Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Hey everyone. So I'm still having a really hard time letting go of my ex A. Since he was my best friend and boyfriend, we did EVERYTHING together and went everywhere together. So naturally I'm reminded of him everywhere I go. But one thing that has helped is my family. I have been spending a lot of time wit...

Speck · Speck

Hi Everyone I'm new on here so I'll tell you my story....................... Strangely I thought this situation was rare, how wrong can you be. I kept it secret for some time, not knowing how to discuss it with friends, it's so vile you just don't know where to start. Then the cracks appear and you have t...

DreamXL · DreamXL

((Kimmy))) Have a great birthday , Happy Happy Birthday !! May all your dreams come true..in Extra Large :) -- Edited by DreamXL on Thursday 25th of November 2010 09:15:58 AM

Jerry F · Jerry F

so much more clearer and I'm not talking about my eyesight alone. The surgery worked, is doing what I was told it would do and I had no idea that my spiritual vision had gotten so cloudy also. I am grateful that my eyesight was repairable and that in short weeks, if I follow directions and not mess with t...

clep · clep

My day has been trying with my A again this morning but I am handling it okay. He feels he is not the same as other A's and does not have the same behaviors or thinking patterns. I did not argue it with him or try to share my views about it at all. I l just left him on his pedestle and will be here when he falls of...

ntxalanon · ntxalanon

My AW sure has been acting like she has been drinking and I have to admit that I slipped and went on the hunt and found a half empty bottle of vodka under the mattress. I wrote my wife a note asking her to get help and she said it was old, "where did I find that?" My love wants to believe her, my common...

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

So this morning, my AH (who insists he is NO LONGER an alcoholic) wakes up feeling poorly. He exclaims..."All I had last night were two drinks...and I can't believe how awful I feel. I can't believe how much I used to be able to drink" (when he was on anti-depressants and benzos and therefore...

Jerry F · Jerry F

and grateful beyond imagination. Yes the surgery is over and the "Pirate patch" or "Fly eye" device will be surrendered to the surgeon tomorrow, Thanksgiving day. I mentioned earlier that I would not have wanted the surgery date changed when I was told the 24th and 25th beca...

lonnie · lonnie

Just found out my husband has been using pot for the past two years I didn't have a clue. I have never seen him take a sip of alcohol or seen him under the influence of any other substance. He was sober for 10 years. When we met he was sober for 1 year. My emotions are really mixed. He's back in AA. It's only day 3...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Hi all, my wife & kids & I have been at her parents home for Thanksgiving for the week. We are going home tomorrow. Overall, the visit has been good. My wife has done well and has gone to 3 AA meetings up here (we are over 400 miles from home). But I'm at my wits end and feeling really really anxious at...

clep · clep

I wanted to take a moment right now to share with this board my gratitude to each of you here sharing your ESH. The more I read the more I grow. Thank you to each of you for sharing things I might not always want to hear or recognize, for letting me know I am not alone and for being gentle with me. Today is a go...

clep · clep

Well so much for him working his own program. He has just shared with me how manipulative I am being on this site. He says I am twisting things around so I will have everyone stroking me and so I will hear the responses that I want. I am so disgusted. I am so angry with him and I am at the point of kicking him o...

Tracey C · Tracey C

Hi, I just needed to share how I feel at the moment. My husband went down to our neighbours for a few drinks. I hoped that he wouldn't, but he did. Now I feel abandoned. I didn't rowse. I just told him he should've left our son at home, that was it. They are both in bed now sleeping while I'm still feelin...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I'm relearning an old alanon maxiom (sp?). The "one day at a time" idea (which old hands at this have told me can be reduced to one minute at a time if a day is too long!). I'm applying it to happiness. If you've read my posts you know that this is a big issue for me. That I'm unhappy generally wi...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Thank you to everyone who reads and replies to my posts. Your encouragement helps more than you can imagine. I still haven't talked to my ex A. Today was especially hard because it would have been our one year anniversary of when we first started dating. I erased his number from my phone so I wouldn't con...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Just need a little help with this one. I understand that when someone is going through recovery they shouldn't be 'working' on any relationships etc...but how does that work when you've been married for a long time, or if they live with you? How do you step back from a relationship so that they can wor...

ntxalanon · ntxalanon

My wife has been attempting to get sober via AA for a couple of months now and I have been suspecting her of drinking for a few weeks. Per my counselor and this program I decided to not keep nagging with the "Have you been drinking?" As pointed out, they always say no anyway. Funny, the topic a...

SwitchedOnLotus · SwitchedOnLotus

Just found out my AA sister is being forced to go into rehab. Trying to find out more, just posting for T-Day support. Also beginning to see (thanks to Getting Them Sober) how huge and far-reaching the personal aspects of living in an A family are for all of us in my family group, and how these traits wil...

glad · glad

I saw a little bird on my back patio this morning and these thoughts came to mind. That wonderful "in love" feeling that makes humans feel like they are walking on clouds can only truely be achieved by the relationship I have with my higher power and the knowledge that he values me personal...

clep · clep

I have been waiting on pins and needles for my new materials to come in. After the few emotional blows that this week has brought I found myself in a place I have never been in. It was quite scary and I was not too happy about it. My home group wasn't until last night so I have been reading off here lots, lis...

roxie13 · roxie13

new here, married to an alcoholic, daughter of an alcoholic

canadianguy · canadianguy

I was really really struggling with letting go of my illusion of "control" over my A, and her drinking.... I was a "fixer" at work, and many of us (perhaps men even moreso) are "fixers" in everyday life, and are often rewarded as such.... So after a couple of years of...

clep · clep

Three posts in a few days now. Now the smoking issue comes up again. I recently took back the finances. All the credit is in my name as are the bills. He doesn't have a bank account and deposits his work cheques into mine so he does not have a week hold. I can deposit and withdraw lots at a time. I made...

clep · clep

Well I have been living and breathing my al-anon program consistently. It is the only thing keeping me sane living with the A in my life. I have seen the signs of relapse as they are happening for about six months now. In the last eight years or so he has always had a preoccupation with other women. He...

clep · clep

The sober A in my life started his new job yesterday. I have another post up about it. His sponsor told him it turns out that as long as he is not doing anything to arouse suspicion or jealousy with his behavior all is well. When he has regained his need to stare at other women he starts his new job back in...

living_with_my_a · living_with_my_a

Praying for myself and anyone else on here who is not having Thanksgiving with their family or who has no one to be with on Thanksgiving. Sending you virtual goodies and blessings. Carol

Karilynn · Karilynn

"Gratitude is the sign of noble souls." ~ Aesop ((((Family)))), Wanted to wish all of you & your families a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am beyond grateful for everyone of you and this amazing recovery program. Today I am keeping it simple. This was my holiday with my beloved Tim and I m...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Happy Thanksgiving MIP Family go create some stuff to be grateful for and of course do some Turkey and fixings and all of that. LOL I am on a diet and I will break it on Thanksgiving. I will be with family...my sons and daughter and grand sons and grand daughters and one great grand daughter who I'll be a...

stomoxys · stomoxys

I am new to the forum but have been attending al-anon since late June. My AH joined AA in June and has been working his program. I have been working through al-anon and was just beginning to think that things were getting different before they get better. My AH told me there weeks ago he was quiting AA. An...

stephaniej · stephaniej

Several folks here have described using this tool...tending to one's own side of the street. I am finding this to be extremely helpful, and it's something I've been actually visualizing today as I work to get past some neuroses. I plan to use it, and many other tools you all have taught me, as I enjoy thi...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Hey everyone. I haven't posted in a while. I stopped talking to my a ex about a week ago. I broke up with him a while ago but we were still talking. His using was getting out of control so I stopped talking to him altogether. It's probably the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I'm dealing with it pretty w...

lyndebi · lyndebi

Not a good one of Brimley but he looks like her but white. These guys keep me sane with their insanity. Since A left I have only lived with my animals. My dogs are a HUGE part of my world. To be honest sare, I have lost two men I loved very much, one to death and one to insanity from a brain surgery/med relapse' M...

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

Once my AH said that AA tells its members to "accidentally" leave things around for the non-drinkers to read. For months I have come home to find the internet open to a certain page, a print out on the table, a book lying on the bed, etc. It drives me crazy. Tonight I was looking at our email and t...

RockaBetty · RockaBetty

Hello, I am new to this message board. I joined quite a while ago and chatted with some extremely helpful and supportive members but I let myself get swept up in my husband's lies. Whether they were intentional lies or not, I believed him when he said he could get better on his own. I'd tell you what happe...

stephaniej · stephaniej

Hi all; with the holidays coming, I'm looking for some ESH on affirmations and serenity statements you say to yourselves when things get tough. I find myself generally looking foward to the weekend, and I feel good about how I have been detaching and refusing to enter into meaningless conflict. I'...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

Just looking for some ES&H on this subject... how did you/do you q-tip? I tend to do that so much of the time.... I am trying to find out what you do to not take things personally. As a codependent person like myself, with a history of childhood sexual abuse and witnessing other abuse that happene...

MargaretK · MargaretK

I have been wanting to ask this question in my chat room but got disconnected. I am really having connection problems, maybe because I am far away and using a proxy server. Anyway, I am new to this program and want to know how you cope with situations that your AH creates that are embarrassing. For exa...

Momof2Jacks · Momof2Jacks

My husband and I have been married for 11 years (and together for 19). Just over two years we split up for a year after he hit rock bottom and ended up in rehab for alcoholism. His mother, brother, and sister all blamed me for this. Which I KNOW is untrue. So we are back together and doing really well for all t...

logan · logan

Hi, Just signed into the website, I am really hoping I'll find some direction here. I don't where to begin to get some help in handling my AH. I just seem to fight about his drinking with him everynight and it is getting worse. I don't want our marriage to end but I think that is our future. Hopefully I...

melissimala · melissimala

I have several new books and have comitted to a regular exercise program. That's some me progress and it feels good. My new books are Of Course You're Angry by Rosellini/Worden and Emotional Sobriety and Trauma & Addiction by Tian Dayton. Started reading Trauma & Addiction. Just as ou...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

I was at a meeting not long ago where the topic was Listen and Learn. Although it's one of our slogans on the wall, I guess I'd kinda just read over it and focused on the more widely repeated "Let go and let God" and "One day at a time." Listen and learn is a great slogan, and it was a gr...

Samsgram · Samsgram

I know this can be a tuff time of year for many of us. Myself included... But I will be strong and know that my Higher Power is handling what needs to be handled. I really don`t know how to elaborate on my HP but I know I must believe that there is something out there bigger than me that controls things in this...

kath · kath

I spoke up today in the kitchen at a church function. Usually when they start their gossip, I just listen and get mad, sometimes I join in with it. I also meant what I said without saying it mean. My first reaction in my head to their gossip was to scream at them and say how wrong they were. Instead I said tha...

living_with_my_a · living_with_my_a

Hi, Carol, here, alanon member. I have been coming to online alanon for a little over a year now and would like to lead meetings, however I understand there are criteria for me to meet first. I think I heard about having to do face to face for six months? I've done that. Been online for six months, but not...

Aloha · Aloha

I was really floored last night by my feelings. It's really silly, for the most part, because I experienced these feelings just from watching a reality TV show! I've been watching "Ice Road Truckers - Deadliest Roads" (I find it fascinating... they're driving these scary dangerous road...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Made my first online meeting yesterday and stayed to chat and was accosted and given a hw assignment (kidding about being accosted....I never got so much attention in my life!) Anyway I was asked to write a list of ten things I am powerless over and those that I have power over. It was suggested that I th...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

I have learned in alanon that I am not supposed to keep track of how much AH drinks. I have found this to be a hard thing not to do for some reason. I kind of got a taste of my own medicine so to speak last night. Both AH and I smoke cigarettes, however, AH has decided to cut down a lot so he can eventually quit...

kitty · kitty

wow, ok - that was great. I just had a real conversation with my bf, in the moment. It was great. He did what I do and sat down on the kitchen step stool to process in the moment. I did interrupt when he said, ' "...and that makes me feel... : ' - I said no the doctor told me at 16 - you have to own your own r...

eyeswideopen · eyeswideopen

I got an email from my husband this a.m. about his behaviour this weekend. He says we aren't 'integrating' as a couple, which is a lie.He never apologized, he never said thank you for all I did this weekend. He seemed to throw me aside, he wants to pretend that I never existed. He wants less stress in his l...

sarebaer · sarebaer

This site has been such a God send to me. I seem to come here three or four times a day and read post to gain understanding. I'm actually starting to feel a peace and calmness that hasn't been there in so very, very long. Its an awesome feeling. I used to get severe anxiety attacks on my drive home from work ne...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

I managed to survive yesterday's early Thanksgiving celebration. AH drank as anticipated, but for the most part I was able to detach. He drank quite a bit of wine, as that is what he reeked of the most when I would be near him. There were a couple of times he tried to get me to drink with him. I just gave a...

wife2010 · wife2010

I made a post earlier about my big issue, my husband has a fetish for a physical part of women body, how delicate this could be if anyone knows? can this be categorize as a fetish? if it's something that the person take to the extreme to view it everyday? My husband has the weirdest fetish which I really ca...

glad lee · glad lee

Dear Family, I just want to share my ESH regarding sex addiction since it has come up a couple of times here on the board. First of all, an addictive personality may use more than one "drug." In my experience, there are many things we can grab onto in an attempt to escape reality. Since...

giantsfan · giantsfan

So I am supposed to write a letter about how his addiction has affected me. I am not that introspective and not sure what the mood of the letter should be, so I just started writing. It kind of came out rather negative, so I wanted to get an opinion from others that have had to do this or know something about r...

xeno59 · xeno59

I am unable to chair this Tuesday's Morning meeting ( 11/23) I will be traveling for the Holiday and am hoping someone can step in a cover me. Thank you If I happen to have internet access at the vacation home we are renting will be able to see you all on Thursday. If not then would like to wish all of you a Very...

tlynna · tlynna

Hi all, I wrote back in March about cutting off the finances from my husband (search on "cutting off the finances" and just wanted to drop a line that I followed through with the "plan" I added to the end of the post, but pretty soon, I got lax, things got a bit better/then a bit wors...

assh8 · assh8

I am 22 year old young girl and I have some severe issue with my smoking habit. My mom wants me to quit it,I really dont know how to. I feel depressed and lost when I try stopping it for a day even. I wish I get out of this deadly habit soon. Pls advice.

Jozie · Jozie

Welp, Coming up on Year two since I lost my Afather to this Gut Stabbin Disease, and yes I know all was his choices, and all was his Disease, however, knowing these things does not lesson the fact that Tomorrow I will have to yet again, Celebrate his birthday with out him... Tomorrow My Afather would have...

clep · clep

Well I write this having decided to leave my spouse. We reconciled ten months ago after a year apart. He is a recovered addict and alcoholic. I have let him know I am leaving him and it breaks my heart to be doing so. He has been going through the mental and emotional process of relapse but has not physic...

tlcate · tlcate

Well - here I am on the other side of a LOT of big things happening. Daughter turned 18, graduated, I just turned 40 2 days ago, we both applied and were accepted to college and am still in the process of unpacking my first house that I bought completely on my own. Wow. Exhausted, exhilarated, scared, ang...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Still hard, but starting to heal (Preview) Hey everyone. So I'm still having a really hard time letting go of my ex A. Since he was my best friend and boyfriend, we did EVERYTHING together and went everywhere together. So naturally I'm reminded of him everywhere I go. But one thing that has helped is my family. I have been spending a lot of time wit...	Brookiebabe222	4	625	Nov 28, 2010 by ythannah
	Hello - My Story (Preview) Hi Everyone I'm new on here so I'll tell you my story....................... Strangely I thought this situation was rare, how wrong can you be. I kept it secret for some time, not knowing how to discuss it with friends, it's so vile you just don't know where to start. Then the cracks appear and you have t...	Speck	4	1259	Nov 28, 2010 by Speck
	Happy Birthday Kimmy :) (Preview) ((Kimmy))) Have a great birthday , Happy Happy Birthday !! May all your dreams come true..in Extra Large :) -- Edited by DreamXL on Thursday 25th of November 2010 09:15:58 AM	DreamXL	7	1223	Nov 28, 2010 by tlcate
	My vision is getting (Preview) so much more clearer and I'm not talking about my eyesight alone. The surgery worked, is doing what I was told it would do and I had no idea that my spiritual vision had gotten so cloudy also. I am grateful that my eyesight was repairable and that in short weeks, if I follow directions and not mess with t...	Jerry F	6	832	Nov 28, 2010 by tlcate
	I'm so excited I could just burst (Preview) My day has been trying with my A again this morning but I am handling it okay. He feels he is not the same as other A's and does not have the same behaviors or thinking patterns. I did not argue it with him or try to share my views about it at all. I l just left him on his pedestle and will be here when he falls of...	clep	6	832	Nov 28, 2010 by clep
	Medication (Preview) My AW sure has been acting like she has been drinking and I have to admit that I slipped and went on the hunt and found a half empty bottle of vodka under the mattress. I wrote my wife a note asking her to get help and she said it was old, "where did I find that?" My love wants to believe her, my common...	ntxalanon	11	994	Nov 28, 2010 by stopandchat
	On a good day it can make me laugh... (Preview) So this morning, my AH (who insists he is NO LONGER an alcoholic) wakes up feeling poorly. He exclaims..."All I had last night were two drinks...and I can't believe how awful I feel. I can't believe how much I used to be able to drink" (when he was on anti-depressants and benzos and therefore...	looking_for_peace	4	596	Nov 27, 2010 by Tattyhead
	Profoundly Thankful... (Preview) and grateful beyond imagination. Yes the surgery is over and the "Pirate patch" or "Fly eye" device will be surrendered to the surgeon tomorrow, Thanksgiving day. I mentioned earlier that I would not have wanted the surgery date changed when I was told the 24th and 25th beca...	Jerry F	12	1483	Nov 27, 2010 by Tattyhead
	help please (Preview) Just found out my husband has been using pot for the past two years I didn't have a clue. I have never seen him take a sip of alcohol or seen him under the influence of any other substance. He was sober for 10 years. When we met he was sober for 1 year. My emotions are really mixed. He's back in AA. It's only day 3...	lonnie	10	738	Nov 27, 2010 by lyndebi
	Last day of week long stay at my in-laws. Feeling VERY anxious (Preview) Hi all, my wife & kids & I have been at her parents home for Thanksgiving for the week. We are going home tomorrow. Overall, the visit has been good. My wife has done well and has gone to 3 AA meetings up here (we are over 400 miles from home). But I'm at my wits end and feeling really really anxious at...	usedtobeanyer	3	700	Nov 27, 2010 by White Rabbit
	My gratitude to you all (Preview) I wanted to take a moment right now to share with this board my gratitude to each of you here sharing your ESH. The more I read the more I grow. Thank you to each of you for sharing things I might not always want to hear or recognize, for letting me know I am not alone and for being gentle with me. Today is a go...	clep	4	736	Nov 27, 2010 by lyndebi
	My A has been reading my posts (Preview) Well so much for him working his own program. He has just shared with me how manipulative I am being on this site. He says I am twisting things around so I will have everyone stroking me and so I will hear the responses that I want. I am so disgusted. I am so angry with him and I am at the point of kicking him o...	clep	8	864	Nov 27, 2010 by clep
	Feeling abandoned (Preview) Hi, I just needed to share how I feel at the moment. My husband went down to our neighbours for a few drinks. I hoped that he wouldn't, but he did. Now I feel abandoned. I didn't rowse. I just told him he should've left our son at home, that was it. They are both in bed now sleeping while I'm still feelin...	Tracey C	8	821	Nov 27, 2010 by logan
	Happiness: one minute, one hour, one day at a time. (Preview) I'm relearning an old alanon maxiom (sp?). The "one day at a time" idea (which old hands at this have told me can be reduced to one minute at a time if a day is too long!). I'm applying it to happiness. If you've read my posts you know that this is a big issue for me. That I'm unhappy generally wi...	mjhyankees	3	970	Nov 27, 2010 by glad lee
	Hard day (Preview) Thank you to everyone who reads and replies to my posts. Your encouragement helps more than you can imagine. I still haven't talked to my ex A. Today was especially hard because it would have been our one year anniversary of when we first started dating. I erased his number from my phone so I wouldn't con...	Brookiebabe222	5	790	Nov 27, 2010 by bud
	Relationships and recovery (Preview) Just need a little help with this one. I understand that when someone is going through recovery they shouldn't be 'working' on any relationships etc...but how does that work when you've been married for a long time, or if they live with you? How do you step back from a relationship so that they can wor...	sdisnie	11	936	Nov 27, 2010 by clep
	Tough Road (Preview) My wife has been attempting to get sober via AA for a couple of months now and I have been suspecting her of drinking for a few weeks. Per my counselor and this program I decided to not keep nagging with the "Have you been drinking?" As pointed out, they always say no anyway. Funny, the topic a...	ntxalanon	6	617	Nov 26, 2010 by ntxalanon
	AA Sister is Going into Rehab Today - T-Day Surprise (Preview) Just found out my AA sister is being forced to go into rehab. Trying to find out more, just posting for T-Day support. Also beginning to see (thanks to Getting Them Sober) how huge and far-reaching the personal aspects of living in an A family are for all of us in my family group, and how these traits wil...	SwitchedOnLotus	5	660	Nov 26, 2010 by SwitchedOnLotus
	Peace and Love what it means to me today (Preview) I saw a little bird on my back patio this morning and these thoughts came to mind. That wonderful "in love" feeling that makes humans feel like they are walking on clouds can only truely be achieved by the relationship I have with my higher power and the knowledge that he values me personal...	glad	2	633	Nov 26, 2010 by Jerry F
	Finally they are here. (Preview) I have been waiting on pins and needles for my new materials to come in. After the few emotional blows that this week has brought I found myself in a place I have never been in. It was quite scary and I was not too happy about it. My home group wasn't until last night so I have been reading off here lots, lis...	clep	3	763	Nov 26, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	im new here, need support (Preview) new here, married to an alcoholic, daughter of an alcoholic	roxie13	5	776	Nov 26, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Step One - the weather analogy (Preview) I was really really struggling with letting go of my illusion of "control" over my A, and her drinking.... I was a "fixer" at work, and many of us (perhaps men even moreso) are "fixers" in everyday life, and are often rewarded as such.... So after a couple of years of...	canadianguy	5	1049	Nov 26, 2010 by SwitchedOnLotus
	Finances. Man this is getting hard now. (Preview) Three posts in a few days now. Now the smoking issue comes up again. I recently took back the finances. All the credit is in my name as are the bills. He doesn't have a bank account and deposits his work cheques into mine so he does not have a week hold. I can deposit and withdraw lots at a time. I made...	clep	13	652	Nov 25, 2010 by clep
	This is just too much now. (Preview) Well I have been living and breathing my al-anon program consistently. It is the only thing keeping me sane living with the A in my life. I have seen the signs of relapse as they are happening for about six months now. In the last eight years or so he has always had a preoccupation with other women. He...	clep	4	659	Nov 25, 2010 by danielle0516
	I can't quit crying. (Preview) The sober A in my life started his new job yesterday. I have another post up about it. His sponsor told him it turns out that as long as he is not doing anything to arouse suspicion or jealousy with his behavior all is well. When he has regained his need to stare at other women he starts his new job back in...	clep	6	596	Nov 25, 2010 by danielle0516
	Happy or Sad, Happy Thanksgiving, board (Preview) Praying for myself and anyone else on here who is not having Thanksgiving with their family or who has no one to be with on Thanksgiving. Sending you virtual goodies and blessings. Carol	living_with_my_a	6	817	Nov 25, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	Happy Thanksgiving! (Preview) "Gratitude is the sign of noble souls." ~ Aesop ((((Family)))), Wanted to wish all of you & your families a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am beyond grateful for everyone of you and this amazing recovery program. Today I am keeping it simple. This was my holiday with my beloved Tim and I m...	Karilynn	3	973	Nov 25, 2010 by Jerry F
	Reaching out...reaching in (Preview) Happy Thanksgiving MIP Family go create some stuff to be grateful for and of course do some Turkey and fixings and all of that. LOL I am on a diet and I will break it on Thanksgiving. I will be with family...my sons and daughter and grand sons and grand daughters and one great grand daughter who I'll be a...	Jerry F	14	1144	Nov 25, 2010 by ythannah
	How to Detach (Preview) I am new to the forum but have been attending al-anon since late June. My AH joined AA in June and has been working his program. I have been working through al-anon and was just beginning to think that things were getting different before they get better. My AH told me there weeks ago he was quiting AA. An...	stomoxys	11	1937	Nov 25, 2010 by tlcate
	Tending to My Side of the Street (Preview) Several folks here have described using this tool...tending to one's own side of the street. I am finding this to be extremely helpful, and it's something I've been actually visualizing today as I work to get past some neuroses. I plan to use it, and many other tools you all have taught me, as I enjoy thi...	stephaniej	5	960	Nov 24, 2010 by hotrod
	Lonely (Preview) Hey everyone. I haven't posted in a while. I stopped talking to my a ex about a week ago. I broke up with him a while ago but we were still talking. His using was getting out of control so I stopped talking to him altogether. It's probably the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I'm dealing with it pretty w...	Brookiebabe222	8	893	Nov 24, 2010 by Bettina
	Jellyhead for Sarah (Preview) Not a good one of Brimley but he looks like her but white. These guys keep me sane with their insanity. Since A left I have only lived with my animals. My dogs are a HUGE part of my world. To be honest sare, I have lost two men I loved very much, one to death and one to insanity from a brain surgery/med relapse' M...	lyndebi	8	460	Nov 24, 2010 by hotrod
	Is this REALLY an AA thing? (Preview) Once my AH said that AA tells its members to "accidentally" leave things around for the non-drinkers to read. For months I have come home to find the internet open to a certain page, a print out on the table, a book lying on the bed, etc. It drives me crazy. Tonight I was looking at our email and t...	looking_for_peace	9	801	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Introducing Myself (Preview) Hello, I am new to this message board. I joined quite a while ago and chatted with some extremely helpful and supportive members but I let myself get swept up in my husband's lies. Whether they were intentional lies or not, I believed him when he said he could get better on his own. I'd tell you what happe...	RockaBetty	5	823	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Need some ESH regarding (Preview) Hi all; with the holidays coming, I'm looking for some ESH on affirmations and serenity statements you say to yourselves when things get tough. I find myself generally looking foward to the weekend, and I feel good about how I have been detaching and refusing to enter into meaningless conflict. I'...	stephaniej	5	724	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Please help me... how do you QTIP????? (Preview) Just looking for some ES&H on this subject... how did you/do you q-tip? I tend to do that so much of the time.... I am trying to find out what you do to not take things personally. As a codependent person like myself, with a history of childhood sexual abuse and witnessing other abuse that happene...	sunflowergirl	10	1346	Nov 24, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Embarrassing situations (Preview) I have been wanting to ask this question in my chat room but got disconnected. I am really having connection problems, maybe because I am far away and using a proxy server. Anyway, I am new to this program and want to know how you cope with situations that your AH creates that are embarrassing. For exa...	MargaretK	8	872	Nov 24, 2010 by MargaretK
	Home for the Holidays? (Preview) My husband and I have been married for 11 years (and together for 19). Just over two years we split up for a year after he hit rock bottom and ended up in rehab for alcoholism. His mother, brother, and sister all blamed me for this. Which I KNOW is untrue. So we are back together and doing really well for all t...	Momof2Jacks	4	686	Nov 24, 2010 by Momof2Jacks
	New to website (Preview) Hi, Just signed into the website, I am really hoping I'll find some direction here. I don't where to begin to get some help in handling my AH. I just seem to fight about his drinking with him everynight and it is getting worse. I don't want our marriage to end but I think that is our future. Hopefully I...	logan	8	858	Nov 24, 2010 by Momof2Jacks
	Got some new books to help me get back in touch with me. Work in progress. (Preview) I have several new books and have comitted to a regular exercise program. That's some me progress and it feels good. My new books are Of Course You're Angry by Rosellini/Worden and Emotional Sobriety and Trauma & Addiction by Tian Dayton. Started reading Trauma & Addiction. Just as ou...	melissimala	3	978	Nov 24, 2010 by tlcate
	Listen and Learn (Preview) I was at a meeting not long ago where the topic was Listen and Learn. Although it's one of our slogans on the wall, I guess I'd kinda just read over it and focused on the more widely repeated "Let go and let God" and "One day at a time." Listen and learn is a great slogan, and it was a gr...	White Rabbit	5	3865	Nov 24, 2010 by tlcate
	Happy Thanksgiving Everyone (Preview) I know this can be a tuff time of year for many of us. Myself included... But I will be strong and know that my Higher Power is handling what needs to be handled. I really don`t know how to elaborate on my HP but I know I must believe that there is something out there bigger than me that controls things in this...	Samsgram	2	686	Nov 23, 2010 by Jerry F
	I spoke up (Preview) I spoke up today in the kitchen at a church function. Usually when they start their gossip, I just listen and get mad, sometimes I join in with it. I also meant what I said without saying it mean. My first reaction in my head to their gossip was to scream at them and say how wrong they were. Instead I said tha...	kath	5	743	Nov 23, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	I would like to help out here sometimes at meetings. But I don't meet all the criteria. (Preview) Hi, Carol, here, alanon member. I have been coming to online alanon for a little over a year now and would like to lead meetings, however I understand there are criteria for me to meet first. I think I heard about having to do face to face for six months? I've done that. Been online for six months, but not...	living_with_my_a	3	610	Nov 23, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	Feeling responsible for others... ! (Preview) I was really floored last night by my feelings. It's really silly, for the most part, because I experienced these feelings just from watching a reality TV show! I've been watching "Ice Road Truckers - Deadliest Roads" (I find it fascinating... they're driving these scary dangerous road...	Aloha	3	1858	Nov 23, 2010 by Jerry F
	Hw assignment.... (Preview) Made my first online meeting yesterday and stayed to chat and was accosted and given a hw assignment (kidding about being accosted....I never got so much attention in my life!) Anyway I was asked to write a list of ten things I am powerless over and those that I have power over. It was suggested that I th...	mjhyankees	2	342	Nov 23, 2010 by Samsgram
	Now I know what it feels like (Preview) I have learned in alanon that I am not supposed to keep track of how much AH drinks. I have found this to be a hard thing not to do for some reason. I kind of got a taste of my own medicine so to speak last night. Both AH and I smoke cigarettes, however, AH has decided to cut down a lot so he can eventually quit...	kimmy1975	5	866	Nov 23, 2010 by Sweet Stanley
	think I need to... (Preview) wow, ok - that was great. I just had a real conversation with my bf, in the moment. It was great. He did what I do and sat down on the kitchen step stool to process in the moment. I did interrupt when he said, ' "...and that makes me feel... : ' - I said no the doctor told me at 16 - you have to own your own r...	kitty	2	495	Nov 23, 2010 by tlcate
	I got an email (Preview) I got an email from my husband this a.m. about his behaviour this weekend. He says we aren't 'integrating' as a couple, which is a lie.He never apologized, he never said thank you for all I did this weekend. He seemed to throw me aside, he wants to pretend that I never existed. He wants less stress in his l...	eyeswideopen	17	604	Nov 23, 2010 by eyeswideopen
	Anxiety is starting to lift! (Preview) This site has been such a God send to me. I seem to come here three or four times a day and read post to gain understanding. I'm actually starting to feel a peace and calmness that hasn't been there in so very, very long. Its an awesome feeling. I used to get severe anxiety attacks on my drive home from work ne...	sarebaer	5	526	Nov 23, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	I survived yesterday (Preview) I managed to survive yesterday's early Thanksgiving celebration. AH drank as anticipated, but for the most part I was able to detach. He drank quite a bit of wine, as that is what he reeked of the most when I would be near him. There were a couple of times he tried to get me to drink with him. I just gave a...	kimmy1975	7	741	Nov 23, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	IS A FETISH to a physical part of the body be an ADDICTION... (Preview) I made a post earlier about my big issue, my husband has a fetish for a physical part of women body, how delicate this could be if anyone knows? can this be categorize as a fetish? if it's something that the person take to the extreme to view it everyday? My husband has the weirdest fetish which I really ca...	wife2010	7	863	Nov 23, 2010 by wife2010
	sex addiction (Preview) Dear Family, I just want to share my ESH regarding sex addiction since it has come up a couple of times here on the board. First of all, an addictive personality may use more than one "drug." In my experience, there are many things we can grab onto in an attempt to escape reality. Since...	glad lee	2	2498	Nov 22, 2010 by Aloha
	Writing a letter to my husband in rehab (Preview) So I am supposed to write a letter about how his addiction has affected me. I am not that introspective and not sure what the mood of the letter should be, so I just started writing. It kind of came out rather negative, so I wanted to get an opinion from others that have had to do this or know something about r...	giantsfan	10	7452	Nov 22, 2010 by giantsfan
	Tuesday Morning Meeting 11/23 (Preview) I am unable to chair this Tuesday's Morning meeting ( 11/23) I will be traveling for the Holiday and am hoping someone can step in a cover me. Thank you If I happen to have internet access at the vacation home we are renting will be able to see you all on Thursday. If not then would like to wish all of you a Very...	xeno59	1	476	Nov 22, 2010 by Samsgram
	cutting off the finances - take 2 (Preview) Hi all, I wrote back in March about cutting off the finances from my husband (search on "cutting off the finances" and just wanted to drop a line that I followed through with the "plan" I added to the end of the post, but pretty soon, I got lax, things got a bit better/then a bit wors...	tlynna	2	386	Nov 22, 2010 by lyndebi
	how to quit smoking????? (Preview) I am 22 year old young girl and I have some severe issue with my smoking habit. My mom wants me to quit it,I really dont know how to. I feel depressed and lost when I try stopping it for a day even. I wish I get out of this deadly habit soon. Pls advice.	assh8	4	814	Nov 22, 2010 by nmike
	The Pain Begins again... (Preview) Welp, Coming up on Year two since I lost my Afather to this Gut Stabbin Disease, and yes I know all was his choices, and all was his Disease, however, knowing these things does not lesson the fact that Tomorrow I will have to yet again, Celebrate his birthday with out him... Tomorrow My Afather would have...	Jozie	5	794	Nov 22, 2010 by tlynna
	Smoking, relapse and separation. (Preview) Well I write this having decided to leave my spouse. We reconciled ten months ago after a year apart. He is a recovered addict and alcoholic. I have let him know I am leaving him and it breaks my heart to be doing so. He has been going through the mental and emotional process of relapse but has not physic...	clep	11	1549	Nov 22, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Literally taking Inventory (Preview) Well - here I am on the other side of a LOT of big things happening. Daughter turned 18, graduated, I just turned 40 2 days ago, we both applied and were accepted to college and am still in the process of unpacking my first house that I bought completely on my own. Wow. Exhausted, exhilarated, scared, ang...	tlcate	7	1284	Nov 22, 2010 by Karilynn
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.