Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

maresie · maresie

Like man others codependents, self care is a whole foreign territory for me. Put me in front of an active alcholic and I'll make it my life purpose to take care of them and anticipate their needs. My own needs go astray so often I find it like a incredible puzzle and really very difficult to keep coming ba...

RLC · RLC

Wishing the best on our U.S. custom of Thanksgiving Day. Happy Turkey Day everyone!!! I have not been posting much lately as the last three months are the peak time for my business.But, I have not missed either of my Al-Anon meetings each week, just do not have a lot of extra time for me this time of the y...

TLynn · TLynn

I am new here. My ex Abf has been sober for 27 months now. He broke things off with me about 5 months into his recovery - telling me that he couldn't handle being in a relationship and didn't know when he would be able to handle it. We still talk from time to time, but it's usually just about how his kids ar...

charlescharles · charlescharles

a rough nite tonight but i'll get throuhg the girlfriend hs been going to aa meetings with me and will be going on a trip to see her mother for a week i am inspired and saddened by this visit...but generally feeling good about my own sobriety and my own head i think the best thing that could happen to me would...

slowlearner · slowlearner

I thought Step One was the easiest to get. Just admit we are powerless over alcohol and the behaviors it creates. But to me it means that we are powerless over controlling anyone's behavior. I cannot control my AH's behavior or that of my children or anyone else that is in my life. I am just beginning...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hey Everybody,My eyes have taken a turn for the worse just as I start to feel my feet again ... it has me a little off balance, and I can't read for long. I will be here everyday, reading what I can wishing I could reply and keep up as I have been. I may be able to hook this up to the tv to make it easier once this off...

buick23 · buick23

Hope everyone is doing okay. I haven't posted in a while but have been reading posts here and there. My bf has been sober for 8 months now, and also thanks to alanon, we are still together. I never thought we would get to this point. Taking it one day at the time really works, and it does get better. I was so af...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

OK, so I had a great thanksgiving and now I am back home. I can feel this incredible tension just under the surface, though. I can tell I need to stick incredibly close to my program at all moments. I feel like I need to maintain some serious vigilance. I have my meeting Monday night and will try to find...

joyoma · joyoma

Hey, Everyone! The last time I posted I was headed for more surgery. That is now in the past as is the week of brachy radiation. None the worse for wear, altho still recuperating and a tad immobile and fatigued. Have had techno problems with signing-on. Somehow I recalled having another e-mail addre...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi All My AH has been gone ten days today. It has not been easy, but hearing for the oldest son that he maybe going back in to treatment. Not my problem but it is so hard not to care. But careing right now willl get me nowhere. I still feel hurt. I have not heared form him in two day I know that me saying that he c...

Toto814 · Toto814

I'm sure this is not a new topic, but I'm struggling with it. I'm getting formally separated from my AH because I told him I wouldn't live with a husband who wasn't here for me. Sometimes he came home drunk, sometimes not at all - so I set a boundary that says that is a 'deal breaker' for me. He agreed to a for...

Maria123 · Maria123

((((Friends)))), I have been sick the better part of 6 weeks It started as a nasty cold and turned into pneumonia then turned into ripped up muscles in between my rib cage which mimicked chest pain/heart attack. I had me a little ride in the little white van/truck with the big flashing red lights on to...

Jerry F · Jerry F

this moring at the Super Saturday AFG and expressed my gratitude to her and her recovering alcoholic husband for hosting the Thanksgiving get-together at their home in the jungle/forest outside of Hilo. I am still deeply affected by that gathering as all of us, all 35 plus have been on the same journ...

Codependent · Codependent

It seems every time I come here I come with a story where I have slipped or done something that makes me ashamed. You people always remind me that it is okay to be who I am and it is okay to forgive myself and let it go. I can't say thank you enough!

newbelief · newbelief

These days I'm struggling a lot with guilt. My A has been rapidly deteriorating - while he has pretty much been drunk since the day we got married three years ago, these past few weeks he descended into some unknown territory which ended with him being busted with a DWI. I don't recognize him anymore. I k...

liljeannie · liljeannie

Hello family, Today is Sunday, November 30, the end of one month, the beginning of another. Today, I asked my A to leave. Actually, it was last night, but he didnt believe me then. This morning he arrived with his stepfather to take some of his belongings. He only took clothing, leaving everything...

debilyn · debilyn

Have worked morn to night on the main house yard. Got it all cleaned out. Then took out a huge flower bed, put all gravel to the front porch. Then put down this pretty bark stuff called hog fuel. Every joint in me is screaming. But wow from the road it looks sooo nice. The ducks kept following behind me eatin...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Thanks to this program I had a great thanksgiving with my family and friends. It was a wonderful day full of fun and laughter and great food. Thanks to al-anon I have a great plan for christmas as well. I chose to spend it with a very special friend who I love who I have not seen in a couple of years. I cann...

Jerry F · Jerry F

It was a right on decision to attend the Super Saturday Al-Anon Family Group meeting. After the usual opening protocol the secretary announced the topic of "Self Focus" and the membership stayed on it. The feedback was as usual for me awesome. I'm amazed still at the ability to learn fr...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

...because I have no idea where it has gone! Yes, I have been dealing with more than the usual health issues recently, and have taken action. I'm being gentle with myself in that area. I have an appointment with my pain management specialist next week for a referral on to a surgeon to at least discuss opt...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am OK but my kitty died two weeks ago and I am lonely without her. I never thought I would have a beautiful cat like her. I had moments yesterday where I saw her & once I dreamt about her being alive again. That's all. Kathleen

maresie · maresie

For a whole year after leaving the A I've sat on that edge. I had no clear direction of how I will get out of the situation I am in (financial and emotional stuff). Of course many of us who leave an active A leave with huge debt, much work to do and more. I am still very very much on survival. Most of my time is s...

Jerry F · Jerry F

That all of you are loved and appreciated expecially from this Pacific Islander family member. I am grateful and especially thankful for the unconditional love and support I have received over our time together. How marvelous a life this has turned out for me. Mahalo Akua...Mahalo Al-Anon Fam...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi Why can he not leave us alone? He can over last night to say happy thankgiving and today ask our nineteen year son to call and see of he can come over to put up christmas stuff. Last night our daughter and my self just looked at him. Today I told him no. Our children are19,18, 15 they know where he is of the...

amy · amy

Okay, I need some support! My father was an alcoholic, my husband has all ths ism's as my counselor says with some coda behavior. He says I have the double wammy! He associates sex with love and intimacy. I have felt used and abused for many years. He is like an empty tank you could never fill! I don't try an...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hi MIP family, Many of you know from my previous posts that I have been working my program in earnest for a relatively short time ( ~ 9 months). During that time, I have been learning a lot about my own disease of codependancy and enabling. I've learned that my needs and my sons needs are important and I'v...

liljeannie · liljeannie

Hello all, It's been a while since I've posted. Been reading a lot of past posts about A's returning home from rehab, as that is what happened here almost 4 weeks ago. Things are different, but the same. I am no longer watching him like a hawk....I have so much more energy now! During the 4 weeks he was g...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear all, I have come to the end of our holiday in the sun, last two days were really cold, we went on a boat trip and today we went to aqua sur with a fellow holiday maker who I did not feel great about, maybe its just me but red flags. My father is very needy which is awkward as before stepmother died, he did not...

Rora · Rora

I am trying. I really, really am trying to understand. To keep it at me. I am really really trying to wrap my head around that. Here's a situation of today... My aH comes over today. We've been separated for 6 wks now. The plan was that he'd come by this morning before I left for work, bring coffee, spend t...

hopeful123 · hopeful123

Hello everyone, Hope that everyone had a peaceful Thanksgiving. I am feeling exhausted and, I think, numb. I told my parents today the real reason my ex and I broke up--bc he is an A, not bc I wasn't ready for commitment like I told them originally. My mom was understanding and sympathetic. My dad go...

Jill · Jill

hi for the first time I am having trouble seeing any message put in the last 3 days. Even the last updates on the summary page are 3 days out of date, because if I open a topic, I will see 6 replies later than the last reply on the summary. Does anyone know how to fix this? I believe I will need a private message s...

brownmf · brownmf

My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi all I am doing good my A is still at his mother's house. He has tryed to turn all the utilitly off but I have them all back on. He has called every night this week but last night. I would ask him want he wanted and after he would tell me I would just hang up the phone. He took his name off the rent arreament and...

maresie · maresie

One of my biggest issues with all my relationships was rushing in. I rushed right in with the ex A. In fact one of my best friends cautioned me and said she would not stand by me while I did it. I couldn't understand what she was talking about after all why not. Now when I meet men I wait and wait and wait an...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((Family))))), Since many of you might be travelling today and will be busy tomorrow, I just wanted to take a moment to wish my Alanon family A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I know this time of year can be tough on us. This is my first holiday without my dear hubby Tim. I miss him so much everyday. I know h...

slowlearner · slowlearner

The stress is already beginning to start. I am having Thanksgiving at my house on Saturday for about twenty people (this is my side of the family and I have done this for 10 years now) Really didn't want to do it - but my kids love the tradition of it - so I gave in. My AH's family get together is on Thursday...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Dear MIP Family, Just a short post to say how grateful I am for each and every one of you that participates on this board. I have learned so much from each of you. I wish a wonderful Thanksgiving break for all, full of peace, love and most importantly, serenity. Love, Rocky

shellyj123 · shellyj123

First of all I would like to wish all my MIP family a very Blessed Thanksgiving:) May the day be exactly the day you need it to be filled with wonderful things. I am reminded today to thank all of you for all your help and sharing, to be grateful that I found MIP and to count all the blessings in my life-eve...

Jill · Jill

This is just me - I see "I'm sorry" in response to something causingone of us to struggle. When I see that, I think - well, you didn't cause it so you don't need to be sorry. You didn't cause it and you can't change it. Do any of you ever hear the disembodied voice in the phone prompt tell you it's...

Moonshadow · Moonshadow

I am new here and so lost. Short History first. I was with my "A" seven years. We are currently not together because of his family. His Mother died last April and his sisters stepped in and he had to move to the family farm or they would have taken his inheratance and I was banned from the farm. T...

brownmf · brownmf

My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hi Everyone, Somebody is listening out there. Considering I had never been on a real date until a couple weeks ago, when I said I was ready *PooF* Oppurtunities are falling out of the sky. I have fear, don't get me wrong this is kind of fun, just bringing up new issues to work out in my head and with my HP an...

LEEA · LEEA

I have noticed alot of new members on this site. Getting through the holidays is going to be rough for me, and I assume others. Are there any tips from you more "experienced" members that you wouldn't mind passing on? Thank you in advance.

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

realize that I will react to people when they hurt me. I used to be a doormat and not do anything. Then somewhere along the line I became so resentful from holding it all in I think that I now snap at people because they are hurting me. I don't deserve to be hurt but other people don't deserve it either just be...

Sincerely · Sincerely

Chaos vs Order I am having trouble today with Chaos. And other peoples Chaos. I can take care of me and have ORDER. Stress free and take care of business. I just can't stand the Chaos of other people being scatterbrained. I mean, come on...get it together, right? OH..just venting! Thanks all!

debilyn · debilyn

The insurance guy came,took pictures then says, "I will bill you." !!!!!! yay!!! Hp is so good. It felt good yesterday and last night to be serene and KNOW everything will be ok no matter what. When I woke up the feather bed and dogs and cats felt so nice. warm, safe. I asked him what he thought I...

charlescharles · charlescharles

hello all..its been a while since i have posted here...i am still sober and going to meetings...even working for the first time in years...so in that respect all is fairly well my relationship is still an ongoing uncertainty allthough it has improved four thousand percent since i have gotten sober....

doublesmommy · doublesmommy

A quick recap. I posted months ago that I thought my H was an alcoholic. He left me and the kids in February for another woman etc. Anyway late last week he told me that he can finally admit that he is an alcoholic. did I know how much he was drinking? He claims he has been to a few AA meetings and at those me...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Hi Friends, I want to share with you a song that is very powerful to me. Actually, it would be a great theme song for MIP. Even the title of the album, "We Need Each Other" fits perfectly. The song is called "Whatever You're Doing" and is a wonderful message about the power of HP. I en...

queenie105 · queenie105

Hi All, Well remember last week I said I was gonna deal with my AH till he dies, well I'm not meaning to sound mean at all, but I guess there ain't gonna be such luck. I am so upset with myself right now, I don't know how to get out of it. AH has, of course, been drinking steadily worse and worse since last week...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

OK so, living with active AH but needing to disentangle. Been trying hard, we are cordial but don't touch eachother for many months now. He knows I want it over. He is being too nice but everyday he goes through my stuff. I think he's looking for money. He's broke. He has beewn pawning stuff. Sleeps all da...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity???? Well this one wasn't that hard for me.......I've always believed just gave up when things didn't go the way I thought they should-lol, all those unanswered prayers made me think that my happiness just wasn't muc...

Mobirdie · Mobirdie

http://coping.org/control/detach.htm The above website has an excellent worksheet on detachment along with other issues we deal with on a daily basis such as anger. We have used this worksheet in two different f2f meetings that I attend and have found it extremely helpful. You will find some w...

Diva · Diva

Why is it so many people cannot express themselves without the repeated use of the "f" word? So, ok; I have heard it before, but does that mean I have to be continually assaulted with the trashiest, most disgusting word the English language has produced? Have I missed something? Is thi...

Diva · Diva

"You are exactly where you are supposed to be"? This is a phrase that has always befuddled me. What does it mean? If I am hurting, angry, depressed, dejected, and lost, I am NOT where I am supposed to be. If I am standing atop a tall building contemplating the jump, I am NOT where I am suppos...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

As I read and reread that step I think back to the past. During my marriage to AH I was beaten and mentally abused for years. My life defined the definition of insanity-yet I kept doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. After divorce I thought No Alcoholic=No problem for me...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well for those who have followed my life saga on here-you know that ABF dumped me-the hoot of it was he did it at the Dairy Queen. That was Friday the 14th and I've been in a serious state of depression since then. I do feel better and am sleeping better now also. Ex ABF and I saw one another the Sunday...

Wittsend · Wittsend

My husband has been to 6 or so AA meetings. The first time for him. After the meeting, he drinks in the car before coming home. From what I can get from him, the 12 steips aren't discussed at the meetings he's been to. I'm extremely disappointed. I know he's going to the meetings, he picks u...

debilyn · debilyn

My friend just told me AH was in the paper. I said,dead?!Oh boy he is so sick. How has he stayed alive this long???? Here is the report:Crash, arrests Police responded to a two-vehicle collision at 4:07 p.m. Thursday at Queen Avenue and Oak Street S.E., and arrested both drivers. According to police,...

amy · amy

This site has been wonderful for me to look at each night. I hope I can one day be of some support to others also. My father was a chronic alcoholic and I have found out now after 14 years of marriage(not good) that he and my codependent mom did have a large effect on me. I married someone a lot like my father,...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Self care (Preview) Like man others codependents, self care is a whole foreign territory for me. Put me in front of an active alcholic and I'll make it my life purpose to take care of them and anticipate their needs. My own needs go astray so often I find it like a incredible puzzle and really very difficult to keep coming ba...	maresie	2	438	Dec 2, 2008 by maresie
	Happy Turkey Day And More (Preview) Wishing the best on our U.S. custom of Thanksgiving Day. Happy Turkey Day everyone!!! I have not been posting much lately as the last three months are the peak time for my business.But, I have not missed either of my Al-Anon meetings each week, just do not have a lot of extra time for me this time of the y...	RLC	3	595	Dec 2, 2008 by maresie
	Am I crazy to hope (Preview) I am new here. My ex Abf has been sober for 27 months now. He broke things off with me about 5 months into his recovery - telling me that he couldn't handle being in a relationship and didn't know when he would be able to handle it. We still talk from time to time, but it's usually just about how his kids ar...	TLynn	3	491	Dec 2, 2008 by maresie
	struggling addict..co dependent (Preview) a rough nite tonight but i'll get throuhg the girlfriend hs been going to aa meetings with me and will be going on a trip to see her mother for a week i am inspired and saddened by this visit...but generally feeling good about my own sobriety and my own head i think the best thing that could happen to me would...	charlescharles	3	509	Dec 2, 2008 by Tiger2006
	Step One - I'm finally getting it! (Preview) I thought Step One was the easiest to get. Just admit we are powerless over alcohol and the behaviors it creates. But to me it means that we are powerless over controlling anyone's behavior. I cannot control my AH's behavior or that of my children or anyone else that is in my life. I am just beginning...	slowlearner	2	531	Dec 2, 2008 by Tiger2006
	Challenges (Preview) Hey Everybody,My eyes have taken a turn for the worse just as I start to feel my feet again ... it has me a little off balance, and I can't read for long. I will be here everyday, reading what I can wishing I could reply and keep up as I have been. I may be able to hook this up to the tv to make it easier once this off...	Jennifer	4	499	Dec 1, 2008 by Jennifer
	an update (Preview) Hope everyone is doing okay. I haven't posted in a while but have been reading posts here and there. My bf has been sober for 8 months now, and also thanks to alanon, we are still together. I never thought we would get to this point. Taking it one day at the time really works, and it does get better. I was so af...	buick23	2	456	Dec 1, 2008 by ddub
	Just under the surface... (Preview) OK, so I had a great thanksgiving and now I am back home. I can feel this incredible tension just under the surface, though. I can tell I need to stick incredibly close to my program at all moments. I feel like I need to maintain some serious vigilance. I have my meeting Monday night and will try to find...	Jean4444	4	583	Dec 1, 2008 by ddub
	Long time, no post! (Preview) Hey, Everyone! The last time I posted I was headed for more surgery. That is now in the past as is the week of brachy radiation. None the worse for wear, altho still recuperating and a tad immobile and fatigued. Have had techno problems with signing-on. Somehow I recalled having another e-mail addre...	joyoma	8	538	Dec 1, 2008 by lin0606
	Ten Day (Preview) Hi All My AH has been gone ten days today. It has not been easy, but hearing for the oldest son that he maybe going back in to treatment. Not my problem but it is so hard not to care. But careing right now willl get me nowhere. I still feel hurt. I have not heared form him in two day I know that me saying that he c...	smileycat	3	470	Dec 1, 2008 by Jen
	Separation (Preview) I'm sure this is not a new topic, but I'm struggling with it. I'm getting formally separated from my AH because I told him I wouldn't live with a husband who wasn't here for me. Sometimes he came home drunk, sometimes not at all - so I set a boundary that says that is a 'deal breaker' for me. He agreed to a for...	Toto814	4	617	Dec 1, 2008 by RLC
	Back among the living . . . (Preview) ((((Friends)))), I have been sick the better part of 6 weeks It started as a nasty cold and turned into pneumonia then turned into ripped up muscles in between my rib cage which mimicked chest pain/heart attack. I had me a little ride in the little white van/truck with the big flashing red lights on to...	Maria123	6	540	Nov 30, 2008 by wp
	So I spoke with the hostess (Preview) this moring at the Super Saturday AFG and expressed my gratitude to her and her recovering alcoholic husband for hosting the Thanksgiving get-together at their home in the jungle/forest outside of Hilo. I am still deeply affected by that gathering as all of us, all 35 plus have been on the same journ...	Jerry F	2	628	Nov 30, 2008 by Jerry F
	Thank You (Preview) It seems every time I come here I come with a story where I have slipped or done something that makes me ashamed. You people always remind me that it is okay to be who I am and it is okay to forgive myself and let it go. I can't say thank you enough!	Codependent	1	350	Nov 30, 2008 by Jean4444
	Guilt and feeling bad (Preview) These days I'm struggling a lot with guilt. My A has been rapidly deteriorating - while he has pretty much been drunk since the day we got married three years ago, these past few weeks he descended into some unknown territory which ended with him being busted with a DWI. I don't recognize him anymore. I k...	newbelief	7	476	Nov 30, 2008 by newbelief
	An ending and a beginning (Preview) Hello family, Today is Sunday, November 30, the end of one month, the beginning of another. Today, I asked my A to leave. Actually, it was last night, but he didnt believe me then. This morning he arrived with his stepfather to take some of his belongings. He only took clothing, leaving everything...	liljeannie	3	618	Nov 30, 2008 by Jean4444
	Hand me the tiger balm.... (Preview) Have worked morn to night on the main house yard. Got it all cleaned out. Then took out a huge flower bed, put all gravel to the front porch. Then put down this pretty bark stuff called hog fuel. Every joint in me is screaming. But wow from the road it looks sooo nice. The ducks kept following behind me eatin...	debilyn	3	656	Nov 30, 2008 by ddub
	I love this program! (Preview) Thanks to this program I had a great thanksgiving with my family and friends. It was a wonderful day full of fun and laughter and great food. Thanks to al-anon I have a great plan for christmas as well. I chose to spend it with a very special friend who I love who I have not seen in a couple of years. I cann...	Jean4444	7	469	Nov 30, 2008 by ddub
	Awarenesses from Super Saturday (Preview) It was a right on decision to attend the Super Saturday Al-Anon Family Group meeting. After the usual opening protocol the secretary announced the topic of "Self Focus" and the membership stayed on it. The feedback was as usual for me awesome. I'm amazed still at the ability to learn fr...	Jerry F	3	580	Nov 30, 2008 by ddub
	Has anyone seen my program... (Preview) ...because I have no idea where it has gone! Yes, I have been dealing with more than the usual health issues recently, and have taken action. I'm being gentle with myself in that area. I have an appointment with my pain management specialist next week for a referral on to a surgeon to at least discuss opt...	Tenderheartsks	8	762	Nov 30, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	Thanksgiving without my kitty! (Preview) I am OK but my kitty died two weeks ago and I am lonely without her. I never thought I would have a beautiful cat like her. I had moments yesterday where I saw her & once I dreamt about her being alive again. That's all. Kathleen	Hoot Nanny	6	593	Nov 29, 2008 by Maria123
	Being on survival another level. (Preview) For a whole year after leaving the A I've sat on that edge. I had no clear direction of how I will get out of the situation I am in (financial and emotional stuff). Of course many of us who leave an active A leave with huge debt, much work to do and more. I am still very very much on survival. Most of my time is s...	maresie	7	551	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	You already know... (Preview) That all of you are loved and appreciated expecially from this Pacific Islander family member. I am grateful and especially thankful for the unconditional love and support I have received over our time together. How marvelous a life this has turned out for me. Mahalo Akua...Mahalo Al-Anon Fam...	Jerry F	5	499	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	hard day (Preview) Hi Why can he not leave us alone? He can over last night to say happy thankgiving and today ask our nineteen year son to call and see of he can come over to put up christmas stuff. Last night our daughter and my self just looked at him. Today I told him no. Our children are19,18, 15 they know where he is of the...	smileycat	5	539	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	Help, Detachment from Husband....he wants things right back as they were... (Preview) Okay, I need some support! My father was an alcoholic, my husband has all ths ism's as my counselor says with some coda behavior. He says I have the double wammy! He associates sex with love and intimacy. I have felt used and abused for many years. He is like an empty tank you could never fill! I don't try an...	amy	3	633	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	My Husband "Visited" for Thanksgiving - not my AH. (Preview) Hi MIP family, Many of you know from my previous posts that I have been working my program in earnest for a relatively short time ( ~ 9 months). During that time, I have been learning a lot about my own disease of codependancy and enabling. I've learned that my needs and my sons needs are important and I'v...	Rocky38	3	702	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	Back 2 life, back 2 reality (Preview) Hello all, It's been a while since I've posted. Been reading a lot of past posts about A's returning home from rehab, as that is what happened here almost 4 weeks ago. Things are different, but the same. I am no longer watching him like a hawk....I have so much more energy now! During the 4 weeks he was g...	liljeannie	3	913	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	End of holiday (Preview) Dear all, I have come to the end of our holiday in the sun, last two days were really cold, we went on a boat trip and today we went to aqua sur with a fellow holiday maker who I did not feel great about, maybe its just me but red flags. My father is very needy which is awkward as before stepmother died, he did not...	maire rua	2	483	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	Seriously...am I missing something??? (Preview) I am trying. I really, really am trying to understand. To keep it at me. I am really really trying to wrap my head around that. Here's a situation of today... My aH comes over today. We've been separated for 6 wks now. The plan was that he'd come by this morning before I left for work, bring coffee, spend t...	Rora	9	542	Nov 29, 2008 by nmike
	Exhausted and numb (Preview) Hello everyone, Hope that everyone had a peaceful Thanksgiving. I am feeling exhausted and, I think, numb. I told my parents today the real reason my ex and I broke up--bc he is an A, not bc I wasn't ready for commitment like I told them originally. My mom was understanding and sympathetic. My dad go...	hopeful123	5	598	Nov 29, 2008 by nmike
	trouble using message board (Preview) hi for the first time I am having trouble seeing any message put in the last 3 days. Even the last updates on the summary page are 3 days out of date, because if I open a topic, I will see 6 replies later than the last reply on the summary. Does anyone know how to fix this? I believe I will need a private message s...	Jill	0	381	Nov 29, 2008 by Jill
	Relating (Preview) My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...	brownmf	2	370	Nov 28, 2008 by Jen
	sharing (Preview) Hi all I am doing good my A is still at his mother's house. He has tryed to turn all the utilitly off but I have them all back on. He has called every night this week but last night. I would ask him want he wanted and after he would tell me I would just hang up the phone. He took his name off the rent arreament and...	smileycat	2	399	Nov 28, 2008 by maire rua
	Not acting out (Preview) One of my biggest issues with all my relationships was rushing in. I rushed right in with the ex A. In fact one of my best friends cautioned me and said she would not stand by me while I did it. I couldn't understand what she was talking about after all why not. Now when I meet men I wait and wait and wait an...	maresie	5	413	Nov 28, 2008 by Faith73
	Happy Thanksgiving! (Preview) (((((Family))))), Since many of you might be travelling today and will be busy tomorrow, I just wanted to take a moment to wish my Alanon family A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I know this time of year can be tough on us. This is my first holiday without my dear hubby Tim. I miss him so much everyday. I know h...	Karilynn	6	750	Nov 28, 2008 by CJ
	How do I avoid the "shoulds" during the holidays - I know what to do but just venting! (Preview) The stress is already beginning to start. I am having Thanksgiving at my house on Saturday for about twenty people (this is my side of the family and I have done this for 10 years now) Really didn't want to do it - but my kids love the tradition of it - so I gave in. My AH's family get together is on Thursday...	slowlearner	4	587	Nov 27, 2008 by debilyn
	Grateful Heart (Preview) Dear MIP Family, Just a short post to say how grateful I am for each and every one of you that participates on this board. I have learned so much from each of you. I wish a wonderful Thanksgiving break for all, full of peace, love and most importantly, serenity. Love, Rocky	Rocky38	0	344	Nov 27, 2008 by Rocky38
	A mixed up day~ (Preview) First of all I would like to wish all my MIP family a very Blessed Thanksgiving:) May the day be exactly the day you need it to be filled with wonderful things. I am reminded today to thank all of you for all your help and sharing, to be grateful that I found MIP and to count all the blessings in my life-eve...	shellyj123	1	409	Nov 27, 2008 by abbyal
	reacting to "I'm sorry" & the 3 Cs (Preview) This is just me - I see "I'm sorry" in response to something causingone of us to struggle. When I see that, I think - well, you didn't cause it so you don't need to be sorry. You didn't cause it and you can't change it. Do any of you ever hear the disembodied voice in the phone prompt tell you it's...	Jill	1	687	Nov 27, 2008 by abbyal
	New to this site and lost. (Preview) I am new here and so lost. Short History first. I was with my "A" seven years. We are currently not together because of his family. His Mother died last April and his sisters stepped in and he had to move to the family farm or they would have taken his inheratance and I was banned from the farm. T...	Moonshadow	6	614	Nov 27, 2008 by Moonshadow
	Relating (Preview) My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...	brownmf	2	548	Nov 27, 2008 by roxanne
	The mental aftermath .. trust and scary issues (Preview) Hi Everyone, Somebody is listening out there. Considering I had never been on a real date until a couple weeks ago, when I said I was ready PooF Oppurtunities are falling out of the sky. I have fear, don't get me wrong this is kind of fun, just bringing up new issues to work out in my head and with my HP an...	Jennifer	5	584	Nov 26, 2008 by Jennifer
	Any tips for getting through the Holidays? (Preview) I have noticed alot of new members on this site. Getting through the holidays is going to be rough for me, and I assume others. Are there any tips from you more "experienced" members that you wouldn't mind passing on? Thank you in advance.	LEEA	8	2650	Nov 26, 2008 by abbyal
	Step 8 share (Preview) realize that I will react to people when they hurt me. I used to be a doormat and not do anything. Then somewhere along the line I became so resentful from holding it all in I think that I now snap at people because they are hurting me. I don't deserve to be hurt but other people don't deserve it either just be...	christinajeanne	2	397	Nov 26, 2008 by maresie
	Chaos vs Order (Preview) Chaos vs Order I am having trouble today with Chaos. And other peoples Chaos. I can take care of me and have ORDER. Stress free and take care of business. I just can't stand the Chaos of other people being scatterbrained. I mean, come on...get it together, right? OH..just venting! Thanks all!	Sincerely	5	1124	Nov 26, 2008 by Sincerely
	another day. update (Preview) The insurance guy came,took pictures then says, "I will bill you." !!!!!! yay!!! Hp is so good. It felt good yesterday and last night to be serene and KNOW everything will be ok no matter what. When I woke up the feather bed and dogs and cats felt so nice. warm, safe. I asked him what he thought I...	debilyn	3	530	Nov 26, 2008 by maresie
	wondering what to do (Preview) hello all..its been a while since i have posted here...i am still sober and going to meetings...even working for the first time in years...so in that respect all is fairly well my relationship is still an ongoing uncertainty allthough it has improved four thousand percent since i have gotten sober....	charlescharles	7	501	Nov 26, 2008 by Karilynn
	he claims (Preview) A quick recap. I posted months ago that I thought my H was an alcoholic. He left me and the kids in February for another woman etc. Anyway late last week he told me that he can finally admit that he is an alcoholic. did I know how much he was drinking? He claims he has been to a few AA meetings and at those me...	doublesmommy	8	605	Nov 26, 2008 by blender_girl
	for us (Preview) Hi Friends, I want to share with you a song that is very powerful to me. Actually, it would be a great theme song for MIP. Even the title of the album, "We Need Each Other" fits perfectly. The song is called "Whatever You're Doing" and is a wonderful message about the power of HP. I en...	Loupiness	0	379	Nov 26, 2008 by Loupiness
	I've Turned Down HP's Help One Too Many Times I Guess - Really Bummed Today (Preview) Hi All, Well remember last week I said I was gonna deal with my AH till he dies, well I'm not meaning to sound mean at all, but I guess there ain't gonna be such luck. I am so upset with myself right now, I don't know how to get out of it. AH has, of course, been drinking steadily worse and worse since last week...	queenie105	7	471	Nov 26, 2008 by LEEA
	nervous and sad (Preview) OK so, living with active AH but needing to disentangle. Been trying hard, we are cordial but don't touch eachother for many months now. He knows I want it over. He is being too nice but everyday he goes through my stuff. I think he's looking for money. He's broke. He has beewn pawning stuff. Sleeps all da...	RainyJamie	7	632	Nov 25, 2008 by debilyn
	Step 2 Share....I believe! (Preview) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity???? Well this one wasn't that hard for me.......I've always believed just gave up when things didn't go the way I thought they should-lol, all those unanswered prayers made me think that my happiness just wasn't muc...	shellyj123	3	530	Nov 25, 2008 by canadianguy
	Detachment (Preview) http://coping.org/control/detach.htm The above website has an excellent worksheet on detachment along with other issues we deal with on a daily basis such as anger. We have used this worksheet in two different f2f meetings that I attend and have found it extremely helpful. You will find some w...	Mobirdie	3	1149	Nov 25, 2008 by Mobirdie
	Amazes me....(a bit off the topic) (Preview) Why is it so many people cannot express themselves without the repeated use of the "f" word? So, ok; I have heard it before, but does that mean I have to be continually assaulted with the trashiest, most disgusting word the English language has produced? Have I missed something? Is thi...	Diva	7	677	Nov 25, 2008 by norwood
	What is meant by the phrase.... (Preview) "You are exactly where you are supposed to be"? This is a phrase that has always befuddled me. What does it mean? If I am hurting, angry, depressed, dejected, and lost, I am NOT where I am supposed to be. If I am standing atop a tall building contemplating the jump, I am NOT where I am suppos...	Diva	10	903	Nov 25, 2008 by norwood
	My life had become unmanageable~ (Preview) As I read and reread that step I think back to the past. During my marriage to AH I was beaten and mentally abused for years. My life defined the definition of insanity-yet I kept doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. After divorce I thought No Alcoholic=No problem for me...	shellyj123	1	621	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	REALLY need some help-online sponser needed BADLY-PLEASE HELP (Preview) Well for those who have followed my life saga on here-you know that ABF dumped me-the hoot of it was he did it at the Dairy Queen. That was Friday the 14th and I've been in a serious state of depression since then. I do feel better and am sleeping better now also. Ex ABF and I saw one another the Sunday...	shellyj123	3	634	Nov 25, 2008 by shellyj123
	After AA meetings, he drinks in the car (Preview) My husband has been to 6 or so AA meetings. The first time for him. After the meeting, he drinks in the car before coming home. From what I can get from him, the 12 steips aren't discussed at the meetings he's been to. I'm extremely disappointed. I know he's going to the meetings, he picks u...	Wittsend	10	3367	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	Some heavy, obstacles and news hit me today (Preview) My friend just told me AH was in the paper. I said,dead?!Oh boy he is so sick. How has he stayed alive this long???? Here is the report:Crash, arrests Police responded to a two-vehicle collision at 4:07 p.m. Thursday at Queen Avenue and Oak Street S.E., and arrested both drivers. According to police,...	debilyn	7	666	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	Short intro and question about detaching...thank you in advance for your support (Preview) This site has been wonderful for me to look at each night. I hope I can one day be of some support to others also. My father was a chronic alcoholic and I have found out now after 14 years of marriage(not good) that he and my codependent mom did have a large effect on me. I married someone a lot like my father,...	amy	7	621	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.