Hello Again Friends - Al-Anon Family Group

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Again Friends

GypsyRose71 · Veteran Member

Well,I'm back,again, I debated whether to post or not,but decided to. much has changed over the last few years.

I decided I had had enough of the disease and wanted out, I walked away from 8.5 years of my life. my A was using again, just about out of control,Extremely sad really bacause I know he's an Intelligent,great person when he's sober. Sadder even, that The only time he could be affectionate and show affection, was when he was drinking. I was so tired of feeling alone, even Lonely,All the time. I didn't want him near me due to the alcohol he would reek of when he drank.

it's something that was long overdue,Things haven't been the same in almost 2 years,something changed,Idk if it was him or me, I started pulling away when I noticed that there was something different when we were alone together, we didn't speak, unless I spoke first, we werent the same anymore. I never cheated,I dk if he did,and I don't care. I was tired of these feelings, tired of being blamed for everything,it' was my fault he drank,Cause we ddi't have a lot of money, and things weren't the way he thought they should be at home. He blamed me and everything on me,but never was it his fault.I lost my over 4 yr job in nursing due to my transmission going in my truck,things were tight, he wouldn't put more into he house than giving my 100 to 150 a week out of his check and blowing the rest, while every cent I had went into the household. it was alright for him to buy beer and pot cause it was cheap. I did anything and omg,the way he treated me and spoke to me. Caouldn't take it anymore, So i told him,You need to find your sobriety and keep it the main priority in your life, or your going to end up killing yourself, do what you gotta do for yourself. I kissed him goodbye,and left for work,he left while I was gone.

it's been a little over a week now,Idk how things are going to go,I haven't heard from him and doubt I will. I have mixed feelings right now, relief that that kind of stress is gone from my life,a deep saddness inside of what we did have before,what was lost, and what i gave up for trying to be a rock for someone who didn't want or need me. Unless he was drunk. I'm sorry if I don't make sense as of yet, I don't even know if Ishould be here anymore. though this site has brought me hope, support,and a deeper understanding of an addict's mind. and knowledge that I will get better in time,and a sense of how to do that. I have so much healing to do, I feel broken sometimes,Sometimes I cry,and sometimes the anger is right there,under the surface. It is scary being on your own again after so long,But I am strong,and I know I will be alright in time. Found a job at the store in March, so working again,Not my nursing but its a job.

Not sure how things will go but hoping it doesn't get worse. I am sleeping better even though I'm alone. I do think about him though and wonder if he's alright,he went to the hospital for detox and afterwards a Therapeutic community,As far as I know. His family won't speak to me either. So I won't know if he's doing better or not. Or even if he thinks about me in any way,if at all. I know it don't matter.what matters now is starting the healing process. I hope i can figure this out. Thank you for letting me share...

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

You sound like you're in a good place concerning personal boundaries and protecting your serenity. It is very sad to watch someone else deteriorate physically and emotionally and feel powerless to help them. I think the day I realized that I was deteriorating physically and emotionally due to my involvement with someone active was when I finally put myself first, chose self love before loving him and rejecting my own needs for his needs. That took a awfully long time unfortunately. You are not alone. I'm glad you chose to post here again amongst friends who relate to what you're going through. It was so hurtful for me at the time to not only give up a dream but to literally lose people along the way in whose company I felt myself becoming progressively sicker and alone with a person who was a shadow of his former self. Worse yet, I lost myself in the disease and didn't know where I began and he left off. I was totally enmeshed. You sound like you have the self knowledge necessary for making a life changing decision and are appreciating the serenity and stability you are experiencing right now. Step 10 has really been a help for me during these life changing times. I hope you'll keep taking care of you and keep coming back. Lots of unconditional love and support to be found here. Hugs! TT

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 12th of May 2012 08:49:53 AM

Bargee · Veteran Member

I don't have any advice sorry as I have just started to try and heal myself too.
I am still with my AH, but don't know if I can take much more.

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best in your new journey.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Gypsy,

I can understand what your going thru. I parted with my husband of 26 years. I have known him for 30 years. Thats a big chunk of my life. Its difficult to put that much time behind you. But thats what I did, for my health and my sanity and survival.

Living with an alcoholic and deciding to part are equally difficult, Ive been apart for 5 years now. Its not an overnight done deal, it takes a lot of time. You said its been a week and 1/2 and you havent heard from him, he's an alcoholic, you will here from him. You wonder if he's ok?? He's ok.

The question is, are you OK?? Thats the goal , to be OK no matter whats going on. Thats a big assignment for us , because we care so deeply. We must care deeply for ourselves above all. One Day at a Time. Before you know it, its 5 years down the line and life is reflecting the changes.

Keep doing your program and keep coming back, because it works.

Best to you, Luv, Bettina

GypsyRose71 · Veteran Member

Ty so much ! Your words help me put things more into perspective.I am doing well,(emotionally).Mostly good days,Only 1 or 2 bad ones.Just keeping busy,A day at a time,Enjoying my time with my kids and work. smile

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs GR,

My AH is out of the house and I have come to the conclusion there is no repairing what we had as well as he's actively drinking. It makes me sad for him because he's continuing to do what he's done and he's going to keep getting what he's got. It's the laws of the universe.

It is not overnight and it is all about baby steps and taking things one 24 hours at a time. You wouldn't be human if you didn't have those rough days. I'm finding that the days are getting less and less as I address my needs.

My daughter shared with me (she's 13), that this was the first time she remembered that she had ever seen me truly happy. Like laughing, smiling, cutting up more than frowning .. I hugged her, shut her door, went to my room and cried. This was my goal .. for my kids to have memories of me not being the angry, upset, crying mom .. the mom they want to come and play with and talk to. The mom that makes those memories with them. It's also becoming the woman that my HP intended for me to be and that is truly priceless.

Those conversations are the one's I hold on to when I have those moments, ... how I don't want to go back to where I was.

Hugs P :)

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