The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.
There have been a lot of good things happening in my life as of late. it's an opportunity for me to finally look back on my life and say wow, all this hard work maybe really was worth it. I have some many advantages that other don't and I am in a situation that will allow me to grow and progress and I am very grateful for that.
However, I am scared. I am scared that I am being left to do all these things myself, with no template, with little guidance. What if I screw-up? what if in all of my happy state I am being taken advantage of and don't realize it? What if I do something or say something that will screw it up? Part of me still think that the stage I am at in life seems to good to be true.
Part of me wants to celebrate but I still feel like I am slightly missing the mark. Like I am just not taken seriously. I feel like I am doing this on the skin of my teeth. I feel like a fraud. I know it sounds weird to think that someone whose worked for all he has is a fraud, but I feel like buying a home will make me look far more successful than I feel I am.
I don't feel like a success. Is this what it feels like? I never had a template to follow to be successful. I don't want to go in over my head. My family does not have a solid history of things turning out well....
I want some love in my life. I want a life partner, not just a friend with benefits, someone I can see myself with the rest of my life. For that, I will have to take any relationship one day at a time. I am learning that I can't expect any woman to fill the void left by my mother. Lately, I have been talking to people wherever I go. Meetings, work, out and about, just to get a feel for it and train my mind to not be afraid to socialize, especially with women. It's been great so far.
Wow slogan Jim, this is a great post from you, and I would of so liked a template too, I can also relate to the family history of things not turning out well, and of being scared when good things do, and yes you may screw up, but don't we all? I know I do, everything you are learning to do by yourself is making you stronger and with practice the self doubt will lesson, and when you do screw up as we all do, you will be able to pick yourself up dust yourself down and carry on, I love that alanon saying, become what you want to attract.
Everyone deserves to love and feel loved, I am so proud of your creating your own personal sloganjim template, it's one I would borrow anytime with pleasure, good things come to those that wait, this is your time, ENJOY! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Jim, You know what's great about not having a template? You get to make your own!! There are young people that would love to try that but are hemmed in too much by parental, societal, and peer expectations. Or at least that's what they think, but you already know better.
Go define a new template. Think long and hard about what *you* think success is and go for it! Maybe you decide to use someone else's standard, that's ok as long as * you* decided to use it!
Go do great things
Kenny
-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Monday 12th of May 2014 11:14:10 PM
I was wondering about you yesterday, because I hadn't seen a post in a few. You are loved here by your MIP family! And although our FOO leave us with a huge hole within us sometimes, we can fill it up with HP and our al-anon friends love, healthy love from people. I am glad you have this opportunity and you are no fraud, you work a great program and have lots of love and support coming from more than just me! You are a success in my eyes!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I love what you had to say jim and I can relate so much to that feeling of impending doom, everything is going well but its just about to go bad, as if there is limited amount of the good stuff and then bang its ran out and time for the bad stuff. I lived and still can at times live this way. Its working the program that has helped me, in november one of my nightmares came true, the kind of thing I have been fearing for years and pre alanon I know I would have sunk into the pit, depression, self pity, resentment, anger but I didn't, I actually took it in my stride and after the initial shock wore off I still appreciated all the good in my life, even carried on enjoying my life. I think when I look back that is the marker of my progress in alanon. I used the tools, I prayed, reached out to the fellowship, readings, slogans.
Challenges will continue but its how you face them that counts, let them pass over while you keep on with all that your doing, younare doing great, you are reaping the rewards of all the hard work in all aspects of your life. Im happy for you jim, enjoy.x
I understand that the void your looking for is in that one woman. I in my own way have been doing the same thing, however, looking for the void from an absent father. Always looking for a man to make me feel validated w/unconditional love. For myself someone strong minded and very protective. All the qualities that I could only imagine. I have chosen men whom have had more issues than I could possible imagine. Causing me more emotional pain than I ever thought I could endure. Somehow recreating what I have so much wished for my entire life. I know now that I am not alone. Many of us have and cont. unhealthy relationships. I have gotten in relationships that they always had some sort of addiction. Thinking that if they really loved me enough they would give up their addiction. I have been so disappointed in the time & energy I have spent in some sort of fantasy of what I wanted to become reality. Instead of realizing that reality is I have in my own way been trying to control them by desperately trying to get them to see things my way. I just accepted all their misdoings in the beginning because they somehow made me feel something that I had been missing over looking all the warning signs. My point is that so many of us have this void in which we want so badly to have filled. I completely understand where your coming from.
