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Today AH have been married for 12 years. Not divorced yet...but that's the next step. I find myself angry, sad and really depressed. I just finished working my usual work stretch of 4 days in a row. I will finally say this, as I am not sure if I have already or not...and I just don't think it's a huge deal if I say more about myself. I am a nurse. I am a tired nurse. I have been working in the same area of nursing for TWENTY FOUR YEARS!!! I don't know how much longer I can keep doing it. I am looking into a different area of nursing with less stress. I am tired of working with a bunch of back stabbing women...well they aren't all this way...but a few nurses are really pissing me off. one in particular is a real "b." we had a differing opinion today about patient safety which is something difficult to explain in writing. I was grumpy about the situation. I told her I didn't agree with her. Long story short, she told me maybe I wasn't meant to be in the role I was in today. Excuse me?? She thought I wasn't being flexible. What a joke. We both have our issues, but she likes to be in charge and delegate jobs to people instead of doing them herself...which is her job to begin with. she asked me to do something that she could have done because she wasn't busy at all. She and I have butted heads many times. I have decided it is OK for me to not like her. I cannot continue to live my life trying to be a good little girl and get along with everyone. I can't get along with everyone!! It isn't possible!! She kept trying to argue with me about a few things, and I just said I am trying to get back to my work so let me do it. I am trying to reflect upon what she said about my role and if I should do it or not, and I have decided it's a difference of opinion and it doesn't mean I shouldn't be doing that certain role.
I think HP is screaming at me to try a different area of nursing. I have to listen. And wait patiently...for a phone call about new job.
so...how do you handle difficult coworkers? State your case? Don't say a thing? Ignore them?
I have to say that I really have not had difficult coworkers very often. The few I did have I basically gave them space or just said what I thought. I do remember that one of my co-workers and I got almost as close as sisters. She was the floor supervisor and didn't agree with the way I'd paid a claim and wouldn't authorize a check to go out on a huge bill. I knew I had processed it accurately and said so. She disagreed and refused to listen. I took it to our department manager who agreed with my claims payment but the supervisor had already erased it from the screen just because she could. I had to rekey the entire claim in and knew she was just being spiteful. She didn't like to be proved wrong - being as proud as me. We didn't talk for two days. Then she did something to break the ice and we were sisters again. I've known her for 34 years. We still have those moments when we don't agree. She gets snotty. I get quiet. Then, we're over it. I guess that was the most difficult encounter I had with a co-worker. Looking back - it might have served to show how close we had actually gotten or just how stubborn each of us could be.
Yes, you have said you were a nurse and I can understand you needing a change after 24 years plus you've said you need a fulltime job. What if this gal is saying what she sees and it is your HP's affirmation of your desire to move on and maybe assurance there is a new place or work(role) for you? If she'd said it kindly, maybe you wouldn't hear it? But, because it got a rise out of you, maybe your HP is using it for good for you? It just doesn't feel like that right now?
I'm sorry that today is such a sad day for you, NLG. I'd take you out for dinner with your daughter if I lived there. Just to treat you to something special or have you come to my house and serve you your favorite meal. Sometimes, we just gotta know we count, too, and somebody cares.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 10th of November 2014 10:09:20 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 10th of November 2014 10:10:51 PM
Thanks Catherine. Your response is making me cry as I type. You remind me of my sponsor. She is about your age, too. I think you two would get along well.
As far as the coworker, she loves to be spiteful. She is not very willing to try and understand different points of view. It's interesting to sit back and watch how different nurses perform in different roles. I have always been a hard worker, but I am running out of energy. It doesn't help that I am going through a lot of personal stress. This nurse has had difficulties in her life, too. She was able to take about a year off work due to emotional issues. I don't have that luxury, so I plow through work and try my best.
I have been a nurse for a long time...always take care of other people. It's exhausting. If I move to a different department, it would be a huge risk. It's like that saying "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know." Something like that. I guess that's not always true, though.
(((NLG))) I want you to trust your HP, your professionalism, your ability to make this change. If you can't be served up a meal personally, I will serve up what I know is true. There is no way your HP will let you go into a new work that isn't better for you if you're listening and doing what you hear that little voice inside tells you to do. In the end - that's all that matters - what your HP thinks of you and in my experience HP's view is always, always loving, delighted and kind. Its just that its hard for us to believe that sometimes. I know you love your daughters. Multiply that love by 1,000 plus - that is HP's love for you. Believe that if you choose. I know it to be true.
One of the things I learned in the rooms of Al-Anon, listening and learning was that so often there isn't much difference between another person and myself. I posted a fray between an employee of one of my contracts and I a week or so ago. Outside of the fray itself there was the adjustment period where I went to ownership and clued them in about how I perceived the event and real and possible other consequences. Ownership said they would speak with him and did with one of the suggestions that he handle it face to face with me. Two days later he did just that and when he shared with me what he had been going thru the best I could say to him at that time was "I understand" because he was telling me my story very often times. I don't suggest that you sponsor or counsel this workmate cause doing anything like that for you might not seem interesting and then maybe the question "Is something going on in your life really causing you pain"? and then back up and listen. You gotta be up for it, willing and empathetic and compassionate or else don't even try it cause your body language alone will give you up as not being supportive. For me I use to be a therapist...LOL go figure an enabler getting paid to help people...what a concept...and I have never stopped being one. Today I still do "caring fors" with others and give away the program.
Hope you have a much much better day. (((((hugs)))))
I have no solutions only a firm conviction that you are a wonderful lady from what I've read of you. Work situations I've been terrible
Shoot first agonise later, that was journalism. I admire such a long dedication to a caring career and will add you to my prayers.
Jerry I hear you. I know a lot about what she has gone through, she has even told me some things. All I know is I can't convince myself to like someone when I don't.
Hit one of my sponsor - Jerry F = sessions - right on the head. He said...."Liking it is not required...doing it is". I know where you are at cause I've been there and done that myself and memory serves me well that another woman of Al-Anon gave me her definition of love which remains with me still now for over 25 years. "Love is the complete-and total-acceptance-of every other person...for exactly who they are". Free at last. I have hugged more enemies since I came into Al-Anon than I could ever have imagined because that was not an original intention at all and in acceptance "they" do not have to be special...it is not required. When I first was getting this lesson...what I just said sounded like Greek or Swahili. It was oppositional thinking to my normal way of seeing things and behaving and I wasn't entertaining the idea of making friends of everyone no matter what. I am normally oppositional defiant and I am ODD diagnosed. My habit is to "arms length" others which makes it so very easy to "not like" anyone. And there is pain in that. I wanted to be free of the pain of fear because that is what I was doing. When I started working that definition my fears went away. Maybe you're fearing her? just a thought. (((((hugs)))))
I actually get along with a lot of people...there's only a few people at work I don't care for. I used to think I had to like everyone...I guess my Al anon is teaching me it's ok to not care for certain personality types. There are mean people out there and I guess I am not ready to hug them. I have actually hugged this woman before...we have had a few issues and "made up" but I have too much going on to worry about her opinion. I hear what you're saying....maybe some day I will be at that place...but not today
Say no to drama! This means simple and clear boundaries. "This is how I am doing it." walk away. "I believe the right way to do the job is this" walk away. "I can see how your way might have merit" walk away. If you know the person is argumentative, full of drama, and picks fights - steer clear and watch them do it with every one else BUT YOU. Work is just where I go to make money. I need to be civil and have good working relationships with folks. I don't need to have them be my friends. I used to walk right into drama. I used to be drawn to people full of drama even though I said I wasn't. Now I steer through the work place drama like a slalom course...I just keep skiing and steering around it. If it makes me feel like crap or is annoying me or distracting from my primary tasks at work...I don't have time for it and it's that simple. Self-confidence helped me with this because I didn't need to have my views and practices validated as much by others and I didn't need to be "a part of" the gossip, nor did I care as much if the gossip was about me. They can all suck it because last I checked, I'm licensed by the state and my salary is paid by the company - not my coworkers.
I work with nurses and CNA's and it is very dramafied, but I keep my head down and unless someone calls me out into a discussion that I have to have I avoid and just focus on my patient cares. I do not enjoy a few people I work with and honestly I do not try to chat with them or listen to their gossip. I am professional and hard working and the rest of the time I do not engage. I have gotten good thanks to al-anon with boundaries and not taking other peoples stuff personally. A friend of mine that is in school with me and works with me started med passing recently and made an error and a few coworkers seem to be back stabbing her right now. This morning she came over for breakfast and to the gym with me and we talked it out. I helped her to see she is learning a new role at work and some of the people at work love to point out your every mistake, like they make none. However there are some of us there that know she learned from her mistake and is now better for it. I have always believed everyone could benefit from al-anon and but not everyone is ready in my timing. One of the girls at work started up with me about me using equipment from her side of the unit, which is allowed since my side was out and I looked at her and said I wish we could all pull together as a team and work together, she has bad mouthed me terribly ever since. I haven't taken it personally, it says a lot about her and very little about me. I feel sad for her that she took that statement to a bad place, instead of wanting to pull together and work with me for the betterment of our residents. I hope you are able to find something better suiting for you, I am excited to become an RN, because of all the options and places that I could work. I have done clinicals in so many places and each one I learn so much and get a better idea of the field I will start out in after school. Sending you lots of love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thanks PC and BF. I agree with you PC. I have enough personal drama of my own. This particular nurse is very defensive if you don't agree with her. She is quite difficult. I talked to a coworker over the phone today who I have known for a very long time...she suggested I think about what I want from coworkers...friendships or just business? Well, it depends on the coworker. I honestly don't trust most of them...nurses tend to gossip a lot and criticize each other behind our backs...it's not fun sometimes. PCI...I did what you said at the end my interaction with her...I told her I had to just do my work like she said...and I was done talking. It worked. She shut up and walked away.
BF I don't love nursing as much as I used too...just being honest. I am ready for a slower paced nursing job than what I do now. Nurses are known to eat their young, as the saying goes. Said but true. But I am not one of those nurses.
UGH! does not sound like a fun anniversary :( I used to be a teacher. I have never wanted to go back because of the catty women involved...it made my life miserable (sadly I am that sick that other people affect me that deeply but I am working on it :)) I always tried to keep to myself - easier in my profession than yours though.
I hope your HP will lead you in the direction that you need to go for a brighter, easier future career-wise...I have a RN friend who is so tired of working at a hopsital (she works in pedi-icu, loves the kids (patients) but the drama of the other workers is driving her nuts) she is getting a license to become a expert nurse witness. Good luck!!!
