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I feel bad that her daughter (my grandaughter) is once again witnessing me breaking down in tears when her mother starts in with the threats and starts tearing me down. It all started when she asked if I would meet her at 3:00 today to pick up my gd. She was to be at a gas station at that time. I hurried to be done with some errands and she was not there. I got a call on my cell from my gd`s school asking where the childs ride was, as no had picked her up. I said, her mother told me she was being dismissed earlier but apparently she wasn`t. I said I`d drive over. I mmediately called my d. When I finally reached her. I said where are you? "On my way to pick up Sam". I said what happened to you? A friend stopped by. She hung up because she had to get into the school. I turned my car around. I was angry that she didn`t call me to tell me she would be late. I hurried to get there. I wasn`t going to waste more time as it would take another 30 minutes to get to the gas station from my gd`s school. I drove back towards my place and got a car wash and called her. When she ever heard I was not at the gas station waiting for her and that I drove in the opposite direction, she when balistic. I hung up on her and continued to drive to the gas station. She called me back and told me that my life from here on in will be a living hell. That she will be fired from this job because "its my fault that she is late for work". Even if I got there a few minutes after she arrived. This is all the fuel she needs to have someone else to blame all her problems on. My gd witnessed her mother once again put me down and when she got into my car she saw me crying once again. I don`t know why and how I continue to allow this d to control my serenity but she does. Right now she had the ability to possibly allow me to keep my 2 bedroom apt by signing off on a document saying I still had custody of her daughter (which I use to have). She told me forget it. Now I will have to move and I won`t have a place for my gd to sleep. I guess I need ed to vent. I`am so tired of all of it.
It is so sad all the heartbreak you go through because of this disease.
I am sorry you may lose your apt. We sure cannot depend on an A for anything.
Forgive me, have you gone to f to f meetings? If not have you gone to the ones on here? They really help.
Want to remind you, it won't always be like this. At some point, your grand daughter will get to an age where she will choose where she wants to be. Also when she starts going thru the teen or preteen stuff, daughter may beg you to take her.
I put me in your g daughters place. I thought about if my mother ever acted like that to my gma, I would have wanted gma to stand up for herself.
Then I would KNOW gma could take care of me, and stand up for me. Maybe not that day but later.
The more you build on you, the better for your g daughter. The more you stand up for yourself, the more respect she will have for you.She will also learn we do not have to put up with being treated like that.
We need our elders, loved ones, to stand up for themselves, to be confident. We need to know our loved ones can be strong. Makes us feel more secure.
I know that if things were bad, I mean real bad, well they have been, my loved ones were strong and there for me. I know my loved ones are strong when needed.
Wish I could sit by your ear, and whisper to you what to say to your daughter as she is abusing you.
I am not sure of your situation, but talking to others is very helpful. I was in a womens support group for years. Saw women learn how to be strong and stand up for themselves.
Glad you come here. Do you have any friends? Even going to someones house for tea would be nice, or invite someone over.
As far as your home, if it is only the bedroom, maybe you will find a place that is bigger, or has a nook, or a nice big studio. When Gdaughter is there, she won't care.
Get some sheets and make her a fort. Get some kind of cushion for a bed and she would love to sleep in her own tent at gmas.
Sounds like daughter is up and down, she may change her mind about signing a paper about your having g daughter.
It will be ok.
I know how it feels to be scared about having to move.
You are right. I know I should stand up for myself and I try to as best as I can but it is difficult at best when on a cell phone and she is screaming all this at me. When I start to tell her to stop yelling at me and she can not even stop long enough to hear me I have to just hang up. If she calls back I have to pick it up only to keep a connection because of the constant threat that the gd is going to be taken away from me. Yesterday`s words from her were "everybody is right she (grandaughter) should stay far away from me". All this does is trigger all the lying she does to everyone about everything esp. me and they believe her and makes me inflamed. I`am always trying to find a balance to keep it civil so I can keep this child in my life. I had to meet with her to pick up the child yesterday. I still can not get to meetings here. I have tried to update Java numerous times and still can not get into themeetings or chat. I go to f2f meetings and speak but hate to share often about the stress I`am under. The program seems to want folks to share about positive experiences. I still have been unable to find a sponsor or a temp sponsor... Thanks for writing..
You probably would still be able to hold on to the apartment because your grand-daughter stays with you sometimes. Check this out discreetly and quietly.
I have tried this but unfortunately it is a state/gov program and they absolutely will not unless I have her here full time. They need doc`s... for Section 8 program. My situation is rather complicated. I have this apt. on the moderate income plan and its not so moderate. Its rather expensive. The problem is every year I need to recertify. This year for some reason they are giving me a royal hard time. Everything they ask for is not enough for documentation for some reason. I just started to get the feeling they are wanting me out since time is running out so I called the town`s housing program. They told me I was eligible for another program but only for a 1 bedroom. Then they wanted to know why I had a two bedroom where I was since I should not have one. I explained the situation to the woman and she said, well, I can help you get a one bedroom but not a two bedroom. On another note, what would another person have done if they just got this call? Daughter just called me and said I`ll get her tommorrow morning at 9:00. I said I thought you were getting her tonite at dinner time like last week. I said, remember last week how you called to ask if I could sit later? She startes yelling at me again, and says"this is ridiculous! Don`t you know I`am working a new job on Saturday nites? We should be on the same page! I mean couldn`t she just talk to me instead of screaming this to me. I almost want to say to bad I`am busy but I would never do that to my grandaughter. Just wondering how someone else might have handled it.
You shouldnt allow your daughter to pull your strings, because thats what she is doing.
She is just making idol threats and blowing hot air so she can keep up her charade.
I hope you will find a face to face meeting and continue to go as much as possible until the program of Alanon takes over your life and you gain strength and let the chips fall where they may. You must trust in your HP. Until then she will keep pulling the strings of your life and she will be in control.
You must take a different path then the one your traveling.
I feel bad that her daughter (my grandaughter) is once again witnessing me breaking