Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

gardengal · gardengal

Oh wow what a concept. For us who have squirreled away some money for bread, milk, rent etc before the A in our lives takes it and buys booze. I always thought if I could only win the lottery things would be much better, my troubles would go away. Anything could be possible with that much money! But the que...

maresie · maresie

Fro me over the past week or so I've been confined to bed with a horrible flu. I could not get out of bed for a week or more and I had to surrender. I did not go into a pit of self pity about having no one. I did not do anything much but surrender to that I'm not in a good space. I am not in as bad a space as I've been in....

kozmicblues · kozmicblues

hello again! so, i did not go to the meeting on sunday because i had to write a paper for class, so i planned on going on tuesday night. but monday night, my brother (the A) went off the deep end. he started off with a suicide rant to my father, and started saying all of these crazy things bc my father had show...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Anger slows healing process after injury: study PARIS (AFP) - The adage that laughter is the best medicine has been backed by an unusual investigation which says that people who seethe with anger take longer to recover from injury. Previous studies have linked ill tempered behaviour, whether brow...

maresie · maresie

I am coming up to a year since I left the A. I am compiling a list of the obstacles I have to getting some place better, money, health, isolation, dental work, glasses, transportation, you name it. I'm putting it out there for hP to heal. I also have a shortage of furniture and other items I need to move to s...

Codependent · Codependent

I know this is a trite question, but I am really interested in what you all have to say on the subject....Do you believe in "meant to be"...in the sense that if it is "meant to be" it will work out....? This is something I believed as a younger girl, rejected later on and tried desp...

Minnehaha · Minnehaha

Hello! I am new to this forum and not happy to be here although I know what a blessing the A programs are. My husband is sneak drinking again for the 4th time in our 10 year marriage. He doesn't know that I know what he is doing. So I get that I need to focus on my own life, but pray tell, how does that work wh...

debilyn · debilyn

Yes that is an opossom,not a gerbil! haha I have a friend who does 'possom rescue. They are such a cute animal but people act like they are awful in the USA. I have raised two and they are so cumb and gentle. I am going to change it soon to another cute pic of them. hugs,debilyn

maresie · maresie

One way I set myself up with the A was to expect anything much from him. This past week I had minimal contact with him. I had no expectatons. I had no fantasy he would say sorry, understand, be appreciative. He may never be. I do not set myself up for that anymore. I expect nothing from him ...what a hard th...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Only 16 days after moving my husband out of our home and all those sick"feelings" have gone. I am in a position now to own my own moods. I don't have to blame him (not that I ever had the right to) for my feelings or moods. I am not alcohol afflicted anymore. It's out of my system. I've "deto...

Chetch · Chetch

Hi9 All, Well, here I am again. My AH has been doing fairly well. He hasn't gone to the Alcohol program the judge ordered after his DUI. Says his insurance won't cover it and he doesn't have the $2500 they want up front. He stayed sober for about 3 months and is now having a couple of drinks on weekends a...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Viral Anger Last night I was walking down the street in Los Angeles (yes, some people do walk in LA) and witnessed a fight between two drivers. This was no ordinary argument between passing cars. Both drivers got out of their cars and were screaming at one another. Eventually, even a police officer...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Don't get too hungry, angry lonely or tired! I know if I do any or all of these things, I have no serenity or peace of mind! I have been tired and hungry a lot lately but today I am doing great! Bless everyone! Remember, too, to keep it simple!

Lauren ashley · Lauren ashley

Yep...been way too long since I have written one so here it goes..... I want to save you I know i can't change you,and I know you may never understand what it is to feel you are too busy numbing your pain with alcohol,that you don't know what is real I see you withering away, I see you aging day by day I want to...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Hi brothers and sisters, recently I have been posting about having some flashbacks and they have come and gone since and I had another one yesterday when I went to Home Depot for the first time in a long long time. See, my hubby and I used to go there like daily because we were working on renovating our prop...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

3 Ways to Handle Anger Before Anger Handles You Feelings are much like waves. We can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." -Jonatan Mårtensson In the Western world, we think of strength as big muscles, heavy weights, physical power. But in the ancient Eastern cultures,...

Aloha · Aloha

I didn't want to hijack Omajoy's thread... I was starting to relate then went off into my own tirade, so I'm taking it a separate thread: May I list a character defect of my own? I am a Control-Freak Perfectionist. I often hold to the feeling that if you want something done right, you do it yourself...

Aloha · Aloha

The world is sending me messages left and right today. Anyone eat those Dove dark chocolates? Each piece has a little message on the inside of the wrapper. This one was a new one I'd never seen before... just simply says: "Don't think about it so much." Jeez - would it be weird to frame a ca...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

The past few days I have been missing my A (it's been 18 months since I left him) and today I wake up to a text..."I miss you". So I have been entertaining thoughts of seeing him, talking to him, being together again, etc. So I'm thinking about this all the way to work this morning and thinking a...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am doing so much better and if you want to you can check my quick reply at the end of the posting! I wasn't able to elaborate on what happened last Friday! It was nobody's fault that what happened except we arrived at lunch time and left 4 hours later not knowing that we only needed to be there at the appoin...

ally · ally

((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))) We all have crap days and we feel hard done by.....have a look at this video....Our young men and women worldwide have a crap day, but they don't complain..they don't have time too...they just carry on regardless. This video is very emotional...and breaks...

round3 · round3

Got an email from estranged father yesterday (not an A). He is in town (on business) and sent me a rather business-like request for a "visit" with me tonight ("please advise"). I told him I had somewhere I needed to be tonight, but that I had about an hour between work and this ot...

omajoy · omajoy

With all the ups and downs of my life right now, I am trying to admit my wrong in some of this. So I think I need to write it out and confess: I am impatient. Impatience leads to illogical decisions, enabling, out of control emotions, especially anger. When I allow anger to surface I say things and...

bcanuck · bcanuck

Just wanted to say thanks to Al Anon for the serenity. My A has left for a 10 day vacation to Fla., and for the first time I am truly not worried about what he will do or what trouble he will get into, it's his problem. A small step for me, but an important one. Funny how much of this stuff you absorb by osmosis w...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

What I am afraid of: Getting too close to another person for fear of being rejected.Making relationships with others and finding I have to test their honesty and trustworthiness.Opening myself up to criticism as I have a fragile and low self worth as it is, though I am working on this.Being hurt more t...

AlaMom · AlaMom

Today was one of those 2 step back days that I am trying very hard not to have be a major slip for me. I am coming here to get the stinking thinking out of my head and somewhere where I can see it and get some support on. Hubs and I tried to make a major "want" purchase recently and it did not go throug...

maresie · maresie

For the last week I've been ill and on my own. Day in day out, just me to take care of me. I used to beg the A to do small things for me when I was sick, he never (and I mean never) did anything willingly or without being asked 100 times. I am so glad to be out of that. I am so glad to be away from someone who resented...

tea cozy · tea cozy

Hi all! This is my first time with a group like this, and I could really use some direction. My fiance and I have been together for three years or so. He admitted quite freely when we got together that when he divorced some years before, he didn't deal well. He moved back home with his family, found a job...

ally · ally

((((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))))))) Thought you might like this song...means a whole lot to me, when i listen to it.."Take what you like"... Ally Chasing Pavements - Adele Ive made up my mi...

Aloha · Aloha

I think, for me, a big part of how I'm going to be able to move forward with my recovery is to learn forgiveness. If I dwell and dwell and dwell on all the things that have gone wrong, then how on earth can I move forward with being a more stable person? It is TOUGH. Oh so tough! I was reading my How Al-Anon W...

Codependent · Codependent

I know I have said this before, but thank you. Thank you for listening and responding. But, most of all, thank you for awakening me to the fact that I don't have to be ashamed that I still love and care for my A. I have spent so much time this past week making excuses for why I let him call me, listening to ho...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, as most of you know my A is in jail. I did go ahead and set up an account so that he could call me. Not making any excuse for opening up that door again- I know I did. I just find it difficult to listen to him talk about getting out in a couple of weeks without wanting to tell him that if he doesn't change he wi...

marybell42 · marybell42

My brother, who is now in his late 30's, has been putting my family through turmoil since his teens with his alcohol issues. He has wrecked and totaled numerous vehicles in drunken stupors. Once hitting a woman's car while totaling his own. By the grace of God the woman was unhurt, as my brother woul...

debilyn · debilyn

Just wondering how you and A are doing. Miss your responses. love,debilyn

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

My AH is laying low and doing lotsa dishes and stuff. Asks me alot about whether he can get me anything or do anything for me. Is it my imagination or is he behaving guilty? Plus, I have not seen him drink...for two days. I thought I smelled some last night but I could have been mistaken. I am so suspicious be...

qwerty · qwerty

Five years ago, I discovered that my husband of 18 years had cheated on me. This began some serious issues between us, which resulted in some major changes in his life. His father was an alcoholic, and I knew he drank too much, but I never really considered him a full-blown alcoholic until he declared hi...

Aloha · Aloha

I know I've seen A's attend Al-anon meetings, so I know it's acceptable. I wonder if A's are given the suggestion in their AA meetings at all to occasionally attend Al-anon meetings with their loved ones to see the other side of the coin, as we Al-anon members are encouraged to attend AA meetings to se...

serendipity · serendipity

I mentioned something about the karma bus running down my ex. Not waiting for it or anything but always on the lookout. And another member said that she doesn't wish her ex any ill will because he gave her 2 of the most awsome kids in the world. When she thinks of him, she wishes him well and all of the love an...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...thank you all so much for the sharing and caring that you have shown me as you have responded to my last two posts. Everyone of you is so special...and I am hearing what you say canadian guy, I just never thought of it like that. You are right, I have come a long way in such a short time and it is all down to e...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Boy do I ever have anxiety! I went to an appointment with my husband yesterday and we sat for almost 4 hours waiting for a late drs appt. It was excrutiating! Anyway, when I got home I was exhausted and anxious. Now I am trying to turn it over but it is carrying over to today. I hope I can achieve serenity to...

Kathyg3963 · Kathyg3963

Learning To Sail(by Kathy Glaze) Heres a little story,Of a girl I know.Shes a loving human being,And loved by all she knows. One day she made a vow,Through sickness and in health.Without ever realizing,The impact of its wealth. Theres an addiction in this marriage,It was a ride shed never forese...

ddub · ddub

I am trying to understand this - I know I am not thinking quite right but I just don't get why or how to look at this? If what I want to do is have companionship with parent of my kids for family get togethers or functions but I can't make that choice for the other parent then how can I get that need met in anothe...

maresie · maresie

The A called me twice last night in the middle of the night. I had been thinking about him a lot lately, doing a lot of greiving. I am absolutely clear it is over between us. I do not intend to return any calls. I also do not have anything more to say to him. I always had so much raging and grieving to do toward...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I'm getting that feeling again that I want to make a major change in my life, a big move, change jobs, just something to throw a wrench into the rut and probably into my serenity too. I have been having a difficult time at work since being sick and am feeling that antsy need to make a big change feeling. I r...

newday · newday

I've felt for a long time my sister has had a drinking problem. Even more since I became aware of this site. I've posted several times regarding an ex-A and a recovering friend. Recently, her second marriage has crumbled due to infidelity (him). I went to visit her in November (she lives out west and I li...

serendipity · serendipity

In my meeting today we had a topic of rage. My rage is from my pain mostly. I suppose there is fear in there also but the one that is most clear is pain. My rage has lead me to do things I am not proud of. It has felt like it is beyond my control at times. Someone said anger and rage are different. That anger can be...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am really down about my marriage right now. We have been separated for 2 years (4000 miles apart) and only text one sentence daily: "good night" back and forth. That is the extent of our contact. Whenever I have tried to do more, he says he is uncomfortable with whatever I wrote or said. He...

Aloha · Aloha

Such a shame. I joined my AH at an open AA meeting last night. It was his 30-day mark. A big achievement, I think, but he's not proud of it. He doesn't know how to feel about it, I guess. Just shows me how wrapped up he got himself in drinking. Just praying to my HP and to his HP that he someday will see the...

cookie1971 · cookie1971

(((Family))) Well last night I really blew it. The funny thing is, the A has really been acting quite decent lately. It was all over money. We got into an argument and before I knew it, I was ragging on him about his drinking, and you all know the rest. Today, he hasn't drawn a sober breath. I know I shouldn'...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I am dealing with negative flashbacks the past couple of days- really undermining. Things I had forgotten that have come back up to the surface. I know that this must be a kind of "purging" to release them. Most of them revolve around DV with my AH who I am not living with. All of these flashb...

Becky1 · Becky1

Friday night was uneventful. Thank God. Saturday, I picked up the grandbaby (she'll be 3 months old the 26 of this month) and we came back to the house, hung out with AH for a while. He wasn't drinking, he was fine. He wanted to take the baby to get an outfit....this was a HUGE step, I feel. He and my daugh...

Jen · Jen

Our neighbors have been wonderful friends to our family for the 10 years we have lived within hollering distance of them. His (my neighbors') father is in the hospital and they have learned last night that he probably only has a few days left with us. Some prayers for these good friends would be appreci...

ddub · ddub

This past week I have been sleeping so much. At first I was concerned that I was giving up, but in the end, I think that I was giving myself some overdue TLC which feels a bit uncomfortable but yet sort of nice. AH was away so I could let my guard down, relax easier and sleep sound and long. Again at first, m...

kissers · kissers

Hi roomies!! I went to a meeting recently and the speaker shared her story. She mentioned a term, "gaslighting", that was used by her ex A. I didn't know it, but that is exactly what my ex A used on me. No wonder I thought I was going crazy when he would deny his actions and verbal abuse. Here is a d...

gardengal · gardengal

I remember recieving lovely Valentines cards from my ex A, and even flowers, or a romantic dinner.....pre his drinking. Oh how special I felt and loved, needed, wanted. Those days are gone, and now I can do those things for myself, if I choose to. That is what alanon teaches us, to make ourselves feel...

Aloha · Aloha

This was said at my meeting last night, and the pain in which it was said cut through me like a knife. All it does is create pain and misery. And it's available to all. Not sure what my point is, but I agreed with this whole-heartedly.

serendipity · serendipity

I had a b-day party for my 5 yr old today. It was mostly program people. It was really nice. I was missing some of my closer friends as they couldn't make it "the regulars". I love throwing parties. We had lots of big family parties when I was a kid. Those are some of the best memories and I feel so l...

lmw · lmw

About a month ago, my A was arrested for disturbing the peace (under the influence of course), and resisting arrest, and I think for assaulting a public employee. I never looked for the full details, but I know the arresting officers used pepper spray and a taser on him - which I'm sure was well-deserv...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((((Family))))))), I just wanted to take a moment and wish you all a HAPPY NATIONAL ALMOND DAY! Okay, okay I know what you all are thinking. Karilynn has finally gone round the bend. No, I did that a long time ago. I was having a bit of a rough day at work. Customers were driving me crazy, the b...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I did rearrange the living room with the help of the odest who has also been itching to move :) Her design... Did a lot of working this weekend and getting used to the idea of losing my Fridays off to make up for all the sick time I took over the past few months. Hopefully we will all be well and have time ava...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I thought my troubles would go away , IF I won the lottery (Preview) Oh wow what a concept. For us who have squirreled away some money for bread, milk, rent etc before the A in our lives takes it and buys booze. I always thought if I could only win the lottery things would be much better, my troubles would go away. Anything could be possible with that much money! But the que...	gardengal	12	802	Feb 22, 2008 by Lady
	learning here are limits (Preview) Fro me over the past week or so I've been confined to bed with a horrible flu. I could not get out of bed for a week or more and I had to surrender. I did not go into a pit of self pity about having no one. I did not do anything much but surrender to that I'm not in a good space. I am not in as bad a space as I've been in....	maresie	6	611	Feb 22, 2008 by maresie
	please listen and help! (Preview) hello again! so, i did not go to the meeting on sunday because i had to write a paper for class, so i planned on going on tuesday night. but monday night, my brother (the A) went off the deep end. he started off with a suicide rant to my father, and started saying all of these crazy things bc my father had show...	kozmicblues	10	795	Feb 22, 2008 by nmike
	Yahoo!-ish thoughts on feelings (Preview) Anger slows healing process after injury: study PARIS (AFP) - The adage that laughter is the best medicine has been backed by an unusual investigation which says that people who seethe with anger take longer to recover from injury. Previous studies have linked ill tempered behaviour, whether brow...	Tiger2006	2	455	Feb 22, 2008 by Aloha
	moviong on (Preview) I am coming up to a year since I left the A. I am compiling a list of the obstacles I have to getting some place better, money, health, isolation, dental work, glasses, transportation, you name it. I'm putting it out there for hP to heal. I also have a shortage of furniture and other items I need to move to s...	maresie	2	483	Feb 22, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Meant to be? (Preview) I know this is a trite question, but I am really interested in what you all have to say on the subject....Do you believe in "meant to be"...in the sense that if it is "meant to be" it will work out....? This is something I believed as a younger girl, rejected later on and tried desp...	Codependent	11	568	Feb 22, 2008 by Diva
	Theory and real life (Preview) Hello! I am new to this forum and not happy to be here although I know what a blessing the A programs are. My husband is sneak drinking again for the 4th time in our 10 year marriage. He doesn't know that I know what he is doing. So I get that I need to focus on my own life, but pray tell, how does that work wh...	Minnehaha	9	1339	Feb 22, 2008 by Jerry F
	lol lol my avatar (Preview) Yes that is an opossom,not a gerbil! haha I have a friend who does 'possom rescue. They are such a cute animal but people act like they are awful in the USA. I have raised two and they are so cumb and gentle. I am going to change it soon to another cute pic of them. hugs,debilyn	debilyn	10	770	Feb 22, 2008 by cookie1971
	expectations (Preview) One way I set myself up with the A was to expect anything much from him. This past week I had minimal contact with him. I had no expectatons. I had no fantasy he would say sorry, understand, be appreciative. He may never be. I do not set myself up for that anymore. I expect nothing from him ...what a hard th...	maresie	2	664	Feb 22, 2008 by Jerry F
	Some say love... it is a hunger, an endless aching need... (Preview) Only 16 days after moving my husband out of our home and all those sick"feelings" have gone. I am in a position now to own my own moods. I don't have to blame him (not that I ever had the right to) for my feelings or moods. I am not alcohol afflicted anymore. It's out of my system. I've "deto...	silverbrumby	5	797	Feb 22, 2008 by Heartbroken
	I'm back again! (Preview) Hi9 All, Well, here I am again. My AH has been doing fairly well. He hasn't gone to the Alcohol program the judge ordered after his DUI. Says his insurance won't cover it and he doesn't have the $2500 they want up front. He stayed sober for about 3 months and is now having a couple of drinks on weekends a...	Chetch	9	591	Feb 22, 2008 by cookie1971
	Yahoo!-ish thoughts on feelings 3 (Preview) Viral Anger Last night I was walking down the street in Los Angeles (yes, some people do walk in LA) and witnessed a fight between two drivers. This was no ordinary argument between passing cars. Both drivers got out of their cars and were screaming at one another. Eventually, even a police officer...	Tiger2006	1	674	Feb 22, 2008 by Jerry F
	HALT! (Preview) Don't get too hungry, angry lonely or tired! I know if I do any or all of these things, I have no serenity or peace of mind! I have been tired and hungry a lot lately but today I am doing great! Bless everyone! Remember, too, to keep it simple!	Hoot Nanny	2	403	Feb 22, 2008 by cookie1971
	Poem (Preview) Yep...been way too long since I have written one so here it goes..... I want to save you I know i can't change you,and I know you may never understand what it is to feel you are too busy numbing your pain with alcohol,that you don't know what is real I see you withering away, I see you aging day by day I want to...	Lauren ashley	2	600	Feb 21, 2008 by Maria123
	flashbacks: what they are for (for me, not necessarily anyone else) (Preview) Hi brothers and sisters, recently I have been posting about having some flashbacks and they have come and gone since and I had another one yesterday when I went to Home Depot for the first time in a long long time. See, my hubby and I used to go there like daily because we were working on renovating our prop...	Jean4444	4	611	Feb 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	Yahoo!-ish thoughts on feelings, 2 (Preview) 3 Ways to Handle Anger Before Anger Handles You Feelings are much like waves. We can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." -Jonatan Mårtensson In the Western world, we think of strength as big muscles, heavy weights, physical power. But in the ancient Eastern cultures,...	Tiger2006	0	536	Feb 21, 2008 by Tiger2006
	MY shortcomings (Preview) I didn't want to hijack Omajoy's thread... I was starting to relate then went off into my own tirade, so I'm taking it a separate thread: May I list a character defect of my own? I am a Control-Freak Perfectionist. I often hold to the feeling that if you want something done right, you do it yourself...	Aloha	8	486	Feb 21, 2008 by Aloha
	"Don't think about it so much." (Preview) The world is sending me messages left and right today. Anyone eat those Dove dark chocolates? Each piece has a little message on the inside of the wrapper. This one was a new one I'd never seen before... just simply says: "Don't think about it so much." Jeez - would it be weird to frame a ca...	Aloha	2	408	Feb 21, 2008 by omajoy
	Dilemma (Preview) The past few days I have been missing my A (it's been 18 months since I left him) and today I wake up to a text..."I miss you". So I have been entertaining thoughts of seeing him, talking to him, being together again, etc. So I'm thinking about this all the way to work this morning and thinking a...	carolinagirl	6	565	Feb 21, 2008 by maresie
	A little miscommunication! (Preview) I am doing so much better and if you want to you can check my quick reply at the end of the posting! I wasn't able to elaborate on what happened last Friday! It was nobody's fault that what happened except we arrived at lunch time and left 4 hours later not knowing that we only needed to be there at the appoin...	Hoot Nanny	2	537	Feb 21, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	HEARTFELT AND TOUCHING...PUTS LIFE INTO PERSPECTIVE (Preview) ((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))) We all have crap days and we feel hard done by.....have a look at this video....Our young men and women worldwide have a crap day, but they don't complain..they don't have time too...they just carry on regardless. This video is very emotional...and breaks...	ally	0	397	Feb 21, 2008 by ally
	Amazed myself today (Preview) Got an email from estranged father yesterday (not an A). He is in town (on business) and sent me a rather business-like request for a "visit" with me tonight ("please advise"). I told him I had somewhere I needed to be tonight, but that I had about an hour between work and this ot...	round3	3	473	Feb 21, 2008 by Jerry F
	Admitting wrongs (Preview) With all the ups and downs of my life right now, I am trying to admit my wrong in some of this. So I think I need to write it out and confess: I am impatient. Impatience leads to illogical decisions, enabling, out of control emotions, especially anger. When I allow anger to surface I say things and...	omajoy	7	454	Feb 21, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Thanks to Al Anon and HP (Preview) Just wanted to say thanks to Al Anon for the serenity. My A has left for a 10 day vacation to Fla., and for the first time I am truly not worried about what he will do or what trouble he will get into, it's his problem. A small step for me, but an important one. Funny how much of this stuff you absorb by osmosis w...	bcanuck	5	633	Feb 21, 2008 by Heartbroken
	What I am afraid of... (Preview) What I am afraid of: Getting too close to another person for fear of being rejected.Making relationships with others and finding I have to test their honesty and trustworthiness.Opening myself up to criticism as I have a fragile and low self worth as it is, though I am working on this.Being hurt more t...	Heartbroken	12	722	Feb 21, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Old Demons (Preview) Today was one of those 2 step back days that I am trying very hard not to have be a major slip for me. I am coming here to get the stinking thinking out of my head and somewhere where I can see it and get some support on. Hubs and I tried to make a major "want" purchase recently and it did not go throug...	AlaMom	3	451	Feb 21, 2008 by Maria123
	Ill and on my own (Preview) For the last week I've been ill and on my own. Day in day out, just me to take care of me. I used to beg the A to do small things for me when I was sick, he never (and I mean never) did anything willingly or without being asked 100 times. I am so glad to be out of that. I am so glad to be away from someone who resented...	maresie	6	528	Feb 20, 2008 by carosie
	New here and need help (Preview) Hi all! This is my first time with a group like this, and I could really use some direction. My fiance and I have been together for three years or so. He admitted quite freely when we got together that when he divorced some years before, he didn't deal well. He moved back home with his family, found a job...	tea cozy	5	592	Feb 20, 2008 by nmike
	LISTEN TO THIS..COULD BE FOR ALL OF US. (Preview) ((((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))))))) Thought you might like this song...means a whole lot to me, when i listen to it.."Take what you like"... Ally Chasing Pavements - Adele Ive made up my mi...	ally	2	666	Feb 20, 2008 by tryingtoheal
	Desiring forgiveness (Preview) I think, for me, a big part of how I'm going to be able to move forward with my recovery is to learn forgiveness. If I dwell and dwell and dwell on all the things that have gone wrong, then how on earth can I move forward with being a more stable person? It is TOUGH. Oh so tough! I was reading my How Al-Anon W...	Aloha	8	870	Feb 20, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Thank you for understanding....I hope you read this (Preview) I know I have said this before, but thank you. Thank you for listening and responding. But, most of all, thank you for awakening me to the fact that I don't have to be ashamed that I still love and care for my A. I have spent so much time this past week making excuses for why I let him call me, listening to ho...	Codependent	5	816	Feb 20, 2008 by round3
	How do you have peace watching someone die? (Preview) Well, as most of you know my A is in jail. I did go ahead and set up an account so that he could call me. Not making any excuse for opening up that door again- I know I did. I just find it difficult to listen to him talk about getting out in a couple of weeks without wanting to tell him that if he doesn't change he wi...	Codependent	10	1145	Feb 20, 2008 by Karilynn
	How to help someone who does not want it? (Preview) My brother, who is now in his late 30's, has been putting my family through turmoil since his teens with his alcohol issues. He has wrecked and totaled numerous vehicles in drunken stupors. Once hitting a woman's car while totaling his own. By the grace of God the woman was unhurt, as my brother woul...	marybell42	10	727	Feb 20, 2008 by Karilynn
	Diva how are things???? (Preview) Just wondering how you and A are doing. Miss your responses. love,debilyn	debilyn	3	479	Feb 20, 2008 by Jen
	he's being nice so I am suspicious (Preview) My AH is laying low and doing lotsa dishes and stuff. Asks me alot about whether he can get me anything or do anything for me. Is it my imagination or is he behaving guilty? Plus, I have not seen him drink...for two days. I thought I smelled some last night but I could have been mistaken. I am so suspicious be...	RainyJamie	5	746	Feb 20, 2008 by cookie1971
	Five years sober: my husband is BORING (Preview) Five years ago, I discovered that my husband of 18 years had cheated on me. This began some serious issues between us, which resulted in some major changes in his life. His father was an alcoholic, and I knew he drank too much, but I never really considered him a full-blown alcoholic until he declared hi...	qwerty	17	12183	Feb 19, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Good idea for an A to attend Al-anon meetings? (Preview) I know I've seen A's attend Al-anon meetings, so I know it's acceptable. I wonder if A's are given the suggestion in their AA meetings at all to occasionally attend Al-anon meetings with their loved ones to see the other side of the coin, as we Al-anon members are encouraged to attend AA meetings to se...	Aloha	7	874	Feb 19, 2008 by canadianguy
	Pray for "them" (Preview) I mentioned something about the karma bus running down my ex. Not waiting for it or anything but always on the lookout. And another member said that she doesn't wish her ex any ill will because he gave her 2 of the most awsome kids in the world. When she thinks of him, she wishes him well and all of the love an...	serendipity	5	454	Feb 19, 2008 by Jen
	Overwhelmed by this family... (Preview) ...thank you all so much for the sharing and caring that you have shown me as you have responded to my last two posts. Everyone of you is so special...and I am hearing what you say canadian guy, I just never thought of it like that. You are right, I have come a long way in such a short time and it is all down to e...	Heartbroken	5	530	Feb 19, 2008 by maresie
	Anxiey! (Preview) Boy do I ever have anxiety! I went to an appointment with my husband yesterday and we sat for almost 4 hours waiting for a late drs appt. It was excrutiating! Anyway, when I got home I was exhausted and anxious. Now I am trying to turn it over but it is carrying over to today. I hope I can achieve serenity to...	Hoot Nanny	8	573	Feb 19, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	POEM - Learning To Sail (Preview) Learning To Sail(by Kathy Glaze) Heres a little story,Of a girl I know.Shes a loving human being,And loved by all she knows. One day she made a vow,Through sickness and in health.Without ever realizing,The impact of its wealth. Theres an addiction in this marriage,It was a ride shed never forese...	Kathyg3963	3	487	Feb 19, 2008 by Heartbroken
	healthy normal or perfect fantasy??? (Preview) I am trying to understand this - I know I am not thinking quite right but I just don't get why or how to look at this? If what I want to do is have companionship with parent of my kids for family get togethers or functions but I can't make that choice for the other parent then how can I get that need met in anothe...	ddub	5	651	Feb 19, 2008 by Jerry F
	update (Preview) The A called me twice last night in the middle of the night. I had been thinking about him a lot lately, doing a lot of greiving. I am absolutely clear it is over between us. I do not intend to return any calls. I also do not have anything more to say to him. I always had so much raging and grieving to do toward...	maresie	4	456	Feb 19, 2008 by maresie
	Feeling a strong pull to upset the apple cart (Preview) I'm getting that feeling again that I want to make a major change in my life, a big move, change jobs, just something to throw a wrench into the rut and probably into my serenity too. I have been having a difficult time at work since being sick and am feeling that antsy need to make a big change feeling. I r...	carolinagirl	6	453	Feb 19, 2008 by maresie
	Sister going through a divorce-using alcohol (Preview) I've felt for a long time my sister has had a drinking problem. Even more since I became aware of this site. I've posted several times regarding an ex-A and a recovering friend. Recently, her second marriage has crumbled due to infidelity (him). I went to visit her in November (she lives out west and I li...	newday	3	458	Feb 19, 2008 by lin0606
	anger vs. rage (Preview) In my meeting today we had a topic of rage. My rage is from my pain mostly. I suppose there is fear in there also but the one that is most clear is pain. My rage has lead me to do things I am not proud of. It has felt like it is beyond my control at times. Someone said anger and rage are different. That anger can be...	serendipity	12	5847	Feb 19, 2008 by debilyn
	Am I just trying to control? (Preview) I am really down about my marriage right now. We have been separated for 2 years (4000 miles apart) and only text one sentence daily: "good night" back and forth. That is the extent of our contact. Whenever I have tried to do more, he says he is uncomfortable with whatever I wrote or said. He...	Jean4444	8	729	Feb 18, 2008 by tiredtonite
	30 days sober and he ain't happy about it (Preview) Such a shame. I joined my AH at an open AA meeting last night. It was his 30-day mark. A big achievement, I think, but he's not proud of it. He doesn't know how to feel about it, I guess. Just shows me how wrapped up he got himself in drinking. Just praying to my HP and to his HP that he someday will see the...	Aloha	2	627	Feb 18, 2008 by Tuggboat
	I REALLY LOST IT BIG TIME (Preview) (((Family))) Well last night I really blew it. The funny thing is, the A has really been acting quite decent lately. It was all over money. We got into an argument and before I knew it, I was ragging on him about his drinking, and you all know the rest. Today, he hasn't drawn a sober breath. I know I shouldn'...	cookie1971	7	743	Feb 18, 2008 by glad lee
	flashbacks (Preview) I am dealing with negative flashbacks the past couple of days- really undermining. Things I had forgotten that have come back up to the surface. I know that this must be a kind of "purging" to release them. Most of them revolve around DV with my AH who I am not living with. All of these flashb...	Jean4444	7	751	Feb 18, 2008 by Jean4444
	I Want Off this See-Saw (Preview) Friday night was uneventful. Thank God. Saturday, I picked up the grandbaby (she'll be 3 months old the 26 of this month) and we came back to the house, hung out with AH for a while. He wasn't drinking, he was fine. He wanted to take the baby to get an outfit....this was a HUGE step, I feel. He and my daugh...	Becky1	2	662	Feb 18, 2008 by Becky1
	prayers please (Preview) Our neighbors have been wonderful friends to our family for the 10 years we have lived within hollering distance of them. His (my neighbors') father is in the hospital and they have learned last night that he probably only has a few days left with us. Some prayers for these good friends would be appreci...	Jen	4	409	Feb 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	numb but rested at last (Preview) This past week I have been sleeping so much. At first I was concerned that I was giving up, but in the end, I think that I was giving myself some overdue TLC which feels a bit uncomfortable but yet sort of nice. AH was away so I could let my guard down, relax easier and sleep sound and long. Again at first, m...	ddub	2	558	Feb 18, 2008 by Karilynn
	The things you learn in the rooms! (Preview) Hi roomies!! I went to a meeting recently and the speaker shared her story. She mentioned a term, "gaslighting", that was used by her ex A. I didn't know it, but that is exactly what my ex A used on me. No wonder I thought I was going crazy when he would deny his actions and verbal abuse. Here is a d...	kissers	13	696	Feb 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	For those who waited for chocolates & flowers....... (Preview) I remember recieving lovely Valentines cards from my ex A, and even flowers, or a romantic dinner.....pre his drinking. Oh how special I felt and loved, needed, wanted. Those days are gone, and now I can do those things for myself, if I choose to. That is what alanon teaches us, to make ourselves feel...	gardengal	7	738	Feb 18, 2008 by round3
	Alcohol has no redeeming qualities (Preview) This was said at my meeting last night, and the pain in which it was said cut through me like a knife. All it does is create pain and misery. And it's available to all. Not sure what my point is, but I agreed with this whole-heartedly.	Aloha	11	1083	Feb 18, 2008 by Aloha
	Oh no MORE graditude (Preview) I had a b-day party for my 5 yr old today. It was mostly program people. It was really nice. I was missing some of my closer friends as they couldn't make it "the regulars". I love throwing parties. We had lots of big family parties when I was a kid. Those are some of the best memories and I feel so l...	serendipity	2	559	Feb 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	Trying to Stay Out of His Mess (Preview) About a month ago, my A was arrested for disturbing the peace (under the influence of course), and resisting arrest, and I think for assaulting a public employee. I never looked for the full details, but I know the arresting officers used pepper spray and a taser on him - which I'm sure was well-deserv...	lmw	3	739	Feb 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	Happy National Almond Day? (Preview) ((((((((((Family))))))), I just wanted to take a moment and wish you all a HAPPY NATIONAL ALMOND DAY! Okay, okay I know what you all are thinking. Karilynn has finally gone round the bend. No, I did that a long time ago. I was having a bit of a rough day at work. Customers were driving me crazy, the b...	Karilynn	10	769	Feb 18, 2008 by cookie1971
	Rearranged the Living Room... (Preview) I did rearrange the living room with the help of the odest who has also been itching to move :) Her design... Did a lot of working this weekend and getting used to the idea of losing my Fridays off to make up for all the sick time I took over the past few months. Hopefully we will all be well and have time ava...	carolinagirl	3	616	Feb 17, 2008 by nmike
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