The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I sat down this morning and wrote out my exit strategy. Only is keeps me living here for way too long. 17 months to be exact. Hopefully I'll be able to shave a couple of months off that. I'll keep working on that.
I went to bed last night and all was well. Got the text earlier in the evening saying my husband was at the strip club. No big deal. He came in late and he usually goes to the couch, but he laid down beside me and hugged me. Smelling all of booze...yuck. He tried to have sex with me. I went to the couch. What on Earth was he thinking? I'm not doing that with him anymore, and haven't for a couple of months. Someone here mentioned visioning the SSS...sick sick sick on his forehead. Well, that works for me most of the time. In this moment I was seeing the SSS....but STUPID STUPID STUPID..... I know I won't have to deal with this forever. But him doing that does show me that he is sick. That was/is a concept that I laughed at a week ago. The more I read and learn, the more I see it.
Alot of people here mention calling people from their alanon group. Im not one to be comfortable calling a stranger especially when I'm feeling low. Maybe this will change. I find myself wanting to come here when I need to vent. But I look forward to being able to call someone local.
Well, do you feel better now that you have a written 'exit strategy'? I know that when I came up with a very specific plan for what to do if AH relapsed and communicated that to him not as a threat but a statement, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
So your plan has you staying for 17 months... How can you focus on Steph during that time? I have to say I completely admire your ability not to get worked up about him being at a strip club and lying to you about it. Way to go! You have successfully detached.
I know there are people here who have stayed with active As who can provide more suppor
Yes, I do feel much better...I just wish it wasn't so long, but I have school to finish, and most importantly our daughter. I am trying to build a reserve of money just in case we can't stay that long. Picking up a few extra shifts during spring break. I am not even telling my future ex husband. He would do his best to make my life miserable. No need for that..... And, he didn't lie to me about being at the strip club...I didn't ask him....so he didn't tell me. But he would have lied, or maybe not.. I knew he wasn't home, and that's enough information for me. Details would just make my head spin. Well, I'm off to work. :)
Steph...it's going to feel weird picking up the phone and making those calls to other people in the program. It will feel strange to ask for the numbers too, but that gets easier and it opens up more of a support network to you. None of this is going to be comfortable for you. It sounds like you are getting used to living outside your comfort zone though. You are going to be fine. I am glad that you at least have here to get support from others that know what you are going through.
I don't know if this will help you at all to reframe how you are seeing "strangers" in the program...but imagine yourself after having gone through a few years of alanon and having grown and learned so much. You would feel so eager to pass that on to a person who was struggling and in your situation right? In fact, nothing would make you feel better. That is what receiving calls from new people is like. We WANT you to call. It helps us to help you.
