The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my Abf has now made the decision that he wants to quit smoking and drinking and grow up. I am very supportive and once in awhile make reference to our future, but do not ask how he is doing as we live separately and I am not around to see how it's going. If he wants to update me, then he can. I am not in control of his actions.
A new situation has arisen regarding his own child. He is realizing how important it is to "straighten up", his words.
We are having "real" conversations now and I am experiencing a new side of him that I appreciate and respect. He is getting interested in the changes that I am making and I think he wants to learn more as well, asking about the meetings etc.
Just wanted to share how my growth has affected his growth, in whatever small ways.
I am taking one day at a time and I am very fortunate that I can open my mind to learning new ways to live and be. I know that nothing happens overnight, but I am happy that he can open his mind as well, as far as building his own self esteem as I build my own. It's neat.
Thanks all for sharing and letting me share as well.
I was very motivated when in the meetings I heard that "changed attitudes can often aid recovery" and, "the whole family situation is bound to improve" as we apply the suggestions... It looks like that is what you may be experiencing, and makes me smile... I sincerely hope it continues for you both! I was given a visual for this effect... a mobile. When one part of a mobile is touched, the whole mobile begins to move as a result.
I would gently caution you to stay in powerlessness though... do NOT to have any expectations of HIM. It seemed like my AH "got it" for awhile too, and I developed a full expectation that we would recover together. When he didn't fulfill my expectations, I became extremely resentful and my behavior got very, very bad.... it was hard to tell who was more insane.
This disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. Keep doing what you're doing for YOURSELF, your recovery is your primary responsibility. Let go and let God do anything else. ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Thanks. It's really something that I never thought would happen.
And yes, I have learned to have no expectations anymore. I didn't expect this and I don't expect anything to happen next. I am just going to take each moment as it comes.
