Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

pamommy · pamommy

Hi everyone, I'm so glad to have found this site. Please, please forgive the length, as I really need to get this out. Even if no one "listens." :) My husband has been a closet drinker our entire 4 year marriage, and probably for years before that. I didn't know the extent of it until Than...

tlcate · tlcate

http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1904

Bambina10 · Bambina10

Im getting educated in this matter but I still have a long road ahead of me. My husband is a binge drinker and every time he starts a binge he DISSAPEARS. He doesnt go with other women, as a fact he usually texts me the motel and room where he is at, or who's friend house. Can someone with any experience on thi...

stopandchat · stopandchat

Hi all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that mine was good this year - my AH was still actively drinking for the past 2 years. So, it was nice to be able to have a "normal" Thanksgiving this year. :) My question is this: does anyone else have difficulty steppare...

stephaniej · stephaniej

We had a lovely Thanksgiving. My AH arrived home late Wednesday evening. I had determined earlier in the week to enjoy the holiday, regardless of his attitude or behavior. I had a Plan B and a Plan C in mind, if he had been surly and difficult. I resolved to detach from his drinking and his abusive beh...

member922 · member922

Sorry to keep blabbing so much! So last night with the STBXabf lol. He starts contradicting everything he ever said to me about "straightening up his act" and replaces it with "nobody is going to tell me what to do". I wasn't planning on having this conversation with him for ano...

clep · clep

As some of you know I have been quite distressed about how to afford the smoking where my A is concerned. I decided today after much thought to just give him the remainder of our funds until Tuesday for his cigarettes which was only 20 dollars. I let him know I will not fight this anymore and will make his c...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

AH and I both smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are my only addiction. Last week AH made the announcement to me that he is going to cut way down on his smoking and eventually quit. Just a few minutes ago, we both went outside to smoke, and he jokingly called me a chimney. He said he has noticed that I seem to...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

Hello Friends, I haven't been around much of late. First of all had the flu or something for about a month, feeling somewhat better now. School is keeping me tied up as mid-terms are here and wow it's a lot of work. Espically for an old fart like me. Son got a job as soon as they called him in to ask if he had a...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Hello, so I'm constantly trying to work on me, going to my support group, church, everything, trying to stay busy while the A has been on a massive binge, basically this binge has been going on since Oct 28th, two weeks of intense non stop drinking with 3 hospital visits during that time span until the la...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi everyone, I really need some guidance please:) ok, so I'm trying really really hard to detach with love and set boundaries. I nicely told my AH while he was sober one day that we would no longer be having series talks while he is drunk. Also, that when he's drinking, I will try to longer get upset about...

clep · clep

Things are much more relaxed now in our home. I am just busying myself with my program and looking after myself. My one issue that still remains is if it is wise for his smoking money to come out of the family budget. After taking the budget back in hand there is not much left for the month of December. Ja...

shimo · shimo

I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday a.m. Al-Anon Meeting (November 29), as I will be out of town all day. Hopefully, someone will step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Just a reminder, any member present whether they be Room Ops or not can step up and do some service work by chair...

Flora123 · Flora123

Hi, I'm not sure if it is a UK problem, I know other members who are having same difficulty, but..... I just can not get into the chat room. This is not the first time, I spent half a night, and disabled stuff I did not know I had enabled.... but forget how I did it. There used to be a lovely member, I think he wa...

kerry5 · kerry5

Need chair for tonights Sunday night meeting, i am unable to attend. if someone could fill in i would appreciate it Thanks Kerry (aka kerisha)

Tattyhead · Tattyhead

Hello - just posting because feeling low at present. AH has started drinking again - seriously. If you have been following my particular saga you will know that AH nearly died in the summer. A three week stay in hospital put him on the road to recovery - at least it would have been if he had stayed off the bo...

member922 · member922

So my Abf has told me, a couple weeks ago, that he was going on the wagon with smoking/drinking. I know when he has been staying with me that he doesn't do those things. As far as at his own home, I have no idea what he does. I figure that is a topic that he can bring up if he chooses to talk about his progress...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Hey everyone. So I'm still having a really hard time letting go of my ex A. Since he was my best friend and boyfriend, we did EVERYTHING together and went everywhere together. So naturally I'm reminded of him everywhere I go. But one thing that has helped is my family. I have been spending a lot of time wit...

Speck · Speck

Hi Everyone I'm new on here so I'll tell you my story....................... Strangely I thought this situation was rare, how wrong can you be. I kept it secret for some time, not knowing how to discuss it with friends, it's so vile you just don't know where to start. Then the cracks appear and you have t...

DreamXL · DreamXL

((Kimmy))) Have a great birthday , Happy Happy Birthday !! May all your dreams come true..in Extra Large :) -- Edited by DreamXL on Thursday 25th of November 2010 09:15:58 AM

Jerry F · Jerry F

so much more clearer and I'm not talking about my eyesight alone. The surgery worked, is doing what I was told it would do and I had no idea that my spiritual vision had gotten so cloudy also. I am grateful that my eyesight was repairable and that in short weeks, if I follow directions and not mess with t...

clep · clep

My day has been trying with my A again this morning but I am handling it okay. He feels he is not the same as other A's and does not have the same behaviors or thinking patterns. I did not argue it with him or try to share my views about it at all. I l just left him on his pedestle and will be here when he falls of...

ntxalanon · ntxalanon

My AW sure has been acting like she has been drinking and I have to admit that I slipped and went on the hunt and found a half empty bottle of vodka under the mattress. I wrote my wife a note asking her to get help and she said it was old, "where did I find that?" My love wants to believe her, my common...

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

So this morning, my AH (who insists he is NO LONGER an alcoholic) wakes up feeling poorly. He exclaims..."All I had last night were two drinks...and I can't believe how awful I feel. I can't believe how much I used to be able to drink" (when he was on anti-depressants and benzos and therefore...

Jerry F · Jerry F

and grateful beyond imagination. Yes the surgery is over and the "Pirate patch" or "Fly eye" device will be surrendered to the surgeon tomorrow, Thanksgiving day. I mentioned earlier that I would not have wanted the surgery date changed when I was told the 24th and 25th beca...

lonnie · lonnie

Just found out my husband has been using pot for the past two years I didn't have a clue. I have never seen him take a sip of alcohol or seen him under the influence of any other substance. He was sober for 10 years. When we met he was sober for 1 year. My emotions are really mixed. He's back in AA. It's only day 3...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Hi all, my wife & kids & I have been at her parents home for Thanksgiving for the week. We are going home tomorrow. Overall, the visit has been good. My wife has done well and has gone to 3 AA meetings up here (we are over 400 miles from home). But I'm at my wits end and feeling really really anxious at...

clep · clep

I wanted to take a moment right now to share with this board my gratitude to each of you here sharing your ESH. The more I read the more I grow. Thank you to each of you for sharing things I might not always want to hear or recognize, for letting me know I am not alone and for being gentle with me. Today is a go...

clep · clep

Well so much for him working his own program. He has just shared with me how manipulative I am being on this site. He says I am twisting things around so I will have everyone stroking me and so I will hear the responses that I want. I am so disgusted. I am so angry with him and I am at the point of kicking him o...

Tracey C · Tracey C

Hi, I just needed to share how I feel at the moment. My husband went down to our neighbours for a few drinks. I hoped that he wouldn't, but he did. Now I feel abandoned. I didn't rowse. I just told him he should've left our son at home, that was it. They are both in bed now sleeping while I'm still feelin...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I'm relearning an old alanon maxiom (sp?). The "one day at a time" idea (which old hands at this have told me can be reduced to one minute at a time if a day is too long!). I'm applying it to happiness. If you've read my posts you know that this is a big issue for me. That I'm unhappy generally wi...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Thank you to everyone who reads and replies to my posts. Your encouragement helps more than you can imagine. I still haven't talked to my ex A. Today was especially hard because it would have been our one year anniversary of when we first started dating. I erased his number from my phone so I wouldn't con...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Just need a little help with this one. I understand that when someone is going through recovery they shouldn't be 'working' on any relationships etc...but how does that work when you've been married for a long time, or if they live with you? How do you step back from a relationship so that they can wor...

ntxalanon · ntxalanon

My wife has been attempting to get sober via AA for a couple of months now and I have been suspecting her of drinking for a few weeks. Per my counselor and this program I decided to not keep nagging with the "Have you been drinking?" As pointed out, they always say no anyway. Funny, the topic a...

SwitchedOnLotus · SwitchedOnLotus

Just found out my AA sister is being forced to go into rehab. Trying to find out more, just posting for T-Day support. Also beginning to see (thanks to Getting Them Sober) how huge and far-reaching the personal aspects of living in an A family are for all of us in my family group, and how these traits wil...

glad · glad

I saw a little bird on my back patio this morning and these thoughts came to mind. That wonderful "in love" feeling that makes humans feel like they are walking on clouds can only truely be achieved by the relationship I have with my higher power and the knowledge that he values me personal...

clep · clep

I have been waiting on pins and needles for my new materials to come in. After the few emotional blows that this week has brought I found myself in a place I have never been in. It was quite scary and I was not too happy about it. My home group wasn't until last night so I have been reading off here lots, lis...

roxie13 · roxie13

new here, married to an alcoholic, daughter of an alcoholic

canadianguy · canadianguy

I was really really struggling with letting go of my illusion of "control" over my A, and her drinking.... I was a "fixer" at work, and many of us (perhaps men even moreso) are "fixers" in everyday life, and are often rewarded as such.... So after a couple of years of...

clep · clep

Three posts in a few days now. Now the smoking issue comes up again. I recently took back the finances. All the credit is in my name as are the bills. He doesn't have a bank account and deposits his work cheques into mine so he does not have a week hold. I can deposit and withdraw lots at a time. I made...

clep · clep

Well I have been living and breathing my al-anon program consistently. It is the only thing keeping me sane living with the A in my life. I have seen the signs of relapse as they are happening for about six months now. In the last eight years or so he has always had a preoccupation with other women. He...

clep · clep

The sober A in my life started his new job yesterday. I have another post up about it. His sponsor told him it turns out that as long as he is not doing anything to arouse suspicion or jealousy with his behavior all is well. When he has regained his need to stare at other women he starts his new job back in...

living_with_my_a · living_with_my_a

Praying for myself and anyone else on here who is not having Thanksgiving with their family or who has no one to be with on Thanksgiving. Sending you virtual goodies and blessings. Carol

Karilynn · Karilynn

"Gratitude is the sign of noble souls." ~ Aesop ((((Family)))), Wanted to wish all of you & your families a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am beyond grateful for everyone of you and this amazing recovery program. Today I am keeping it simple. This was my holiday with my beloved Tim and I m...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Happy Thanksgiving MIP Family go create some stuff to be grateful for and of course do some Turkey and fixings and all of that. LOL I am on a diet and I will break it on Thanksgiving. I will be with family...my sons and daughter and grand sons and grand daughters and one great grand daughter who I'll be a...

stomoxys · stomoxys

I am new to the forum but have been attending al-anon since late June. My AH joined AA in June and has been working his program. I have been working through al-anon and was just beginning to think that things were getting different before they get better. My AH told me there weeks ago he was quiting AA. An...

stephaniej · stephaniej

Several folks here have described using this tool...tending to one's own side of the street. I am finding this to be extremely helpful, and it's something I've been actually visualizing today as I work to get past some neuroses. I plan to use it, and many other tools you all have taught me, as I enjoy thi...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Hey everyone. I haven't posted in a while. I stopped talking to my a ex about a week ago. I broke up with him a while ago but we were still talking. His using was getting out of control so I stopped talking to him altogether. It's probably the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I'm dealing with it pretty w...

lyndebi · lyndebi

Not a good one of Brimley but he looks like her but white. These guys keep me sane with their insanity. Since A left I have only lived with my animals. My dogs are a HUGE part of my world. To be honest sare, I have lost two men I loved very much, one to death and one to insanity from a brain surgery/med relapse' M...

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

Once my AH said that AA tells its members to "accidentally" leave things around for the non-drinkers to read. For months I have come home to find the internet open to a certain page, a print out on the table, a book lying on the bed, etc. It drives me crazy. Tonight I was looking at our email and t...

RockaBetty · RockaBetty

Hello, I am new to this message board. I joined quite a while ago and chatted with some extremely helpful and supportive members but I let myself get swept up in my husband's lies. Whether they were intentional lies or not, I believed him when he said he could get better on his own. I'd tell you what happe...

stephaniej · stephaniej

Hi all; with the holidays coming, I'm looking for some ESH on affirmations and serenity statements you say to yourselves when things get tough. I find myself generally looking foward to the weekend, and I feel good about how I have been detaching and refusing to enter into meaningless conflict. I'...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

Just looking for some ES&H on this subject... how did you/do you q-tip? I tend to do that so much of the time.... I am trying to find out what you do to not take things personally. As a codependent person like myself, with a history of childhood sexual abuse and witnessing other abuse that happene...

MargaretK · MargaretK

I have been wanting to ask this question in my chat room but got disconnected. I am really having connection problems, maybe because I am far away and using a proxy server. Anyway, I am new to this program and want to know how you cope with situations that your AH creates that are embarrassing. For exa...

Momof2Jacks · Momof2Jacks

My husband and I have been married for 11 years (and together for 19). Just over two years we split up for a year after he hit rock bottom and ended up in rehab for alcoholism. His mother, brother, and sister all blamed me for this. Which I KNOW is untrue. So we are back together and doing really well for all t...

logan · logan

Hi, Just signed into the website, I am really hoping I'll find some direction here. I don't where to begin to get some help in handling my AH. I just seem to fight about his drinking with him everynight and it is getting worse. I don't want our marriage to end but I think that is our future. Hopefully I...

melissimala · melissimala

I have several new books and have comitted to a regular exercise program. That's some me progress and it feels good. My new books are Of Course You're Angry by Rosellini/Worden and Emotional Sobriety and Trauma & Addiction by Tian Dayton. Started reading Trauma & Addiction. Just as ou...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

I was at a meeting not long ago where the topic was Listen and Learn. Although it's one of our slogans on the wall, I guess I'd kinda just read over it and focused on the more widely repeated "Let go and let God" and "One day at a time." Listen and learn is a great slogan, and it was a gr...

Samsgram · Samsgram

I know this can be a tuff time of year for many of us. Myself included... But I will be strong and know that my Higher Power is handling what needs to be handled. I really don`t know how to elaborate on my HP but I know I must believe that there is something out there bigger than me that controls things in this...

kath · kath

I spoke up today in the kitchen at a church function. Usually when they start their gossip, I just listen and get mad, sometimes I join in with it. I also meant what I said without saying it mean. My first reaction in my head to their gossip was to scream at them and say how wrong they were. Instead I said tha...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	New here, new to recovery, need some advice (Preview) Hi everyone, I'm so glad to have found this site. Please, please forgive the length, as I really need to get this out. Even if no one "listens." :) My husband has been a closet drinker our entire 4 year marriage, and probably for years before that. I didn't know the extent of it until Than...	pamommy	9	925	Nov 29, 2010 by pamommy
	I like this advice . . . (Preview) http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1904	tlcate	9	734	Nov 29, 2010 by lyndebi
	BINGE DRINKERS AND M.I.A. STYLE? (Preview) Im getting educated in this matter but I still have a long road ahead of me. My husband is a binge drinker and every time he starts a binge he DISSAPEARS. He doesnt go with other women, as a fact he usually texts me the motel and room where he is at, or who's friend house. Can someone with any experience on thi...	Bambina10	6	790	Nov 29, 2010 by Bettina
	Anyone out there married to an A and is also a stepparent? (Preview) Hi all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that mine was good this year - my AH was still actively drinking for the past 2 years. So, it was nice to be able to have a "normal" Thanksgiving this year. :) My question is this: does anyone else have difficulty steppare...	stopandchat	2	714	Nov 29, 2010 by xeno59
	A happy Thanksgiving (Preview) We had a lovely Thanksgiving. My AH arrived home late Wednesday evening. I had determined earlier in the week to enjoy the holiday, regardless of his attitude or behavior. I had a Plan B and a Plan C in mind, if he had been surly and difficult. I resolved to detach from his drinking and his abusive beh...	stephaniej	2	456	Nov 29, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Next step - the fight! (Preview) Sorry to keep blabbing so much! So last night with the STBXabf lol. He starts contradicting everything he ever said to me about "straightening up his act" and replaces it with "nobody is going to tell me what to do". I wasn't planning on having this conversation with him for ano...	member922	6	715	Nov 29, 2010 by xeno59
	My program is bringing positive results (Preview) As some of you know I have been quite distressed about how to afford the smoking where my A is concerned. I decided today after much thought to just give him the remainder of our funds until Tuesday for his cigarettes which was only 20 dollars. I let him know I will not fight this anymore and will make his c...	clep	4	856	Nov 29, 2010 by clep
	Trying hard to keep my mouth shut (Preview) AH and I both smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are my only addiction. Last week AH made the announcement to me that he is going to cut way down on his smoking and eventually quit. Just a few minutes ago, we both went outside to smoke, and he jokingly called me a chimney. He said he has noticed that I seem to...	kimmy1975	4	859	Nov 29, 2010 by xeno59
	Trying to keep the Hope (Preview) Hello Friends, I haven't been around much of late. First of all had the flu or something for about a month, feeling somewhat better now. School is keeping me tied up as mid-terms are here and wow it's a lot of work. Espically for an old fart like me. Son got a job as soon as they called him in to ask if he had a...	Andrea12	6	734	Nov 29, 2010 by maresie
	Question on how to work on ME in a certain situation (Preview) Hello, so I'm constantly trying to work on me, going to my support group, church, everything, trying to stay busy while the A has been on a massive binge, basically this binge has been going on since Oct 28th, two weeks of intense non stop drinking with 3 hospital visits during that time span until the la...	sdisnie	6	839	Nov 29, 2010 by Bambina10
	detachement and boundaries question (Preview) Hi everyone, I really need some guidance please:) ok, so I'm trying really really hard to detach with love and set boundaries. I nicely told my AH while he was sober one day that we would no longer be having series talks while he is drunk. Also, that when he's drinking, I will try to longer get upset about...	danielle0516	6	930	Nov 29, 2010 by danielle0516
	Budgeting for cigarettes (Preview) Things are much more relaxed now in our home. I am just busying myself with my program and looking after myself. My one issue that still remains is if it is wise for his smoking money to come out of the family budget. After taking the budget back in hand there is not much left for the month of December. Ja...	clep	10	884	Nov 28, 2010 by clep
	MONDAY A.M. AL-ANON MTG (Nov 29) (Preview) I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday a.m. Al-Anon Meeting (November 29), as I will be out of town all day. Hopefully, someone will step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Just a reminder, any member present whether they be Room Ops or not can step up and do some service work by chair...	shimo	1	423	Nov 28, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	Hard To Access Chat Room (Preview) Hi, I'm not sure if it is a UK problem, I know other members who are having same difficulty, but..... I just can not get into the chat room. This is not the first time, I spent half a night, and disabled stuff I did not know I had enabled.... but forget how I did it. There used to be a lovely member, I think he wa...	Flora123	0	450	Nov 28, 2010 by Flora123
	Need Chair for Tonights meeting 7pm est (Preview) Need chair for tonights Sunday night meeting, i am unable to attend. if someone could fill in i would appreciate it Thanks Kerry (aka kerisha)	kerry5	0	346	Nov 28, 2010 by kerry5
	Feeling low (Preview) Hello - just posting because feeling low at present. AH has started drinking again - seriously. If you have been following my particular saga you will know that AH nearly died in the summer. A three week stay in hospital put him on the road to recovery - at least it would have been if he had stayed off the bo...	Tattyhead	8	730	Nov 28, 2010 by clep
	Was it wrong of me? (Preview) So my Abf has told me, a couple weeks ago, that he was going on the wagon with smoking/drinking. I know when he has been staying with me that he doesn't do those things. As far as at his own home, I have no idea what he does. I figure that is a topic that he can bring up if he chooses to talk about his progress...	member922	10	876	Nov 28, 2010 by lyndebi
	Still hard, but starting to heal (Preview) Hey everyone. So I'm still having a really hard time letting go of my ex A. Since he was my best friend and boyfriend, we did EVERYTHING together and went everywhere together. So naturally I'm reminded of him everywhere I go. But one thing that has helped is my family. I have been spending a lot of time wit...	Brookiebabe222	4	630	Nov 28, 2010 by ythannah
	Hello - My Story (Preview) Hi Everyone I'm new on here so I'll tell you my story....................... Strangely I thought this situation was rare, how wrong can you be. I kept it secret for some time, not knowing how to discuss it with friends, it's so vile you just don't know where to start. Then the cracks appear and you have t...	Speck	4	1271	Nov 28, 2010 by Speck
	Happy Birthday Kimmy :) (Preview) ((Kimmy))) Have a great birthday , Happy Happy Birthday !! May all your dreams come true..in Extra Large :) -- Edited by DreamXL on Thursday 25th of November 2010 09:15:58 AM	DreamXL	7	1249	Nov 28, 2010 by tlcate
	My vision is getting (Preview) so much more clearer and I'm not talking about my eyesight alone. The surgery worked, is doing what I was told it would do and I had no idea that my spiritual vision had gotten so cloudy also. I am grateful that my eyesight was repairable and that in short weeks, if I follow directions and not mess with t...	Jerry F	6	838	Nov 28, 2010 by tlcate
	I'm so excited I could just burst (Preview) My day has been trying with my A again this morning but I am handling it okay. He feels he is not the same as other A's and does not have the same behaviors or thinking patterns. I did not argue it with him or try to share my views about it at all. I l just left him on his pedestle and will be here when he falls of...	clep	6	840	Nov 28, 2010 by clep
	Medication (Preview) My AW sure has been acting like she has been drinking and I have to admit that I slipped and went on the hunt and found a half empty bottle of vodka under the mattress. I wrote my wife a note asking her to get help and she said it was old, "where did I find that?" My love wants to believe her, my common...	ntxalanon	11	1005	Nov 28, 2010 by stopandchat
	On a good day it can make me laugh... (Preview) So this morning, my AH (who insists he is NO LONGER an alcoholic) wakes up feeling poorly. He exclaims..."All I had last night were two drinks...and I can't believe how awful I feel. I can't believe how much I used to be able to drink" (when he was on anti-depressants and benzos and therefore...	looking_for_peace	4	605	Nov 27, 2010 by Tattyhead
	Profoundly Thankful... (Preview) and grateful beyond imagination. Yes the surgery is over and the "Pirate patch" or "Fly eye" device will be surrendered to the surgeon tomorrow, Thanksgiving day. I mentioned earlier that I would not have wanted the surgery date changed when I was told the 24th and 25th beca...	Jerry F	12	1492	Nov 27, 2010 by Tattyhead
	help please (Preview) Just found out my husband has been using pot for the past two years I didn't have a clue. I have never seen him take a sip of alcohol or seen him under the influence of any other substance. He was sober for 10 years. When we met he was sober for 1 year. My emotions are really mixed. He's back in AA. It's only day 3...	lonnie	10	750	Nov 27, 2010 by lyndebi
	Last day of week long stay at my in-laws. Feeling VERY anxious (Preview) Hi all, my wife & kids & I have been at her parents home for Thanksgiving for the week. We are going home tomorrow. Overall, the visit has been good. My wife has done well and has gone to 3 AA meetings up here (we are over 400 miles from home). But I'm at my wits end and feeling really really anxious at...	usedtobeanyer	3	708	Nov 27, 2010 by White Rabbit
	My gratitude to you all (Preview) I wanted to take a moment right now to share with this board my gratitude to each of you here sharing your ESH. The more I read the more I grow. Thank you to each of you for sharing things I might not always want to hear or recognize, for letting me know I am not alone and for being gentle with me. Today is a go...	clep	4	744	Nov 27, 2010 by lyndebi
	My A has been reading my posts (Preview) Well so much for him working his own program. He has just shared with me how manipulative I am being on this site. He says I am twisting things around so I will have everyone stroking me and so I will hear the responses that I want. I am so disgusted. I am so angry with him and I am at the point of kicking him o...	clep	8	874	Nov 27, 2010 by clep
	Feeling abandoned (Preview) Hi, I just needed to share how I feel at the moment. My husband went down to our neighbours for a few drinks. I hoped that he wouldn't, but he did. Now I feel abandoned. I didn't rowse. I just told him he should've left our son at home, that was it. They are both in bed now sleeping while I'm still feelin...	Tracey C	8	826	Nov 27, 2010 by logan
	Happiness: one minute, one hour, one day at a time. (Preview) I'm relearning an old alanon maxiom (sp?). The "one day at a time" idea (which old hands at this have told me can be reduced to one minute at a time if a day is too long!). I'm applying it to happiness. If you've read my posts you know that this is a big issue for me. That I'm unhappy generally wi...	mjhyankees	3	976	Nov 27, 2010 by glad lee
	Hard day (Preview) Thank you to everyone who reads and replies to my posts. Your encouragement helps more than you can imagine. I still haven't talked to my ex A. Today was especially hard because it would have been our one year anniversary of when we first started dating. I erased his number from my phone so I wouldn't con...	Brookiebabe222	5	796	Nov 27, 2010 by bud
	Relationships and recovery (Preview) Just need a little help with this one. I understand that when someone is going through recovery they shouldn't be 'working' on any relationships etc...but how does that work when you've been married for a long time, or if they live with you? How do you step back from a relationship so that they can wor...	sdisnie	11	947	Nov 27, 2010 by clep
	Tough Road (Preview) My wife has been attempting to get sober via AA for a couple of months now and I have been suspecting her of drinking for a few weeks. Per my counselor and this program I decided to not keep nagging with the "Have you been drinking?" As pointed out, they always say no anyway. Funny, the topic a...	ntxalanon	6	627	Nov 26, 2010 by ntxalanon
	AA Sister is Going into Rehab Today - T-Day Surprise (Preview) Just found out my AA sister is being forced to go into rehab. Trying to find out more, just posting for T-Day support. Also beginning to see (thanks to Getting Them Sober) how huge and far-reaching the personal aspects of living in an A family are for all of us in my family group, and how these traits wil...	SwitchedOnLotus	5	665	Nov 26, 2010 by SwitchedOnLotus
	Peace and Love what it means to me today (Preview) I saw a little bird on my back patio this morning and these thoughts came to mind. That wonderful "in love" feeling that makes humans feel like they are walking on clouds can only truely be achieved by the relationship I have with my higher power and the knowledge that he values me personal...	glad	2	642	Nov 26, 2010 by Jerry F
	Finally they are here. (Preview) I have been waiting on pins and needles for my new materials to come in. After the few emotional blows that this week has brought I found myself in a place I have never been in. It was quite scary and I was not too happy about it. My home group wasn't until last night so I have been reading off here lots, lis...	clep	3	771	Nov 26, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	im new here, need support (Preview) new here, married to an alcoholic, daughter of an alcoholic	roxie13	5	785	Nov 26, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Step One - the weather analogy (Preview) I was really really struggling with letting go of my illusion of "control" over my A, and her drinking.... I was a "fixer" at work, and many of us (perhaps men even moreso) are "fixers" in everyday life, and are often rewarded as such.... So after a couple of years of...	canadianguy	5	1095	Nov 26, 2010 by SwitchedOnLotus
	Finances. Man this is getting hard now. (Preview) Three posts in a few days now. Now the smoking issue comes up again. I recently took back the finances. All the credit is in my name as are the bills. He doesn't have a bank account and deposits his work cheques into mine so he does not have a week hold. I can deposit and withdraw lots at a time. I made...	clep	13	662	Nov 25, 2010 by clep
	This is just too much now. (Preview) Well I have been living and breathing my al-anon program consistently. It is the only thing keeping me sane living with the A in my life. I have seen the signs of relapse as they are happening for about six months now. In the last eight years or so he has always had a preoccupation with other women. He...	clep	4	671	Nov 25, 2010 by danielle0516
	I can't quit crying. (Preview) The sober A in my life started his new job yesterday. I have another post up about it. His sponsor told him it turns out that as long as he is not doing anything to arouse suspicion or jealousy with his behavior all is well. When he has regained his need to stare at other women he starts his new job back in...	clep	6	606	Nov 25, 2010 by danielle0516
	Happy or Sad, Happy Thanksgiving, board (Preview) Praying for myself and anyone else on here who is not having Thanksgiving with their family or who has no one to be with on Thanksgiving. Sending you virtual goodies and blessings. Carol	living_with_my_a	6	827	Nov 25, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	Happy Thanksgiving! (Preview) "Gratitude is the sign of noble souls." ~ Aesop ((((Family)))), Wanted to wish all of you & your families a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am beyond grateful for everyone of you and this amazing recovery program. Today I am keeping it simple. This was my holiday with my beloved Tim and I m...	Karilynn	3	981	Nov 25, 2010 by Jerry F
	Reaching out...reaching in (Preview) Happy Thanksgiving MIP Family go create some stuff to be grateful for and of course do some Turkey and fixings and all of that. LOL I am on a diet and I will break it on Thanksgiving. I will be with family...my sons and daughter and grand sons and grand daughters and one great grand daughter who I'll be a...	Jerry F	14	1154	Nov 25, 2010 by ythannah
	How to Detach (Preview) I am new to the forum but have been attending al-anon since late June. My AH joined AA in June and has been working his program. I have been working through al-anon and was just beginning to think that things were getting different before they get better. My AH told me there weeks ago he was quiting AA. An...	stomoxys	11	1953	Nov 25, 2010 by tlcate
	Tending to My Side of the Street (Preview) Several folks here have described using this tool...tending to one's own side of the street. I am finding this to be extremely helpful, and it's something I've been actually visualizing today as I work to get past some neuroses. I plan to use it, and many other tools you all have taught me, as I enjoy thi...	stephaniej	5	970	Nov 24, 2010 by hotrod
	Lonely (Preview) Hey everyone. I haven't posted in a while. I stopped talking to my a ex about a week ago. I broke up with him a while ago but we were still talking. His using was getting out of control so I stopped talking to him altogether. It's probably the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I'm dealing with it pretty w...	Brookiebabe222	8	900	Nov 24, 2010 by Bettina
	Jellyhead for Sarah (Preview) Not a good one of Brimley but he looks like her but white. These guys keep me sane with their insanity. Since A left I have only lived with my animals. My dogs are a HUGE part of my world. To be honest sare, I have lost two men I loved very much, one to death and one to insanity from a brain surgery/med relapse' M...	lyndebi	8	470	Nov 24, 2010 by hotrod
	Is this REALLY an AA thing? (Preview) Once my AH said that AA tells its members to "accidentally" leave things around for the non-drinkers to read. For months I have come home to find the internet open to a certain page, a print out on the table, a book lying on the bed, etc. It drives me crazy. Tonight I was looking at our email and t...	looking_for_peace	9	809	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Introducing Myself (Preview) Hello, I am new to this message board. I joined quite a while ago and chatted with some extremely helpful and supportive members but I let myself get swept up in my husband's lies. Whether they were intentional lies or not, I believed him when he said he could get better on his own. I'd tell you what happe...	RockaBetty	5	834	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Need some ESH regarding (Preview) Hi all; with the holidays coming, I'm looking for some ESH on affirmations and serenity statements you say to yourselves when things get tough. I find myself generally looking foward to the weekend, and I feel good about how I have been detaching and refusing to enter into meaningless conflict. I'...	stephaniej	5	730	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Please help me... how do you QTIP????? (Preview) Just looking for some ES&H on this subject... how did you/do you q-tip? I tend to do that so much of the time.... I am trying to find out what you do to not take things personally. As a codependent person like myself, with a history of childhood sexual abuse and witnessing other abuse that happene...	sunflowergirl	10	1362	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Embarrassing situations (Preview) I have been wanting to ask this question in my chat room but got disconnected. I am really having connection problems, maybe because I am far away and using a proxy server. Anyway, I am new to this program and want to know how you cope with situations that your AH creates that are embarrassing. For exa...	MargaretK	8	881	Nov 24, 2010 by MargaretK
	Home for the Holidays? (Preview) My husband and I have been married for 11 years (and together for 19). Just over two years we split up for a year after he hit rock bottom and ended up in rehab for alcoholism. His mother, brother, and sister all blamed me for this. Which I KNOW is untrue. So we are back together and doing really well for all t...	Momof2Jacks	4	705	Nov 24, 2010 by Momof2Jacks
	New to website (Preview) Hi, Just signed into the website, I am really hoping I'll find some direction here. I don't where to begin to get some help in handling my AH. I just seem to fight about his drinking with him everynight and it is getting worse. I don't want our marriage to end but I think that is our future. Hopefully I...	logan	8	865	Nov 24, 2010 by Momof2Jacks
	Got some new books to help me get back in touch with me. Work in progress. (Preview) I have several new books and have comitted to a regular exercise program. That's some me progress and it feels good. My new books are Of Course You're Angry by Rosellini/Worden and Emotional Sobriety and Trauma & Addiction by Tian Dayton. Started reading Trauma & Addiction. Just as ou...	melissimala	3	992	Nov 24, 2010 by tlcate
	Listen and Learn (Preview) I was at a meeting not long ago where the topic was Listen and Learn. Although it's one of our slogans on the wall, I guess I'd kinda just read over it and focused on the more widely repeated "Let go and let God" and "One day at a time." Listen and learn is a great slogan, and it was a gr...	White Rabbit	5	3941	Nov 24, 2010 by tlcate
	Happy Thanksgiving Everyone (Preview) I know this can be a tuff time of year for many of us. Myself included... But I will be strong and know that my Higher Power is handling what needs to be handled. I really don`t know how to elaborate on my HP but I know I must believe that there is something out there bigger than me that controls things in this...	Samsgram	2	693	Nov 23, 2010 by Jerry F
	I spoke up (Preview) I spoke up today in the kitchen at a church function. Usually when they start their gossip, I just listen and get mad, sometimes I join in with it. I also meant what I said without saying it mean. My first reaction in my head to their gossip was to scream at them and say how wrong they were. Instead I said tha...	kath	5	753	Nov 23, 2010 by living_with_my_a
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.