Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> feeling better
Post Info TOPIC: feeling better
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 741
Date:
feeling better
Permalink  

Hi guys

I am feeling better today.  I gave in and looked in his drawer.  I don't know why. I was feeling anxious and it took the anxiety away.. I got my hit???

anyhooooooo.. I didn't do anything with the information but I know I looked for the wrong reasons...

We had a chat last night.  He was my wonderful caring husband.  The addiction monster was no where to be seen.  It was lovely.  I was feeling down and I expressed that needed some validation and loving right now.

He turned off the TV, lay down next to me and said "Why are you feeling so sad"?

He asked.. so I told him... I said I didnt think my feelings were being validated.  He gets angry at me when I don't agree with what he wants in life until I give into it.  Talked about the business that I don't want, the activities I don't want but we still got a boat and a 4WD, his smoking has increased and it concerns me what that will mean for our relationship.

He says he is not worried about himself smoking every few days.  If he gets to smoking every day he may then be a bit concerned.  I told him that how often he gets stoned when I am not home is his business not mine.  Its what he does when I am home that affects me and as it gets worse and worse... I don't know what that would mean for our relationship

He listened, didn't have much to say.  He said his feelings weren't hurt and he too agrees that there is something missing with us at the moment and his two jobs are basically all that he is doing at the moment.  He agrees that my attitude has changed for the better lately and that I am getting off his back.  When I asked how he felt about that, he said i"t makes me feel guilty"??? I just said, that theres not much I can do about him feeling guilty.

anyway.. he then fell asleep... as he does..... it felt good to talk to him calmly and comfortably. 

today I am back smiling again.  NOthing will change, but I know that I have told him what I feel is wrong.  And I told him it is having a deliterious affect on our marriage.



__________________

Linda - a work in progress
Doozy


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 288
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Linda! Thanks for sharing. Hang in there! :)
~ Doozy

__________________
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 741
Date:
Permalink  

thanks Doozy. I have been waiting for him to make a decision if he is going camping and fishing with a mate this coming Sunday and Monday. I figured if he goes away then I will take a day off work on Monday and spend some Linda time doing what I want without having his feelings to consider.

He still has not even rung his mate about it, or made any plans and its Thursday!!!

so today I thought... too bad.. I am having the day off. I have made an appt to go to a medium (my higher power is the universal vibrations) and a workman is going to come around in the afternoon to fix my airconditioner (going into the wet season here in the tropical North of Australia) and I will sleep in and read my books.. I may get my hair cut.

And I can guess that he won't go fishing... I think he will stay home... He may go out on his own on the Sunday... he may even stay home on the Monday with me.. but I am gonna do my own thing anyway...



__________________

Linda - a work in progress
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

I think I felt a letting go in you. It's almost like,ok I feel like this but I have hit my head against a wall long enough now.

You have expressed it. It is out, you have accepting nothing is going to change.

Hey you may start all over again trying to fight it! That is ok, you may not be ready to let go yet. you may look in the drawer again, get upset that he is off in lala land again.

But you are making progress! I am one of those who believes we get it when we do. People beat themselves up as after they were drawn in they will be upset as it happened again! BUT now they know what it is they need to NOT get drawn into. Before then never thought about it.

Linda for me accepting him as he was was so freeing. I could just love him, enjoy him as much as I could. If he was drunk and not so nice, at times it was sad as i wanted to just sit with him. But other times he was just funny or quiet. I was free to just like him.

I miss him horribly sometimes.But it isn't really HIM. I mean I get this horrible lost feeling, this wanting but not sure for what. I don't think Oh I miss his love.not at all. Just have this hole inside me.

Just want to look at him I guess. Know someone else is here. ugh sorry..

hugs honey keep coming,love,deb

 



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 741
Date:
Permalink  

Thanks Deb.. Ihope you are right

__________________

Linda - a work in progress
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 741
Date:
Permalink  

well... I knew it wouldn't change anything. He smoked more today (early this morning before work) than he has any of the days.
So.... it is just getting worse.. Iknow I know.. what am I going to do

for now, he is still smoking mostly when I am at not around him.. so.. not my business... makes me feel sad though.

tomorrow night, friday, a mate of his is coming to visit to discuss thier fishing trip... he is a big smoker too... lets see what tomorrow night brings hey.

If they smoke, I have decided I am going to go out. I reckon its a pretty small if.....

__________________

Linda - a work in progress
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> feeling better