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I've been doing this five yrs. I'm getting good at detaching and not fighting back. But I had to ask him to leave last wkend it's just too ridiculous and exhausting. My AH has now agreed to quit drinking and go back to counciling to try and learn how to cope with life stresses without alcohol and "whatever" He's also suppose to get help with anger issues. I meet with councilor today
My question is .,,, does it ever get better and stay better?? Please anyone with a happy ending. Let me know there's a chance for a happy marriage with an AH
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
I can't tell you that one. I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. I think the answer is: you'll know when you know. Keep asking your Higher Power to guide you and be receptive to what your heart tells you. For some it gets better, and for others it just stays the same. My AH quit the alcohol but he doesn't have a plan for any type of recovery or counseling or anything and I can tell you that just removing the alcohol doesn't really 'fix' anything. They truly have to want to change and that can be hard for any of us.
It can get better only if you stop focusing on him and start focusing on you. What do you want? There are no guarantees that it's going to get better and stay better. Any more than there are any guarantees that we can marry a non alcoholic and have a successful marriage.
We only have today. The success stories that I have witnessed as far as long term relationships are the people who continue to go to recovery. I'm talking over 30+ years of sobriety and they continue to go to AA meetings pretty much daily. Their spouse still goes to meetings as well to continue to keep the focus on their own recovery.
All any of us have the present. Choosing to stay in a marriage with anyone is a hard decision to make and it only has to be made 24 hours at a time.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks for reply's .... No easy answers I know !! I am tying to focus more on me and our son .... (hence therapists by myself) I really dont think he is ready to change.. He has an excuse for everything... I cant stand lies or excuses ... ugh !
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
I have a fortune cookie taped into one of my daily reading books that says "It only gets better when you get better" and it is SO true...my husband in many ways has gotten WORSE--but I am better and I know I will never live/react/BE the way I was before my program. Best wishes--it is SO rough at the beginning and it is a freaking roller coaster ride through hell some times with no apparent way to get off....but it does get better.
