Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · Tracy

Wow this is so hard I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps entering my mind all the time I do love him my AB. However when he comes into my mind I tell myself to focus on me I am the only person I can conrol. I must admit my life seems a lot more manageable already without him here I have more money, more f...

ally · ally

((((((Guys)))))))) For so long in my life i have accepted who everyone else wanted me to be. Blended in according to their wishes. Pleased everyone by doing what they asked. As opposed to saying no, and risking confrontations with them. I was a people pleaser, always finding happiness in doing f...

Codependent · Codependent

I have noticed that the A has a great deal of compassion for his fellow cell mates. He genuinely seems to "care" about their needs and frustration. I also noticed in some of the responses to my post that others of you have noticed that your A also seemed to give or want you to give to their &quo...

DeadOrAlive · DeadOrAlive

I am hate, hate, hating weekends these days. Number one irritation is my AH and my teen sleep and sleep. The place is a mess and during the week school and work takes up sp much energy. My AH used to always go out for most of Sat./Sun. and I would wake up my son and get the whole place cleaned up. But wakin...

nmike · nmike

Thanks to you all for being there for me and the rest of us Alanoners and the Alanoners that don't know they need us. I come here and post with my "big and heavy" burdens and you always help me up when I can't do it for myself. There is such power in our experience, strength and hope. Just because I...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Just wanted to say Hi to everyone! My sleep is getting better! Before, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping but I can say that today I actually slept in and feel rested. Thanks everyone for giving me the chance to air out some things I may not have been able to, GB you all! Kathleen

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Last night was awful. Mark asked if he could go pub and my heart sank. Then I said why did you buys cans and then go pub we dont have the money then I said he couldnt go till leah was in bed. I know I so naughty for controling it. When he did go I didnt make a fuss. I realised what I did wrong so I didnt nag. I just give...

glad · glad

If anyone saw my post about barking dog that is driving me insane someone suggested giving him peanut butter. I made the worlds thickest pb sandwich and thew it over fence. For about 90 seconds I had peace. Now he is at it again, not as loud or as much but still woofing about every 20 seconds, for about 10 se...

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Last week end my A hit me. he was drunk at the time. It all started when we got in bed i pulled the covers off him and he punched me 6 or 7 times in the leg. I was under the cover so it didnt hurt too much in fact my feelings were hurt more. I have a little bruise nothing huge. After he did it he said you cant get me in t...

serenity62 · serenity62

APRIL BUSINESS MEETING MINUTES: MIP APRIL MINUTES: Chair opened with the Serenity Prayer, 1st on agenda was Secretary report: Minutes from the March 2, 2008 were approved as written......... Next on agenda was treasury report: no report available due to dot being ill. Next on agenda is old b...

Leetle · Leetle

I was hoping this was in my area. It isn't, but is in Minnesota, Florida, Oregon, MY and Illinois in the coming months. Here is the link to the Hazeldon website with details on the conference and dates for anyone interested. http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/womenhealing

Tracy · Tracy

Hi all need some feedback really confused. I have been doing research around co dependency, enabling etc. It seems like everything I have been doing for my A enabling him etc, has been to get my own needs me. I am that insecure I give my all hoping to be loved plus I feel superiour. That is horrible. Accor...

John · John

During a recent trip to Houston, Texas I was asked to speak at the recovery house that I got clean and sober at 18 years ago. I have created a video using a portion of that meeting, with some of other content. It is my hope that some of you will enjoy this 29 minute video I created for the guys in my recovery hou...

Aloha · Aloha

Despite that I may have had a not-so-great day yesterday, I really am feeling that attending Al-anon meetings frequently is really helping me a lot. Monday night was my fifth evening meeting in a row, meaning I went Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to meetings. The Saturday meeting was...

glad · glad

For the third day in a row I was feeling down obsessing over A and how his issues make me feel. (back in that little box running around like a little mouse that can't get out). Anyway then my 23 year old daughter calls and says she found the perfect wedding dress and "doesn't know what happened"...

Aloha · Aloha

Had a pretty powerful ACA meeting last night. I got to one point where I was reading from the "From Survival To Recovery" book, and came to a point where a woman's AH had died and she just felt relieved. I very painfully and tearfully admitted during the meeting that I sometimes felt that wa...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((Hello MIP Friends))) It has been a long while since I posted anything.... I had ventured out into other areas of recovery and found a great deal of contentment... but still missed my MIP friends and all the E,S, and H I gathered here over the past two years. A great many things have happened in my life...

Suzannah · Suzannah

I am exhausted and in a lot of pain right now; having found yesterday's PMP session utterly draining. On top of that I have to add another set of strengthening exercises on a daily basis this week as well as completeing the stretching exercises on a daily basis. It amounts to about two hours of exe...

BooBoo313 · BooBoo313

Since I'm a relative newbie, I'd like some clarification. I'm reading in the literature that I'm not to blame for my situation--its the disease, but then I hear the labels of enabling and co-dependency being used. Could I get some help defining "enabling" and "Co-dependence&qu...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am due to return to the general vicinity of where my AH lives. Where I used to live. All the people I used to know, who used to know the AH and I. I am scared. One of the things I am most afraid of is the yelling. I have been having massively painful feelings of being yelled at by the AH for the majority of ou...

Suzannah · Suzannah

For a long long time I did not realise that I had any anger at all. I was in denial. However, as time has passed and the longer I have been here in this family, I realise that I was angry over many things, events, and situations in my life as a result of the powerlessness I had over the A and alcohol. I turned t...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I missed a call from the A yesterday at 4:45. He called to say that they let him out of jail again, not sure how that happened considering he has warrants in Wilmington for about 4 or 5 other charges and 2 missed court dates. When I talked to his PO he said that he would be transferred over there after he was...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Yes, Dorthy was right...there is no place like home...And that's exactly where I am...I'm home...with Michael... Yesterday was a very LONG, TRYING day. It started out good..kind of... He was driving me to the allergist because the kids were getting tested. My daughter is thankfully not allergic t...

roxygirl · roxygirl

When my son gets upset, he goes into a rage! I don't know what to do? If I feed into the rage of course it escalates and we end up arguing and it goes no where. However, If I detach, and remain calm it seems he feels he has won and he continues to be abusive and loud. Then I feel I have been walked on and abused....

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

So I'm on my way home from work yesterday the phone rings I answer it and it's him (to answer your question debilyn, the display is broken on my phone and I never know who it is till I answer...) Anyway, I have found that my tolerance for his behaviors has pretty much disappeared. He starts off the conver...

desperate for help · desperate for help

I have given him chance after chance after chance!!! I am so done with it all! Why do I continue to put up with it? WHy do I continue to allow myself to be so miserable? Why do I keep calling my attorney to finally say, "OK.I'm ready to file for the divorce", but keep hanging up? I think the la...

Sue64 · Sue64

Hi Everyone! I just joined tonight and here's my story. My hubby, who I married last year, is a definite alcholoic. He was diagnosed with diabetes last year, suffers from depression and hypertension. He seemed to be doing ok, adjusting, and swore of drinking (at that point, I didn't think he had a...

kes · kes

My sister the drunk wanted to confront her 13 yr old son about stealing from her. Tommorow is 1st day back at school from holidays in australia, he's booked into counselling there, he's angry at her and does this stuff because of her - but doesn't really know what is swrong with her. Not a good time to conf...

ddub · ddub

I wanted to share a recent experience for me with detachment for my review of what I learned and get more ideas or actual examples of detachment that has worked for you. At first, I understand now, I taught myself detachment so I would just stay out of the way, leave if I could, not react, minimize conv...

roxygirl · roxygirl

My son is a 24 year old alcoholic. He has so much anger and when he expresses it it comes out as ugly RAGE all the time!! What is the rage about? The littlest thing I say sets him off and he just explodes and yells and he is so mean and ugly!! Does anyone experience this behavior and if so how do you deal with...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, Well ummm yeah. LOL. He hooked me again and I fell for it. Sheesh, when did I get so easy? My hub called me at work and asked me what the kids and I were doing at 6. I said not much. He asked if we would come down to his work and he would buy the kids dinner. I said sure. I got excited he wanted to see the kids. H...

Tracy · Tracy

Wow Thankyou Tom for suggesting that I google toxic love. When my marriage ended I ran from the pain into this relationship with the A which has lasted for 3 years due to my fear of being a lone and blaming myself for husbands addiction. I know I am not to blame and I don't think I learn't my lesson first tim...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

My 30 year old alcoholic/addict daughter had called late last week to let me know she had court on the 9th, and there was a good chance she'd go back to jail. I don't call her anymore as she usually doesn't have a phone, moves so often I never know where she is, and honestly, we have nothing in common. I didn'...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Each day I find I challenge Heartbroken to stay away by my resolve to stand in the light, as Jerry encouraged me to do.Each day I find that Heartbroken does not break me as I choose to follow my programme and detach from the past and live in the present.Each day I see Heartbroken has been conquered when I fi...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((((Family)))))), Just to let you know I am taking a small break from the board. Everything's ok. I have spent so much time taking care of hubby after his surgery this past year. (He would do the same for me.) I just need to concentrate on a few things. I am in the process of switching doctors to c...

raid3rgirl · raid3rgirl

This is my first post and I just joined a online group yesterday. I have a AH that I have been married to for 19 years. I am frustrated with the amount of money he spends from our account. I exported it today to see the amount on a weekly basis and it sickens me. I ordered the books recommended so I have not...

glad · glad

okay, to be honest I have seen progress and to be honest I am acting like a butt because I want old stuff resolved and I feel down. Today ( right now ) I will go read some of my alanon stuff- try not to focus on if I should leave the relationship or not and try to get to work on time. I want to share with you guys that...

Aloha · Aloha

Yesterday I actually got to watch two different people get caught up on the obsession loop. The glorious thing about it was that I didn't join in - and on top of it, I recognized it for EXACTLY what it was and kind of laughed to myself quietly, thinking... "Oooooh. So THAT's what I must look like wh...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Hi guys, I am a few weeks away from returning to the general vicinity of where my AH lives. We will not be living together (thank god) but we will be within closer proximity. I am having a wide range of responses, as you can imagine. Just kinda riding it out, not reacting (or acting in any way), just observi...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi all I am really happy I found this site. I have been attending meetings since Nov this programme has helped me more than I can say. I am still having probs picking up the phone so this site is a god send to me. Well heres my story. Been with my current partner for three years was with a compulsive gamble...

raid3rgirl · raid3rgirl

Hi there, I am new to the group and would like to share my story. I have been married for 19 years and with my husband for 23 years. We met when I was 14 and he was 15. We had our first child at the age of 17 and it has not been easy. He has always drunk beer and when our 3 kids were younger I remember he drank mor...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Laugh out loud!! Had a busy day yesterday from morning after the Super Saturday AFG meeting thru some business then over to some service work at the assembly and then home. I called my wife and asked about the plans my Son and his wife had about kite flying. It was still on. I haven't flown a kite sinc...

HopeinVA · HopeinVA

I think tonight was that "aha" moment for me. After so many crappy things that have happened over the past year with my A husband I think this probably made me finally face reality. The reality that I will probably be a single mom. Never in a million year would I have thought that I would be i...

DeadOrAlive · DeadOrAlive

First a thank you to all who responded to my post about my feelings about my teen. When I shared them with my AH (last night, big mistake) he proceded to berate me, telling me I had "used" my son as an "asexual partner". I hate him. Why is he so mean to me? Did I use my son or did I devot...

glad · glad

Ugggguh!! After staying up late last night we were looking forward to sleep,new neighbors just moved in yesturday and evidently have a big dog, that likes to bark, all the time. Woke us up last night. Had a very nice breakfast with our / woops my adult daugher, did a few little things around the house an...

ally · ally

((((((((((((Guys))))))))))) Found this video, didn't know she had made this song, Is she and recovering A??? Anyone know...I think shes Fab!!! And I don't know This could break my heart or save me Nothing's real Until you let go complet...

sadako · sadako

my A. boyfriend is leaving me. or then again, he's not. i am so confused!!! he's always used "i'm leaving" more as a communication technique rather than a real statement of ending the relationship. problems with intimacy and commitment, he's said. for all the years we've been together he...

wishing13 · wishing13

When I first met my Husband, I looked into his eyes and knew that I wasnt supposed to be anywhere but right here. I felt that way for a long time, like our love, and our love alone could conquer anything. Slowly his drinking became heavier (or that I knew of anyway), I began to grow and realize what was reall...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, Sunday night's meeting topics were Facing Reality, Fantasy/Illusion, and Owning our choices. Here is my share :) I was flipping through the index of c2c (Courage to Change) last week trying to think of topics to offer to the group. And the first two jumped right out at me. The last one my wonderf...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Hi Friends, I hate that I am so scared, even though I know much of my fear is based on prediction and what could/will be, not fact. Had the perfect office manager, more than just experience and skill, she had been married to an addict/a. She refused to be an enabler for my AH. He made her crazy and she could...

Just For Now · Just For Now

I was talking to my AH about his daughter attending birthday/slumber party. He mentioned that his daughter began the topic conversation of "pot" that one of the other children had said the parents were doing at the party. I was completely appaulled!!!! I have a severe NO TOLERANCE for d...

roxymom · roxymom

Hi all. I am so grateful to have found this forum. I've recently come to the realization that my husband is a functioning alcoholic. In recent years, i have told myself, "he drinks too much" but because he never became abusive, never missed work, etc, I didn't think that could classify hi...

sdoody00 · sdoody00

I have a concern about balancing my need for distance from my AH and my 3 years olds need to see his father. I have mandated that he can only see our son at my house and he must be clean and sober when he does come. And he did conform for a while, but arrived at my house this last time *high* Guess my son will be...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Hmm... I feel pretty good today. I am struggling now with my mom. She just got home on Tuesday(4/1/) I really don't want her around me right now but she is my mom and I love her. She is also a member of Alanon as I have mentioned before. I just need to spend less time with her because when I am around her I alm...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Ok here's my situation... I've known this man, not my A (actually he's not an A at all), I've known him for about 17 years...over half of my life...he and I've been in and out of relationships with each other the entire time we've known each other. He IS my best friend and I'm his. My problem is this: he want...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

So now my niece is a 21 year old orphan! :( My MIL behaved very inappropriately to her and she had no adult support at all, sux to be 21 and the only adult in a room of much older people. But I digress, I was upset about something she had said to her and she said no, it's ok, when I had to work on that crew that pi...

Lauren ashley · Lauren ashley

You will never comprehend this mystical being Life isn't always a fairy tale Life isn't all about fame There are those that cry out in pain There are things that are difficult to explain She seemed to be free,yet her heart told a different story that you can't see She is trapped within,suffocating hers...

glad · glad

Last night I went to a sporting event (mortor cycle race) with the A father of my A Bf of 5 years (spouse, we are more committed than some marreid couples I know) anyway, I am very sad about the neglectful, shameful, horrible things that the father continues to justify with crazy stories. Like feeding m...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Dear (((((((((((family)))))))))))))))))). Today I am grateful for the sunshine and immediately thought about all the beautiful things that have been happening to me since I started on this journey. Today I looked at my little home and I am grateful that I can come and go in safety. Today I am g...

DeadOrAlive · DeadOrAlive

Why I hate weekends now: My son (I realized with a shock) is now closer to 17 than 16! I have always done things with him on the weekends and now, well, he wants to be with his friends or on the computor talking to them. I can't stand being around my AH and used to also distract myself with work from my job, w...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Concentrating on myself (Preview) Wow this is so hard I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps entering my mind all the time I do love him my AB. However when he comes into my mind I tell myself to focus on me I am the only person I can conrol. I must admit my life seems a lot more manageable already without him here I have more money, more f...	Tracy	2	486	Apr 13, 2008 by lin0606
	I AM WHAT I AM... (Preview) ((((((Guys)))))))) For so long in my life i have accepted who everyone else wanted me to be. Blended in according to their wishes. Pleased everyone by doing what they asked. As opposed to saying no, and risking confrontations with them. I was a people pleaser, always finding happiness in doing f...	ally	5	300	Apr 13, 2008 by ESH
	They give to others (Preview) I have noticed that the A has a great deal of compassion for his fellow cell mates. He genuinely seems to "care" about their needs and frustration. I also noticed in some of the responses to my post that others of you have noticed that your A also seemed to give or want you to give to their &quo...	Codependent	12	441	Apr 13, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Resenting (Preview) I am hate, hate, hating weekends these days. Number one irritation is my AH and my teen sleep and sleep. The place is a mess and during the week school and work takes up sp much energy. My AH used to always go out for most of Sat./Sun. and I would wake up my son and get the whole place cleaned up. But wakin...	DeadOrAlive	4	648	Apr 13, 2008 by cookie1971
	Did I remember to say thanks? (Preview) Thanks to you all for being there for me and the rest of us Alanoners and the Alanoners that don't know they need us. I come here and post with my "big and heavy" burdens and you always help me up when I can't do it for myself. There is such power in our experience, strength and hope. Just because I...	nmike	5	562	Apr 12, 2008 by cookie1971
	Hi! (Preview) Just wanted to say Hi to everyone! My sleep is getting better! Before, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping but I can say that today I actually slept in and feel rested. Thanks everyone for giving me the chance to air out some things I may not have been able to, GB you all! Kathleen	Hoot Nanny	4	392	Apr 12, 2008 by cookie1971
	Last Night (Preview) Last night was awful. Mark asked if he could go pub and my heart sank. Then I said why did you buys cans and then go pub we dont have the money then I said he couldnt go till leah was in bed. I know I so naughty for controling it. When he did go I didnt make a fuss. I realised what I did wrong so I didnt nag. I just give...	mum2leahnjosh	3	323	Apr 12, 2008 by ESH
	Bassett hounds eat really fast! (Preview) If anyone saw my post about barking dog that is driving me insane someone suggested giving him peanut butter. I made the worlds thickest pb sandwich and thew it over fence. For about 90 seconds I had peace. Now he is at it again, not as loud or as much but still woofing about every 20 seconds, for about 10 se...	glad	3	397	Apr 12, 2008 by glad
	Not again (Preview) Last week end my A hit me. he was drunk at the time. It all started when we got in bed i pulled the covers off him and he punched me 6 or 7 times in the leg. I was under the cover so it didnt hurt too much in fact my feelings were hurt more. I have a little bruise nothing huge. After he did it he said you cant get me in t...	mum2leahnjosh	7	495	Apr 12, 2008 by lin0606
	April Business Meeting Minutes: (Preview) APRIL BUSINESS MEETING MINUTES: MIP APRIL MINUTES: Chair opened with the Serenity Prayer, 1st on agenda was Secretary report: Minutes from the March 2, 2008 were approved as written......... Next on agenda was treasury report: no report available due to dot being ill. Next on agenda is old b...	serenity62	0	389	Apr 12, 2008 by serenity62
	Women Healing Conference (Preview) I was hoping this was in my area. It isn't, but is in Minnesota, Florida, Oregon, MY and Illinois in the coming months. Here is the link to the Hazeldon website with details on the conference and dates for anyone interested. http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/womenhealing	Leetle	1	237	Apr 12, 2008 by ddub
	Conditional love (Preview) Hi all need some feedback really confused. I have been doing research around co dependency, enabling etc. It seems like everything I have been doing for my A enabling him etc, has been to get my own needs me. I am that insecure I give my all hoping to be loved plus I feel superiour. That is horrible. Accor...	Tracy	4	2376	Apr 11, 2008 by maresie
	Video - Letting Go, Letting God (Preview) During a recent trip to Houston, Texas I was asked to speak at the recovery house that I got clean and sober at 18 years ago. I have created a video using a portion of that meeting, with some of other content. It is my hope that some of you will enjoy this 29 minute video I created for the guys in my recovery hou...	John	3	687	Apr 11, 2008 by maresie
	Frequent meetings - they DO help (Preview) Despite that I may have had a not-so-great day yesterday, I really am feeling that attending Al-anon meetings frequently is really helping me a lot. Monday night was my fifth evening meeting in a row, meaning I went Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to meetings. The Saturday meeting was...	Aloha	6	514	Apr 11, 2008 by Jean4444
	Daughter writes 1200 hot check And it's a good thing! (Preview) For the third day in a row I was feeling down obsessing over A and how his issues make me feel. (back in that little box running around like a little mouse that can't get out). Anyway then my 23 year old daughter calls and says she found the perfect wedding dress and "doesn't know what happened"...	glad	1	391	Apr 11, 2008 by maresie
	Why do they say the things they say... (Preview) Had a pretty powerful ACA meeting last night. I got to one point where I was reading from the "From Survival To Recovery" book, and came to a point where a woman's AH had died and she just felt relieved. I very painfully and tearfully admitted during the meeting that I sometimes felt that wa...	Aloha	10	667	Apr 11, 2008 by Sue64
	Been taking a break... but wanted to say hi (Preview) (((Hello MIP Friends))) It has been a long while since I posted anything.... I had ventured out into other areas of recovery and found a great deal of contentment... but still missed my MIP friends and all the E,S, and H I gathered here over the past two years. A great many things have happened in my life...	twinmom2	4	521	Apr 11, 2008 by rtexas
	EXHAUSTION (Preview) I am exhausted and in a lot of pain right now; having found yesterday's PMP session utterly draining. On top of that I have to add another set of strengthening exercises on a daily basis this week as well as completeing the stretching exercises on a daily basis. It amounts to about two hours of exe...	Suzannah	5	490	Apr 11, 2008 by cookie1971
	Enabling and Co-dependence (Preview) Since I'm a relative newbie, I'd like some clarification. I'm reading in the literature that I'm not to blame for my situation--its the disease, but then I hear the labels of enabling and co-dependency being used. Could I get some help defining "enabling" and "Co-dependence&qu...	BooBoo313	11	1754	Apr 10, 2008 by round3
	The Yelling (Preview) I am due to return to the general vicinity of where my AH lives. Where I used to live. All the people I used to know, who used to know the AH and I. I am scared. One of the things I am most afraid of is the yelling. I have been having massively painful feelings of being yelled at by the AH for the majority of ou...	Jean4444	26	561	Apr 10, 2008 by round3
	Anger - management and denial and release (Preview) For a long long time I did not realise that I had any anger at all. I was in denial. However, as time has passed and the longer I have been here in this family, I realise that I was angry over many things, events, and situations in my life as a result of the powerlessness I had over the A and alcohol. I turned t...	Suzannah	4	2631	Apr 10, 2008 by paulaque
	Somehow he got out of jail... (Preview) I missed a call from the A yesterday at 4:45. He called to say that they let him out of jail again, not sure how that happened considering he has warrants in Wilmington for about 4 or 5 other charges and 2 missed court dates. When I talked to his PO he said that he would be transferred over there after he was...	carolinagirl	7	601	Apr 10, 2008 by maresie
	There's No Place Like Home (Preview) Yes, Dorthy was right...there is no place like home...And that's exactly where I am...I'm home...with Michael... Yesterday was a very LONG, TRYING day. It started out good..kind of... He was driving me to the allergist because the kids were getting tested. My daughter is thankfully not allergic t...	JenniferN	2	357	Apr 10, 2008 by maresie
	HOW TO HANDLE RAGE?? (Preview) When my son gets upset, he goes into a rage! I don't know what to do? If I feed into the rage of course it escalates and we end up arguing and it goes no where. However, If I detach, and remain calm it seems he feels he has won and he continues to be abusive and loud. Then I feel I have been walked on and abused....	roxygirl	4	452	Apr 10, 2008 by twinmom2
	Why can't he just leave me alone? (Preview) So I'm on my way home from work yesterday the phone rings I answer it and it's him (to answer your question debilyn, the display is broken on my phone and I never know who it is till I answer...) Anyway, I have found that my tolerance for his behaviors has pretty much disappeared. He starts off the conver...	carolinagirl	5	645	Apr 10, 2008 by Mandy123
	I am so done with A!!! (Preview) I have given him chance after chance after chance!!! I am so done with it all! Why do I continue to put up with it? WHy do I continue to allow myself to be so miserable? Why do I keep calling my attorney to finally say, "OK.I'm ready to file for the divorce", but keep hanging up? I think the la...	desperate for help	7	565	Apr 10, 2008 by BooBoo313
	Hi, I'm new, can use some advice (Preview) Hi Everyone! I just joined tonight and here's my story. My hubby, who I married last year, is a definite alcholoic. He was diagnosed with diabetes last year, suffers from depression and hypertension. He seemed to be doing ok, adjusting, and swore of drinking (at that point, I didn't think he had a...	Sue64	9	661	Apr 9, 2008 by Sue64
	This is hell, stopped sis attacking son, confronted about her drinking, now I'm the devil (Preview) My sister the drunk wanted to confront her 13 yr old son about stealing from her. Tommorow is 1st day back at school from holidays in australia, he's booked into counselling there, he's angry at her and does this stuff because of her - but doesn't really know what is swrong with her. Not a good time to conf...	kes	5	633	Apr 9, 2008 by bettyb
	detachment baby steps (Preview) I wanted to share a recent experience for me with detachment for my review of what I learned and get more ideas or actual examples of detachment that has worked for you. At first, I understand now, I taught myself detachment so I would just stay out of the way, leave if I could, not react, minimize conv...	ddub	2	339	Apr 9, 2008 by Aloha
	WHY SO MUCH RAGE? (Preview) My son is a 24 year old alcoholic. He has so much anger and when he expresses it it comes out as ugly RAGE all the time!! What is the rage about? The littlest thing I say sets him off and he just explodes and yells and he is so mean and ugly!! Does anyone experience this behavior and if so how do you deal with...	roxygirl	7	393	Apr 9, 2008 by Aloha
	Fast Food, Boundaries, and Self-Care strange mix huh? (Preview) Hi all, Well ummm yeah. LOL. He hooked me again and I fell for it. Sheesh, when did I get so easy? My hub called me at work and asked me what the kids and I were doing at 6. I said not much. He asked if we would come down to his work and he would buy the kids dinner. I said sure. I got excited he wanted to see the kids. H...	Mandy123	5	542	Apr 9, 2008 by maresie
	Toxix love (Preview) Wow Thankyou Tom for suggesting that I google toxic love. When my marriage ended I ran from the pain into this relationship with the A which has lasted for 3 years due to my fear of being a lone and blaming myself for husbands addiction. I know I am not to blame and I don't think I learn't my lesson first tim...	Tracy	1	367	Apr 9, 2008 by maresie
	Looks like the oldest daughter is back in jail... (Preview) My 30 year old alcoholic/addict daughter had called late last week to let me know she had court on the 9th, and there was a good chance she'd go back to jail. I don't call her anymore as she usually doesn't have a phone, moves so often I never know where she is, and honestly, we have nothing in common. I didn'...	Tenderheartsks	3	327	Apr 9, 2008 by Gailey
	Challenging HEARTBROKEN (Preview) Each day I find I challenge Heartbroken to stay away by my resolve to stand in the light, as Jerry encouraged me to do.Each day I find that Heartbroken does not break me as I choose to follow my programme and detach from the past and live in the present.Each day I see Heartbroken has been conquered when I fi...	Suzannah	5	488	Apr 9, 2008 by cookie1971
	Taking a break (Preview) (((((((Family)))))), Just to let you know I am taking a small break from the board. Everything's ok. I have spent so much time taking care of hubby after his surgery this past year. (He would do the same for me.) I just need to concentrate on a few things. I am in the process of switching doctors to c...	Karilynn	5	344	Apr 8, 2008 by cookie1971
	How Do I handle money situation (Preview) This is my first post and I just joined a online group yesterday. I have a AH that I have been married to for 19 years. I am frustrated with the amount of money he spends from our account. I exported it today to see the amount on a weekly basis and it sickens me. I ordered the books recommended so I have not...	raid3rgirl	10	612	Apr 8, 2008 by debilyn
	Would greatly appreciate support = feels useless! (Preview) okay, to be honest I have seen progress and to be honest I am acting like a butt because I want old stuff resolved and I feel down. Today ( right now ) I will go read some of my alanon stuff- try not to focus on if I should leave the relationship or not and try to get to work on time. I want to share with you guys that...	glad	3	557	Apr 8, 2008 by Jerry F
	Observing obsession in action. (Preview) Yesterday I actually got to watch two different people get caught up on the obsession loop. The glorious thing about it was that I didn't join in - and on top of it, I recognized it for EXACTLY what it was and kind of laughed to myself quietly, thinking... "Oooooh. So THAT's what I must look like wh...	Aloha	6	1123	Apr 8, 2008 by Aloha
	Set a boundary: watching it work (Preview) Hi guys, I am a few weeks away from returning to the general vicinity of where my AH lives. We will not be living together (thank god) but we will be within closer proximity. I am having a wide range of responses, as you can imagine. Just kinda riding it out, not reacting (or acting in any way), just observi...	Jean4444	5	388	Apr 8, 2008 by Aloha
	feel like giving up (Preview) Hi all I am really happy I found this site. I have been attending meetings since Nov this programme has helped me more than I can say. I am still having probs picking up the phone so this site is a god send to me. Well heres my story. Been with my current partner for three years was with a compulsive gamble...	Tracy	6	655	Apr 8, 2008 by Tracy
	New Kid on the block (Preview) Hi there, I am new to the group and would like to share my story. I have been married for 19 years and with my husband for 23 years. We met when I was 14 and he was 15. We had our first child at the age of 17 and it has not been easy. He has always drunk beer and when our 3 kids were younger I remember he drank mor...	raid3rgirl	1	391	Apr 8, 2008 by maresie
	It's okay not to get the dragon one. (Preview) Laugh out loud!! Had a busy day yesterday from morning after the Super Saturday AFG meeting thru some business then over to some service work at the assembly and then home. I called my wife and asked about the plans my Son and his wife had about kite flying. It was still on. I haven't flown a kite sinc...	Jerry F	11	837	Apr 8, 2008 by Karilynn
	He stood up his son tonight! (Preview) I think tonight was that "aha" moment for me. After so many crappy things that have happened over the past year with my A husband I think this probably made me finally face reality. The reality that I will probably be a single mom. Never in a million year would I have thought that I would be i...	HopeinVA	4	502	Apr 8, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Mean, mean, mean (Preview) First a thank you to all who responded to my post about my feelings about my teen. When I shared them with my AH (last night, big mistake) he proceded to berate me, telling me I had "used" my son as an "asexual partner". I hate him. Why is he so mean to me? Did I use my son or did I devot...	DeadOrAlive	3	352	Apr 8, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Not an alaonon thing but pissing me off (and I don't talk like that generally) (Preview) Ugggguh!! After staying up late last night we were looking forward to sleep,new neighbors just moved in yesturday and evidently have a big dog, that likes to bark, all the time. Woke us up last night. Had a very nice breakfast with our / woops my adult daugher, did a few little things around the house an...	glad	11	1444	Apr 8, 2008 by glad
	KELLY CLARKSON...... SOBER (Preview) ((((((((((((Guys))))))))))) Found this video, didn't know she had made this song, Is she and recovering A??? Anyone know...I think shes Fab!!! And I don't know This could break my heart or save me Nothing's real Until you let go complet...	ally	4	380	Apr 8, 2008 by Predominate
	he's leaving, he's not leaving, etc. (Preview) my A. boyfriend is leaving me. or then again, he's not. i am so confused!!! he's always used "i'm leaving" more as a communication technique rather than a real statement of ending the relationship. problems with intimacy and commitment, he's said. for all the years we've been together he...	sadako	8	515	Apr 8, 2008 by glad
	Does Love grow back? (Preview) When I first met my Husband, I looked into his eyes and knew that I wasnt supposed to be anywhere but right here. I felt that way for a long time, like our love, and our love alone could conquer anything. Slowly his drinking became heavier (or that I knew of anyway), I began to grow and realize what was reall...	wishing13	7	1004	Apr 7, 2008 by ddub
	Facing Reality, Fantasy/Illusion, and Owning our choices (Preview) Hi all, Sunday night's meeting topics were Facing Reality, Fantasy/Illusion, and Owning our choices. Here is my share :) I was flipping through the index of c2c (Courage to Change) last week trying to think of topics to offer to the group. And the first two jumped right out at me. The last one my wonderf...	Mandy123	3	943	Apr 7, 2008 by Jean4444
	Now what? (Preview) Hi Friends, I hate that I am so scared, even though I know much of my fear is based on prediction and what could/will be, not fact. Had the perfect office manager, more than just experience and skill, she had been married to an addict/a. She refused to be an enabler for my AH. He made her crazy and she could...	Loupiness	9	497	Apr 7, 2008 by maresie
	Say what?!? (Preview) I was talking to my AH about his daughter attending birthday/slumber party. He mentioned that his daughter began the topic conversation of "pot" that one of the other children had said the parents were doing at the party. I was completely appaulled!!!! I have a severe NO TOLERANCE for d...	Just For Now	7	440	Apr 7, 2008 by round3
	New here - had a bit of an epiphany today (Preview) Hi all. I am so grateful to have found this forum. I've recently come to the realization that my husband is a functioning alcoholic. In recent years, i have told myself, "he drinks too much" but because he never became abusive, never missed work, etc, I didn't think that could classify hi...	roxymom	4	542	Apr 7, 2008 by maresie
	Son Missing AH - What to do (Preview) I have a concern about balancing my need for distance from my AH and my 3 years olds need to see his father. I have mandated that he can only see our son at my house and he must be clean and sober when he does come. And he did conform for a while, but arrived at my house this last time high Guess my son will be...	sdoody00	9	657	Apr 7, 2008 by lin0606
	What can I say? (Preview) Hmm... I feel pretty good today. I am struggling now with my mom. She just got home on Tuesday(4/1/) I really don't want her around me right now but she is my mom and I love her. She is also a member of Alanon as I have mentioned before. I just need to spend less time with her because when I am around her I alm...	Hoot Nanny	2	321	Apr 7, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	Relationship ESH needed please (Preview) Ok here's my situation... I've known this man, not my A (actually he's not an A at all), I've known him for about 17 years...over half of my life...he and I've been in and out of relationships with each other the entire time we've known each other. He IS my best friend and I'm his. My problem is this: he want...	JenniferN	9	540	Apr 7, 2008 by maresie
	Sister in law died last night at 50 (Preview) So now my niece is a 21 year old orphan! :( My MIL behaved very inappropriately to her and she had no adult support at all, sux to be 21 and the only adult in a room of much older people. But I digress, I was upset about something she had said to her and she said no, it's ok, when I had to work on that crew that pi...	carolinagirl	12	602	Apr 7, 2008 by Gailey
	You will never comprehend this mystical being(my poem) (Preview) You will never comprehend this mystical being Life isn't always a fairy tale Life isn't all about fame There are those that cry out in pain There are things that are difficult to explain She seemed to be free,yet her heart told a different story that you can't see She is trapped within,suffocating hers...	Lauren ashley	3	475	Apr 7, 2008 by sadako
	Generational drunkeness!! Wow! (Preview) Last night I went to a sporting event (mortor cycle race) with the A father of my A Bf of 5 years (spouse, we are more committed than some marreid couples I know) anyway, I am very sad about the neglectful, shameful, horrible things that the father continues to justify with crazy stories. Like feeding m...	glad	4	497	Apr 7, 2008 by Jerry F
	A NEW DAY, A NEW SONG... (Preview) Dear (((((((((((family)))))))))))))))))). Today I am grateful for the sunshine and immediately thought about all the beautiful things that have been happening to me since I started on this journey. Today I looked at my little home and I am grateful that I can come and go in safety. Today I am g...	Suzannah	4	573	Apr 7, 2008 by Mandy123
	Figured something out (Preview) Why I hate weekends now: My son (I realized with a shock) is now closer to 17 than 16! I have always done things with him on the weekends and now, well, he wants to be with his friends or on the computor talking to them. I can't stand being around my AH and used to also distract myself with work from my job, w...	DeadOrAlive	7	349	Apr 7, 2008 by Mandy123
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.