The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have never been to an AlAnon meeting and I know I should but I go to school fulltime and am expecting my first child this december so I haven't been able to find the time.
I am 19, so I still live at home. My mother is an alcoholic. I really have no idea how long its been a problem, but its been brought into the spotlight the past 2 years. In high school, I'd come home from school to find my mom naked on the floor. I'd have to pick her up and cover her up with a blanket and get her on the couch, while she talked nonsense and told me what I loser I was.
She entered a 2 week treatment program for "dual diagnosis" on new years eve. After 2 weeks, she started with their out-patient program, and had to go to meetings every morning for 3 days a week.
She made it to 30 days sober, and fell off the wagon the day after. She continued to go but honestly, for the social aspect. We finally had to get to the point where we took away her car keys, but she somehow got a copy made and was sneaking out without us knowing. She got really bad again and had to go back for a week to detox.
It wasn't until this september that she made it to 90 days. Shortly after that, I caught her drinking again.
The last time I caught her drinking was about 40 something days ago.
But it's hard to tell, since she's sick a lot, and she'll never admit when she's been drinking, unless you find a bottle.
However, everytime she's made it to one of the recovery milestones like 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, she brags about it. She gets a card from her friends at AA, she tells us about it.
It's been over 45 days since I last caught her drinking, and since then, she hasn't claimed that she has 30 days sober. So, it it safe to assume that she's drank since then?
She's been going to her outpatient recovery group 2 days a week, but they're giving her the boot this month because she's been there 11 months, and its supposed to be short term, so she's "graduating."
My baby is due this christmas, and I will not feel comfortable leaving my baby with her. And I cannot emotionally handle another major relapse again, let alone, with a baby in the house. Moving out isn't an option, so I'm stuck here.
My father doesn't really know how to handle the situation from here.
I think it'd be a good idea if we got one of those Home-breathalyzer tests from Target, and made her take a breathalyzer test everyday. That way, she won't get all offended when on the days she seems a little "off" we ask if she's been drinking. If she's got nothing to hide, it won't be an issue.
I don't believe that she is staying sober, but without a bottle, I had no evidence.
My dad said I should find out what AA or Alanon says about making an alcoholic family member consent to routine breathalyzers.
I figure, if she wants to be in her grandbaby's life, it's a small price to pay. She has to know we can't trust her.
Please, shed some insight. I don't know what to do anymore.
I really feel for you in this situation that you have to be in at the moment. The first thing I want to share with you that was taught to me is the three C's; you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Your mother has to make the choice for herself and you have to take care of you. Since you are unable to make it to meetings, you might want to get a copy of one of the Al-anon books- Hope For Today. You can find it on Amazon.com or on the Al-anon website (of course meetings carry them too). A little suggestion... if you can't get to Al-anon meetings, maybe your father can go... one family member seeking help can make a big difference in helping your situation. I hope this helps you...
(hugs) please, if you take 1 thing away from my message, let it be this:
Take care of photogirl.
I'm sorry your mom is an alcoholic.. that is tough. I encourage you to get yourself to a face to face Al-Anon meeting ASAP. It is free. You will find something there that is unexplainable... it will definately "shed" some light. If your Dad is really trying to help, maybe he can go with you.
In the meantime, remember this.
You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You definately can't cure it.
What you can do is get yourself to a meeting... no matter where you live, there is one somewhere nearby. We are here to help and you are NOT alone in this... many of us have been there... tired, feeling like we are walking on eggshells, sad, frustrated.
Perhaps you can start by writing down how YOU feel... nevermind your Mom for now... how is Photogirl doing? are you healthy? are you taking care of yourself? are you peaceful? I have found out that I needed to see exactly where I stood, before I could gauge where I was going to go.
Keep coming back, with love and hope, cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Hon, the best thing you can do for all concerned is to get to a f2f meeting. It's even more important with you having a baby on the way. I walked into my first meeting with a 1 month old baby and it was like coming home. 2 1/2 years later, I don't know how I made it through the first pregnancy and baby stage without the support I have found in Al-Anon. What made me finally take that step was the dentist told me that he didn't want to work on a tooth that needed a filling because it needed an x-ray. But he said that if it strted giving me pain I should get in and have it taken care of because the stress from a constant toothache was much worse for the baby than an x-ray. When I got home, it dawned on me that what I was dealing with at home was way more stressful than a toothache. I was living in constant stress and fear of the next shoe to drop, always worried, always on edge. Something had to change. I finally started looking for help and ended up in Al-Anon. It has saved my life, my sanity, my children, and my family.
Find a meeting. Make contact with people who really understand. I did and it was the best thing I could have done.
And of course, keep coming back here. There are some really wonderful people here and online meetings every day.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
You did not say where the father of your baby is. If he can support you and the baby, perhaps you coudl find your own apartment and move out. That way you wont have to deal with even seeing your mom when she has fallen off the wagon.
I have talked to many alkies..i hear from them that milestones liek 30 days, 6 months, 1 year, etc..jsut the anniversary date....even 8 or 9 years later..is scarey. it's liek..I will get this behind me and then I may drink tomorrow.That really happens often and it's sad. I jstu see it as the alcoholic branin does not work like the non-drinker's brain. Things they do don't always make sense to us. They are addicted and it makes their brain react much differently than us. It's almsot irrational at times.
Just try your best to get to alanon. Face to face alanon is best, but even if you go to online emetings ehre, it will be better than not at all
