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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> As the Water Rises....
Post Info TOPIC: As the Water Rises....
Jozie


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As the Water Rises....
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Hi All...

Sorry I have been Gone for a Bit, things here are their Usual Insanity only this time of year it dont have to do the Many A's in my life... Just the Usual, Work Slow, Tax Season :( (Should say Uncle Sam Pay out) ... Soccer, Spring Cleanin... You name it its on my "To Do List"....

I'm sittin here on a Rainy "Nasty" (Flood Warning) Kinda day, and it always leaves this Hole in my Heart... This Time back in 1984, I lost my Uncle to a Flood, He Got Swept away only to be found 24 hours later 20ft in a tree, Dead... To Some this may not seem too Tragic, but this Man... Is the One & Only man that seen What my Mother was too Blind to see...

See My Father when Drinking would be Very Violent with my Cody Mom...And One Day He had Left Marks on my Mom's Neck were he tried Choking her because she was mad he hadn't come home in a week.... "Her Fault of Course" :( Well 2 days after the fact, "This" Uncle showed up for a visit... He didn't Get Angry or Yell or Nothing, We were Sitting around, (Dad at work) and he looks at Mom, He Looks at her Neck and Didn't Even Ask her what Happened... He Either Knew or Didn't Care, but he Calmly looks at her and Says... "Tomorrow morning around 6 Be Ready... We (Her Brothers) Will All Be here, and we will help you Pack"... I Remember Mom saying "Well Why are We Packing" , and My Uncle Says, "Because you & the Kids are Moving in with Me!" and that was it!!! 

The Next Morning, "While I was still tryin to figure out what was going on"... I look out my Bedroom window, and there in my Driveway was 3 Chevy Trucks, 2 Fords, & a Jeep... and within Couple Hours of Dad being Gone to Work, the Entire Home was Packed up and We Moved into my Uncles... Spreading our stuff amoung their homes...

Now I Do Remember My Mom Crying Non Stop for Weeks/Months (She was with my AFather for 15yrs) ... But Her Brothers were Such a Support for Us Kids, We All lived in the Same little town at the time, and they would arrange for us to get off the bus at their house if mom had to go to work, and for those 1st couple Months while living with this Uncle, I Felt Calm... I Felt Secure.... I Felt Family.... I Felt Love & Understanding.... I had People that would listen to me, and Mostly this Uncle (I was 9)... He was What I Always Dreamed a Father to Be... 2 years later... He was GONE!!! Not before tho, he Found us a Place to Live, Got us Settled in, and paid our Bills till my Mom Could find a Balance in going from Housewife to a Working Mom with 3 kids to Raise "ALONE"  & 3 Jobs to get it done...

I thank God Everyday for what those Uncle did for me & my family... And I have Often Wondered Where we would be if it hadn't been for him coming in and just telling Mom... "See ya in the Morning!!!" He was a Piece of Life that I will be For ever grateful for, and I have admired him even in death...

I guess that is why I am having such a tough time, I sit here now, with Fire whistles Screaming all around me, Rain Falling from the sky at rapid speed, and suppose to continue for the next day or so, the banks are gettin flooded and my "FEAR" Is slowly returning to the surface ....

His Son that Moved in with Us after he past because him mom thru him out of the House because she said "He LOOKED to much like his father!!! While she Fell into a bottle"... He was 15 at the time... Mom always felt Blessed to have him with us for those 4 years, She made sure he got thru school, and graduated.. We didn't have much, but one thing was for sure... We had each other... Money was nothing more then Heart ache, but our "Family Unit" Kept us strong...When He Moved away for work, that is when I Started testing the waters of life, and found Nothing but Bad things to get into... I had Felt Lost even without him!!

Since loosing my Uncle, I get this FEAR of Water even if I know I am in a Safe Place... Now I Kayak, and Fish & Swim the River all the time, but when the Rains come, the FEAR is more then I can Bare at times... And for me, Rain means No Sun Which is also one more my "Depression" factors...

So Even tho I am OK, I am Still Struggling, Still Holding On, Still Trying to Stay at the Top of the Glass instead of Sinking to the bottom... But Boy is it a Struggle... Being an adult Child, I have so many Childhood Triggers, and it can be quite a task at times, Keeping my Head above Water...

Been alot of Family "drama" as well going on around me, and I'm sure that isn't helping... So I am Going back to the Basics... Detach with Love, and Doing my best at Working my Acceptance... This is just one of those days, and I am Just Grateful you are all here...

Thanks for Letting me Share....

Love, Hugs & Prayers pray.gif

Jozie



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Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Dear jozie

I am so sorry for the loss of your special uncle  That was a truly tragic  loss.   It does seem as if HP used him to set it all up for you and then his job being finished  he was called to his reward. 

Thank you for trusting us with your thoughts and sadness.  I have found sharing truly does lessen the pain and enables me to feel a bit lighter and continue.  Your special uncle made you feel that way as well. 

Glad you are returning to basis  they do work  You are in my prayers.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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Jozie what a beautiful share! Your uncle and others were really there for you and yours.

Of course you grieve and miss him!If someone does not find this tragic, I would be very sad for them.

Yes I am sure floods bring it all back. This sounds gross, but I always think of my dear passed on husband when I see dead animals on the road. He was a pedestrian who was in a traffic accident.

Being sad is hard to take. We always learn from it, but it feels awful! You did the perfect thing coming here and letting it out.

In many ways you reminded me of my bil. When my ex Ah left me in the beginning, bil was always there for me. Helped so much.

But then I lost him to cirrosis. He had been clean for many, many years. I still think,"Oh I will ask bil." sigh.

We are in this together. Do you have anyone you can go visit, just sit around and drink tea? That always helps me.

Huggen you!,debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
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Aloha Sis...That was nothing but pure inspirational sharing; hard times and
miracles and the powerful tools of this program.  I'm inspired to have the love
heart and commitment your Mom's brothers had for family.  I will look for areas
where I can do better.  I'm inspired by your Mom's courage.  I can do a bit more
growth in that area also.  I'm inspired by your awareness of acceptance - "Life on
Life's terms" with the courage to change the things you can.  Detachment - with
love!!  What a concept and what a tool.  Mahalo for this share (((((hugs))))) smile

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