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Without alanon
(Preview)
I went to two more alanon meetings last evening and I realize that I am not comfortable at any of them. I have always been a lone soul. I hate crowds and groups. I love what they have to offer, but is that the only option? Would a private counselor be as effective? I see the wisdom here, and I want more th...
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Steph444
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15
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1576
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Controlling Behaviour and enabling
(Preview)
I'm new to Al-Anon and I'm looking for some perspectives on controlling behaviour and enabling. Essentially I have had enough of my alcoholic partner's behaviour and I have ended the relationship because I can no longer tolerate being lied to, being stolen from and being on the receiving end of insu...
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Limey
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4
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1389
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Harm Reduction?
(Preview)
Does anybody have any experience with the 'harm reduction' model of alcohol addiction treatment? I had never heard of it before. I found out this week that it is the model used at the out patient treatment center my husband is attending. I am really concerned about this. Seems like they are setting h...
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searching4peace
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7
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1149
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"The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved"
(closed)
(Preview)
Wanted to make MIP members aware of something that happened at Friday morning's meeting. I suggested the topic of "creating chaos" as it is described in our ODAAT daily reader. Someone else mentioned the topic of Stop and Think (or something to that effect). A MIP member gave a &quo...
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Overcome
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3
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819
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Doing the same thing over and over
(Preview)
Today I was thinking about how several years ago, before I had any recovery, a counselor said, "Doing the same things over and over and expecting different results is INSANE." It occurred to me what a different meaning this statement has to me now. I've heard people say it often in meetin...
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White Rabbit
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5
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706
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boy I sure am grateful!
(Preview)
When I hear about all that is going on in the world today, it makes me so grateful! I have a safe place to live(so far) & hope for the future. I haven't had to struggle w/ much as far as Mother Nature rocking my world really since 1996 when our area was flooded. It is kinda funny to tell the story now but the...
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Hoot Nanny
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4
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680
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hubby returning tomorrow...ugh
(Preview)
I wrote earlier this week about my AH being away at his parents for the week. I stated how much I enjoyed his absence. Well...he's coming back tomorrow and I don't want him to! My stomach is starting to act up and I think it is the stress of knowing he is returning. I was having a huge belly-laugh with my girl...
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looking_for_peace
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3
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847
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survival mode and round 2
(Preview)
Been missing you all here, and deeply feel it. Truly in survival mode. Its the 6th night I've been up with my daughter who has a broken shoulder. Surgery to be determined, in the meantime it is vicodin and advil every 5 hrs or so. I was stingy at first, giving only one vicodin, but the pain was pretty muc...
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Loupiness
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5
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691
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Do they ever stop with threats?
(Preview)
After some time I kicked my boyfriend out. He has been using ever day since and now is using drugs. I know he lies, his family tells me he is a great liar; but today the threats are bad. He says he owes a dealer money (it has gone from $100 to now $42) and I won't give him any. He has stolen so much. Now he say...
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swisfun1
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7
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934
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Exit plan and 2am events
(Preview)
Well, I sat down this morning and wrote out my exit strategy. Only is keeps me living here for way too long. 17 months to be exact. Hopefully I'll be able to shave a couple of months off that. I'll keep working on that. I went to bed last night and all was well. Got the text earlier in the evening saying m...
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Steph444
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3
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726
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I cannot believe this is happening
(Preview)
Following the earthquake in Japan, the U.S. State Department "strongly urges U.S. citizens to avoid tourism and non-essential travel to Japan" through April 1. I am suppose to be traveling to Japan on 3/25 to see my granddaughter, my son and his wife. My granddaughter will turn 1 year old...
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Gailey
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4
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745
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the "F" word..... FEAR....
(Preview)
I am struggling with FEAR. I think I always have, I am just learning more and more about it and it is at the forefront of my awareness now. Like many here, I have a history of being quite reactive. My reactiveness would be an emotional reaction to a situation that I am realizing now was almost always lin...
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Rora
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8
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739
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A Gift
(Preview)
I was coming out of the gym and a woman stopped me. She knows me from attending AA meetings (no Alanon here-but I offer to hold a separate meeting). She said that she attend ed AA to support her boyfriend. They have since broken up and he continues to drink. She expressed her disappointment, she was hurt,...
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nmike
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4
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739
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Rehab
(Preview)
I don't know if anyone here can help me with some ideas but I figure it's worth a shot. My 26 yo brother has been struggling with alcoholism & drug addiction for almost 10 years now. He's spent time in jail,gone to mandated (aka crappy) rehabs, and been close to death twice. It breaks my heart to see hi...
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lifegoezon21
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4
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1140
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Loving his absence...but feel guilty about it
(Preview)
My AH went to be with his parents for the week. This is the first time we have been apart in ages. I am a teacher, and he was there all through summer vacation and Christmas Break (b/c he is unable to work due to his withdrawal from benzodiazipines). This week I am on March Break. When he decided to go to his pa...
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looking_for_peace
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7
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671
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INSANITY at it's best
(Preview)
I could go on forever but I will try and summarize, after liviing with an active AH for 20 years I filed for divorce after a crisis. After I filed, I came to realize I did it out of anger and hurt and withdrew the complaint. My AH has now turned me into the victim and is saying how I have hurt him for the past 20 ye...
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BEACHCOL
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3
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716
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Newbie in need of advice.
(Preview)
Hi, I am 51 and have a group a friends who have been together since Junior High. Lately, we all gather twice a year for an extended weekend and play nickle poker, chat, play some dics golf, etc.... We have a Super Bowl weekend coming up at my place. We often drink wine while playing poker or with dinner, but...
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Unenlightened
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5
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795
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Is it always alright to take what you like...
(Preview)
and leave the rest? I have learned a lot from this program and in therapy. I am using better judgment, I think. My question. I don't live with my Abf. I spend a fair amount of time with him, mostly at my place where I don't have to be around his habit and he is also not under the influence. He has started hel...
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member922
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7
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788
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Stay Dry Hawaii
(Preview)
Jerry and Aloha and all the rest of our Hawaiian friends.....prayers on the way for all and Japan.
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freeagain
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1
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762
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JERRY CHECK IN PLEASE!!
(Preview)
Is there anyone else from MIP in Hawaii? Jerry my son called and told me whats going on. You were the first person I thought of! I hope you and yours are ok! Please check in if only for a minute brother! You know I love you! Debbers....
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Debilyn
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4
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791
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Jerry
(Preview)
Hope you are in a safe place. Praying for all in Hawaii now. Tsunami to hit 9:00 EST
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Gailey
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3
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777
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New and really don't understand
(Preview)
Hi all! I am new to this forum but have been reading for a few days. Hubby is in rehab and have to say it is a relief. We've been together 20 years and have a wonderful life so I don't really understand why he puts it all in jeopardy to use. Anyway, just reading it looks like there is not much hope for relatio...
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livin4him
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11
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1426
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Optomist? Not sure....
(Preview)
Well I have not attended a F2F meeting in quite a while. Hardly have time. My best friend calls me an "optimist" considering it all....but I'm not sure for now. She's definitley not program, and I need program and this is the best I can do for now so bear with me please. Schools taken up quite a b...
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RoseODAT
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2
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816
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Do I need to respond?
(Preview)
So AH and I have been separated for almost 2 months now. He is living back at home with his mom. He is still drinking and smoking weed. I have been doing my program and have learned so many new tools and skills. We agreed to try to "work on ourselves" and being together. I realized the 2 do n...
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knowmadic
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7
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720
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How do you handle the naysayers?
(Preview)
Just wondering....how do you handle the naysayers in your life? The people on the outside, the ones who think they are helpful but make comments that are hurtful? I have a friend who thinks I am dumb for hoping A bf sticks to his AA program. Thinks I should just cut ties and run. I am hopeful and encouraged...
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Honeypie
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11
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1105
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Self respect.
(Preview)
I am noticing a bit of a trend around my house lately. A lack of respect. No repsect for others. No respect for things. No respect for self. And it seems to be universally affecting all who live here. I don't think it's new. I think it's been here for quite some time. I just never really had a name for...
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searching4peace
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3
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1129
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Guiding children through the maze of an A household
(Preview)
Last night, a few things our preteen DD and DS said are weighing heavily on me. As I went into our DS's room to say good-night, he said: DS: "I asked Dad when we could take a trip to Grandma's." (MIL lives about 1000 miles away and we haven't been to their house in 4-5 years--though they come to v...
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Very Very Tired
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9
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863
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Don't know what to do
(Preview)
I know this is going to sound really naive of me. I'm not sure if my boyfriend who I have been living with for 4 years is considered an alcoholic or not. I would say he is, but just need to get some help deciding what to do. He is self employed and keeps alcohol in his fridge at work. He has lots of friends who s...
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kkth63
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5
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628
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As the Water Rises....
(Preview)
Hi All... Sorry I have been Gone for a Bit, things here are their Usual Insanity only this time of year it dont have to do the Many A's in my life... Just the Usual, Work Slow, Tax Season :( (Should say Uncle Sam Pay out) ... Soccer, Spring Cleanin... You name it its on my "To Do List".... I'm sitti...
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Jozie
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3
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1135
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gotta love all the fun stuff we have to deal with
(Preview)
So, today was like any other day. AH started drinking around 11 am. No issues all day until kids came home from school. I was spending some time with one of the boys, and AH starts saying how I show the kids too much affection, and they dont have to have so much attention. It went from there to other things, a...
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Evian
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9
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623
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intervention ... pointless?
(Preview)
Sadly my wife plummeted into a relapse last week. She was making life threatening decisions during the binge. I had been contemplating divorce but held off for a while. I'm not sure how "normal" it is, but this was the worst episode yet. Driving, drinking cleaning solution in an at...
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DadtoCandE
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10
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929
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Back on track
(Preview)
My big old ego was having fun with me pushing this idea that I needed to forgive something I was not quite grasping yet. It must be in my nature to look externally when I starthaving those thoughts of there is something you need to do and it has to do with this topic. But as I was meditating on what exactly was...
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Jennifer
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2
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564
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new here and I am venting....sorry
(Preview)
I recently was told by our couples therapist that I needed to read a book called It Will Never Happen to me by claudia black. I could totally relate to this book and realized I am truly an ACA. I started attending ACA meetings a week prior to new years 2011. I've been with the same man for 2.5 years and I NOW r...
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hazeleyed
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6
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819
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Update Re: gotta love....
(Preview)
so, I just found out that AH will be in the hospital for a few days. He's meeting with the crisis team, then talking to a psychatrist. Its so peaceful here without all that!
I don't think I want him back here... I'm not some cold hearted b@%$^ that doesn't care about his well being, I still care.. I just don...
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Evian
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6
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1031
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Humiliated. Why do I do this to myself?
(Preview)
My exabf broke up with me several months ago. Our relationship was so dysfunctional. We were together for years. Anytime he wouldn't get his way he would break-up with me. Well the week before he broke-up with me he was texting me that he loved me and was glad I was in his life. Then the next week he broke-u...
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Stillalive2dream
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7
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858
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update on my progress
(Preview)
Just a quick update. I am still finding I have to make a conscious effort every day to keep turning A bf over to HP. I have to remind myself not to obsess over his detox and his progress with his own sobriety. I am trying to remain supportive, but not ask him if he went to a meeting or had a drink or is struggling...
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Honeypie
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5
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690
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Is Al Anon for me?
(Preview)
Hi my name is Sean and I live in Ireland. I have been living with my partner for 16 years, he is a recovering alchohilic, I came from a previous alchoholic relationship. Although my partner does not currently drink, he has had other addictions (spending, debting) which have dramatically affected my l...
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sean126
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6
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703
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Does alcoholism and intense jealousy go hand in hand?
(Preview)
My AH is extremely jealous of any male person I have any contact with - i find myself justifying the need to talk with whomever it is (and getting angrier about having to justify my right to talk to whomever i please as time goes by) so I'm wondering, does intense jealousy go in hand with the alcohol abuse o...
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likemyheart
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6
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7166
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It's all about me.
(Preview)
I got into a huge argument with my Dad on the phone this morning. Yelling and interupting each other. It wasn't full of profanity or anything like that. But certainly it was ridiculous. I realized about 20 minutes into it that I had completely missed the mark. D'oh! Old habits are hard to break. I...
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searching4peace
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6
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514
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Having trouble figuring out where I fit in
(Preview)
Im new to Al-Anon even though the A in my life is now sober. I wish I would have gotten help when he was actively drinking, but at the time I didnt feel worthy of help because he is just my boyfriend, and felt like it was easy for me to leave as opposed to ones who are married to an A, or has a parent who is. I kind of...
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seb308
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6
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822
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Need someone to step up tonight
(Preview)
Hello MIP family, I will be unable to chair the 9pm meeting tonight, 3/7/11 I am sorry to have waited so long to ask for help, I'm not feeling well and would really feel better knowing someone will chair tonight. Many thanks in advance to who ever steps up to do service, Bless you..hope you have a wonderfu...
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grammie
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1
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553
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hubby sober a year now! wrote a poem for al anon
(Preview)
One too many" when we were married, just you and me life was so happy, fun and carefree we were just 2, but soon I would see that little by little 2 became 3 the third was the booze, starting off slow and over the years began to grow poured out the bottles when you were drinking and then wondered wha...
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oscarmom
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2
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764
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A few questions from a Newbie....
(Preview)
1. I signed up to chair a meeting in April. What exactly do I do? Is it just reading through the preamble and such, or do I need to prepare anything? 2. Where can I buy the ODAT, Courage to Change, or AA "Big Book" books? I see them on Amazon but I'd like to support local Al-Anon meetings through my...
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RachelW
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6
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814
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Denial all around
(Preview)
I had to have a conversation with my MIL last week and even though I am divorcing her son, I still have to pick up my 2 year old from her 1 day a week. She lied to me about something little and I knew it right away, I can't figure out why and never will. She has undermined me with my husband and kids for years an...
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flopadopilus
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7
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922
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Such a hard weekend.
(Preview)
We made a spur of the moment quick trip home for the weekend. My father in law is not doing well and I really wanted a chance to see him, and for our kids to see him, one more time. He is an alcoholic. He has been drinking heavily for over 35 years. And he is going down hill quickly. His kidneys are shuttin...
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searching4peace
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4
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953
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As I'm getting better....
(Preview)
he's getting worried... or so he says. I have been going to my counselling sessions, going to my Al-Anon meetings... working on me. I cut and coloured my hair, just got a new job (ok, it may only be at McDonald's, but it's a job... I can't be picky), and just in general... feeling good, and feeling happy, d...
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Evian
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10
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445
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New here (new to Al Anon, too!) and feeling a bit lost
(Preview)
Hi everyone, I went to my first Al Anon meeting on Thursday night, and I'm so glad I did. I feel a bit all over the place. I even feel I don't really have the right to be at Al Anon or on these boards, as it's only my boyfriend and we haven't been together that long - just under a year. I'm not sure of the rules here...
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Loubelou
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5
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1182
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Saw A bf today
(Preview)
After a long debate with myself, I went to see my A bf after work today. I miss the person, not the alcohol. I knew it would be hard to see him, that he would try to manipulate me to accept his drinking, but I decided to visit him hoping I would catch him in a sober state. A bf was fairly sober saying he missed me a...
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Honeypie
|
8
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746
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co-dependency
(Preview)
what exactly is co-dependency?
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jackgeo
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4
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734
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What a stupid end to a promising night.
(Preview)
Made it to my F2F tonight. First one in three years. And it was really hard to walk in there. Why? I don't know. I'm going to have to do some searching and see what it was that upset me so much. I walked in and before I could even hear what was being said I was in tears. Maybe some of it was relief. Just to...
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searching4peace
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8
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1006
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Stuck to my boundaries
(Preview)
Well, I am very proud of myself. I stuck to my boundaries all weekend and did not give in to the numerous phone calls and text messages I received from A bf throughout the weekend. I kept myself busy focusing on things I wanted to do and I actually did them. No compromise, no putting them on hold. Just me for...
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Honeypie
|
6
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529
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Feeling blessed
(Preview)
For the first time in my life I am feeling renewed. I found Al-Anon around the beginning of the year and at that time my life was completly upside down! I had been seperated from my husband since April and I was so tired of his drinking I could not focus. Today I am waiting the 120 days until our divorce will...
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flopadopilus
|
4
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888
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Any advice would be greatly appreciated
(Preview)
Forgive me if this is long. I have been struggling the last few days. Yesterday was an eye-opener for me. I took 2 steps forward, one big step back and today feel like I just made a huge step forward. I talked to A bf's friend who is an active member in recovery in AA. I told her what has been happening with A bf...
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Honeypie
|
8
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695
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I know he will never change
(Preview)
So...my AH hasn't been to work in a month. He was on sick leave from June to November. Went back to work in December and January...and here we are again. He is still undergoing withdrawal from clonazepam (prescription). He can not get a doctor to help him any more. His own doctor told him not to come back....
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looking_for_peace
|
5
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937
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I Feel Violated
(Preview)
When I got up this morning at 6:15 am to take my Labs out I noticed the power was off in our house. At 7:30 my wife called the power company and they arrived a few minutes later to see what the problem was. My wife went out when the power person arrived. Shortly after she came back in crying and telling me someo...
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RLC
|
11
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882
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It's happening again....
(Preview)
My husband as an alcoholic. He died a year ago. My 24 yr old daughter has become my husband. I don't think I can go through this again.
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peppurr
|
5
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676
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What Higher Power????????
(Preview)
I had a tenuous grip on this to begin with and again feel like there isn't any. Yes there are things in my life to be grateful for but for every one of them there's and equal and opposite problem. I'm no good with denial...it would be great to pretend that everything is ok and go tip toeing through the tuli...
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mjhyankees
|
21
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1049
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Confused about the definition of an alcoholic vs an alcohol abuser
(Preview)
Well, maybe my title isn't quite right, but I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking about how I see alcohol and how I classify drinkers. I've been feeling guilty lately because I've been judging everyone I know who drinks. We were at a party last weekend and AH and I were drinking NA beer while ou...
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ilovedogs
|
8
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1230
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Whether or not the alcoholic is drinking?
(Preview)
Is it really possible to find peace and happiness with an active A? My AH is my best friend. He's been there for me when nobody else could be. He's given me the unconditional and unfailing love and support that I've never had from anyone else. He takes care of me better than he takes care of himself. W...
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Heather123
|
5
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804
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guilt
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, My partner has been sober for 6 months 5 in rehab and rest in supported living. I am tired I keep slipping into resntfulness that although he is sober life is still so difficult and hard. He is in early recovery he is going to meetings most days and is doing good. I just feel like I need time f...
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Tracy
|
2
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778
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