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I live in NC and at the moment I am only allowing him supervised visitation but for when ever and as long as he wants. He doesn't choose to see her much but lately he has been claiming to be sober by sheer will he still refuses AA or any treatment program. Knowing his plan is to eventually take this to court but I think he is afraid to since I have a lot of evidence of his drinking. I did verbally agree with him that sence he said he is now getting sober that if he can maintain sobriety for 30 consecutive days that I would let her go with him unsupervised. its been 2 weeks and he I caught him drinking the other day so the 30 days has started over again. My delima is. this method of me watching him every day for 30 days to see if he slips up is taxing on me and there is the thought that what if he is still doing it but I don't catch him and I hand her over and he kills her drunk driving. If I hand it over to the courts. I'm not sure what NC custody law is like when it comes to alcoholism. this might be an even worse way to go. has anyone here had experience dealing with the NC courts in regaurds to child custody and alcoholism? if so what kind of decisions do they generally make?
Even though he might be dry, he isn't sober. That comes with actually working a program in AA. The disease (which is a thinking disease, too) progresses even if the A is dry. You can't possibly watch an active A 24 hours a day. The possibility of him driving drunk is high. If you have documentation of his drinking - good. This is something a good attorney should be able to help you with right now. We're here to help you with getting into a program for yourself in Al-Anon and to provide support and understanding of what you are going through. Others will weigh in to greet you and to share suggestions.
I've been going to both AA and alonon meeting and red AA book and half way through my second alanon book. I've been separated for 6 months and am just now starting to understand what I've been reading and its making me feel better emotionally. problem is this is my second divorce and the first one costed $50,000 in lawyer fees. I simply don't have the money to give a lawyer if I can either do it on my own or if its going to lead to a worse situation going through the courts. the custody papers I got said on the 1st line that I needed to think long and hard before taking it to court, that if there isn't an argument on custody that filing papers might make matters worse. so far he had agreed to the 30 days of sobriety thing and as long as I keep catching him that 30 days will never happen. or maybe he will eventually wise up and go to aa. I just wanted to know before I take out a loan to hire a lawyer with money I don't have is it a worth wild avenue to take.
Hi and welcome to MIP I agree with G2B trying to "watch an alcoholic" to check up on his drinking is a waste of your preciouos time and energy.
I believe I would consult an attorney for support and advise and then check out alanon face to face meetings in your community. You did not indicate the age of your child so that an attorney would be the best to suggest your next move.
Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disese that can be arrested and never cured. We cannot control it or cure it so that the best we can do is to seek recovery for ourslves in the rooms of alanon . Keep coming back You are not alone.
she is 5yrs old and doesn't want to be with him alone she said she is afraid for me to leave her. I have been to face to face meetings in 2 towns and neither of them have people who are in my situation who are separated with child custody issues so when I ask them they have no advice other than to pray about it and the answer will come to me. ???? I love and trust in god but I think I need to hear from some people who have actually gone the court route and what the court ruled to protect the children as far as supervised / unsupervised visitation. thank you
I understand and maybe some will greet you who have gone through this? I'm glad your daughter is telling you this and not hiding it from you.
We recommend Al-Anon for families and friends of active As because the disease also damages us and our children. Al-Anon provides us with the antidote to the many ways the disease affects us.
I do think that every case is different in the divorce courts when it comes to supervised visitation and custody issues. I'm not sure you have to divorce to obtain help with supervised visitation or to just tell him "No," on having the child alone - especially if she is afraid to be alone with him.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 11th of November 2014 10:33:22 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 11th of November 2014 10:34:41 PM
