The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow this is so hard I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps entering my mind all the time I do love him my AB. However when he comes into my mind I tell myself to focus on me I am the only person I can conrol. I must admit my life seems a lot more manageable already without him here I have more money, more food in the cupboard and I am spending more time with the kids. I know we are not supposed to bribe the A or anthing like that. I have told him I need space to sort out myself and if he sorts himself out we can try again in future( hoping this will bring about change) still trying too control. He has rang a couple of times and sounds a bit insecure has tried to manipulate me start cycle again but I have stayed strong. This sounds terrible but when he is in his mums wanting me I am strong and have hope he loves me enough to change, even though I know it's not about his love for me he is ill. Something he said the other night brought me to reality with a bump. He said maybe we needed to split to fix it. I agreed we needed time to both needed time to work on our own issues. But then he said maybe it is a good thing I am not working because I would spend all the money on benders at the moment. He asked if he could come down next day I said no he wasn't very happy. Rang last night to see if he was feeling o.k he was out and no one has still seen him he's not going to change it hurts so much but I just have to heal and move on. I think maybe I need to tell him its over for good grieve and move on then I can really keep the focus on myself.
Be gentle with yourself. Knowing what is the right thing AND being able to act accordingly, is a process. I was a slow learner.
It has taken me over a year to realize and accept that I will be happier alone than with my AH. For me, it was about giving up what I want and think should be, and accepting what is. Tough one.
Meetings, literature, friends, your HP...embrace them all.
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
You can give yourself time, if you need it - there is no reason to hurry with decisions if you don't feel ready to make them.
Telling him that you can't live with the drinking is not trying to control him, it is setting boundaries on what you will put up with. He has the right to make his decsions, but you have the right to make yours, too.
