Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

So, after coming to a certain amount of acceptance about the way my relationship with my AH is, I started to wonder about some pretty specific things. Obviously, I want to live my life as much as possible, and I don't want to let his issues hold me back. One thing we were going to do together was learn to r...

New user name · andromeda

Hi all, this is Ilovedogs. I decided to set up a new user name and connect it to my personal email, instead of the old one which was connected to my joint email that I share with AH. I have an update, too, and I'm feeling more and more like I'm being pulled to make a real drastic change. AH was traveling this...

sadsusie · sadsusie

Now my AH is back into liquor again. Back into being belligerent again. Back into making stupid decisions '"because of the alcohol". He is having himself a pity party. He is soooo tired, poor me I haven't slept for 48 hours. (cause he drank all night and we had guests to entertain all day). an...

Jerry Froggie · Jerry Froggie

On Relationships Your relationship with others does not depend on the other person. Your own altitude toward life in general determines how others see you. A positive attitude instills confidence of you in others. Refusing to put the other person on the defensive makes them feel safe around you....

oldergal · oldergal

It seems when I have vented about someone else (alcoholic son) it turned out to be taking someone elses agenda! Regardless if it was my son or not, it was another human being. Then when I really thought about it further I wouldn't have had that vent on my mind if I would have never expected anything with in...

phoenixmagicgirl · phoenixmagicgirl

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well today. If you can indulge me for a moment, I'd like to share about my day. This morning, we had another planning meeting for the intervention..it is going well. After which, I went food shopping and out to lunch with my AM. We both had a really really good time.....

Lyne · Lyne

I was just emailing my sponsor, and realized that for years, I think I begged my spouse to spend time with me. Her priorities were never our marriage, and it is with the help of alanon, that I am breaking my codependency on her. Not that I will be great at this anytime soon, but I know that I can, actually I...

Jerry F · Jerry F

This was the subject for discussion (in part) at my morning meeting and the crowd was into it so all I had to do was sit and listen. My now sponsor was there and my former sponsors also ...in spirit; thank you God. There was a 9 year anniversary and tomorrow an 18 monther, a young man who has followed the s...

el-cee · el-cee

Has anyone ever read this play by henrik ibsen? Its all about a woman who lived to please and entertain and make the people in her life happy. A crisis occurs and she sees the reality of her life and she leaves her family to go and find herself. It was banned in many countries when it came out in the early 19th...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

This weekend is suppose to be my STBAX's visitation .. isn't this sad .. he actually gets brownie points because he took them yesterday .. on a milestone note this is the first Saturday in almost a year he's had the kids. He's suppose to have them for almost 72 hours some of which is their choice and so...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Recent posts having sparked a few debates has me thinking about the phrase - you don't have to join every argument you are invited to. Theres this guy in my town who is very bible-thumping religious and thumps on a few things as being worse than any others (um, not my perception of The Word) and he loves to...

Truth · Truth

I am so grateful today my sponsor called. I know she didn't exactly tell me everything but that is okay. I am just happy she was having a good day.

pinkchip · pinkchip

I will be getting married. After such a rocky relationship history it is strange. I can easily see how you straight people have it so much harder in some ways because I totally would have married 2 of my past partners (one of them whom I designate as my ex-A), had I been legally able to do so at that time. ...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

Been a month since i moved out. I can feel myself recovering but I know there are still a lot of underlying "injuries" I substained through the years. They are just hidden away and I will need to deal with them to enjoy full recovery. I used to wear my wedding ring on my necklace to remind myse...

Luiza · Luiza

Last night my husband came from work and he had a few drinks before coming home. He came into the bedroom to check if I was awake (I was) and then proceeded to ask questions about the fish tank...apparently the fish were acting weird. As I had made some changes to the fish tank set up - with his agreement - he...

WorkingThroughIt · WorkingThroughIt

deleted due to copyright violation

oldergal · oldergal

How does speaking my words, opinions and thoughts tie in with my recovery? Sincerely, og

Truth · Truth

I don't know if I am allowed to do this but I want to ask for prayers for the families for the recent fallen police officers in Canada. I hope their families will find peace.

missmeliss · missmeliss

Sigh. Don't even know where to begin with all of this. It might not make much sense. It might be too much about what the A is doing. It might sound like a lot of whinging. It'll certainly be long. But let me preface with, I feel OK. I know I can navigate my way through and I know HP has my back. One foot in front o...

Truth · Truth

So I had a little bit of a scare last night. I had to phone the ambulance for my three year old. He had asthma as a baby. Well he ended up with croup. However because of the asthma he gets terrified he cannot breathe. He was screaming. Well of course I got a little emotional so good thing my safety training...

sadsusie · sadsusie

My AH has been "trying" to get sober..."trying" to make things better...but wait...I'll quit next weekend. Meanwhile, my life is ticking by. I love him, but I don't like him. When he drinks I dispise being around him, and find his behavior completely belligerent and I refuse b...

Kerrymom · Kerrymom

It's amazing when you come out of depression to realize how depressed I have been. I had no idea. I'm making a conscious effort to make the most of every day, choosing to be happy and focusing on just the kids and myself. It's working, and then nighttime comes, kids are asleep, AH falls asleep in couch usu...

Truth · Truth

I have been singing my son the song "Four Hugs a Day". So yesterday when I dropped him off a daycare. I went to go give him a hug good-bye and he said "no mommy I need four".

DavidG · DavidG

There is no evidence so far that Jerry has used any copyrighted material... If it happens to be, then he should be given to option to delete them himself. it is not good Alanon to censor anyone, based simply on suspicion. Any member has the right of reply if there are any issues raised. Otherwise we mig...

neshema2 · neshema2

Wednesday's client whom i have been killing myself to clean up his books, teach his off. mgr. how to cover him b/c he is so irresponsible, well Wed. was a hay maker i never approved of him buying the office building he got b/c it isn't a good "cash cow" the debt he owes for the rent he is potentia...

el-cee · el-cee

Is it just me or has this forum got a bit manic and chaotic? It could be me, Im fed up and wanted to hear some good stuff but I just cant get into it at all. Its like there are prickly undercurrents everywhere. Manipulative people with snide comments, hidden agendas everywhere I go. At work I have a 'friend'...

neshema2 · neshema2

yep, my post on living in the right now is true blue....I am working the beejeebers out of the slogans mentioned and lots of self talk BUT today, yea, Friday is my "junk food" day and today was no exception....didn't make so much at today's job b/c it was slow...thank god the elder boss tipp...

mm830 · mm830

I feel very disoriented in my thoughts but will take a few steps back and pray for clarity. Funny how you stumble on lies sometimes, in this case a five month lie of omission. My grandmother has this saying "an ugly thing will show its head." And all her wisdom of ninety years is right. The only...

tortuga · tortuga

Good morning lovely people, I'm making progress in letting it all go. After having had several temper tantrums, and sad depressed episodes, I feel I'm resurfacing again in my new project 'life'. In fact circumstances are good, since after 2 weeks I will be moving away from here, leaving this country...

milkwood · milkwood

I'm so grateful for the arms and ESH of MIP and alanon - the difference I feel now compared to my low points a few years back is astonishing. That difference is helped by you, I really valued yesterday's feedback a lot. I slept for ten, well needed, hours last night, and woke to see a beautiful falcon flyi...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

For those of you who have decided not to get a divorce or separation, how do you cope with living with your AH? I find that reading my literature is very helpful and a private counselor helped me but I would like to hear what you do to get through the storms. I still experience anxiety, sadness and frustra...

HisMrsWright · HisMrsWright

Good morning! This morning I am thinking about a lot of things that I probably shouldnt be because its making me nervous. As an Al Anon I know we are supposed or should rather, stay on our side of the street and essentially mind our own business. What is the best way to handle situations when you suspect th...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Tonight I had a blow up with my dad. On the way home from work, I stopped by to grab a sandwich. I walked in and set it on the table. Him: "What are you doing for dinner?" Me: "Pita place" (I turn on the sink to wash m...

Debilyn · Debilyn

In our "Frequently Asked Questions," It gives us the guideline for mip. One is we follow copyright laws. This is not censorship. As mods we follow the rules, traditions etc. It's not personal. We have had ones come on only to rile things up, sell things, gossip, use horrible profanity, the...

Jerry Froggie · Jerry Froggie

Addiction -- A family Disease Where there is addiction within a family there is also strife between the other members not addicted. Basically there are two situations to talk about. The first concerns parents who have an addictive child. That child may or may not be an adult. The second is a scene that...

DavidG · DavidG

I learned to speak, and I learned to speak for myself... I went through a long periods where I had so much to say... but in recent times this has slowed down, thankfully... In m first years I really wanted to reach out and help people who shared. I was one of those who really wanted to do my 12th step first!...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

My AH keeps asking me to go out with him. I have gone out a few times with him and our daughter. He usually expects more to come out of it later...but I keep saying no. Right now he isn't drinking. I don't think he is really truly sober yet, as he does not go to AA meetings and keeps NyQuil around. My sponsor say...

Luiza · Luiza

Hi. I am brand new here.I have been living with my husband's 'drink problem' for around 9 years now. We have a 7 year old child.Until earlier this week I was still hopeful that he would change eventually and everything would be wonderful. Now I am tired of waiting and sick of excuses. Even though things...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Well, .. I have specific challenges I face and this place really makes me stay on my toes .. I have gotten rid of a ton however there is more to go .. really my next project is filing .. that will eliminate a lot of crap and give me a little more storage. They come in and do random inspections .. ugh .. I'm reall...

lenii263 · lenii263

My daughter has had a drinking problem for years. She seemed to function anyway. She even got a college education. Now that her kids have grown and left, she is barely functional. She can't work, is sick all of the time. I think her brain cells are affected, as she repeats and doesn't remember things rig...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

When you think that it won't get worse in terms of watching someone self destruct they manage to surprise you and yes it does .. what sucks is when it can affect the kids and myself. STBAX just got another judgment against him which means that he could wind up getting fired from his job. I know that there...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Busy at work but it feels good. Little hot outside now....110 degrees but I have AC

The well man came and it's the pump. 3500 to replace so I'm happy we still have water. Have a meeting at 6 so I will see ya all later. (((( hugs )))

el-cee · el-cee

Step seven tells us to humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. I know I cant expect miracles or shortcuts, I need to do the work. Thats where jerry comes in, I hope you dont mind me mentioning you. Jerry talks about opposites a lot and my plan is to work out what the opposites are and then focus on one for a...

grateful2be · grateful2be

A few weeks ago, I met with a service man from a heating and cooling firm in our area to do routine maintenance on my air conditioner. He asked if I wanted him to do service on my water heater for an additional cost which made sense to me since it is 10 years old. He discovered he couldn't do the work of servi...

Truth · Truth

I am excited to go my next sessions at the domestic violence shelter. I just have a feeling this is what my HP needs me to advocate. It doesn't matter where you are coming from. It's where your going.

milkwood · milkwood

I would be snug in excellent soil with warm sunshine warming my face and able to enjoy the moment since just for today I have no obligations or outstanding issues. How lucky is that?! How simple my life can be. Sometimes I struggle with the simplicity of it all - silly me

Its 8.30 in the morning here...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

Today at my f2f meeting, we went through patience. I thought I was very patient with my AH. I gave him many years of chances after all. In fact, I was not very patient with my AH for many years because I expected something from him. I did a and automatically expected b. when b did not happen, I am frustrated a...

texasgal · texasgal

I finally made a decision a few nights ago. I had long conversation with my HP and decided to file for divorce. My soon to be ex ah was all talk abt divorce. He told me he was filing but he actually never did. I have a few weeks before my big move and when I leave I want to be able to leave and be free from him. Slowl...

mercedes1959 · mercedes1959

Hello fellow alanoners - Today I really felt like I turned a big corner. For the past 8 months, everyone here and in the chat meetings have listened to me complain about my co worker. Today, I feel like I turned a big corner in detachment. I can't even tell you what she wore today. She has been the elephant i...

lookingup · lookingup

I'm missing my a bf already,sounds dumb,I make him leave now I'm wanting to see him I called and texted him today he said he got him a place he is gonna share a place with a guy friends 24 y/o daughter cause her roommate moved out,he said he just Got to get him a bed,it's good he is getting him his own place wit...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Well I did. On sunday I saw these two scrubbed face girls sitting at walmart with a sign. well one was standing. I stopped of course. Well they had come from Montana for a job. Older sis 26 who raised her sister 19 since she was 10. Job was given to someone else after promised to older sis. ugh. PLUS they trai...

Truth · Truth

Things that I learned in Al-anon from a wonderful sponser. It has been an amazing journey and it will only get better. Only a few short years ago, I would use numerous techniques that I did not even understand how it affected others. I use to mistake my feelings for others. I felt this way in a situation so...

neshema2 · neshema2

excerpt from reading one of my books written by Melodie Beattie........ It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsi...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Letting it rule your life or being obsessed about it is allowing PTSD/or the abuser to kick your ass still, or it's embracing martyrdom. Neither of which are things my higher power wants for me and am grateful to have that clarity. It was a giant step in my recovery when I began refusing to suffer through...

Aloha · Aloha

I have been told three times now in the last couple of weeks that I'm too hard on myself. The first, and toughest, came when I was working my 5th step with my sponsor. At one point I had to just stop the process and say "I'm fed up!" because I was just in tears seeing my behavioral patterns over and...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

There was another court date today .. similar updated status deal .. word on the street is STBAX's atty is very over him at the moment. They are going to have to compel him to come to court to show his financials. It actually means I could be divorced sooner than later ... we will see. Sooo .. things coul...

Truth · Truth

I just read a fantastic article on parents failing to teach a moral code. I think parents now a days sometimes excuse inappropriate behavior.

MissingSarah · MissingSarah

Hello, Is Al-Anon the right place for family members of those who are using drugs? Or only alcohol? If this is not the right group, would someone kindly direct me to to the right name/group. Thanks very much!

Truth · Truth

Well I did a lot more research on PTSD today and I have to respectfully disagree with assessments of martyrdom. This is research from the leading psychologists. KEEP IN MIND: Although it is common for people with PTSD to feel very guilty about what happened to them or the way that they acted durin...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

I wanted to tell everyone I had a very happy day yesterday. I got all my chores done, made some homemade potato salad and bbq ribs that were great tasting. I went for a ride on my son's bike down the dirt road praying I wouldn't fall. As I get older I'm getting scared of riding a bike..LOL Spent the aft...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	My own life - how far to take it? (Preview) So, after coming to a certain amount of acceptance about the way my relationship with my AH is, I started to wonder about some pretty specific things. Obviously, I want to live my life as much as possible, and I don't want to let his issues hold me back. One thing we were going to do together was learn to r...	SpiderArcana	6	395	Jun 9, 2014 by Mimi3
	New user name (Preview) Hi all, this is Ilovedogs. I decided to set up a new user name and connect it to my personal email, instead of the old one which was connected to my joint email that I share with AH. I have an update, too, and I'm feeling more and more like I'm being pulled to make a real drastic change. AH was traveling this...	andromeda	17	710	Jun 9, 2014 by andromeda
	I know you feel guilty and no I'm not going to say its okay. (Preview) Now my AH is back into liquor again. Back into being belligerent again. Back into making stupid decisions '"because of the alcohol". He is having himself a pity party. He is soooo tired, poor me I haven't slept for 48 hours. (cause he drank all night and we had guests to entertain all day). an...	sadsusie	15	612	Jun 9, 2014 by Breakingfree
	On Relationships ( 1 2 ) (Preview) On Relationships Your relationship with others does not depend on the other person. Your own altitude toward life in general determines how others see you. A positive attitude instills confidence of you in others. Refusing to put the other person on the defensive makes them feel safe around you....	Jerry Froggie	76	1652	Jun 9, 2014 by pinkchip
	How are taking someone else's agenda and venting and expectations alike? (Preview) It seems when I have vented about someone else (alcoholic son) it turned out to be taking someone elses agenda! Regardless if it was my son or not, it was another human being. Then when I really thought about it further I wouldn't have had that vent on my mind if I would have never expected anything with in...	oldergal	5	545	Jun 8, 2014 by grateful2be
	A very good day today :) (Preview) Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well today. If you can indulge me for a moment, I'd like to share about my day. This morning, we had another planning meeting for the intervention..it is going well. After which, I went food shopping and out to lunch with my AM. We both had a really really good time.....	phoenixmagicgirl	5	278	Jun 8, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	not begging anymore (Preview) I was just emailing my sponsor, and realized that for years, I think I begged my spouse to spend time with me. Her priorities were never our marriage, and it is with the help of alanon, that I am breaking my codependency on her. Not that I will be great at this anytime soon, but I know that I can, actually I...	Lyne	6	271	Jun 8, 2014 by Newlife girl
	Persistence (Preview) This was the subject for discussion (in part) at my morning meeting and the crowd was into it so all I had to do was sit and listen. My now sponsor was there and my former sponsors also ...in spirit; thank you God. There was a 9 year anniversary and tomorrow an 18 monther, a young man who has followed the s...	Jerry F	8	510	Jun 8, 2014 by Debilyn
	the dolls house (Preview) Has anyone ever read this play by henrik ibsen? Its all about a woman who lived to please and entertain and make the people in her life happy. A crisis occurs and she sees the reality of her life and she leaves her family to go and find herself. It was banned in many countries when it came out in the early 19th...	el-cee	19	455	Jun 8, 2014 by Truth
	Visitation Vent .. (Preview) This weekend is suppose to be my STBAX's visitation .. isn't this sad .. he actually gets brownie points because he took them yesterday .. on a milestone note this is the first Saturday in almost a year he's had the kids. He's suppose to have them for almost 72 hours some of which is their choice and so...	SerenityRUS	17	390	Jun 8, 2014 by grateful2be
	Opinions (not sure this is a great subject title, ha! but its gotta have a title eh?0 ( 1 2 ) (Preview) Recent posts having sparked a few debates has me thinking about the phrase - you don't have to join every argument you are invited to. Theres this guy in my town who is very bible-thumping religious and thumps on a few things as being worse than any others (um, not my perception of The Word) and he loves to...	likemyheart	49	1027	Jun 8, 2014 by oldergal
	My sponsor called.. (Preview) I am so grateful today my sponsor called. I know she didn't exactly tell me everything but that is okay. I am just happy she was having a good day.	Truth	2	239	Jun 8, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	In less than a month (Preview) I will be getting married. After such a rocky relationship history it is strange. I can easily see how you straight people have it so much harder in some ways because I totally would have married 2 of my past partners (one of them whom I designate as my ex-A), had I been legally able to do so at that time. ...	pinkchip	17	525	Jun 8, 2014 by grateful2be
	Holding on (Preview) Been a month since i moved out. I can feel myself recovering but I know there are still a lot of underlying "injuries" I substained through the years. They are just hidden away and I will need to deal with them to enjoy full recovery. I used to wear my wedding ring on my necklace to remind myse...	sunshine23	14	495	Jun 8, 2014 by grateful2be
	Don't stress me out... (Preview) Last night my husband came from work and he had a few drinks before coming home. He came into the bedroom to check if I was awake (I was) and then proceeded to ask questions about the fish tank...apparently the fish were acting weird. As I had made some changes to the fish tank set up - with his agreement - he...	Luiza	4	342	Jun 8, 2014 by grateful2be
	One Day At A Time - June 8 (Preview) deleted due to copyright violation	WorkingThroughIt	0	281	Jun 8, 2014 by WorkingThroughIt
	Question (Preview) How does speaking my words, opinions and thoughts tie in with my recovery? Sincerely, og	oldergal	8	414	Jun 8, 2014 by Debilyn
	Express condolences .... (Preview) I don't know if I am allowed to do this but I want to ask for prayers for the families for the recent fallen police officers in Canada. I hope their families will find peace.	Truth	4	303	Jun 8, 2014 by Debilyn
	It never rains but.. (Preview) Sigh. Don't even know where to begin with all of this. It might not make much sense. It might be too much about what the A is doing. It might sound like a lot of whinging. It'll certainly be long. But let me preface with, I feel OK. I know I can navigate my way through and I know HP has my back. One foot in front o...	missmeliss	7	528	Jun 8, 2014 by milkwood
	Grateful it turned out okay..... (Preview) So I had a little bit of a scare last night. I had to phone the ambulance for my three year old. He had asthma as a baby. Well he ended up with croup. However because of the asthma he gets terrified he cannot breathe. He was screaming. Well of course I got a little emotional so good thing my safety training...	Truth	14	569	Jun 7, 2014 by grateful2be
	I love you is not enough... (Preview) My AH has been "trying" to get sober..."trying" to make things better...but wait...I'll quit next weekend. Meanwhile, my life is ticking by. I love him, but I don't like him. When he drinks I dispise being around him, and find his behavior completely belligerent and I refuse b...	sadsusie	10	568	Jun 7, 2014 by sadsusie
	In the still of the night (Preview) It's amazing when you come out of depression to realize how depressed I have been. I had no idea. I'm making a conscious effort to make the most of every day, choosing to be happy and focusing on just the kids and myself. It's working, and then nighttime comes, kids are asleep, AH falls asleep in couch usu...	Kerrymom	7	371	Jun 7, 2014 by milkwood
	K I got a cute story.... (Preview) I have been singing my son the song "Four Hugs a Day". So yesterday when I dropped him off a daycare. I went to go give him a hug good-bye and he said "no mommy I need four".	Truth	4	287	Jun 7, 2014 by Truth
	Tradition One- conscience issue... new member to board... ( 1 2 ) (Preview) There is no evidence so far that Jerry has used any copyrighted material... If it happens to be, then he should be given to option to delete them himself. it is not good Alanon to censor anyone, based simply on suspicion. Any member has the right of reply if there are any issues raised. Otherwise we mig...	DavidG	41	951	Jun 7, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	why it is sooo important to live in the RIGHT NOW (Preview) Wednesday's client whom i have been killing myself to clean up his books, teach his off. mgr. how to cover him b/c he is so irresponsible, well Wed. was a hay maker i never approved of him buying the office building he got b/c it isn't a good "cash cow" the debt he owes for the rent he is potentia...	neshema2	5	321	Jun 7, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	Manipulation (Preview) Is it just me or has this forum got a bit manic and chaotic? It could be me, Im fed up and wanted to hear some good stuff but I just cant get into it at all. Its like there are prickly undercurrents everywhere. Manipulative people with snide comments, hidden agendas everywhere I go. At work I have a 'friend'...	el-cee	18	615	Jun 7, 2014 by el-cee
	I'd be lying if i said I wasn't a "Tad" worried (Preview) yep, my post on living in the right now is true blue....I am working the beejeebers out of the slogans mentioned and lots of self talk BUT today, yea, Friday is my "junk food" day and today was no exception....didn't make so much at today's job b/c it was slow...thank god the elder boss tipp...	neshema2	6	633	Jun 7, 2014 by el-cee
	HP reveals deception when it is time... (Preview) I feel very disoriented in my thoughts but will take a few steps back and pray for clarity. Funny how you stumble on lies sometimes, in this case a five month lie of omission. My grandmother has this saying "an ugly thing will show its head." And all her wisdom of ninety years is right. The only...	mm830	9	561	Jun 7, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	why do we go back? (Preview) Good morning lovely people, I'm making progress in letting it all go. After having had several temper tantrums, and sad depressed episodes, I feel I'm resurfacing again in my new project 'life'. In fact circumstances are good, since after 2 weeks I will be moving away from here, leaving this country...	tortuga	9	581	Jun 7, 2014 by el-cee
	Charting progress (Preview) I'm so grateful for the arms and ESH of MIP and alanon - the difference I feel now compared to my low points a few years back is astonishing. That difference is helped by you, I really valued yesterday's feedback a lot. I slept for ten, well needed, hours last night, and woke to see a beautiful falcon flyi...	milkwood	5	347	Jun 7, 2014 by Kerrymom
	Advice - How to cope with living with AH? (Preview) For those of you who have decided not to get a divorce or separation, how do you cope with living with your AH? I find that reading my literature is very helpful and a private counselor helped me but I would like to hear what you do to get through the storms. I still experience anxiety, sadness and frustra...	wifeofalcoholic	11	645	Jun 6, 2014 by hopes314
	How do I handle nervousness? (Preview) Good morning! This morning I am thinking about a lot of things that I probably shouldnt be because its making me nervous. As an Al Anon I know we are supposed or should rather, stay on our side of the street and essentially mind our own business. What is the best way to handle situations when you suspect th...	HisMrsWright	9	417	Jun 6, 2014 by Jerry F
	Apparently I am rude... (Preview) Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Tonight I had a blow up with my dad. On the way home from work, I stopped by to grab a sandwich. I walked in and set it on the table. Him: "What are you doing for dinner?" Me: "Pita place" (I turn on the sink to wash m...	slogan_jim	4	362	Jun 6, 2014 by Mattie
	Censoring vs. following mip rules (Preview) In our "Frequently Asked Questions," It gives us the guideline for mip. One is we follow copyright laws. This is not censorship. As mods we follow the rules, traditions etc. It's not personal. We have had ones come on only to rile things up, sell things, gossip, use horrible profanity, the...	Debilyn	1	380	Jun 6, 2014 by hotrod
	Addiction -- A family Disease (Preview) Addiction -- A family Disease Where there is addiction within a family there is also strife between the other members not addicted. Basically there are two situations to talk about. The first concerns parents who have an addictive child. That child may or may not be an adult. The second is a scene that...	Jerry Froggie	36	924	Jun 6, 2014 by pinkchip
	Stuff I learned in Alanon... (Preview) I learned to speak, and I learned to speak for myself... I went through a long periods where I had so much to say... but in recent times this has slowed down, thankfully... In m first years I really wanted to reach out and help people who shared. I was one of those who really wanted to do my 12th step first!...	DavidG	15	715	Jun 6, 2014 by DavidG
	They don't know what they have until it's gone (Preview) My AH keeps asking me to go out with him. I have gone out a few times with him and our daughter. He usually expects more to come out of it later...but I keep saying no. Right now he isn't drinking. I don't think he is really truly sober yet, as he does not go to AA meetings and keeps NyQuil around. My sponsor say...	Newlife girl	8	473	Jun 6, 2014 by grateful2be
	So, How should I have reacted for the best? (Preview) Hi. I am brand new here.I have been living with my husband's 'drink problem' for around 9 years now. We have a 7 year old child.Until earlier this week I was still hopeful that he would change eventually and everything would be wonderful. Now I am tired of waiting and sick of excuses. Even though things...	Luiza	15	501	Jun 6, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Accomplishments .. (Preview) Well, .. I have specific challenges I face and this place really makes me stay on my toes .. I have gotten rid of a ton however there is more to go .. really my next project is filing .. that will eliminate a lot of crap and give me a little more storage. They come in and do random inspections .. ugh .. I'm reall...	SerenityRUS	9	489	Jun 6, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Lost daughter (Preview) My daughter has had a drinking problem for years. She seemed to function anyway. She even got a college education. Now that her kids have grown and left, she is barely functional. She can't work, is sick all of the time. I think her brain cells are affected, as she repeats and doesn't remember things rig...	lenii263	11	605	Jun 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	As an example .. (Preview) When you think that it won't get worse in terms of watching someone self destruct they manage to surprise you and yes it does .. what sucks is when it can affect the kids and myself. STBAX just got another judgment against him which means that he could wind up getting fired from his job. I know that there...	SerenityRUS	3	440	Jun 5, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Another good day (Preview) Busy at work but it feels good. Little hot outside now....110 degrees but I have AC The well man came and it's the pump. 3500 to replace so I'm happy we still have water. Have a meeting at 6 so I will see ya all later. (((( hugs )))	Cathyinaz	11	440	Jun 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	walking the walk (Preview) Step seven tells us to humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. I know I cant expect miracles or shortcuts, I need to do the work. Thats where jerry comes in, I hope you dont mind me mentioning you. Jerry talks about opposites a lot and my plan is to work out what the opposites are and then focus on one for a...	el-cee	9	483	Jun 5, 2014 by el-cee
	Red flags and heeding their warning (Preview) A few weeks ago, I met with a service man from a heating and cooling firm in our area to do routine maintenance on my air conditioner. He asked if I wanted him to do service on my water heater for an additional cost which made sense to me since it is 10 years old. He discovered he couldn't do the work of servi...	grateful2be	19	762	Jun 5, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	Grateful today..... (Preview) I am excited to go my next sessions at the domestic violence shelter. I just have a feeling this is what my HP needs me to advocate. It doesn't matter where you are coming from. It's where your going.	Truth	7	262	Jun 4, 2014 by Truth
	If I was a plant... (Preview) I would be snug in excellent soil with warm sunshine warming my face and able to enjoy the moment since just for today I have no obligations or outstanding issues. How lucky is that?! How simple my life can be. Sometimes I struggle with the simplicity of it all - silly me Its 8.30 in the morning here...	milkwood	9	400	Jun 4, 2014 by PP
	Patience. (Preview) Today at my f2f meeting, we went through patience. I thought I was very patient with my AH. I gave him many years of chances after all. In fact, I was not very patient with my AH for many years because I expected something from him. I did a and automatically expected b. when b did not happen, I am frustrated a...	sunshine23	10	969	Jun 4, 2014 by Truth
	progress not perfection (Preview) I finally made a decision a few nights ago. I had long conversation with my HP and decided to file for divorce. My soon to be ex ah was all talk abt divorce. He told me he was filing but he actually never did. I have a few weeks before my big move and when I leave I want to be able to leave and be free from him. Slowl...	texasgal	9	460	Jun 4, 2014 by Breakingfree
	With the help of my alanon friends and lots of meetings I feel like i turned a corner today, able to detach (Preview) Hello fellow alanoners - Today I really felt like I turned a big corner. For the past 8 months, everyone here and in the chat meetings have listened to me complain about my co worker. Today, I feel like I turned a big corner in detachment. I can't even tell you what she wore today. She has been the elephant i...	mercedes1959	9	485	Jun 4, 2014 by Breakingfree
	My feelings !!! (Preview) I'm missing my a bf already,sounds dumb,I make him leave now I'm wanting to see him I called and texted him today he said he got him a place he is gonna share a place with a guy friends 24 y/o daughter cause her roommate moved out,he said he just Got to get him a bed,it's good he is getting him his own place wit...	lookingup	11	637	Jun 4, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Should I or shouldn't I? (Preview) Well I did. On sunday I saw these two scrubbed face girls sitting at walmart with a sign. well one was standing. I stopped of course. Well they had come from Montana for a job. Older sis 26 who raised her sister 19 since she was 10. Job was given to someone else after promised to older sis. ugh. PLUS they trai...	Debilyn	11	617	Jun 4, 2014 by Debilyn
	Things I have learned in Alanon.... (Preview) Things that I learned in Al-anon from a wonderful sponser. It has been an amazing journey and it will only get better. Only a few short years ago, I would use numerous techniques that I did not even understand how it affected others. I use to mistake my feelings for others. I felt this way in a situation so...	Truth	22	1485	Jun 4, 2014 by hotrod
	caretaking (Preview) excerpt from reading one of my books written by Melodie Beattie........ It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsi...	neshema2	5	700	Jun 3, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Supposing you have been legitimately victimized... (Preview) Letting it rule your life or being obsessed about it is allowing PTSD/or the abuser to kick your ass still, or it's embracing martyrdom. Neither of which are things my higher power wants for me and am grateful to have that clarity. It was a giant step in my recovery when I began refusing to suffer through...	pinkchip	25	749	Jun 3, 2014 by pinkchip
	"You're too hard on yourself!" (Preview) I have been told three times now in the last couple of weeks that I'm too hard on myself. The first, and toughest, came when I was working my 5th step with my sponsor. At one point I had to just stop the process and say "I'm fed up!" because I was just in tears seeing my behavioral patterns over and...	Aloha	4	441	Jun 3, 2014 by Aloha
	Very grateful! (Preview) There was another court date today .. similar updated status deal .. word on the street is STBAX's atty is very over him at the moment. They are going to have to compel him to come to court to show his financials. It actually means I could be divorced sooner than later ... we will see. Sooo .. things coul...	SerenityRUS	11	481	Jun 3, 2014 by el-cee
	Failure to teach a moral code (Preview) I just read a fantastic article on parents failing to teach a moral code. I think parents now a days sometimes excuse inappropriate behavior.	Truth	16	612	Jun 3, 2014 by Beatrice
	Is this the right place? (Preview) Hello, Is Al-Anon the right place for family members of those who are using drugs? Or only alcohol? If this is not the right group, would someone kindly direct me to to the right name/group. Thanks very much!	MissingSarah	17	532	Jun 3, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Respectfully disagree.... (Preview) Well I did a lot more research on PTSD today and I have to respectfully disagree with assessments of martyrdom. This is research from the leading psychologists. KEEP IN MIND: Although it is common for people with PTSD to feel very guilty about what happened to them or the way that they acted durin...	Truth	19	810	Jun 3, 2014 by Truth
	Hi Everyone (Preview) I wanted to tell everyone I had a very happy day yesterday. I got all my chores done, made some homemade potato salad and bbq ribs that were great tasting. I went for a ride on my son's bike down the dirt road praying I wouldn't fall. As I get older I'm getting scared of riding a bike..LOL Spent the aft...	Cathyinaz	14	513	Jun 3, 2014 by Wisdom67
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.