The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was sitting here typing this morning and I saw a movement to my left. I looked over and it was a nice big ol' hairy spider. Ok so my initial reaction was to scream lol (I have seen a spider shudder from a scream of mine before), but I didn't. Something told me to just watch it.
So I sat here watching the spider trying to crawl up my wall and watching it fail to move upward. In fact every movement it made slid him just a bit down the wall. He would then move forward a bit and then once again try to crawl up. His legs were sliding up, but he didn't find what he needed to move himself up.
I then (omg I can't believe this part) wanted to help him. Not move up of course, but to get down so his struggle would be over. Just as I was about to stand up, it hit me. I then saw the spider as my "A". All my "help" never got him anywhere. He needs to move on his own without my help. Getting the spider off my wall could possibly lead to him getting squished. And helping him up could lead to him falling on my head (omg one time one fell off the ceiling and landed on my keyboard, yeah I screamed.) or something worse than falling on my head, which I really don't know what that is.
All I can do is sit back and watch my "A" or not. I took my eyes off the spider and he went on his own little hairy way somewhere. But the point is he still went on his way even though I wasn't watching him.
So I was thinking about this as I was washing up the dinner dishes. And I saw another side to the whole spider. I can be the spider. I am struggling to pull myself up after years of living with the disease. And I do need help to get to where I need to go.
Meetings, literature, my alanon friends, working the steps, and my sponsor are what I can catch myself onto to help me up to where I need to be. I can't get there on my own, I will keep backsliding if I do.
So if I don't want to get squished or land on someone's head I better use my tools.
I think by far this is my strangest post. Hmmm maybe not I am working on one that hit me while making dinner tonight, Alanon is like spaghetti sauce (I am not kidding). LOL so stay tuned.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Too cool, Mandy. Love it. I will be waiting for part 2 as well.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
thank you ((mandy))) great post....I was thinking how much like the spider I am....it's progress not perfection and eventually I get to where I need to get :) Can't wait to read the spaghetti sauce analogy
I thought, spider falling into your open mouth while sleeping. That would be worse than on the head... I like your metaphor of the spider being like the A I was waiting for you to say and then I stomped him... LOL Glad you let him live ...
