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Living with an Alcoholic
(Preview)
When the river of denial faded, I woke up to find an alcoholic who I allowed to enmesh my life. I realized I didn't have any friends and he kept me to himself. Wow.. I ran to alnon. I have been married for 14 years to an alcoholic. About 3 years ago, I got on his case and suggested that he might be drinking too...
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jpebbles
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10
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920
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wife,don't fail me.
(Preview)
its very hard to get rid of an a. Mine won't go. Just flat out will.not.go. And without creating a violent scene, I'm not sure how to force it. Let me be clear that the violence would probably be mine,as I am a volatile person when I feel caged.though I heard something great from a fellow alanoner,who advi...
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aquamom23
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17
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1022
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Feeling alone, need to get this off my chest
(Preview)
I writing this here because I'm not sure if I'll ever get it out - and at this point I feel so incredibly alone. I know that I have not been a good person. I have lied. A lot. And I have not been true to myself, or others. I have not been a good wife, and I can't really tell you why. But I haven't. Maybe I'm just not a...
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HockeyMom25
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15
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758
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Married women past or present reaction
(Preview)
Mahalo to my MIP sisters for the input, the honest shares in this post started by Aquamom. Honestly I've read thru it several times because of the open honesty you all brought to it. The last couple of times I read it with my heart and not my head which is where men often come from and I get to remember ge...
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Jerry F
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8
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646
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HP puts people in your life for a reason
(Preview)
I was reading a book that discusses how people you come across are there for a reason. Today I got a reminder of why I left AH. There was a man in front of me at the store who smelled strongly of alcohol and he was buying more. I felt nervous and sick to my stomach. Thank you HP for another reminder of why I choo...
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Newlife girl
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5
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616
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How did this happen??? last week I am thinking I am agnostic---This week I am the defense for HP????
(Preview)
So its been what....a week ?? a bit more??? Since one of the deepest posts I have written was submitted??? I am struggling w/ the HP thingy and you all had to spiritually "shore me up" so I could get a perspective??? Well WHO in their wildest dreams would want ME to share with them steps 2, 3, or...
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neshema2
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7
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505
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Not if I can help it...
(Preview)
That might sound like the motto of the enabler and the fixer and it carries though years of recovery and input from my sponsorship. "If I can help it" means today that I will think it thru before making whatever decision I need to make in order to get the consequence I'm looking for. Thin...
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Jerry F
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10
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1133
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Do you think it's "different" when the A is your adult child?
(Preview)
Whether your child is "a child" (when it is understood that you have full responsibility as a parent to care and provide for that child), or your child is "an adult" ( adult in years, but perhaps that child never assumed adult responsibility for him or herself?), you and that chi...
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lgnutah
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7
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577
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is he going to speed up his death??? is this REAL??? either way, step one, here I come!!!
(Preview)
Called my A brother yesterday....I had a "feeling" when he called me and left VM... So I call him and he says "haaay sissy, glad you called me back" and the convo seemed to go "ok" for a while...and then the bombshell.. Rewind just for a bit: Don't know if i told you a mon...
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neshema2
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13
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688
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married women past or present
(Preview)
is it really possible to detach from an alcoholic and still be married? How? I struggle with this. I don't believe I enable my husband by taking his consequences on his behalf. I don't lie for him,cover for him or any of that. I have over the last year been flying off the handle when he breaks promises and g...
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aquamom23
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31
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1379
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A bit nervous.
(Preview)
Remember when I was expecting a visit from a social worker last week? Well, that didn't happen last week but today instead. The Social Worker came here to visit, she is a very nice lady. She asked daughter a few questions about what makes her nervous/sad/unhappy etc and daughter mentioned 'fighting g...
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Luiza
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7
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729
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weekend: time to relax!
(Preview)
Just to make a note today: I had a wonderful weekend to relax & enjoy. After my day Friday. I felt the blessings of God even further. I am truly blessed & I had to share it. It resonated w/ me all weekend & even today. What a joy it is when things go my way. I am not going to let the negative spill int...
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Hoot Nanny
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2
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336
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Shutting down when he drinks
(Preview)
I usually react to his drinking in a less than graceful way and he seems self centered as indicated in the disease of addictions. I met him and married him knowing of his addictions, but not his alcohol addiction. It's not every day to my knowledge but when I ask, he become agitated and I end up frustrate...
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hunyboo74
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6
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823
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Detaching with love
(Preview)
....for me means, no more giving advice, no lectures, nagging, no guilt tripping, emotional blackmail, no more tears, trying to control or fix, it means live and let live. Allowing the alcoholic the full affects of their disease. This is the kindest thing and loving thing we can do, anything else is...
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el-cee
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25
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1017
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New Here - admitting I need help
(Preview)
I find myself struggling with the fact that I am seeking out help to deal with the situation that I never thought I would find myself in: being in a relationship with an alcoholic. I think I'm finally ready to admit that I can't continue doing this on my own, despite how strong and capable I like to think t...
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orchidlife
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11
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731
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Al anon gives you tools to use in life...sometimes it has nothing to do with alcohol
(Preview)
So...I was with my sister today. I am trying to teach her Al anon tools when dealing with her husband. He is not alcoholic. anyway, he can really pick on my sister. today she was washing grapes for the kids to eat. He told her she was doing it wrong, and she should have wiped them off with a paper towel too. Sh...
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Newlife girl
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6
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607
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new experience
(Preview)
AlAnon has taught many tools that I use on a daily basis that help me through the day. However I was not prepared for the serenity have been experiencing. I love this peaceful feeling. I've always lived my life in chaos. Since I started the program bits of peace and happiness started to enter my life and n...
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texasgal
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4
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335
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Being in control.
(Preview)
This is my first time with Alanon. I've been going a little crazy thinking I need to fix everything.... I'm feeling much better now just knowing I don't need to control it anymore. Just let the chips fall where they may. I'm. Starting here and eventually I will go to a real live meeting.
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Birdofparadise
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26
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1098
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Presence and a child as teacher
(Preview)
Two days in a row I have driven to our local buy all that you need, want and don't want zoo. Both days I have noticed the noisy overhead music, the busy bustling of customers pushing carts, yelling on cellphones, impatiently waiting for another customer to move away from the shelf that holds the waitin...
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grateful2be
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8
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810
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3 gains.
(Preview)
Oooh Catherine just suggested in a post the idea of looking at 3 "gains" we have made since deciding to move on. I like this idea very much and I think I'll add it to my daily al-anon exercises. It's a goody. So here is my first one. I have gained the freedom to be happy, or sad, or grumpy or giggly o...
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missmeliss
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7
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802
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frozen
(Preview)
It's freaking cold here in ole Oregon. I think back to other winters being stuck with a sick A who never smiled and how heavy it made me inside. Well now i am heavy on the outside from being too happy. lol Life is good, a couple friends and I rescued four pot bellied pigs from being eaten, gross. So I am enjoyi...
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Debilyn
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7
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607
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Today I am grateful.
(Preview)
Today I am grateful. For being in a house where one can sing a silly song at the top of ones lungs, and other voices will chime in from somewhere in the house. For example whilst I was cooking dinner tonight I inadvertently began quietly singing "one potato two potato three potato four" and a f...
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missmeliss
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11
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678
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I feel defeated
(Preview)
These last few days have been really hard. I finally have divorce papers in my hand, ready to have AH served. I just have to call a process server because I've decided not to have anyone I know serve him the papers. the papers are giving me flashbacks of when my ex mother in law handed me divorce papers from...
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Newlife girl
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16
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761
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Advise needed for strength...
(Preview)
My husband and I have been arguing and ignoring one another for the past week because I caught him drinking vodka that he was hiding in his truck. He works really long hours and I think it's because he does'nt want to be around me at home. He has promised AGAIN that he is done with vodka but I have heard it a th...
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jmc
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10
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742
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trying to understand the process
(Preview)
Oh boy I know I have lots to learn, but what i am learning is confusing me , why must I accept and why must i be the one to change , I am not a drinker , I do not abuse, I care deep and love deep only to be abused by an alcoholic, not only an alcholic but a workaolic why can't he change , why can't he see that he is about t...
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Compliments
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9
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674
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HP at work
(Preview)
So, I am going to make this brief. I am so grateful for the timing of God & how he works in my life. Yesterday I broke a tooth. I was wondering if it could be fixed so I made a call to the local clinic. I was very surprised to hear that they would take me in not like they haven't before. Anyhow I had to travel 60...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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728
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We hold these truths to be self-evident...
(Preview)
...that the A will be in denial, and that we will always be tempted just to 'explain' how their addiction is damaging so they will wise up. I can see that A's never wholly lose the temptation to drink - constant vigilence is necessary - and I never lose the temptation to tell my A how harmful his actions are...
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Mattie
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14
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796
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it doesnt get any easier
(Preview)
Welll. . Its saturday nite. My daughter is not home tonight and my ah claims to be on his way home. Which for him on a saturd is pretty unusual. Hes typically out doing his thing. Its been a rough week. . Long story there but the last few days have been down right tense. He is in chronc pain, tryong to drink les...
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Theoceancalls
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13
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914
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Healing
(Preview)
It feels so good to be healing emotionally. I have not lived with my dry ah for 4 months. He still acts the same toward me but i am not subjected to it constantly so i have slowly begun to heal. He acts normal to other people and situations just not with me or about me. It is very hard to heal when you are in th...
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Mirandac
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13
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643
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Power over Alcohol
(Preview)
I understand and fully accept that I am absolutely powerless over my husband's addiction to alcohol. I am powerless over what it does and is doing to him, BUT, I am not powerless over what it does to me, not any longer. I can choose to continue burying my head in the sand and live in the illusion that I can...
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cloudyskies
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14
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853
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anxiety and boundaries
(Preview)
I feel anxious today,my ex called again last night,I did not answer the phone.I have made it very clear on several occasions that I was done with this relationship.He is also good friends with my neighbor and he has been calling him and asking him what I am doing!He said he doesn't tell him anything,I ho...
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mjferg
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7
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932
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Recovery
(Preview)
Recovery, what is it? What does it look like? How can I get it? I looked at many definitions, many of which applied to alcohol and drug addiction. Since I am not an alcoholic nor am I addicted to drugs (still working on my caffeine addiction), I was not comfortable with these definitions. Then, I found th...
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cloudyskies
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6
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547
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But I don't WANNA go to school tomorrow...
(Preview)
I am sleepless tonight, I am meant to have class in 6 hours or so and I am just turning it over and over in my mind. One of the biggest gifts I think i have received in al-anon so far (and there have been SO many) is the ability to handle the truth instead of trying to manipulate and sugar coat it. Even if it makes...
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missmeliss
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15
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929
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CAL Approved Al Anon Meeting in a Pocket?
(Preview)
Can anyone tell me where one can find an a CAL approved Al Anon Meeting in a Pocket? AA has a couple of Meeting in a Pocket books available to all. I have a draft that our home group is using and really finds helpful.
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tucanojk
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2
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645
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Today I feel resentful...
(Preview)
Well I must have hit another wave today ....because after months now I finally feel resentful. Funny how that happens... Before I just felt scared, unsafe and angry enough to make a change and put in boundaries.
Then I started to observe behaviors and really started to figure out what I liked and don...
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Truth
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14
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864
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TIRED/LONELY WIFE OF AH 25YRS
(Preview)
Have anyone of you were so emotionally tired and lonely that u made up fantasies about people u know who would make a partner.?
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YARNCRAZY
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9
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933
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Be careful about what you ask HP for
(Preview)
Today I get up and I say "Good morning Creator, how can i be of service today??? How can I bring smiles to at least one face??? Let me give laughter and joy today" and I thanked Creator... Went to work in the freezing cold, its like 30% out and thats pressing it....I arrive at work and everyone...
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neshema2
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4
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639
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On shame - and cats
(Preview)
In my spare bedroom/office, there is a white duvet over the twin bed with pillow slips to match. For accent and whimsy, I've placed a large, plush Christmas elf with moveable floppy arms and legs. The doll is about one foot and a half long and maybe six inches across the middle of her chest. I have not...
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grateful2be
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20
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893
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A campfire story
(Preview)
An old Cherokee grandfather was talking with his grandson near a warm campfire that lit up the night. They could hear the wolves howling in the night. Grandfather said: "There are two wolves in each of us. There's a battle raging between them. One is evil - he represents fear, doubt, self-p...
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grateful2be
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20
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779
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I just kind of need a break!
(Preview)
This semester so far I has been rough and I am currently taking a clinical and 2 lecture classes until right before Christmas. I have a fun trip planned for 3 nights with the boyfriend and kids after Christmas and before my next classes start January 5. When I say I need a break, I just mean for the crapp...
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Breakingfree
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11
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934
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When I THINK I need someone "that bad" I need to trust and think again!!!
(Preview)
don't know if I told you all ANOTHER of my refurbs i was buying from this guy went down 2 weeks ago...it was my work machine....i was in a panic!!!! my quickbooks was on it, my tax stuff....disaster city... i text the guy b/c i don't have time to fix it and he doesn't reply...its business hours so no worrie...
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neshema2
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14
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606
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manipulation!
(Preview)
I haven't posted in a while,I came down with a bad head cold so I kind of just shut down and gave myself permission to deal with my cold and not stress about emotions or recovery.I received a phone call from my ex, it had been a while since I talked to him, well, I answered the phone and it was pretty much the sa...
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mjferg
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6
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549
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what can i do
(Preview)
I found out my spouse has been drinking again. I feel like I am teetering on crazy. The lies.. unbelievable! Is it possible to raise 3 kids on my own with no family support? What do i do stay in a marriage because I can't afford a lawyer. So scared to be in a marriage like this. I just have no good choices i...
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hopes314
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7
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759
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A closet Agnostic??
(
1 2
)
(Preview)
I think I have been a closet agnostic all these years and due to some sort of shame or sense of failure or just thinking I am less then b/c I cannot really embrace a diety outside of myselfI stayed in the closet, hoping that program could help me find G-d as referenced in the 12 steps, not understanding that...
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neshema2
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55
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1575
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What did I do in caring for me TODAY????
(Preview)
TODAY I slept in and stayed warm on my day off, curled up in my blankets dreaming of happy things did laundry for my pets, washed their favorite towels on which they cuddle during cold season jacked up the heat JUST a BIT to treat me while I did my laundry Made myself a GREAT shake, now with peanut butter in i...
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neshema2
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8
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734
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fell out with alanon
(Preview)
Sorry about my last post, confusing as it was. Ive kind of got peed off with alanon lately. Ive been working it for nearly 3 years, I love it, its changed my life but... im Still working it, im not cured. I know this is not rational or logic. High expectations are dodgy. Ive realised my shortcomings that he...
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el-cee
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17
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770
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if only I could remember what I forgot!
(Preview)
This will be a quick post. I am losing things & finding things & losing things again. I have no control over what happens. My mind is going slowly. But, I still have good days of course. Sometimes I have bad weeks! I am just going through a time. I am not going to keep things from my AH. He is not a thre...
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Hoot Nanny
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5
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599
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My husband is an alcoholic
(Preview)
Wow, So, I am new here and not even sure if I am in the right place. I am slowly coming to terms that my husband ,of over 11 years ,is an alcoholic. My heart is broke. He hides vodka all of the time and is always sorry about his lies but constantly continues to repeat the same mistakes over and over and over. We h...
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jmc
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19
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894
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Lost my serenity a little bit.
(Preview)
So today exH went to collect daughter at school. I checked with him a lot of times that the arrangement was still on and that he has to take her to her choir practice at 5 and bring her straight back home when it finishes at 6. So she should be back home before 6.30. At 6.15 my friend from choir calls me to ask wh...
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Luiza
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9
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726
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Honoring my child's heart....
(Preview)
My father has dementia. My relationship with him has been painful and now it has become even more so as his disease progresses and his skills (which were already poor) at the filtering of his rage and narcissism is diminished. This weekend and some of the posts here recently have brought to the surf...
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PP
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29
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1011
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uh!
(Preview)
Here I go again. This time it is not my father, sister, or husband. It's my grandchild's alcoholic custodial father who insists she must return to him. My grandchild has run away now for the third time etc. You all know that story. My grandchild has come to me this time. My heart can't send her back to him....
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59lfva
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7
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506
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Song for us....
(Preview)
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCEQyCkwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D89h7JC85KHE&ei=ANhkVNKAOISmgwSpxIHgAw&usg=AFQjCNFkh4c0I91b7Ger_vY...
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PP
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3
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337
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Mom issues
(Preview)
I am totally new here so please no hate if I am doing something I am not supposed to do ok. I need some advice and a place to talk. I am 49, happily married for 28 years and have a wonderful 14 year old daughter. Raised by total alcoholic parents. My husband and I rarely drink. I haven't spoken to my abusi...
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tpotterf
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39
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980
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greif over abandonment by my mother
(Preview)
Hi all. I feel so alone and rejected by my own mother. We have been close for a lifetime. Yet over Her illness. Bipolar and dry drunks she completelyDisowned me. Also fought to disinherit me from our coowned property. I went from being her favorite. To being her enemy. My siblings also took their big...
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beckon11
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8
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747
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Insomnia
(Preview)
Hi Guys, Long time no see! Glad to be back! I'm currently under a lot of pressure; looking for a new job and apartment etc, and the stress is erupting as anxiety and insomnia. Last night I went to bed at 10:30 pm, and at 6 am I was still wide awake! (It is currently 14:56 here, where I am writing from). I tho...
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Turris
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8
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649
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Too many mixed emotions
(Preview)
I must say that I am happy that I came across this site and everything I have read so far is very helpful. So many people here have given me a bit more hope but as I sit here, ready for bed, I just feel sad and overwhelmed by emotions. It's easy for me to keep myself busy throughout the day with my kids, my home, m...
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jmc
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3
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477
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The news report changed
(Preview)
I put this on my first Geez thread and decided that it might be better to start a new thread. As of yesterday's news, the stolen snowplow story got changed to stolen snowplow blades, hydraulic parts and a trailer which seems so much more feasible to me than entire snowplows. Even so, according to the ne...
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grateful2be
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9
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770
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caffeine vs. alcohol addiction / drunk vs alcoholic
(Preview)
I have been having a lot of bladder problems lately, and my urologist says I am having bladder spasms from caffeine. I always have one cup of coffee in the morning, but I drink cokes all day long. Apparently, it's the cokes causing my problem. Well, I have cut my coke consumption in half, and I am having te...
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cloudyskies
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19
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1012
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Help me intervene???
(Preview)
I have a boy of 25 living with me. He grew up with my kids and now rents an extra bedroom from me, But he is like a son to me and doesn't get much (has never gotten) parenting from his actual parents. He is drinking way too much and way too heavily. To black out state several times a week, often accompanied by ra...
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Mikeys Mom
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7
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687
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Today is my so-called anniversary....bad day
(Preview)
Today AH have been married for 12 years. Not divorced yet...but that's the next step. I find myself angry, sad and really depressed. I just finished working my usual work stretch of 4 days in a row. I will finally say this, as I am not sure if I have already or not...and I just don't think it's a huge deal if I...
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Newlife girl
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15
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770
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