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Help
(Preview)
Hi, new to this. I appreciate your patience. Living with an Alcoholic boyfriend of five years. I have stage IV breast cancer and am 42 years old. Right now I am cancer free. Found out today I need surgery within the next few weeks...major abdominal surgery. AB was there physically through every chemo a...
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BirdGirl
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6
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452
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I let him steal by peace!
(Preview)
Ugh--last night I feel like 18 months of the program went out the window in many ways. My AH watches our kids so I can go to a meeting and we usually eat dinner together after and catch up. I think he was drunk when I got back and he also lied about something assinine immediately. The entire thing bubbled int...
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sookie
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2
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457
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Thanks
(Preview)
You, your comments and this board have been so important in MY recovery. So many times I read a topic and can relate so well to it and the comments made are helpful to me as well as the person you are speaking too. I wish there was a "like" button .. because its all I can do not write .. OMG I never tho...
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sweeetr
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2
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275
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How do I know if I've already given up?
(Preview)
My exABF moved back home today from his work where he has been for three months. we have talked here and there but have become much more distant as of recently. Since he's home he wants to see me to talk about things. But I feel different now, at least I think I do. I feel like when he's not in my life I miss him,...
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Corgi2
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2
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465
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at a loss!
(Preview)
Hi, Im Tegan. This is my first time here. Not sure where to start.....my husband drinks every night. Usually 8-12 beers. He goes out and I worry about him because I know he will be drinking. I have begged him not to! A few weeks ago he wrecked his car because he was drunk. Luckily no one was hurt, he hit a tree...
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Tegan
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6
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671
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Love
(Preview)
I feel as if I am floating on a cloud. Thought I would share how amazing meditation, recovery, and a life of sobriety is. About to go for a very long walk with my al-anon friend to our home group.. hope everyone is having a wonderful evening!!
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Michelle814
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7
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543
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noticing my own 'slips'
(Preview)
I gotta tell you--this board has been an essential part of my recovery. I love being able to go back and READ what we wrote to better understand our path. I can see when I am beginning to slip and not work the program--and that has been where I see myself lately. I especially noticed lately my focus has t...
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sookie
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4
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385
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Reasonable request or asking too much?
(Preview)
I think a HUGE part of the problem in communicating with my separated AH is that we do not really understand each other's expectations. He talks about trying to make it work again and his lease is up in 3 months. I feel like I need to decide...it will have been a year of him living in an apartment. We have ke...
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sookie
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9
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526
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Suiting up and Showing up
(Preview)
This is a saying that I love .. it speaks volumes to me. Regarding A's as well as to me .. say what you mean, mean what you say and then follow through. Pink brought up an interesting point in an earlier post about A's saying things and not following through I'm paraphrasing. Soooooo true ... yesterday...
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Pushka
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7
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672
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Restraining order court hearing tomorrow
(Preview)
Hi everybody, Tomorrow is my restraining order court hearing, I think I'm handling things pretty well but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. The ex RA will be there and fighting for his side of things. He's broken the stay away order [ hence going for the restraining ] but since he hasn't LITERALLY...
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rara avis
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6
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450
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Newbie. Help!
(Preview)
Hi all, Ive stumbled upon this site and thought i would post. My name is Lisa and i live in the uk. My sister is suffering from depression ( postnatel i think) and has been drinking heavily for a few months now and its causing total devastation. She lives with her partner of 12 yrs and they have 2 children,...
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bigsis72
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5
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592
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I think I'm leaving
(Preview)
I really do think I'm leaving my AH. I don't think I can take this anymore. Everything is being made to feel like it's my fault and everything about our relationship has changed. He went on another bender last night. Was meant to be looking after our daughter. He stopped drinking for a while while h...
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Bargee
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22
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619
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Going to see him now
(Preview)
I'm leaving in about 5 minutes to see AF. He needs some clothes, and I have a meeting at work this afternoon. The place he is at is near my work. It's a recovery home for men that has been running strong on a volunteer basis only for about 60 years. It's a good place for him, they can only stay 10 days there to ge...
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katfshh
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11
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502
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Anger Management
(Preview)
I have been harboring a great deal of anger these past couple of weeks due to increasing financial challenges that are a big issue with my pending divorce with my AH. I had a session with my therapist this week and asked her if using a "punching bag" or trying kick-boxing were really viable op...
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Green Eyes
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2
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5799
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Anyone's child have adhd?
(Preview)
Hello everyone. I know this is off topic here but I feel confortable coming here and am hoping that someone here has some ES&H for me about adhd. My son is 8 and has been diagnosed with adhd 6 months ago. We decided to not to do medication, but things are getting worse for him at school and at home. Th...
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willowtree
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9
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726
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Toxic drama
(Preview)
I feel like I really need support with this. My father in law is in a semi coma after a heart attack left him not breathing for 30 minutes (6 weeks ago). The prognosis is bleak for any kind of recovery to normal brain function. Meanwhile my partner, along with two half brothers and their mother/step mothe...
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Tigger
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3
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540
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oh my why why me.
(Preview)
im now going on a mth of separation from my a/d b/f and for the last 3 days ive had to sit on my hands to keep from picking that phone up and calling him,im feeling soo lonesone,insecurity at its ups,i stay as busy as i can tiill i just drop in the bed at nite,sometime to tired to even put my cpap mask on for my sle...
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silent
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6
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511
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Not sure how to handle situations like this.
(Preview)
My husband told me the other day he would be coming home at night and not going out drinking anymore--yeah right. I knew better than to believe him, but I'm not sure how to handle the situation now. For a few days he's been doing pretty good and today he was supposed to have a really hectic day at work and I to...
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TryingToChange
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11
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598
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Facts vs. Feelings
(Preview)
I'm working so hard on this distinction right now. I tend to give my feelings so much...authority in my life. Even more than I give facts. And while I think it is important to know my feelings and understand them, I struggle with just accepting them. I obsess and obsess and obsess. And neither my fe...
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stephaniej
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7
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1398
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Struggling with a new start
(Preview)
Hi all, first time here but it's been another of those nights so I thought I'd give this a shot! Am currently trying to help my parents move onward and upward away from their destructive codependent relationship (which I have used many times as an excuse for my own failings). Their divorce has gone thro...
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xbeckeex
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4
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6663
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Control/Expression/Communication
(Preview)
Yesterday my ex or not ex AWsober had a tough day which puts her out of commission even for the basics such as our need to get groceries. She was apologetic (as always, when not a finger is lifted with helping around the house) I was truely fine with it. Then today rolls around and I have been at university...
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BuzzBuzz
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4
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438
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What Now?
(Preview)
So my AH is still sober and doing well -starting to breathe a sigh of relif and we get call that AD is intoxicated and we need to take in her 3 month old. Yes, could be a blessing in disguise, but right now she is allowed no contact-baby was not abused or neglected-the charge was endangerment because she was...
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tired of trying
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4
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342
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Does this have to get ugly? What are my legal obligations?
(Preview)
So I went and saw a therapist today. She was great, very knowledgable regarding addiction and codependency. Problem is that she is booked straight for the next 3-4 weeks. She did say she will help me find someone if I give her a list of the therapist that take my insurance. After the therapy session...
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dragonflys
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7
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532
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outpatient rehab
(Preview)
Saturday/Saturday night was really bad. I will spare you the details. Sunday morning I just kept thinking "I can't live like this for the rest of my life" I was real numb at first. Then I broke down and started weeping on the front porch and he was still passed out on the living room couch. The...
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callmemara
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10
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534
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Detox with no insurance
(Preview)
I've looked through these threads to be sure I'm not duplicating another, so if I am, point me in the right direction. I have several concerns about detox for a loved one with no insurance. First, obviously, is the cost of in-patient detox. He doesn't have insurance, and he may not be able to afford this...
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Pinhook84
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8
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5738
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Family planing with a newly recovering addict...
(Preview)
Hello. New to the board and I have a question about family planning, control and the addict. a little back story... My wife is an anorexic/bulemic/alcoholic. she began outpatient treatment last July after hitting bottom with a legal incident that also involved our then 18 month old daughter. at the...
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bdl978
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15
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738
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Dating a recovering alcoholic and sex addict. I have some questions.
(Preview)
I started dating this great guy a while back, about 6 months I guess. At first he was great; open, thoughtful, physical, affectionate. Slowly his behavior has devolved into something very selfish. Basically with out going into the details, if it suits him he will do it with little or no thought of...
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Althecat
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10
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1133
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Trying to keep swimming
(Preview)
hi all my job is crazy...I've picked up extra work because I can't pay the bills...and I am working 60 hours a week and can't keep up! My kid has baseball that keeps us out 2-3 nights a week until 9 pm...and I am trying to keep a house, do laundry, yardwork, repairs...and just feeling like I'm never going t...
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rehprof
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6
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476
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I will not ring him!!!!
(Preview)
So AH is late home from work and for the first time ever I am trying so hard to stick to my goal and NOT ring him to see where he is, or when/if he is coming home. I feel sick to my stomach, angry, nervous, upset, angry etc etc but I am not going to ring him!!!! I know that he is drinking as he is only ever late home fr...
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Bargee
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6
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558
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holy mackerel!
(Preview)
I don't know what to say except I am having a good day here in God's country--that is what we call it here. We are surrounded by moutains & such beautiful scenery. I am sitting her at the computer & can see what I am talking about. How many of you can say that? I am excited about the future. I am gettin...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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400
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Huge fight/now what?
(Preview)
I get so frustrated when we fight. I hate silence or feeling like I'm being given the silent treatment and I'm usually the one who starts communicating and trying to make some sort of connection, albeit a surface connection at best. It was a typical fight for us: me getting mad about his passive agres...
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ilovedogs
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9
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682
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Could this be a trigger (dining together)
(Preview)
My BIL is an alcoholic, and severely so, in that he has been living on the streets and lost everything due to alcohol. He was a frightening sort of person while actively drinking and I refused to have him around my child for years we have not seen him. However he has been in some sort of recovery (no AA thoug...
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tweety23
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8
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593
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Hello Again Friends
(Preview)
Well,I'm back,again, I debated whether to post or not,but decided to. much has changed over the last few years. I decided I had had enough of the disease and wanted out, I walked away from 8.5 years of my life. my A was using again, just about out of control,Extremely sad really bacause I know he's an Int...
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GypsyRose71
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6
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479
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So exhausting
(Preview)
I've been doing this five yrs. I'm getting good at detaching and not fighting back. But I had to ask him to leave last wkend it's just too ridiculous and exhausting. My AH has now agreed to quit drinking and go back to counciling to try and learn how to cope with life stresses without alcohol and "wha...
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sweeetr
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4
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323
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Update - How do you know when change is real?
(Preview)
Update from my Tuesday AH off the wagon drama. He and I have been apart until today when we met his therapist. He is despondent, won't eat or drink and quite frankly I've never seen this behavior before. She had him in there alone for almost an hour, then called me in, this was the message: my AH still wan...
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surfgirl123
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13
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579
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to go or to stay
(Preview)
I am a new comer ! So I dn't know where to begin. I have a fiance who has relapsed twice in three years. We were both single parents, fell in love while combining two households togther. Along the way we had a little boy who is almost four. He had been clean six years (claims anyway) before we meet. I didnt...
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pressley27
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5
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501
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Need someone's experience or insight
(Preview)
I'm in love with an alcoholic. I know only God/HP can take away his need for drinking. I really don't believe drinking is the major problem, but it doesn't help. It seems like everytime I tried to get close to him, he would push me away. So, I know not to take it personally but it still hurts. He never tells m...
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kissers
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11
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598
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Dementia /Alanon works for that too!!
(Preview)
Hi everyone! Been gone a long time. Life for me has changed again. Left Los Angeles, now in Riverside caretaking my Mom who has dementia, she is 86. Got rid of mostly everything(feels good) just held on to bare minimum and we got a two bedroom in a very luxurious place. 55 and over. I had been contemplatin...
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Bettina
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6
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2546
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Expectations
(Preview)
Had another one of those A-Ha moments yesterday, courtesy of my Al Anon tools. I have been feeling better about myself lately in terms of letting go of a lot of the expectations I have of my AH. I no longer get upset that he does nothing to help around the house, even when I ask. I no longer take it personal...
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stephaniej
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8
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742
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What would you do???
(Preview)
I am currently in a 90 day separation from my husband who is an alcoholic and a marijuana addict. He has "supposedly" been clean for six weeks. He told me me last night that he had a get together to play poker in our garage Saturday evening. He invited three friends. One an alcoholic and two mar...
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living for me
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6
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534
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Mothers Day Lunch - vent
(Preview)
My Mum yelled at my sister and I before we were to go to lunch today. We're both in our 40's. She lost patience and yelled. My sister hadn't heard her do it for years. I've heard her quite often over the years. She doesn't bother to try to hide it from myself or my children. What a lovely way to start a Mo...
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Tracey C
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7
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580
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What are the options??
(Preview)
I asked my AH to leave our family home. He has been gone for a few days. I emailed him and told him that I did not want him coming back for a while. I cannot live with him. He doesnt work, and I really dont have the money to support him any longer. I have two kids that I have to take care of. I make just enough...
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dragonflys
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10
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513
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Mother's Day
(Preview)
Yesterday I spent Mother's Day w/ my mom at a Brunch in our town. The thing is I lost my step-mom last October. So, they have these ribbons at the brunch. I noticed that the red ones are for if your mom is still alive & the white ones are for if your mom passed away. I only took the red one. I thought about it...
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Hoot Nanny
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0
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267
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I got the job!!!!!!
(Preview)
Both the managers that interviewed me said they were excited to bring me on board. The first place I applied at and wanted to work. I am feeling so good and on Tuesday I have to go into the city again to look at the apartment, my 3rd attempt since the people were supposed to be out May 1st and now they suppose...
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Breakingfree
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19
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641
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Other people's problems
(Preview)
I'm looking at this step question at the moment and would. welcome practical ways you guys put this into practice: "How can I let go of others' problems instead of trying to solve them?" I know I can start to see that others deserve the right to find their own solutions. I can show others the f...
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Tigger
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12
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557
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Having a very bad day
(Preview)
Hi there. I'm new to Al-Anon. I have gone to 5 F2F meetings in the last 2 weeks. I'm in a very very tough situation and am having trouble seeing the light. My partner has been in AA for 18 months. She told me in February she doesn't want a relationship anymore. This has completely devastated me. I moved to En...
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BuzzBuzz
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5
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679
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Alateen Meetings
(Preview)
Okay, I'm hoping to help with meetings in the Family Teen site here, but the meeting schedule is all over the place. The young woman who is facilitating the meetings, Dani, told me they are on Monday and Friday at 9 pm Eastern. The bulliten board says Tuesdays and I forget, both at 8 pm Eastern. And . . ....
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Fina
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0
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355
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Excitement & Guilt.... WHY???
(Preview)
Ok... So How is it I Can be So Frickin Excited about something and Yet have this Guilt that is Suckin the Life out of me... If this Don't pass by Friday I may just go Bonkers...lol... Last Night, We had a Meeting on "Expectations, & How we Carry Ourselves as Adults, when it comes to Our "Atti...
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Jozie
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7
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519
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I see progress!
(Preview)
Two years ago when he relapsed and reappeared I ran across the USA to save him. It took him another 8 days to go to rehab. I bought him booze the whole time so he could "maintain" until he was ready. In hindsight it was ridiculous. Last year he relapsed and when he wanted help he called me and I ran...
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katfshh
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7
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523
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Anxious!
(Preview)
AH has been gone all weekend. So nice and peaceful. He is on his way home and the anxiety is starting to creep back in. Praying for serenity while repeating, the three C's.
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Daisy Girl
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3
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357
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When his actions affect me.
(Preview)
I guess I really don't have a question behind this post.... We are being dropped by our auto insurance of over 6 years (Geico) because of his driving record. He has had multiple tickets in the past year for speeding, seat belt, traffic signal violates. Suspended license for not taking a drive safely cl...
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callmemara
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8
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645
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mothers day fight.
(Preview)
yesterday our extended family celebrated mothers day at my moms. loud fight between AS and bipolar daughter. my mother was yelling at me to "do something about her!" (AS was involved in this conversation) i said to my mother, "i cannot fix her mental illness any more than i can fix...
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debhud
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1
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390
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Need advice on dealing with bitterness.
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, My name is Jim. I have been going to Al-Anon for about 2 years now and have noticed a huge difference in my life. I never feel more at peace with myself when I can share at a meeting and not be judged for my past behaviour. One issue has come up with me recently that I would like some sharing on. The...
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slogan_jim
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12
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764
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Three cheers for Friday after work...!!!
(Preview)
So... here we are at Friday afternoon again - a very typical one where it's mid-afternoon, and I haven't heard anything from the AH. Last night we discussed what his schedule would be like today, but today it's not yet resembling what we had talked about. Gee, surprise surprise. The familiar feeling o...
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ladysoblue
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3
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396
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5/13 Sunday Evening Meeting 7 pm Eastern on EXPECTATIONS
(Preview)
Expectations: From: Courage to Change. One Day at a Time in Al-Anon IIAl-Anon Family Groups Inc. Page 2.Turning to an alcoholic for affection and support can be like going to a hardware store for bread. Perhaps we expect a "good" parent to nurture and support our feelings, or a "lo...
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Fina
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0
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309
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Answering Linda's letter on acoa site on abandonment
(Preview)
Hi Linda, What you have described is no. 4 of the Laundry list. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both - or find another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. It goes on to read; If we make a careful survey of those close to us, family and non-fami...
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Tracey C
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2
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411
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Happy Mothers Day
(Preview)
to all the mother here who have ever loved and cared for children whether their own or those of others like myself. I am always grateful beyond words to the women of early Al-Anon who took me into their hearts and care and were patient as I stumbled on flat ground and walk into walls in bright light becau...
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Jerry F
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3
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357
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Will the relapses ever end?????? His family involved now! This is too much!
(Preview)
I don't even know where to begin. I come on here constantly getting the best support I can possibly find on here and I attempt to go to meetings even though I work 2 jobs and can never make the timing. But I seek out the truth and I still choose to be stubborn and nieve and indenial. Sometimes I would rather my...
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Julie3310
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15
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493
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12 Traditions
(Preview)
I will be out of town for a few days and have postied the 1st Tradition to the Step Work Board. A study of these traditions helped me to learn how to work in groups in and outside the rooms. Please join us and share the journey Tradition 1 alanon (Preview/Moderate) 12 TraditionsOne Day at a Time in Al...
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hotrod
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1
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386
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Maintaining serenity
(Preview)
One of the things I'm really focusing on in my recovery is in trying to not take things personally and keeping control of my emotions, but also maintaining my serenity and sanity at the same time. I got the perfect chance today. My AH, son, and I were sitting outside a grocery store waiting to get burge...
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ilovedogs
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15
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746
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