably my favorite. It always has wonderful speakers, great Al-Anon meetings and has had anywhere from 700...	david62	6	460	Sep 2, 2011 by maresie
	Suicidal borther (Preview) Greetings MIP's, Got a call from my brother who isn't doing so well. He wants to end his life, I talked him out of it for today but he lives in another city - 7 hours away. We're both ACOA, he has been to rehab 2 times now and still drinking. He put his head through a window last night and I urged him to go to the em...	Talula	5	555	Sep 2, 2011 by Talula
	Brand new - need to vent (Preview) Hi everyone, I've never posted here before - and haven't even taken the time to read the FAQs, but I will do that in a minute. I just need to vent a bit first. My husband is off at his second-ever AA meeting at the moment - or so he told me. Except that his sponsor called our home number about twenty minutes aft...	Dufferin	5	615	Sep 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	I feel traumatized (Preview) Things are actually quite good these days. My wife has been sober many, many more days than not in the last couple of months. There have been some bumps in the road but she's in a much better place than she was a year ago. Her patience with our sometimes challenging kids has left me in awe at times, especia...	usedtobeanyer	13	854	Sep 2, 2011 by kenyon7
	very high anxiety levels (Preview) I have woken with very high anxiety levels I think that ocky strap (I found out are called bungy cords?? in America) has sprung back and hit me in the head. I think I have taken it back on. (previous post reference, I was visualising handing his pot drawer over to the universe but it was still attached to a...	Lindaoakford	5	572	Sep 1, 2011 by Too hard
	Update to Good News - And Question (Preview) Morning all, Good news - I got the job!! I start training today. Big promotion, more money, more responsibility. Good also because I won't have time during the day to obsess over whether my Afiance drinks or not. On that note, couldn't get through even ONE DAY of no drama. I came home from work last night...	NovSun	11	391	Sep 1, 2011 by NovSun
	denial/childhood (Preview) Hi everyone really needed to come on here and share. I went to a meeting last night. People shared about their childhoods. In my share I said my childhood was good (i do have lots of good memeories of childhood my dad had lots of time for me). I said that my co dependency came from my mother and grandmoth...	Tracy	4	468	Sep 1, 2011 by ilovedogs
	Our "One Day at a Time" Kitty (Preview) Here's our Littile Lucky, the abandoned kitty that I agreed to care for and then find a good home. There's NO way I'm giving him up now! When I first got him, I worried the entire day about what to do with him. Will our adult cat accept him? Do we really want another indoor cat? (No, but...) How will I fi...	GailMichelle	5	764	Sep 1, 2011 by tommyecat
	feeling better (Preview) Hi guys I am feeling better today. I gave in and looked in his drawer. I don't know why. I was feeling anxious and it took the anxiety away.. I got my hit??? anyhooooooo.. I didn't do anything with the information but I know I looked for the wrong reasons... We had a chat last night. He was my wonderful ca...	Lindaoakford	5	451	Sep 1, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	total enmeshment (Preview) I grew up in a family where the boundaries were all amiss. My elder sister was relegated to the parent role (I should say bully really because that's what she became). My parents could barely hold it all together on the most basic level of providing shelter, food and sustenance and there was no emotio...	maresie	4	723	Aug 31, 2011 by Doozy
	Thank You Jerry F for that wonderful and helpful share (Preview) i just came in from a 12 step meeting here in my town i go to ,we r on the 2nd step ,ive found it hard to leave it in gods hands ,but im learning little by little to leave it with him and its actually worked everytime,lol i just want to keep takeing it all back ,but not everytime im learning to leave it with him an...	chinup	2	341	Aug 31, 2011 by Doozy
	Why do I feel like I need permission to get off the merry go round? (Preview) It's like I feel like I'm a little kid. Like I need permission to get off the dang merry go round that I started in motion to begin with. I have every right and every desire to get off but I still fall into my sick ways. Last night he came home from a dinner out with his boss and the President of his company. ...	ilovedogs	15	678	Aug 31, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Truth (Preview) Hi Everyone! I have a confession to make: I don't like drama. I enjoy pause, calm, reflection, and joy. I think sometimes my part in the drama has to do with my fear when I can sense things building in my atmosphere (e.g. if my AH is struggling). I might ask too many times "Are you ok? What's goin...	KLotus	9	595	Aug 31, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Stuck (Preview) I'm 27 years old and started dating a guy a year and a half ago who is an alcoholic. He has hurt me so much throughout the past year and I became so disgustingly ill and a codependent b/c of him. He has been sober for 5 months now and says he's a different person but I can't believe him. I truly think he doesn'...	CUrbs83	16	676	Aug 31, 2011 by pinkchip
	not in a good place today (Preview) Hi all I have posted on the ACOA board. I did so yesterday and had a bit of a vent about those childhood things. I think perhaps maybe, it has triggered something inside me and yesterday I had a massively big urge to check on my husbands pot drawer. I deliberately didn't. I stayed away from the drawer so...	Lindaoakford	9	513	Aug 31, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Where do I begin? (Preview) When I met my boyfriend, 2 years ago, I knew he drank. He was 42 and I was 38. We got to gether in a relationship and his drinking calmed down considerably. He used to be drunk EVERY night. now it is maybe 3 times a week (still too much). I have told him that he has done much better. If I get on to him about ho...	bjkansas	5	590	Aug 31, 2011 by Ruby
	Prayers Please!!! (Preview) Prayers please!!!!!!!!!!!! A very dear friend of mine has been fighting cancer for over a year and found out this week that the cancer has metastasized to the bone and a bone marrow transplant isn't an option. The doctors are giving her a few weeks to a couple of months. Please pray for her and her husb...	Mandy123	9	436	Aug 31, 2011 by pineapple
	Not funny, but funny (Preview) I was told something yesterday that I know was told to someone here too. Last night my RA was again being loving, pleasant..and patronizing. Keep in mind he's not going to program and lied to me earlier yesterday morning about ditching his sponsor and why. He said, " I love you.....I don't want...	rara avis	6	716	Aug 31, 2011 by pineapple
	Is the noncompliance part of the disease ? (Preview) This started as a response to another about taking the bait, but I figured out I really have a question. Is it part of the disease for my AH to keep me out of the loop on things regarding the family, then refuse to honor my wishes on them. I feel so left out of things that I should know about in our marriage...	oldgraduate	9	562	Aug 31, 2011 by Jerry F
	People Pleasin Prison (Preview) Working in a toxic enviornment. I know I can't change the people and their gossip and lies etc. I can't change the fact that they don't love me....etc. It bothers me what they think and say about me and how their lies may or may not influence the manager etc. I need to change myself and be consumed wit...	holenheart	5	542	Aug 31, 2011 by xeno59
	I just seem to be getting it more and more! (Preview) As I keep coming back, listening and learning I think it is called peeling away the layers of the onion skin, the answers are always here LURKING, living with an addict really is soul destroying and something I read here this week has really helped me to acknowledge that pain of living in that dreadful...	Katy	2	343	Aug 31, 2011 by ilovedogs
	Annoyed by al-anon (Preview) What's the point of Al-Anon? I don't get it at all. The whole program seems like a cult trying to sell books. I don't understand why people in Al-Anon don't give "advice" to others. How helpful is that? Al-Anon is not about helping the alcoholic to stop drinking. It seems to me that it...	jbunny	19	5586	Aug 31, 2011 by Jennifer
	I am pretty sure... (Preview) After this I will not mention the cruise until I get back. I am almost to the point where I am going to say Yes to my MOM. I know she wants to go pretty bad. I guess I am convinced that I want her to go. I am so grateful today that I live in a beautiful area where even when it is hot, it is still the most beautiful plac...	Hoot Nanny	2	427	Aug 31, 2011 by Pushka
	This just tickles me (Preview) Many of you know that I just love to laugh. For me laughter is the best medicine. I came across this quote yesterday that just set me off. It is:*Regardless of what other people say, my tendency to overreact and lose ALL perspective makes me a THEATRICALLY interesting person.*Gosh, that really tickl...	tommyecat	8	671	Aug 31, 2011 by youfoundme
	A Chinup condition with gratitude... (Preview) Aloha all and thank you Chinup for your post..."The fear of having to move" because along with my morning meeting and the ESH there and now here I am able to stay centered with what I have learned and am learning in this process called recovery. Chinup said; "ive been renting here for 7...	Jerry F	3	451	Aug 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	ESH on breaking up/moving out? (Preview) Does anyone here have any esh on breaking up/moving out when you're the one with the house and and the sig. other/A/RA is the one who must go? Long story short my RA has blasted through my loose ultimatum, is not taking care of himself, not going to program, not spending time with me, and breaking prom...	rara avis	10	638	Aug 31, 2011 by Pushka
	fear of having to move (Preview) ive been renting here for 7 yrs my x landlord gave it all up and turned it all over to her lawyer son and things have changed oh my ,ive had to on him about my air conditioner its old and in bad need of maintenance or gotten rid of,he my new lawyer lanlord didnt say nothing except to call back and tell his secret...	chinup	2	602	Aug 31, 2011 by Debilyn
	update and confused all over again! (Preview) OK, so my dad is gone and my AH is still here. He has shown no signs of moving out. After not speaking to each other for about a week, We are getting along perfectly now even though he is still drinking. Sometimes this feels so confusing because I was positive I wanted him to move out. Now I am not so sure. I ha...	odalis	3	559	Aug 31, 2011 by Debilyn
	New here dealing with the 13th step (Preview) New here and looking for some guidance wife is an A and also abuses ephedra supplements. Have caught her taking the pills numerous times and each time the promises are made to stop. All I asked was to tell me if she used again that never happened the denial that the pills were hers even when they were in h...	davehill60	6	838	Aug 30, 2011 by anyoneofus
	First-timer with housing/detachment question (Preview) Hi all- This is my first time posting here as I have just recently come to the decision that I am enabling my ABF and cannot live with his behavior anymore. I know this is not an atypical situation, and while I feel really badly about the whole situation I know that this is what I need to do for myself, and ho...	emilyNYC	5	499	Aug 30, 2011 by maresie
	Should I feel guilty about this? (Preview) I have had my job for about eight months. It's my first full-time "grown-up" job. The schedule isn't great, and neither is the pay, but I like the people I work with and the company I work for. My manager has been giving me some leeway to adjust my schedule and make it more sleep-compatible, wh...	atheos	6	482	Aug 30, 2011 by onewholovesrock
	Need advice about how to detach in a loving and uderstanding way (Preview) Hi Everyone, Well I never did get that opportunity I had been planning to confront my dad with the divorce document since the court registry would not give it to anyone other than the plaintiff/defendant or the executor of my mothers estate. So, I never met with him personally during my 19-day stay...	Patk	2	373	Aug 30, 2011 by Tracy
	just a word of thanks (Preview) i just wanted to say thank you to all who responded to my very first post. it feels so good to be able to freely speak my mind, and to have people listening who understand exactly what i'm feeling is just amazing. it's been an ok week. lots of intermittent stress from hurricane irene, but we faired qu...	winnie	4	471	Aug 30, 2011 by pineapple
	Snooping? (Preview) I feel better this evening. Going to cook dinner for my son & I. Spent the day " talking to myself", "it's not about me", "I need to work on myself", "today the healing begins", "let go & let God", etc. I decided to look & see exactly w...	littlemotel	6	516	Aug 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	fighting and failing. (Preview) I've been married to my AH for four years, been attending al-anon for four months. I am also 4 months pregnant (surprise to us!). Since finding out that we are pregnant, my AH has quit his job, refused to support me through attempting to get health insurance, drinks/is stoned most of the day and is quite...	louberry	5	606	Aug 30, 2011 by youfoundme
	Meetings make everything seem better! (I LOVE AL-ANON!) (Preview) Had a crummy weekend, made worse by an unexpected and painful health problem, and worrying about a job interview Monday morning (it was a second interview, which I was surprised at even getting because at the first interview I was so nervous I broke the interviewer's pen!). Went to a meeting, left in a...	atheos	4	383	Aug 30, 2011 by youfoundme
	Giving Alanon to my 8 year old son (Preview) I try to be open with my kids and put stuff down and use good body language when they want to talk to me. Tonight my 8 year old shared with me that a kid on his foot ball team gave him a hard time. He said the kid and him were against each other in a scrimage. They had to block each other. He said the kid got mad a...	youfoundme	12	355	Aug 30, 2011 by youfoundme
	Some Good News (Preview) Hello Everyone, Just wanted to share that I am starting to believe this stuff works! Thanks to all my Al-Anon brothers and sisters who have talked me down and cheered me up. I have been slowly participating in the pricinpals and teachings of Al-Anon for about 2 months. I was just starting to see that I...	NovSun	5	434	Aug 30, 2011 by NovSun
	Detox ! (Preview) My poor husband, trying so hard to quit drinking! Input way to the er to deal with the pain of detox. He's been up since 4 and I can't even imagine the agony. I am proud of him for his efforts. -- Edited by RLC on Monday 29th of August 2011 08:43:11 AM	Mlkiss75	4	796	Aug 29, 2011 by pinkchip
	We made it through the rain and hurricane (Preview) Alls well! We got back our power last night. The sun is shining and nothing hit our town house! I feel greatly blessed and grateful... There were others in our complex that had a tree land on their home, and about 7 full trees were blown over in just our complex. I am back at work this morning. Alls we...	youfoundme	8	314	Aug 29, 2011 by Doozy
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.