Al-Anon Family Group

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Newbie. Help!
Post Info TOPIC: Newbie. Help!
bigsis72


Newbie

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Newbie. Help!
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Hi all, 

Ive stumbled upon this site and thought i would post.

My name is Lisa and i live in the uk.

My sister is suffering from depression ( postnatel i think) and has been drinking heavily for a few months now and its causing total devastation.

She lives with her partner of 12 yrs and they have 2 children, boys aged 8 and 1 yr.

We are a fairly close family and live close to each other. The story is so long but to cut it short she has now started lying and borrowing money to feed her habit. Her kids have been taken by my mum who is caring for them as she has put them in danger more than once. Her partner is still with her ( god knows how) but is finding it extremely tough. 

A typical day was yesterday.... i went to her house about half 8 and she was already high listening to music in the kitchen. I asked her if she had drunk and she said yes... only a little vodka left over from her stash ( she hides it) . Trying to talk to her is pointless when she is on the vodka. I said ok and started to tidy up for her. I hear her in the bathroom so i go upstairs where she has 2 bottles of vodka in her hands, 1 empty and one half full. I run and grab the half full bottle and chuck it in my car. She cries and passes out ....sleeps for a couple hrs...awakes and tells me to go...i scream and shout and cry and leave in despair.

Today i went again at half 8.... she is sober.... and sorry.... shaking like a leaf but my sister is back.... she is talking properly and saying she wants to stop drinking. She wants her boys back, her life back. I stayed with her all morning... left her for a couple hrs then returned.... she still sober. I dont know what to do anymore... she is seeing her dr tonight to review her meds etc but CAN AND WILL she stay sober... ive no idea about alcoholism, only what i have read up on.... im so sad. :(



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AStrongerMe


~*Service Worker*~

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Hoping some of the long time members with meeting info come on here, but I know for a fact there are AA meetings in the UK but not sure about Al Anon (I have to assume there are). I know when I Google Al Anon there are areas to choose from.

It's very hard to differentiate between being loving and concerned, and being enabling. Your sister needs to be the one that decides to do this.

Your sister will not get sober because you are doing the work (like taking bottles, arguing with her, etc). This is difficult to watch I'm certain. Maybe you could give her a list of AA meetings in her area and leave it at that. She will have to decide to go on her own.



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Jadie


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Hi Bigsis.........welcome to MIP.

Alcoholism is progressive & your sister is deep in her addiction. Alcoholism can tear the sober members of families apart, each has their own idea of what should be done & disappointments and resentments abound. In reality we have no control over the alcoholic....NOTHING......we do or say will make them stop, they have to truly want it themselves.

Is her doctor/social workers involved? I learned in Al-anon to let those whose job it is to help with addiction do their job.....the burden of this disease is sometimes too much for us to bear and there is help available. I dialled 999 many times.

Has she been to any AA meetings?  Do you know anyone in AA? They can do what they call a 12th step where someone will visit her and talk to her about how it works for them & how it could work for her.

I really hope you will consider going to an Alanon meeting. This is a link to Alanon UK

 www.al-anonuk.org.uk  you may find a meeting close to wherever you are. Phone the local contact in the first instance if you feel you can't go to a meeting. You (& your sister's husband) will find great support and empathy from the members.

Keep coming back, keep reading here you will learn a lot from the posts as you read your way through them

There is a book often recommended on here...Getting Them Sober, by Toby Rice Drew you can get it on Amazon.

In Support

Jadie x



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Jerry F


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Aloha bigsis and welcome to the board...You have already gotten some really sound feedback some that will save your sanity and maybe your life also (Al-Anon) meeting and having a sober member of AA make a 12th step call on your sister.  Your sister is dry...not even close to being sober...alcohol owns her for the moment, mind, body, spirit and emotions and has a louder voice than you and the rest of the family and even your sister's speech about wanting sobriety.  She might want that and getting it is surrender to powers greater than herself.  Alcoholism is a progressive disease and if it is not arrested by total abstinence leads to insanity and death.  She is already at the insanity and seems you are there also. 

Follow up on the suggestion for Al-Anon and call the AA hotline in your town or check with a local hospital for where they can be found.

Good luck and keep coming back here.    ((((hugs)))) smile



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Ariel


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You sound like you are doing all the right things, taking the kids and going over there. Perhaps this is her rock bottom. If she os going to her dr, go with her for support and keep her honest. Get her into a 12 step rehab. For a mom, losing your children is about the lowest it can get. That said, you are powerless, other than making sure the kids are safe. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. Thats what ive found in my battle with my AB. Everyone has found him jobs, programs, counselors, but nobody can make him go. Alcohol tears families apart. But it seems as if they have alcohol, little else matters. Good luck to you- keep those kids safe & i hope u get your sister back!

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BuzzBuzz


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Hi Bigsis,

I am in the UK too. We have a lot of support over here. Follow that link above if you are interested for the Al-Anon meetings, that's how I find one in Yorkshire!

This forum has helped me a lot. MIP in general, lots of good material.

 

Good luck!



-- Edited by BuzzBuzz on Friday 18th of May 2012 07:58:00 AM

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