The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a friend that, now that I have moved, lives 1 1/2 miles away. We are old friends, from college. We don't get together a lot because we don't have that much in common, but we do get together occasionally and love each other to death. Much like he's a family member.
He's been having back problems, so my son went over to help him vacuum up his copious amounts of leaves from his wooded lot. When he brought my son back, he asked if we could talk private for a few moments. So I got in his truck in my driveway and we talked.
He asked me the name of the treatment facility that my wife went to last year. Because he thinks his wife needs to go. I took just a second to pick my jaw up off the floor of the truck, not wishing the ride that we have had for the past few years on anyone, let alone on my best friend. We had a good talk, and I shared Al Anon and the 3 C's with him. And whether she was likely an A or not, and how he couldn't get her to do anything and rehab wouldn't do any good unless she is ready for it, and how she is living with a lot of shame right now, likely a whole lot more than he would ever be able to guess or understand. How she has all the same signs as my wife had, bottles in the trash, quitting for awhile but starting back up, using his bad back as an excuse to drink to be able to handle it, etc. All the stuff we talk about right here all the time.
I haven't told my wife yet. I will this afternoon. She may wonder how these people knew she was at treatment, fly off the handle a bit. I had told her that I had told them awhile back, she probably won't remember. Oh well.
It's really everywhere isn't it? Our topic on Friday night F2F was 12th step, many people told how they had told other people about Al Anon. Now I have my story. I wish I didn't. I really don't want this to happen to anyone else. But I am glad I am/will be able to support them if they ask for it. And Ill pray to HP that this somehow works out to His good.
It already did work out tho Kenny, because you were able to be there for your friend and point him in the right direction.
I had an email a couple of days ago from a very dear friend, the man who introduced me to the idea of recovery...back when my ex husband and i were a drinking fighting mess next door to him (12 years ago) he was an AA member and since I was the one interested in recovery and self-growth, I spent hours and hours talking with him and even went to meetings with him. I learnt a lot and got my background in "12 step recovery" from talking to him. That's the reason I was so open and willing when I found al-anon years later, i already understood the 12-step process and had faith in it so it wasn't hard for me to accept the process; I already knew it worked.
I consider that man to be one of the most influential and special people i have ever met, because he made the effort to share the magic of recovery with me and planted the seed.
What a gift that you were able to share that with someone. It might change his life forever.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Alcoholism is rampant for sure. I have several friends (not close ones) that I know are alcoholic and I'm just waiting for the day when they may need my help. It may or may not come in time. The signs are there though. People who post pictures of alcoholic drinks daily on facebook or check in daily that it's time for cocktails. I used to think that was normal. It's not. It's not normal or cool to have a life revolving around alcohol. It's both men and women. Women seem to justify the "glass of wine" which then becomes multiple glasses and bottles. Men are with the mixed drinks and beer as if it is a recipe for relaxation (since they post or talk about it CONSTANTLY). Doesn't seem like a recipe for relaxation to me. It's a recipe for inebriation. Those folks are probably alcoholics but it's not my problem. Only a few people that knew I was in recovery have come to me to ask for help or suggestions about going for treatment. I know there are some folks that can and do drink "normally" but there are sooooo many that don't and they live in denial.
Geez, Kenny: I know you're married and everything but if your friend was talking with you confidentially, do you have to bring what you shared with him or what he shared with you to your wife? As I see it - it is his business and your business - and not her business since he didn't include her in the conversation. Maybe the whole purpose of his sharing with you is to point him into the direction of Al-Anon and that's all? Just wondering. You were sharing your own experience of what you lived with with him. I don't see that you have betrayed her confidence since it is public record that she was arrested for drinking under the influence. You didn't go on and on about her part. You just told him of your issues and what helped you in the program. Maybe you do. I'm not sure. But, I just don't see people in AA or Al-Anon being all that freaked out when others know they're in the program after some years in recovery? I'm also glad that you do go to Al-Anon and you are carrying the message of help and hope in your back pocket. The longer I live, the more people I meet from all walks of life who are struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction themselves or have a loved one stuck in a closet somewhere with the disease that others don't know about. You are a good person for others to meet and to learn from. Glad you're there. Glad you're here.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 10th of November 2014 02:01:19 PM
I agree Kenny It is all around. That is one of the reasons why I truly believe that everybody has a friend or relative that has been affected by alcoholism and everybody can find a seat in these rooms.
I am glad that your friend was able to reach out to you for support and I find it very interesting you had just talked about the 12th step at a meeting. Program does seem to work that way -- I get to practice what I learn at meetings,
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 10th of November 2014 02:41:59 PM
This is a family disease, and our families are intertwined. I'd rather my wife hear it from me and be prepared in case my friend's wife calls and asks her about the treatment center or anything else. She did used to be freaked out a bit to find out which friends knew what, I don't think she is as much now, but it hasn't come up in a while as well.
And I didn't really share too much of my experience, there was much more listening on my part, then agreeing that our experiences were similar. Like a mini-meeting in his truck :)
Betty, I think that you have a good perspective. I think everyone could learn from these rooms.
Okay, then. I get it. I've made those same kinds of decisions at times. And it may go better with just a teeny, tiny bit of a freak out? Just enlarge this avatar, print it, paste it to a tongue depressor and wear it as a mask while you tell her. Nobody could look into the sweet face of that humble little pup wearing the witch's hat and get or stay upset very long. (((K))) A mini meeting in his truck. I love that phrase. Thank you for threading words together in that way.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 10th of November 2014 02:42:22 PM
I like hearing that your friend felt safe to share with you and you were there for him to share with. I also applaud your impending honesty with your wife even though she may be tender on the topic. I remember those earlier days when my husband still felt so much shame that he was humiliated when others knew. It is no longer an issue, thankfully. You do good, Kenny.
I talked to the wife. It was all good.Paula, as you said, she has matured quite a bit in her recovery, there was no problem mentioning this to her. now will be waiting and praying.
I totally agree, Kenny. We were talking about putting out Al-Anon literature at my last f2f meeting, and one of the ladies said we could print flyers and place them on cars in parking lots. She was saying it jokingly, however, her message was there probably is not a person alive that has not been affected by alcohol in some way.
It's so very sad.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I read this post and think about the "servants prayer" on the back of the JUST FOR TODAY pamphlet which starts out, "Lord make me an instrument..." Good 12th Kenny F now lets see what HP does with it. (((((Hugs)))))
I hope that things go well for your friend...I wish a friend would have suggested al anon for me years ago, but then again I never spoke of my problems until just recently. I think that you going through what you went through/continue to go through will be an incredible blessing to your friend...you are the one person who he can come to and get some much needed help/advice/support.
It is heart-breaking how wide spread this disease is. We know of some cases but there are so many out there suffering silently. Thank goodness for MIP!!
