Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

neshema2 · neshema2

Wednesday's client whom i have been killing myself to clean up his books, teach his off. mgr. how to cover him b/c he is so irresponsible, well Wed. was a hay maker i never approved of him buying the office building he got b/c it isn't a good "cash cow" the debt he owes for the rent he is potentia...

el-cee · el-cee

Is it just me or has this forum got a bit manic and chaotic? It could be me, Im fed up and wanted to hear some good stuff but I just cant get into it at all. Its like there are prickly undercurrents everywhere. Manipulative people with snide comments, hidden agendas everywhere I go. At work I have a 'friend'...

neshema2 · neshema2

yep, my post on living in the right now is true blue....I am working the beejeebers out of the slogans mentioned and lots of self talk BUT today, yea, Friday is my "junk food" day and today was no exception....didn't make so much at today's job b/c it was slow...thank god the elder boss tipp...

mm830 · mm830

I feel very disoriented in my thoughts but will take a few steps back and pray for clarity. Funny how you stumble on lies sometimes, in this case a five month lie of omission. My grandmother has this saying "an ugly thing will show its head." And all her wisdom of ninety years is right. The only...

tortuga · tortuga

Good morning lovely people, I'm making progress in letting it all go. After having had several temper tantrums, and sad depressed episodes, I feel I'm resurfacing again in my new project 'life'. In fact circumstances are good, since after 2 weeks I will be moving away from here, leaving this country...

milkwood · milkwood

I'm so grateful for the arms and ESH of MIP and alanon - the difference I feel now compared to my low points a few years back is astonishing. That difference is helped by you, I really valued yesterday's feedback a lot. I slept for ten, well needed, hours last night, and woke to see a beautiful falcon flyi...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

For those of you who have decided not to get a divorce or separation, how do you cope with living with your AH? I find that reading my literature is very helpful and a private counselor helped me but I would like to hear what you do to get through the storms. I still experience anxiety, sadness and frustra...

HisMrsWright · HisMrsWright

Good morning! This morning I am thinking about a lot of things that I probably shouldnt be because its making me nervous. As an Al Anon I know we are supposed or should rather, stay on our side of the street and essentially mind our own business. What is the best way to handle situations when you suspect th...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Tonight I had a blow up with my dad. On the way home from work, I stopped by to grab a sandwich. I walked in and set it on the table. Him: "What are you doing for dinner?" Me: "Pita place" (I turn on the sink to wash m...

Debilyn · Debilyn

In our "Frequently Asked Questions," It gives us the guideline for mip. One is we follow copyright laws. This is not censorship. As mods we follow the rules, traditions etc. It's not personal. We have had ones come on only to rile things up, sell things, gossip, use horrible profanity, the...

Jerry Froggie · Jerry Froggie

Addiction -- A family Disease Where there is addiction within a family there is also strife between the other members not addicted. Basically there are two situations to talk about. The first concerns parents who have an addictive child. That child may or may not be an adult. The second is a scene that...

DavidG · DavidG

I learned to speak, and I learned to speak for myself... I went through a long periods where I had so much to say... but in recent times this has slowed down, thankfully... In m first years I really wanted to reach out and help people who shared. I was one of those who really wanted to do my 12th step first!...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

My AH keeps asking me to go out with him. I have gone out a few times with him and our daughter. He usually expects more to come out of it later...but I keep saying no. Right now he isn't drinking. I don't think he is really truly sober yet, as he does not go to AA meetings and keeps NyQuil around. My sponsor say...

Luiza · Luiza

Hi. I am brand new here.I have been living with my husband's 'drink problem' for around 9 years now. We have a 7 year old child.Until earlier this week I was still hopeful that he would change eventually and everything would be wonderful. Now I am tired of waiting and sick of excuses. Even though things...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Well, .. I have specific challenges I face and this place really makes me stay on my toes .. I have gotten rid of a ton however there is more to go .. really my next project is filing .. that will eliminate a lot of crap and give me a little more storage. They come in and do random inspections .. ugh .. I'm reall...

lenii263 · lenii263

My daughter has had a drinking problem for years. She seemed to function anyway. She even got a college education. Now that her kids have grown and left, she is barely functional. She can't work, is sick all of the time. I think her brain cells are affected, as she repeats and doesn't remember things rig...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

When you think that it won't get worse in terms of watching someone self destruct they manage to surprise you and yes it does .. what sucks is when it can affect the kids and myself. STBAX just got another judgment against him which means that he could wind up getting fired from his job. I know that there...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Busy at work but it feels good. Little hot outside now....110 degrees but I have AC

The well man came and it's the pump. 3500 to replace so I'm happy we still have water. Have a meeting at 6 so I will see ya all later. (((( hugs )))

el-cee · el-cee

Step seven tells us to humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. I know I cant expect miracles or shortcuts, I need to do the work. Thats where jerry comes in, I hope you dont mind me mentioning you. Jerry talks about opposites a lot and my plan is to work out what the opposites are and then focus on one for a...

grateful2be · grateful2be

A few weeks ago, I met with a service man from a heating and cooling firm in our area to do routine maintenance on my air conditioner. He asked if I wanted him to do service on my water heater for an additional cost which made sense to me since it is 10 years old. He discovered he couldn't do the work of servi...

Truth · Truth

I am excited to go my next sessions at the domestic violence shelter. I just have a feeling this is what my HP needs me to advocate. It doesn't matter where you are coming from. It's where your going.

milkwood · milkwood

I would be snug in excellent soil with warm sunshine warming my face and able to enjoy the moment since just for today I have no obligations or outstanding issues. How lucky is that?! How simple my life can be. Sometimes I struggle with the simplicity of it all - silly me

Its 8.30 in the morning here...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

Today at my f2f meeting, we went through patience. I thought I was very patient with my AH. I gave him many years of chances after all. In fact, I was not very patient with my AH for many years because I expected something from him. I did a and automatically expected b. when b did not happen, I am frustrated a...

texasgal · texasgal

I finally made a decision a few nights ago. I had long conversation with my HP and decided to file for divorce. My soon to be ex ah was all talk abt divorce. He told me he was filing but he actually never did. I have a few weeks before my big move and when I leave I want to be able to leave and be free from him. Slowl...

mercedes1959 · mercedes1959

Hello fellow alanoners - Today I really felt like I turned a big corner. For the past 8 months, everyone here and in the chat meetings have listened to me complain about my co worker. Today, I feel like I turned a big corner in detachment. I can't even tell you what she wore today. She has been the elephant i...

lookingup · lookingup

I'm missing my a bf already,sounds dumb,I make him leave now I'm wanting to see him I called and texted him today he said he got him a place he is gonna share a place with a guy friends 24 y/o daughter cause her roommate moved out,he said he just Got to get him a bed,it's good he is getting him his own place wit...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Well I did. On sunday I saw these two scrubbed face girls sitting at walmart with a sign. well one was standing. I stopped of course. Well they had come from Montana for a job. Older sis 26 who raised her sister 19 since she was 10. Job was given to someone else after promised to older sis. ugh. PLUS they trai...

Truth · Truth

Things that I learned in Al-anon from a wonderful sponser. It has been an amazing journey and it will only get better. Only a few short years ago, I would use numerous techniques that I did not even understand how it affected others. I use to mistake my feelings for others. I felt this way in a situation so...

neshema2 · neshema2

excerpt from reading one of my books written by Melodie Beattie........ It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsi...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Letting it rule your life or being obsessed about it is allowing PTSD/or the abuser to kick your ass still, or it's embracing martyrdom. Neither of which are things my higher power wants for me and am grateful to have that clarity. It was a giant step in my recovery when I began refusing to suffer through...

Aloha · Aloha

I have been told three times now in the last couple of weeks that I'm too hard on myself. The first, and toughest, came when I was working my 5th step with my sponsor. At one point I had to just stop the process and say "I'm fed up!" because I was just in tears seeing my behavioral patterns over and...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

There was another court date today .. similar updated status deal .. word on the street is STBAX's atty is very over him at the moment. They are going to have to compel him to come to court to show his financials. It actually means I could be divorced sooner than later ... we will see. Sooo .. things coul...

Truth · Truth

I just read a fantastic article on parents failing to teach a moral code. I think parents now a days sometimes excuse inappropriate behavior.

MissingSarah · MissingSarah

Hello, Is Al-Anon the right place for family members of those who are using drugs? Or only alcohol? If this is not the right group, would someone kindly direct me to to the right name/group. Thanks very much!

Truth · Truth

Well I did a lot more research on PTSD today and I have to respectfully disagree with assessments of martyrdom. This is research from the leading psychologists. KEEP IN MIND: Although it is common for people with PTSD to feel very guilty about what happened to them or the way that they acted durin...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

I wanted to tell everyone I had a very happy day yesterday. I got all my chores done, made some homemade potato salad and bbq ribs that were great tasting. I went for a ride on my son's bike down the dirt road praying I wouldn't fall. As I get older I'm getting scared of riding a bike..LOL Spent the aft...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

I was at an Alanon meeting and I heard this analogy that was and is so me. In the beginning of my disease, I am like a dog. Always at the door listening, waiting for AH. A little pat and we are all happy. I will be so happy as long as he makes it home. At some point, we need to be like a cat. Taking care of ourselves....

Saraeisme · Saraeisme

Hi... It's me again. First day and 2nd topic... soooo... He went in to a detox rehab voluntarily a few weeks ago. The next day they sent him to the hospital because he complained about his leg. He was diagnosed with Wernicke's Disease. He stayed there for a week detoxing. They were going to transfer him...

mercedes1959 · mercedes1959

Hello all....looking for some ES&H. I really like my job. I have a co worker who is a dry A. How do I detach? She tries to abuse me on the job, to suck me into her drama. I stay out of it but she is the elephant in the living room. I am having a really hard time. The boss likes to complain about her, and says...

Saraeisme · Saraeisme

Hi. I just found this forum a few days ago. I've been to my first three f2f meetings the last three days. i know one of the three C's is control. We can't control them ..... But Saturday I took his car for the first half of the day and didn't leave him with keys to mine. I really want to take it again today. *a...

Flower49 · Flower49

I hear a lot about making amends all the time in AA meetings I go to with my husband. I have read about it in the big book, in Al Anon books in short it is everywhere. My question is what is an Amends? My AH telling me sorry just won't cut it. He has reeked havoc in our marriage, spiritual, emotional, physical a...

mburr · mburr

Hi all, Newbie here. I've been lurking and reading for a while and finally decided to make an account. Long story, kinda short...my partner told me that she wanted a break, completely out of the blue and I was blindsided by it. We have been together for 5 years and were going on 6 in a few months, were engag...

missmeliss · missmeliss

The plan- Take daughter to her father's on Friday night. Go to my mothers, take a show to watch with her, sleep, go for breakfast together, go electronics shopping with middle brother (we want to build a "spirit radio", fun fun!!), have acupuncture for the first time after several failed a...

grateful2be · grateful2be

As most of us probably knew, Maya Angelou, within the past week. As I reflect on her poetry, her books I've read, the interviews she's held, I see a child who grew up in a mess, was raped at 7, was sent back and forth to live between her grandmother and her Mom, experienced poverty, multiple types of discr...

neshema2 · neshema2

Every now and again, I like to post like "what am i grateful for" or "what did i do for me of late" kinda keeps me thinking of positive stuff OK what good stuff have i done for me??????? got a lawn mower that helps me push it so i am mowing my yard now, and getting new exercise and sa...

neshema2 · neshema2

today i am grateful for: I was able to help my sponsor put together a nice letter to extend her interest only mortgage payment so we will get a year to help her sell the house, she wants to move and MAYBE i will get a roomie in a year.... I am thankful that my problem daughter and i have reached a "peacef...

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

I want to thank you all for being a support to me .. I just wanted you all to know. Everything I ever said here was the truth I never fabricated my home living with my Ah. Again the RO still not working for me .. My a AH who I am divorcing has every one of mine cry for help or any chance recovery been photo copied .i...

tattoovick · tattoovick

Hi In March my mum was given 6 months, she has laid off the alcohol until last week and is currently going through withdrawal again, This has happened countless times and she has nearly died 4 times in the last 8 years, I'm a mum, 3 kids, eldest doing exams at the moment, a wifey, and sister and have 3 jobs, n...

Gaby · Gaby

Well yesterday my son privately sent me a message through Facebook. Said he is holding himself responsible and he's alive. Today he sends me another message saying he's alive and well. I just responded that he is very much loved. It kills me to know that he is choosing to live the way he is living. But I ha...

Truth · Truth

God I think so differently than most. Poor choices to me is choosing a salad vs a hamburger and fries. Choosing to not brush your teeth vs brushing them. Choosing to name call, intimidate, rage in front of a child is actually a form of child abuse. I don't consider that a poor choice. I call a spade a spad...

lookingup · lookingup

He said he just got in from out of town and been working hard he was dirty,he wanted to get some. Of his clothes and shower,I asked him where he was staying he said here and there,so I dunno,why he couldn't take a bath where he was staying????any ways he was straight as far as I could tell,said he would be bac...

debhud · debhud

morning all. i could use some suggestions as to my responses to my AS attitude. i have distanced myself somewhat from him and his downhill spiral. but we do talk on the phone a few times a week. conversation usually goes as follows..."mom, there is just so much on my plate right now. i can't do a...

Truth · Truth

Well today I have a fear creeping up, the old fear that I will not get believed. I find it so interesting that people are so willing to stand up and advocate for the alcoholic yet when I ask no one wants to get involved. What a crazy system we set up.

tiredtonite · tiredtonite

I've mostly been coming here and reading and benefiting from the experience, strength and hope of your shares lately. Each day seems to bring a new drama in my bf's family as well as consequences from his choices. I'm grateful for really getting what it means to detach and continue to take care of just m...

tortuga · tortuga

...thats when change begins to happen' I'm in that process. I don't know about you others out there, but I have been 2 years living with an A. and I separated in very dramatic hurtful ways. Today I can say, i am happy it all ended, even if it will take me months to recover from the abuse. It has become too horr...

tshorty · tshorty

AH came home yesterday and was another person after only a week. All he talked about was the meeting an how much he learned. My only thing is getting past all the hurt. He has done some some terrible things wasted money, cheating, you name it and I'm just trying to figure out what do I do with all the hurt...

ClearTheFog · ClearTheFog

Well here I am again. I thought I was going to come here to offload a pity-party on to you. But after a quick think-through, I realize the real issue is me STILL not living MY life for MYSELF, but needing validation from others first and foremost. I'm not currently embroiled in any drama involving chemi...

sylviahenry · sylviahenry

are there any meetings?

sadsusie · sadsusie

I saw the post about Thailand, so I figured I would ask. We are planning an extended trip to Morocco to visit family, and my biggest concern is that I backslide. It would be a huge comfort to me to know there are meetings there. (we may eventually move). I looked online but found nothing. This is something...

grateful2be · grateful2be

I went to a meeting last night near my home. I haven't been to this particular meeting in awhile. My schedule didn't permit it. Finally, I could go. I have to admit that I sat there blinking in disbelief. There are people who have been in the program for a long, long time. The preamble includes a gu...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	why it is sooo important to live in the RIGHT NOW (Preview) Wednesday's client whom i have been killing myself to clean up his books, teach his off. mgr. how to cover him b/c he is so irresponsible, well Wed. was a hay maker i never approved of him buying the office building he got b/c it isn't a good "cash cow" the debt he owes for the rent he is potentia...	neshema2	5	307	Jun 7, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	Manipulation (Preview) Is it just me or has this forum got a bit manic and chaotic? It could be me, Im fed up and wanted to hear some good stuff but I just cant get into it at all. Its like there are prickly undercurrents everywhere. Manipulative people with snide comments, hidden agendas everywhere I go. At work I have a 'friend'...	el-cee	18	598	Jun 7, 2014 by el-cee
	I'd be lying if i said I wasn't a "Tad" worried (Preview) yep, my post on living in the right now is true blue....I am working the beejeebers out of the slogans mentioned and lots of self talk BUT today, yea, Friday is my "junk food" day and today was no exception....didn't make so much at today's job b/c it was slow...thank god the elder boss tipp...	neshema2	6	607	Jun 7, 2014 by el-cee
	HP reveals deception when it is time... (Preview) I feel very disoriented in my thoughts but will take a few steps back and pray for clarity. Funny how you stumble on lies sometimes, in this case a five month lie of omission. My grandmother has this saying "an ugly thing will show its head." And all her wisdom of ninety years is right. The only...	mm830	9	546	Jun 7, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	why do we go back? (Preview) Good morning lovely people, I'm making progress in letting it all go. After having had several temper tantrums, and sad depressed episodes, I feel I'm resurfacing again in my new project 'life'. In fact circumstances are good, since after 2 weeks I will be moving away from here, leaving this country...	tortuga	9	569	Jun 7, 2014 by el-cee
	Charting progress (Preview) I'm so grateful for the arms and ESH of MIP and alanon - the difference I feel now compared to my low points a few years back is astonishing. That difference is helped by you, I really valued yesterday's feedback a lot. I slept for ten, well needed, hours last night, and woke to see a beautiful falcon flyi...	milkwood	5	334	Jun 7, 2014 by Kerrymom
	Advice - How to cope with living with AH? (Preview) For those of you who have decided not to get a divorce or separation, how do you cope with living with your AH? I find that reading my literature is very helpful and a private counselor helped me but I would like to hear what you do to get through the storms. I still experience anxiety, sadness and frustra...	wifeofalcoholic	11	633	Jun 6, 2014 by hopes314
	How do I handle nervousness? (Preview) Good morning! This morning I am thinking about a lot of things that I probably shouldnt be because its making me nervous. As an Al Anon I know we are supposed or should rather, stay on our side of the street and essentially mind our own business. What is the best way to handle situations when you suspect th...	HisMrsWright	9	396	Jun 6, 2014 by Jerry F
	Apparently I am rude... (Preview) Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Tonight I had a blow up with my dad. On the way home from work, I stopped by to grab a sandwich. I walked in and set it on the table. Him: "What are you doing for dinner?" Me: "Pita place" (I turn on the sink to wash m...	slogan_jim	4	347	Jun 6, 2014 by Mattie
	Censoring vs. following mip rules (Preview) In our "Frequently Asked Questions," It gives us the guideline for mip. One is we follow copyright laws. This is not censorship. As mods we follow the rules, traditions etc. It's not personal. We have had ones come on only to rile things up, sell things, gossip, use horrible profanity, the...	Debilyn	1	363	Jun 6, 2014 by hotrod
	Addiction -- A family Disease (Preview) Addiction -- A family Disease Where there is addiction within a family there is also strife between the other members not addicted. Basically there are two situations to talk about. The first concerns parents who have an addictive child. That child may or may not be an adult. The second is a scene that...	Jerry Froggie	36	913	Jun 6, 2014 by pinkchip
	Stuff I learned in Alanon... (Preview) I learned to speak, and I learned to speak for myself... I went through a long periods where I had so much to say... but in recent times this has slowed down, thankfully... In m first years I really wanted to reach out and help people who shared. I was one of those who really wanted to do my 12th step first!...	DavidG	15	698	Jun 6, 2014 by DavidG
	They don't know what they have until it's gone (Preview) My AH keeps asking me to go out with him. I have gone out a few times with him and our daughter. He usually expects more to come out of it later...but I keep saying no. Right now he isn't drinking. I don't think he is really truly sober yet, as he does not go to AA meetings and keeps NyQuil around. My sponsor say...	Newlife girl	8	458	Jun 6, 2014 by grateful2be
	So, How should I have reacted for the best? (Preview) Hi. I am brand new here.I have been living with my husband's 'drink problem' for around 9 years now. We have a 7 year old child.Until earlier this week I was still hopeful that he would change eventually and everything would be wonderful. Now I am tired of waiting and sick of excuses. Even though things...	Luiza	15	488	Jun 6, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Accomplishments .. (Preview) Well, .. I have specific challenges I face and this place really makes me stay on my toes .. I have gotten rid of a ton however there is more to go .. really my next project is filing .. that will eliminate a lot of crap and give me a little more storage. They come in and do random inspections .. ugh .. I'm reall...	SerenityRUS	9	471	Jun 6, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Lost daughter (Preview) My daughter has had a drinking problem for years. She seemed to function anyway. She even got a college education. Now that her kids have grown and left, she is barely functional. She can't work, is sick all of the time. I think her brain cells are affected, as she repeats and doesn't remember things rig...	lenii263	11	592	Jun 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	As an example .. (Preview) When you think that it won't get worse in terms of watching someone self destruct they manage to surprise you and yes it does .. what sucks is when it can affect the kids and myself. STBAX just got another judgment against him which means that he could wind up getting fired from his job. I know that there...	SerenityRUS	3	419	Jun 5, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Another good day (Preview) Busy at work but it feels good. Little hot outside now....110 degrees but I have AC The well man came and it's the pump. 3500 to replace so I'm happy we still have water. Have a meeting at 6 so I will see ya all later. (((( hugs )))	Cathyinaz	11	424	Jun 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	walking the walk (Preview) Step seven tells us to humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. I know I cant expect miracles or shortcuts, I need to do the work. Thats where jerry comes in, I hope you dont mind me mentioning you. Jerry talks about opposites a lot and my plan is to work out what the opposites are and then focus on one for a...	el-cee	9	465	Jun 5, 2014 by el-cee
	Red flags and heeding their warning (Preview) A few weeks ago, I met with a service man from a heating and cooling firm in our area to do routine maintenance on my air conditioner. He asked if I wanted him to do service on my water heater for an additional cost which made sense to me since it is 10 years old. He discovered he couldn't do the work of servi...	grateful2be	19	747	Jun 5, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	Grateful today..... (Preview) I am excited to go my next sessions at the domestic violence shelter. I just have a feeling this is what my HP needs me to advocate. It doesn't matter where you are coming from. It's where your going.	Truth	7	248	Jun 4, 2014 by Truth
	If I was a plant... (Preview) I would be snug in excellent soil with warm sunshine warming my face and able to enjoy the moment since just for today I have no obligations or outstanding issues. How lucky is that?! How simple my life can be. Sometimes I struggle with the simplicity of it all - silly me Its 8.30 in the morning here...	milkwood	9	382	Jun 4, 2014 by PP
	Patience. (Preview) Today at my f2f meeting, we went through patience. I thought I was very patient with my AH. I gave him many years of chances after all. In fact, I was not very patient with my AH for many years because I expected something from him. I did a and automatically expected b. when b did not happen, I am frustrated a...	sunshine23	10	944	Jun 4, 2014 by Truth
	progress not perfection (Preview) I finally made a decision a few nights ago. I had long conversation with my HP and decided to file for divorce. My soon to be ex ah was all talk abt divorce. He told me he was filing but he actually never did. I have a few weeks before my big move and when I leave I want to be able to leave and be free from him. Slowl...	texasgal	9	446	Jun 4, 2014 by Breakingfree
	With the help of my alanon friends and lots of meetings I feel like i turned a corner today, able to detach (Preview) Hello fellow alanoners - Today I really felt like I turned a big corner. For the past 8 months, everyone here and in the chat meetings have listened to me complain about my co worker. Today, I feel like I turned a big corner in detachment. I can't even tell you what she wore today. She has been the elephant i...	mercedes1959	9	472	Jun 4, 2014 by Breakingfree
	My feelings !!! (Preview) I'm missing my a bf already,sounds dumb,I make him leave now I'm wanting to see him I called and texted him today he said he got him a place he is gonna share a place with a guy friends 24 y/o daughter cause her roommate moved out,he said he just Got to get him a bed,it's good he is getting him his own place wit...	lookingup	11	624	Jun 4, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Should I or shouldn't I? (Preview) Well I did. On sunday I saw these two scrubbed face girls sitting at walmart with a sign. well one was standing. I stopped of course. Well they had come from Montana for a job. Older sis 26 who raised her sister 19 since she was 10. Job was given to someone else after promised to older sis. ugh. PLUS they trai...	Debilyn	11	603	Jun 4, 2014 by Debilyn
	Things I have learned in Alanon.... (Preview) Things that I learned in Al-anon from a wonderful sponser. It has been an amazing journey and it will only get better. Only a few short years ago, I would use numerous techniques that I did not even understand how it affected others. I use to mistake my feelings for others. I felt this way in a situation so...	Truth	22	1465	Jun 4, 2014 by hotrod
	caretaking (Preview) excerpt from reading one of my books written by Melodie Beattie........ It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsi...	neshema2	5	678	Jun 3, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Supposing you have been legitimately victimized... (Preview) Letting it rule your life or being obsessed about it is allowing PTSD/or the abuser to kick your ass still, or it's embracing martyrdom. Neither of which are things my higher power wants for me and am grateful to have that clarity. It was a giant step in my recovery when I began refusing to suffer through...	pinkchip	25	735	Jun 3, 2014 by pinkchip
	"You're too hard on yourself!" (Preview) I have been told three times now in the last couple of weeks that I'm too hard on myself. The first, and toughest, came when I was working my 5th step with my sponsor. At one point I had to just stop the process and say "I'm fed up!" because I was just in tears seeing my behavioral patterns over and...	Aloha	4	427	Jun 3, 2014 by Aloha
	Very grateful! (Preview) There was another court date today .. similar updated status deal .. word on the street is STBAX's atty is very over him at the moment. They are going to have to compel him to come to court to show his financials. It actually means I could be divorced sooner than later ... we will see. Sooo .. things coul...	SerenityRUS	11	467	Jun 3, 2014 by el-cee
	Failure to teach a moral code (Preview) I just read a fantastic article on parents failing to teach a moral code. I think parents now a days sometimes excuse inappropriate behavior.	Truth	16	599	Jun 3, 2014 by Beatrice
	Is this the right place? (Preview) Hello, Is Al-Anon the right place for family members of those who are using drugs? Or only alcohol? If this is not the right group, would someone kindly direct me to to the right name/group. Thanks very much!	MissingSarah	17	514	Jun 3, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Respectfully disagree.... (Preview) Well I did a lot more research on PTSD today and I have to respectfully disagree with assessments of martyrdom. This is research from the leading psychologists. KEEP IN MIND: Although it is common for people with PTSD to feel very guilty about what happened to them or the way that they acted durin...	Truth	19	789	Jun 3, 2014 by Truth
	Hi Everyone (Preview) I wanted to tell everyone I had a very happy day yesterday. I got all my chores done, made some homemade potato salad and bbq ribs that were great tasting. I went for a ride on my son's bike down the dirt road praying I wouldn't fall. As I get older I'm getting scared of riding a bike..LOL Spent the aft...	Cathyinaz	14	497	Jun 3, 2014 by Wisdom67
	Dogs and cats (Preview) I was at an Alanon meeting and I heard this analogy that was and is so me. In the beginning of my disease, I am like a dog. Always at the door listening, waiting for AH. A little pat and we are all happy. I will be so happy as long as he makes it home. At some point, we need to be like a cat. Taking care of ourselves....	sunshine23	9	421	Jun 2, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Wernicke's (Preview) Hi... It's me again. First day and 2nd topic... soooo... He went in to a detox rehab voluntarily a few weeks ago. The next day they sent him to the hospital because he complained about his leg. He was diagnosed with Wernicke's Disease. He stayed there for a week detoxing. They were going to transfer him...	Saraeisme	8	469	Jun 2, 2014 by Saraeisme
	Please help me detach (Preview) Hello all....looking for some ES&H. I really like my job. I have a co worker who is a dry A. How do I detach? She tries to abuse me on the job, to suck me into her drama. I stay out of it but she is the elephant in the living room. I am having a really hard time. The boss likes to complain about her, and says...	mercedes1959	6	608	Jun 2, 2014 by slogan_jim
	Control... (Preview) Hi. I just found this forum a few days ago. I've been to my first three f2f meetings the last three days. i know one of the three C's is control. We can't control them ..... But Saturday I took his car for the first half of the day and didn't leave him with keys to mine. I really want to take it again today. *a...	Saraeisme	5	560	Jun 2, 2014 by neshema2
	Amends - What does that really mean and how do AA's approach this (Preview) I hear a lot about making amends all the time in AA meetings I go to with my husband. I have read about it in the big book, in Al Anon books in short it is everywhere. My question is what is an Amends? My AH telling me sorry just won't cut it. He has reeked havoc in our marriage, spiritual, emotional, physical a...	Flower49	11	3272	Jun 2, 2014 by Flower49
	new to this and in desperate need for support (Preview) Hi all, Newbie here. I've been lurking and reading for a while and finally decided to make an account. Long story, kinda short...my partner told me that she wanted a break, completely out of the blue and I was blindsided by it. We have been together for 5 years and were going on 6 in a few months, were engag...	mburr	8	546	Jun 2, 2014 by Debilyn
	What are you up to, HP? And is my radar working? (Preview) The plan- Take daughter to her father's on Friday night. Go to my mothers, take a show to watch with her, sleep, go for breakfast together, go electronics shopping with middle brother (we want to build a "spirit radio", fun fun!!), have acupuncture for the first time after several failed a...	missmeliss	15	651	Jun 2, 2014 by missmeliss
	An empowering person leaves a legacy (Preview) As most of us probably knew, Maya Angelou, within the past week. As I reflect on her poetry, her books I've read, the interviews she's held, I see a child who grew up in a mess, was raped at 7, was sent back and forth to live between her grandmother and her Mom, experienced poverty, multiple types of discr...	grateful2be	14	779	Jun 1, 2014 by Breakingfree
	how am i taking care of me of late ????? (Preview) Every now and again, I like to post like "what am i grateful for" or "what did i do for me of late" kinda keeps me thinking of positive stuff OK what good stuff have i done for me??????? got a lawn mower that helps me push it so i am mowing my yard now, and getting new exercise and sa...	neshema2	5	399	Jun 1, 2014 by Breakingfree
	What am i grateful for??? (Preview) today i am grateful for: I was able to help my sponsor put together a nice letter to extend her interest only mortgage payment so we will get a year to help her sell the house, she wants to move and MAYBE i will get a roomie in a year.... I am thankful that my problem daughter and i have reached a "peacef...	neshema2	6	446	Jun 1, 2014 by Truth
	This is not personal update only (Preview) I want to thank you all for being a support to me .. I just wanted you all to know. Everything I ever said here was the truth I never fabricated my home living with my Ah. Again the RO still not working for me .. My a AH who I am divorcing has every one of mine cry for help or any chance recovery been photo copied .i...	Wisdom67	5	435	Jun 1, 2014 by hotrod
	Terminally ill mum (Preview) Hi In March my mum was given 6 months, she has laid off the alcohol until last week and is currently going through withdrawal again, This has happened countless times and she has nearly died 4 times in the last 8 years, I'm a mum, 3 kids, eldest doing exams at the moment, a wifey, and sister and have 3 jobs, n...	tattoovick	7	455	Jun 1, 2014 by tattoovick
	Son.. (Preview) Well yesterday my son privately sent me a message through Facebook. Said he is holding himself responsible and he's alive. Today he sends me another message saying he's alive and well. I just responded that he is very much loved. It kills me to know that he is choosing to live the way he is living. But I ha...	Gaby	6	530	Jun 1, 2014 by pinkchip
	Poor Choices vs Abuse (Preview) God I think so differently than most. Poor choices to me is choosing a salad vs a hamburger and fries. Choosing to not brush your teeth vs brushing them. Choosing to name call, intimidate, rage in front of a child is actually a form of child abuse. I don't consider that a poor choice. I call a spade a spad...	Truth	29	496	Jun 1, 2014 by el-cee
	A bf dropped in yesterday (Preview) He said he just got in from out of town and been working hard he was dirty,he wanted to get some. Of his clothes and shower,I asked him where he was staying he said here and there,so I dunno,why he couldn't take a bath where he was staying????any ways he was straight as far as I could tell,said he would be bac...	lookingup	13	456	Jun 1, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	how do i respond to AS "poor me" attitude? (Preview) morning all. i could use some suggestions as to my responses to my AS attitude. i have distanced myself somewhat from him and his downhill spiral. but we do talk on the phone a few times a week. conversation usually goes as follows..."mom, there is just so much on my plate right now. i can't do a...	debhud	8	1116	Jun 1, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Old fear creeping up ( 1 2 ) (Preview) Well today I have a fear creeping up, the old fear that I will not get believed. I find it so interesting that people are so willing to stand up and advocate for the alcoholic yet when I ask no one wants to get involved. What a crazy system we set up.	Truth	40	641	May 31, 2014 by Jerry F
	Keeping the Focus on Me (Preview) I've mostly been coming here and reading and benefiting from the experience, strength and hope of your shares lately. Each day seems to bring a new drama in my bf's family as well as consequences from his choices. I'm grateful for really getting what it means to detach and continue to take care of just m...	tiredtonite	5	512	May 31, 2014 by hotrod
	' when the pain of living with an alcoholic gets greater than the fear of leaving them ... (Preview) ...thats when change begins to happen' I'm in that process. I don't know about you others out there, but I have been 2 years living with an A. and I separated in very dramatic hurtful ways. Today I can say, i am happy it all ended, even if it will take me months to recover from the abuse. It has become too horr...	tortuga	14	747	May 31, 2014 by neshema2
	Day 1 (Preview) AH came home yesterday and was another person after only a week. All he talked about was the meeting an how much he learned. My only thing is getting past all the hurt. He has done some some terrible things wasted money, cheating, you name it and I'm just trying to figure out what do I do with all the hurt...	tshorty	4	282	May 31, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Still hero-worshiping egomaniacs (Preview) Well here I am again. I thought I was going to come here to offload a pity-party on to you. But after a quick think-through, I realize the real issue is me STILL not living MY life for MYSELF, but needing validation from others first and foremost. I'm not currently embroiled in any drama involving chemi...	ClearTheFog	9	371	May 31, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	o-onon for families of overeaters anonymous (Preview) are there any meetings?	sylviahenry	3	780	May 31, 2014 by DavidG
	Any chance there are Alanon Meetings in Rabat or Casablana Morocco? (Preview) I saw the post about Thailand, so I figured I would ask. We are planning an extended trip to Morocco to visit family, and my biggest concern is that I backslide. It would be a huge comfort to me to know there are meetings there. (we may eventually move). I looked online but found nothing. This is something...	sadsusie	2	496	May 30, 2014 by hotrod
	Staying stuck (Preview) I went to a meeting last night near my home. I haven't been to this particular meeting in awhile. My schedule didn't permit it. Finally, I could go. I have to admit that I sat there blinking in disbelief. There are people who have been in the program for a long, long time. The preamble includes a gu...	grateful2be	22	682	May 30, 2014 by grateful2be
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.