Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

When you [we] let go of controlling the A and the A comes home drunk and does stupid [&dangerous] things....what should we do?/ I know that talking normally is out of the question when they are drunk, so I just ignore the A wife and go on with my own life. Then the day after...she is hungover and in p...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, I was sitting here typing this morning and I saw a movement to my left. I looked over and it was a nice big ol' hairy spider. Ok so my initial reaction was to scream lol (I have seen a spider shudder from a scream of mine before), but I didn't. Something told me to just watch it. So I sat here watching the...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

I'm an American expat living [for 6 yrs now] in a remote village in Thailand and [mostly happily] married with children [8&10yrs]to a Thai woman and she is what i call a 'binge drinker' in that she will occasionally [3 or 4 x a year] go off on a drinking binge and drink til stupid or drops or pukes. No...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, What a day, what a week. Yesterday a co-worker of mine was fired. This was rather unexpected. Not the fact that she was, but the timing. There were reasons. I turned 30 today, and that is messing with my head. I don't know why really. Ok let's be honest. I am lonley. I miss my husband, but I miss the il...

Codependent · Codependent

Haven't posted in a while, but have been reading some books. One is When You Love Them More Than They Love You- Overcoming Codependency in Relationships. A Great Read. Well, the A is out of solitary and has resumed calling. I try not to answer every call, but for whatever reason feel stressed watching...

java · java

After two years, almost, of marriage, and one year of not working, I finally asked the A to leave. This was not easy as I had asked before and he refused. He had even physically made me stay in the house when I wanted to leave, I had been able to file an ex-parte on him last year but the responsibliliteis of th...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

Hi All, I'm new to this board and as my 'handle' implies, I'm an american expat living in Thailand and married to a Thai woman who is an occasional [3-4x/year] and when she does drink, she drinks until she pukes or drops. Otherwise she is a good wife and mother, but these "occasions" have don...

glad · glad

I noticed that there is an abbrev. for Justify Argue Defend Explain JADE So therefore it must be an issue talked about in Alanon. Can anyone give me a view on this... the reason I ask is my A simply will not explain anything, justify anything or defend himself or an issue..he argues but it's kinda wild.. n...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Just to let you all know my friend's dad is doing TONS better. He's off the ventilator and complaining because his kids took off work and came down there to see him. SO...he's doing GOOD! The step-mom is awake and her heart rate is rising, when it get's to where it should be, they'll do MRI's and CT scans....

laurab · laurab

Hello, I haven't been posting, just lurking here for over 6 months, but I am back. I saw a therapist for a while, and joined a therapy group and both were helpful up to a point. I have accepted intellectually that I can't help my A son get sober, but he is in my head so much of the time, especially now that he en...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

I get a little confused by this 'control' thing. I have recently been enlightened by this great forum on the issue of not controlling my binge drinking wife [as previously posted 'stranger in a strange land'] and if anything, I now feel more at ease and even witnessed her moderate drinking last night...

glad · glad

I tried to post this early this morning but don't think it did so Forgive me if it shows up twice!! Love ya'll!!!! Realized some of my extream negative feelings Friday night were due to my needing a BControl shot (which is just strong harmones) I missed my reagualr appointment and can't get one till Ma...

BooBoo313 · BooBoo313

Had a big blow up tonight with AH. He thought about what we had discussed week or so ago and he decided he didn't need any help and thought I was exaggerating the problem. Afraid I lost my temper, but it gave me the courage to actually ask him to leave. OK. It was out. Please leave. But he says no--its h...

ddub · ddub

Hello family, The ride is up and down but feel some calm at the moment. I've been reading a lot of different sources and working on step 4. I came across this short reading on hope in despair to tuck in my pocket for the next harrowing ride so I wanted to share the bit that just grabbed me with a good feeling...

julieabc · julieabc

Hello! I am brand new here and wondered where I could get the books someone mention ODAT and Courage to Change? Thanks

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hi everyone, Forgive me if you get this post twice. Forgot to put a subject line and I don't think the first post worked. Anyway, just wanted to say "Hi". It's been a while since I posted last, been dealing with life, getting to face to face meetings and trying to focus on myself. It's been pret...

intothewoods · intothewoods

Hi everybody! I am so glad that I found this forum! I was having a very hard time, wallowing in a black pit of depression/resentment/fear, using my anger at my A to hurt myself... and then I found this forum! Reading everyone's stories and advice really touched my heart (I was seriously crying in front o...

maresie · maresie

Next year it will one year since I moved out from the A. Not one year since I last spoke to him but one year since I took that irrevocable step of leaving him. I no longer feel grief stricken or rageful at the A. Certainly very angry but nothing like the rage I once felt. My life is far from comfortable but i...

glad · glad

I am learning that I don't have to feel guilty about things other people do. Even if those things hurt me, My hurt's in life are not punishments because of my bad decisions (lovely little bit of religious thinking stuffed into my head growing up) I'm officially kicking that out of my head!! And may need...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Hello (((family))) The very good friend I spoke of in the other posts is needing prayers to your HP please. His father and step-mother were in a very bad motor cycle accident Friday in Mississippi and are in the hospital there. Here is what he said on our myspace bulliten board: Just to let everyone know...

glad · glad

I've been posting and crying you all know that. Well it just dawned on me I may not have to struggle with the decision of staying or not alanon may do that for me... He seems angry I'm on this board right now. Slaming things around etc. Even though he said he didn't want to talk to me. ( and I have told him he ca...

Aloha · Aloha

Well, I wasn't able to get ahold of my sponsor last night. I left her a wacky message, though - but of course, she's an al-anoner, I'm sure it all made perfect sense to her whenever it is she got her message. After the message, I sat down and meditated and prayed. Falling back to my usual fail-safe, &qu...

glad lee · glad lee

Dear Family, I just got back from an al-anon group therapy meeting. It is facilitated by a retired rehab counselor who also authored a book on addiction. I feel so hurt because he called on me (after someone shared how grateful they are for their husband)....and I shared how I felt a twinge of jealou...

Tracy · Tracy

can anyone tell me how to get into the chatroom have tried link on main page. I have also gone on link from sticky's post don,t seem to be able to aqccess it thanks

Christy · Christy

http://www.soulfulliving.com/the_shadow_process.htmEach of us must make the conscious choice to step out of the belief that we are victims of our lives and open up to the possibility that we have created our particular circumstances for a reason. We...

glad · glad

Not as strong as some of my alanon friends. Don't know if I ever will be. Not as strong as the women I see here that have real issues like husbands cheating or beating them. Still feeling sorry for myself anyway. Tried to talk to BF tonight. Didn't go about it right for sure. But even if I had not sure the resu...

Tracy · Tracy

Wow this is so hard I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps entering my mind all the time I do love him my AB. However when he comes into my mind I tell myself to focus on me I am the only person I can conrol. I must admit my life seems a lot more manageable already without him here I have more money, more f...

ally · ally

((((((Guys)))))))) For so long in my life i have accepted who everyone else wanted me to be. Blended in according to their wishes. Pleased everyone by doing what they asked. As opposed to saying no, and risking confrontations with them. I was a people pleaser, always finding happiness in doing f...

Codependent · Codependent

I have noticed that the A has a great deal of compassion for his fellow cell mates. He genuinely seems to "care" about their needs and frustration. I also noticed in some of the responses to my post that others of you have noticed that your A also seemed to give or want you to give to their &quo...

DeadOrAlive · DeadOrAlive

I am hate, hate, hating weekends these days. Number one irritation is my AH and my teen sleep and sleep. The place is a mess and during the week school and work takes up sp much energy. My AH used to always go out for most of Sat./Sun. and I would wake up my son and get the whole place cleaned up. But wakin...

nmike · nmike

Thanks to you all for being there for me and the rest of us Alanoners and the Alanoners that don't know they need us. I come here and post with my "big and heavy" burdens and you always help me up when I can't do it for myself. There is such power in our experience, strength and hope. Just because I...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Just wanted to say Hi to everyone! My sleep is getting better! Before, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping but I can say that today I actually slept in and feel rested. Thanks everyone for giving me the chance to air out some things I may not have been able to, GB you all! Kathleen

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Last night was awful. Mark asked if he could go pub and my heart sank. Then I said why did you buys cans and then go pub we dont have the money then I said he couldnt go till leah was in bed. I know I so naughty for controling it. When he did go I didnt make a fuss. I realised what I did wrong so I didnt nag. I just give...

glad · glad

If anyone saw my post about barking dog that is driving me insane someone suggested giving him peanut butter. I made the worlds thickest pb sandwich and thew it over fence. For about 90 seconds I had peace. Now he is at it again, not as loud or as much but still woofing about every 20 seconds, for about 10 se...

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Last week end my A hit me. he was drunk at the time. It all started when we got in bed i pulled the covers off him and he punched me 6 or 7 times in the leg. I was under the cover so it didnt hurt too much in fact my feelings were hurt more. I have a little bruise nothing huge. After he did it he said you cant get me in t...

serenity62 · serenity62

APRIL BUSINESS MEETING MINUTES: MIP APRIL MINUTES: Chair opened with the Serenity Prayer, 1st on agenda was Secretary report: Minutes from the March 2, 2008 were approved as written......... Next on agenda was treasury report: no report available due to dot being ill. Next on agenda is old b...

Leetle · Leetle

I was hoping this was in my area. It isn't, but is in Minnesota, Florida, Oregon, MY and Illinois in the coming months. Here is the link to the Hazeldon website with details on the conference and dates for anyone interested. http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/womenhealing

Tracy · Tracy

Hi all need some feedback really confused. I have been doing research around co dependency, enabling etc. It seems like everything I have been doing for my A enabling him etc, has been to get my own needs me. I am that insecure I give my all hoping to be loved plus I feel superiour. That is horrible. Accor...

John · John

During a recent trip to Houston, Texas I was asked to speak at the recovery house that I got clean and sober at 18 years ago. I have created a video using a portion of that meeting, with some of other content. It is my hope that some of you will enjoy this 29 minute video I created for the guys in my recovery hou...

Aloha · Aloha

Despite that I may have had a not-so-great day yesterday, I really am feeling that attending Al-anon meetings frequently is really helping me a lot. Monday night was my fifth evening meeting in a row, meaning I went Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to meetings. The Saturday meeting was...

glad · glad

For the third day in a row I was feeling down obsessing over A and how his issues make me feel. (back in that little box running around like a little mouse that can't get out). Anyway then my 23 year old daughter calls and says she found the perfect wedding dress and "doesn't know what happened"...

Aloha · Aloha

Had a pretty powerful ACA meeting last night. I got to one point where I was reading from the "From Survival To Recovery" book, and came to a point where a woman's AH had died and she just felt relieved. I very painfully and tearfully admitted during the meeting that I sometimes felt that wa...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((Hello MIP Friends))) It has been a long while since I posted anything.... I had ventured out into other areas of recovery and found a great deal of contentment... but still missed my MIP friends and all the E,S, and H I gathered here over the past two years. A great many things have happened in my life...

Suzannah · Suzannah

I am exhausted and in a lot of pain right now; having found yesterday's PMP session utterly draining. On top of that I have to add another set of strengthening exercises on a daily basis this week as well as completeing the stretching exercises on a daily basis. It amounts to about two hours of exe...

BooBoo313 · BooBoo313

Since I'm a relative newbie, I'd like some clarification. I'm reading in the literature that I'm not to blame for my situation--its the disease, but then I hear the labels of enabling and co-dependency being used. Could I get some help defining "enabling" and "Co-dependence&qu...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am due to return to the general vicinity of where my AH lives. Where I used to live. All the people I used to know, who used to know the AH and I. I am scared. One of the things I am most afraid of is the yelling. I have been having massively painful feelings of being yelled at by the AH for the majority of ou...

Suzannah · Suzannah

For a long long time I did not realise that I had any anger at all. I was in denial. However, as time has passed and the longer I have been here in this family, I realise that I was angry over many things, events, and situations in my life as a result of the powerlessness I had over the A and alcohol. I turned t...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I missed a call from the A yesterday at 4:45. He called to say that they let him out of jail again, not sure how that happened considering he has warrants in Wilmington for about 4 or 5 other charges and 2 missed court dates. When I talked to his PO he said that he would be transferred over there after he was...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Yes, Dorthy was right...there is no place like home...And that's exactly where I am...I'm home...with Michael... Yesterday was a very LONG, TRYING day. It started out good..kind of... He was driving me to the allergist because the kids were getting tested. My daughter is thankfully not allergic t...

roxygirl · roxygirl

When my son gets upset, he goes into a rage! I don't know what to do? If I feed into the rage of course it escalates and we end up arguing and it goes no where. However, If I detach, and remain calm it seems he feels he has won and he continues to be abusive and loud. Then I feel I have been walked on and abused....

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

So I'm on my way home from work yesterday the phone rings I answer it and it's him (to answer your question debilyn, the display is broken on my phone and I never know who it is till I answer...) Anyway, I have found that my tolerance for his behaviors has pretty much disappeared. He starts off the conver...

desperate for help · desperate for help

I have given him chance after chance after chance!!! I am so done with it all! Why do I continue to put up with it? WHy do I continue to allow myself to be so miserable? Why do I keep calling my attorney to finally say, "OK.I'm ready to file for the divorce", but keep hanging up? I think the la...

Sue64 · Sue64

Hi Everyone! I just joined tonight and here's my story. My hubby, who I married last year, is a definite alcholoic. He was diagnosed with diabetes last year, suffers from depression and hypertension. He seemed to be doing ok, adjusting, and swore of drinking (at that point, I didn't think he had a...

kes · kes

My sister the drunk wanted to confront her 13 yr old son about stealing from her. Tommorow is 1st day back at school from holidays in australia, he's booked into counselling there, he's angry at her and does this stuff because of her - but doesn't really know what is swrong with her. Not a good time to conf...

ddub · ddub

I wanted to share a recent experience for me with detachment for my review of what I learned and get more ideas or actual examples of detachment that has worked for you. At first, I understand now, I taught myself detachment so I would just stay out of the way, leave if I could, not react, minimize conv...

roxygirl · roxygirl

My son is a 24 year old alcoholic. He has so much anger and when he expresses it it comes out as ugly RAGE all the time!! What is the rage about? The littlest thing I say sets him off and he just explodes and yells and he is so mean and ugly!! Does anyone experience this behavior and if so how do you deal with...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, Well ummm yeah. LOL. He hooked me again and I fell for it. Sheesh, when did I get so easy? My hub called me at work and asked me what the kids and I were doing at 6. I said not much. He asked if we would come down to his work and he would buy the kids dinner. I said sure. I got excited he wanted to see the kids. H...

Tracy · Tracy

Wow Thankyou Tom for suggesting that I google toxic love. When my marriage ended I ran from the pain into this relationship with the A which has lasted for 3 years due to my fear of being a lone and blaming myself for husbands addiction. I know I am not to blame and I don't think I learn't my lesson first tim...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

My 30 year old alcoholic/addict daughter had called late last week to let me know she had court on the 9th, and there was a good chance she'd go back to jail. I don't call her anymore as she usually doesn't have a phone, moves so often I never know where she is, and honestly, we have nothing in common. I didn'...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Each day I find I challenge Heartbroken to stay away by my resolve to stand in the light, as Jerry encouraged me to do.Each day I find that Heartbroken does not break me as I choose to follow my programme and detach from the past and live in the present.Each day I see Heartbroken has been conquered when I fi...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	what to do with the ANGER/SILENCE??? (Preview) When you [we] let go of controlling the A and the A comes home drunk and does stupid [&dangerous] things....what should we do?/ I know that talking normally is out of the question when they are drunk, so I just ignore the A wife and go on with my own life. Then the day after...she is hungover and in p...	thaiexpat	10	851	Apr 15, 2008 by maresie
	What do Spiders and Alanon have in common? (Preview) Hi all, I was sitting here typing this morning and I saw a movement to my left. I looked over and it was a nice big ol' hairy spider. Ok so my initial reaction was to scream lol (I have seen a spider shudder from a scream of mine before), but I didn't. Something told me to just watch it. So I sat here watching the...	Mandy123	10	706	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	a stranger in a strange land (Preview) I'm an American expat living [for 6 yrs now] in a remote village in Thailand and [mostly happily] married with children [8&10yrs]to a Thai woman and she is what i call a 'binge drinker' in that she will occasionally [3 or 4 x a year] go off on a drinking binge and drink til stupid or drops or pukes. No...	thaiexpat	5	599	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Need a kick in the butt (Preview) Hi all, What a day, what a week. Yesterday a co-worker of mine was fired. This was rather unexpected. Not the fact that she was, but the timing. There were reasons. I turned 30 today, and that is messing with my head. I don't know why really. Ok let's be honest. I am lonley. I miss my husband, but I miss the il...	Mandy123	12	586	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Hi All (Preview) Haven't posted in a while, but have been reading some books. One is When You Love Them More Than They Love You- Overcoming Codependency in Relationships. A Great Read. Well, the A is out of solitary and has resumed calling. I try not to answer every call, but for whatever reason feel stressed watching...	Codependent	11	444	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Finally A is leaving (Preview) After two years, almost, of marriage, and one year of not working, I finally asked the A to leave. This was not easy as I had asked before and he refused. He had even physically made me stay in the house when I wanted to leave, I had been able to file an ex-parte on him last year but the responsibliliteis of th...	java	8	562	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	binge drinking = alcoholic??? (Preview) Hi All, I'm new to this board and as my 'handle' implies, I'm an american expat living in Thailand and married to a Thai woman who is an occasional [3-4x/year] and when she does drink, she drinks until she pukes or drops. Otherwise she is a good wife and mother, but these "occasions" have don...	thaiexpat	9	742	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Question? JADE (Preview) I noticed that there is an abbrev. for Justify Argue Defend Explain JADE So therefore it must be an issue talked about in Alanon. Can anyone give me a view on this... the reason I ask is my A simply will not explain anything, justify anything or defend himself or an issue..he argues but it's kinda wild.. n...	glad	9	3211	Apr 15, 2008 by glad
	Friend's Dad Update (Preview) Just to let you all know my friend's dad is doing TONS better. He's off the ventilator and complaining because his kids took off work and came down there to see him. SO...he's doing GOOD! The step-mom is awake and her heart rate is rising, when it get's to where it should be, they'll do MRI's and CT scans....	JenniferN	6	313	Apr 14, 2008 by carosie
	He is my son, always (Preview) Hello, I haven't been posting, just lurking here for over 6 months, but I am back. I saw a therapist for a while, and joined a therapy group and both were helpful up to a point. I have accepted intellectually that I can't help my A son get sober, but he is in my head so much of the time, especially now that he en...	laurab	9	484	Apr 14, 2008 by laurab
	when, what and how to control?? (Preview) I get a little confused by this 'control' thing. I have recently been enlightened by this great forum on the issue of not controlling my binge drinking wife [as previously posted 'stranger in a strange land'] and if anything, I now feel more at ease and even witnessed her moderate drinking last night...	thaiexpat	5	586	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	We learn, we grow, we stumble we fall! (Preview) I tried to post this early this morning but don't think it did so Forgive me if it shows up twice!! Love ya'll!!!! Realized some of my extream negative feelings Friday night were due to my needing a BControl shot (which is just strong harmones) I missed my reagualr appointment and can't get one till Ma...	glad	3	676	Apr 14, 2008 by Aloha
	Blow up! (Preview) Had a big blow up tonight with AH. He thought about what we had discussed week or so ago and he decided he didn't need any help and thought I was exaggerating the problem. Afraid I lost my temper, but it gave me the courage to actually ask him to leave. OK. It was out. Please leave. But he says no--its h...	BooBoo313	5	430	Apr 14, 2008 by lin0606
	hope in despair (Preview) Hello family, The ride is up and down but feel some calm at the moment. I've been reading a lot of different sources and working on step 4. I came across this short reading on hope in despair to tuck in my pocket for the next harrowing ride so I wanted to share the bit that just grabbed me with a good feeling...	ddub	6	524	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	books (Preview) Hello! I am brand new here and wondered where I could get the books someone mention ODAT and Courage to Change? Thanks	julieabc	5	387	Apr 14, 2008 by Mobirdie
	Checking In (Preview) Hi everyone, Forgive me if you get this post twice. Forgot to put a subject line and I don't think the first post worked. Anyway, just wanted to say "Hi". It's been a while since I posted last, been dealing with life, getting to face to face meetings and trying to focus on myself. It's been pret...	Rocky38	2	468	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	So glad I found ya'll! Still got a few questions... (Preview) Hi everybody! I am so glad that I found this forum! I was having a very hard time, wallowing in a black pit of depression/resentment/fear, using my anger at my A to hurt myself... and then I found this forum! Reading everyone's stories and advice really touched my heart (I was seriously crying in front o...	intothewoods	8	548	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	one year on new goals, new life (Preview) Next year it will one year since I moved out from the A. Not one year since I last spoke to him but one year since I took that irrevocable step of leaving him. I no longer feel grief stricken or rageful at the A. Certainly very angry but nothing like the rage I once felt. My life is far from comfortable but i...	maresie	6	575	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	From my head to my heart! (Preview) I am learning that I don't have to feel guilty about things other people do. Even if those things hurt me, My hurt's in life are not punishments because of my bad decisions (lovely little bit of religious thinking stuffed into my head growing up) I'm officially kicking that out of my head!! And may need...	glad	3	447	Apr 14, 2008 by round3
	My friend needs your prayers please (Preview) Hello (((family))) The very good friend I spoke of in the other posts is needing prayers to your HP please. His father and step-mother were in a very bad motor cycle accident Friday in Mississippi and are in the hospital there. Here is what he said on our myspace bulliten board: Just to let everyone know...	JenniferN	1	475	Apr 14, 2008 by rtexas
	oh my gosh! realized something (Preview) I've been posting and crying you all know that. Well it just dawned on me I may not have to struggle with the decision of staying or not alanon may do that for me... He seems angry I'm on this board right now. Slaming things around etc. Even though he said he didn't want to talk to me. ( and I have told him he ca...	glad	2	466	Apr 14, 2008 by glad
	Amazing how many times ODAT applies to what I'm feeling (Preview) Well, I wasn't able to get ahold of my sponsor last night. I left her a wacky message, though - but of course, she's an al-anoner, I'm sure it all made perfect sense to her whenever it is she got her message. After the message, I sat down and meditated and prayed. Falling back to my usual fail-safe, &qu...	Aloha	5	700	Apr 14, 2008 by Aloha
	Recovering from meeting (Preview) Dear Family, I just got back from an al-anon group therapy meeting. It is facilitated by a retired rehab counselor who also authored a book on addiction. I feel so hurt because he called on me (after someone shared how grateful they are for their husband)....and I shared how I felt a twinge of jealou...	glad lee	11	492	Apr 13, 2008 by Jen
	want to chat (Preview) can anyone tell me how to get into the chatroom have tried link on main page. I have also gone on link from sticky's post don,t seem to be able to aqccess it thanks	Tracy	1	400	Apr 13, 2008 by Christy
	The Shadow process (Preview) http://www.soulfulliving.com/the_shadow_process.htmEach of us must make the conscious choice to step out of the belief that we are victims of our lives and open up to the possibility that we have created our particular circumstances for a reason. We...	Christy	12	2641	Apr 13, 2008 by paulaque
	Okay guys I'm not working it tonight! (Preview) Not as strong as some of my alanon friends. Don't know if I ever will be. Not as strong as the women I see here that have real issues like husbands cheating or beating them. Still feeling sorry for myself anyway. Tried to talk to BF tonight. Didn't go about it right for sure. But even if I had not sure the resu...	glad	3	519	Apr 13, 2008 by lin0606
	Concentrating on myself (Preview) Wow this is so hard I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps entering my mind all the time I do love him my AB. However when he comes into my mind I tell myself to focus on me I am the only person I can conrol. I must admit my life seems a lot more manageable already without him here I have more money, more f...	Tracy	2	511	Apr 13, 2008 by lin0606
	I AM WHAT I AM... (Preview) ((((((Guys)))))))) For so long in my life i have accepted who everyone else wanted me to be. Blended in according to their wishes. Pleased everyone by doing what they asked. As opposed to saying no, and risking confrontations with them. I was a people pleaser, always finding happiness in doing f...	ally	5	328	Apr 13, 2008 by ESH
	They give to others (Preview) I have noticed that the A has a great deal of compassion for his fellow cell mates. He genuinely seems to "care" about their needs and frustration. I also noticed in some of the responses to my post that others of you have noticed that your A also seemed to give or want you to give to their &quo...	Codependent	12	462	Apr 13, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Resenting (Preview) I am hate, hate, hating weekends these days. Number one irritation is my AH and my teen sleep and sleep. The place is a mess and during the week school and work takes up sp much energy. My AH used to always go out for most of Sat./Sun. and I would wake up my son and get the whole place cleaned up. But wakin...	DeadOrAlive	4	671	Apr 13, 2008 by cookie1971
	Did I remember to say thanks? (Preview) Thanks to you all for being there for me and the rest of us Alanoners and the Alanoners that don't know they need us. I come here and post with my "big and heavy" burdens and you always help me up when I can't do it for myself. There is such power in our experience, strength and hope. Just because I...	nmike	5	593	Apr 12, 2008 by cookie1971
	Hi! (Preview) Just wanted to say Hi to everyone! My sleep is getting better! Before, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping but I can say that today I actually slept in and feel rested. Thanks everyone for giving me the chance to air out some things I may not have been able to, GB you all! Kathleen	Hoot Nanny	4	413	Apr 12, 2008 by cookie1971
	Last Night (Preview) Last night was awful. Mark asked if he could go pub and my heart sank. Then I said why did you buys cans and then go pub we dont have the money then I said he couldnt go till leah was in bed. I know I so naughty for controling it. When he did go I didnt make a fuss. I realised what I did wrong so I didnt nag. I just give...	mum2leahnjosh	3	348	Apr 12, 2008 by ESH
	Bassett hounds eat really fast! (Preview) If anyone saw my post about barking dog that is driving me insane someone suggested giving him peanut butter. I made the worlds thickest pb sandwich and thew it over fence. For about 90 seconds I had peace. Now he is at it again, not as loud or as much but still woofing about every 20 seconds, for about 10 se...	glad	3	427	Apr 12, 2008 by glad
	Not again (Preview) Last week end my A hit me. he was drunk at the time. It all started when we got in bed i pulled the covers off him and he punched me 6 or 7 times in the leg. I was under the cover so it didnt hurt too much in fact my feelings were hurt more. I have a little bruise nothing huge. After he did it he said you cant get me in t...	mum2leahnjosh	7	526	Apr 12, 2008 by lin0606
	April Business Meeting Minutes: (Preview) APRIL BUSINESS MEETING MINUTES: MIP APRIL MINUTES: Chair opened with the Serenity Prayer, 1st on agenda was Secretary report: Minutes from the March 2, 2008 were approved as written......... Next on agenda was treasury report: no report available due to dot being ill. Next on agenda is old b...	serenity62	0	419	Apr 12, 2008 by serenity62
	Women Healing Conference (Preview) I was hoping this was in my area. It isn't, but is in Minnesota, Florida, Oregon, MY and Illinois in the coming months. Here is the link to the Hazeldon website with details on the conference and dates for anyone interested. http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/womenhealing	Leetle	1	261	Apr 12, 2008 by ddub
	Conditional love (Preview) Hi all need some feedback really confused. I have been doing research around co dependency, enabling etc. It seems like everything I have been doing for my A enabling him etc, has been to get my own needs me. I am that insecure I give my all hoping to be loved plus I feel superiour. That is horrible. Accor...	Tracy	4	2504	Apr 11, 2008 by maresie
	Video - Letting Go, Letting God (Preview) During a recent trip to Houston, Texas I was asked to speak at the recovery house that I got clean and sober at 18 years ago. I have created a video using a portion of that meeting, with some of other content. It is my hope that some of you will enjoy this 29 minute video I created for the guys in my recovery hou...	John	3	716	Apr 11, 2008 by maresie
	Frequent meetings - they DO help (Preview) Despite that I may have had a not-so-great day yesterday, I really am feeling that attending Al-anon meetings frequently is really helping me a lot. Monday night was my fifth evening meeting in a row, meaning I went Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to meetings. The Saturday meeting was...	Aloha	6	542	Apr 11, 2008 by Jean4444
	Daughter writes 1200 hot check And it's a good thing! (Preview) For the third day in a row I was feeling down obsessing over A and how his issues make me feel. (back in that little box running around like a little mouse that can't get out). Anyway then my 23 year old daughter calls and says she found the perfect wedding dress and "doesn't know what happened"...	glad	1	419	Apr 11, 2008 by maresie
	Why do they say the things they say... (Preview) Had a pretty powerful ACA meeting last night. I got to one point where I was reading from the "From Survival To Recovery" book, and came to a point where a woman's AH had died and she just felt relieved. I very painfully and tearfully admitted during the meeting that I sometimes felt that wa...	Aloha	10	701	Apr 11, 2008 by Sue64
	Been taking a break... but wanted to say hi (Preview) (((Hello MIP Friends))) It has been a long while since I posted anything.... I had ventured out into other areas of recovery and found a great deal of contentment... but still missed my MIP friends and all the E,S, and H I gathered here over the past two years. A great many things have happened in my life...	twinmom2	4	548	Apr 11, 2008 by rtexas
	EXHAUSTION (Preview) I am exhausted and in a lot of pain right now; having found yesterday's PMP session utterly draining. On top of that I have to add another set of strengthening exercises on a daily basis this week as well as completeing the stretching exercises on a daily basis. It amounts to about two hours of exe...	Suzannah	5	513	Apr 11, 2008 by cookie1971
	Enabling and Co-dependence (Preview) Since I'm a relative newbie, I'd like some clarification. I'm reading in the literature that I'm not to blame for my situation--its the disease, but then I hear the labels of enabling and co-dependency being used. Could I get some help defining "enabling" and "Co-dependence&qu...	BooBoo313	11	1788	Apr 10, 2008 by round3
	The Yelling (Preview) I am due to return to the general vicinity of where my AH lives. Where I used to live. All the people I used to know, who used to know the AH and I. I am scared. One of the things I am most afraid of is the yelling. I have been having massively painful feelings of being yelled at by the AH for the majority of ou...	Jean4444	26	591	Apr 10, 2008 by round3
	Anger - management and denial and release (Preview) For a long long time I did not realise that I had any anger at all. I was in denial. However, as time has passed and the longer I have been here in this family, I realise that I was angry over many things, events, and situations in my life as a result of the powerlessness I had over the A and alcohol. I turned t...	Suzannah	4	2741	Apr 10, 2008 by paulaque
	Somehow he got out of jail... (Preview) I missed a call from the A yesterday at 4:45. He called to say that they let him out of jail again, not sure how that happened considering he has warrants in Wilmington for about 4 or 5 other charges and 2 missed court dates. When I talked to his PO he said that he would be transferred over there after he was...	carolinagirl	7	636	Apr 10, 2008 by maresie
	There's No Place Like Home (Preview) Yes, Dorthy was right...there is no place like home...And that's exactly where I am...I'm home...with Michael... Yesterday was a very LONG, TRYING day. It started out good..kind of... He was driving me to the allergist because the kids were getting tested. My daughter is thankfully not allergic t...	JenniferN	2	382	Apr 10, 2008 by maresie
	HOW TO HANDLE RAGE?? (Preview) When my son gets upset, he goes into a rage! I don't know what to do? If I feed into the rage of course it escalates and we end up arguing and it goes no where. However, If I detach, and remain calm it seems he feels he has won and he continues to be abusive and loud. Then I feel I have been walked on and abused....	roxygirl	4	473	Apr 10, 2008 by twinmom2
	Why can't he just leave me alone? (Preview) So I'm on my way home from work yesterday the phone rings I answer it and it's him (to answer your question debilyn, the display is broken on my phone and I never know who it is till I answer...) Anyway, I have found that my tolerance for his behaviors has pretty much disappeared. He starts off the conver...	carolinagirl	5	684	Apr 10, 2008 by Mandy123
	I am so done with A!!! (Preview) I have given him chance after chance after chance!!! I am so done with it all! Why do I continue to put up with it? WHy do I continue to allow myself to be so miserable? Why do I keep calling my attorney to finally say, "OK.I'm ready to file for the divorce", but keep hanging up? I think the la...	desperate for help	7	588	Apr 10, 2008 by BooBoo313
	Hi, I'm new, can use some advice (Preview) Hi Everyone! I just joined tonight and here's my story. My hubby, who I married last year, is a definite alcholoic. He was diagnosed with diabetes last year, suffers from depression and hypertension. He seemed to be doing ok, adjusting, and swore of drinking (at that point, I didn't think he had a...	Sue64	9	695	Apr 9, 2008 by Sue64
	This is hell, stopped sis attacking son, confronted about her drinking, now I'm the devil (Preview) My sister the drunk wanted to confront her 13 yr old son about stealing from her. Tommorow is 1st day back at school from holidays in australia, he's booked into counselling there, he's angry at her and does this stuff because of her - but doesn't really know what is swrong with her. Not a good time to conf...	kes	5	661	Apr 9, 2008 by bettyb
	detachment baby steps (Preview) I wanted to share a recent experience for me with detachment for my review of what I learned and get more ideas or actual examples of detachment that has worked for you. At first, I understand now, I taught myself detachment so I would just stay out of the way, leave if I could, not react, minimize conv...	ddub	2	360	Apr 9, 2008 by Aloha
	WHY SO MUCH RAGE? (Preview) My son is a 24 year old alcoholic. He has so much anger and when he expresses it it comes out as ugly RAGE all the time!! What is the rage about? The littlest thing I say sets him off and he just explodes and yells and he is so mean and ugly!! Does anyone experience this behavior and if so how do you deal with...	roxygirl	7	422	Apr 9, 2008 by Aloha
	Fast Food, Boundaries, and Self-Care strange mix huh? (Preview) Hi all, Well ummm yeah. LOL. He hooked me again and I fell for it. Sheesh, when did I get so easy? My hub called me at work and asked me what the kids and I were doing at 6. I said not much. He asked if we would come down to his work and he would buy the kids dinner. I said sure. I got excited he wanted to see the kids. H...	Mandy123	5	577	Apr 9, 2008 by maresie
	Toxix love (Preview) Wow Thankyou Tom for suggesting that I google toxic love. When my marriage ended I ran from the pain into this relationship with the A which has lasted for 3 years due to my fear of being a lone and blaming myself for husbands addiction. I know I am not to blame and I don't think I learn't my lesson first tim...	Tracy	1	393	Apr 9, 2008 by maresie
	Looks like the oldest daughter is back in jail... (Preview) My 30 year old alcoholic/addict daughter had called late last week to let me know she had court on the 9th, and there was a good chance she'd go back to jail. I don't call her anymore as she usually doesn't have a phone, moves so often I never know where she is, and honestly, we have nothing in common. I didn'...	Tenderheartsks	3	350	Apr 9, 2008 by Gailey
	Challenging HEARTBROKEN (Preview) Each day I find I challenge Heartbroken to stay away by my resolve to stand in the light, as Jerry encouraged me to do.Each day I find that Heartbroken does not break me as I choose to follow my programme and detach from the past and live in the present.Each day I see Heartbroken has been conquered when I fi...	Suzannah	5	515	Apr 9, 2008 by cookie1971
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.