The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I texted him: "happy valentines day, I love you and am thinking of you and hope you have a good day" and he emailed me back a nasty little "your text made me uncomfortable considering the state of our marriage" song and dance.
He can say and feel whatever he wants. Its his. Its not mine. It has nothing to do with me.
I almost took the bait. But I have dropped it. Before this program I would have called him, emailed him, etc to "see what was wrong". So he is uncomfortable. He needs to remove the thorn from his own paw, I cannot help him with that. I sent my best wishes and kept my side of the street clean. Thanks for listening, Hugs, J.
Isn't it lovely when we saying something kind and get something nasty slung at us? His disease is doing the talking for him today. Obviously some anger. Good for you for shining up your side of the street. Wish I could do that better in my relationships. You set a good example - and you also remind me how much this disease won't allow anything positive to permeate. Baffling........
Happy V-Day, Jean. Enjoy some serenity knowing you did the right thing.
Thanks aloha and R3- yeah, I did something nice and that is what matters, thanks for acknowledging this, it feels good. R3, this single aspect alone might be the death of me. I really dig harmony and this guy is the KING of generating disharmony...why and how the heck did I NOT SEE THIS in the beginning??!! I wonder...
Sorry you got rebuffed a bit. Sorry about his Nasty tone. Happy Valentines day :)
You know, I could read his message two ways??? The most obvious is that he is simply expressing himself in an honest and open manner. My ex GF and I always get our messages mixed. Say she sends me a card, Boom I think she wants me to call. I call and she wishes I hadn't. Around it goes. We still talk now and then. The message we usually communicate to each other is real similar to your husbands text. Each of us feels that way when we get a communcation from the other. Neither one of us puts the brakes on the process though. We both do the wrong things but...
We are both learning to accept that we still think of each other. What a big revelation huh ... and that it doesn't mean any more than that.
The other way is negative bait like and thats not even productive to talk about let alone fall for.
Tugg, I hear you. I am working on just letting him be him and what his thing is. His bad moods do not need to interfere with my great day. But you know what? somehow they do. I really want him to like me. I want him to be glad to hear from me. This is really tough for me. I still struggle with it- I mean, he is my husband and all he can say to me is how uncomfortable I make him, what I do wrong, etc. Its really hard for me to deal with negative people probably because I was raised by the experts of negativity. But, he needs to feel and be who ever he is. I cannot control it, nor should I want to. Yet, I do. I want him to be delighted. SO NOT going to happen with this one- he is perpetually pissed. well, one day at a time. thanks for your perspective. J.
My AHsober would have said the exact same thing. At Christmas he said well I am not coming because you know how our marriage is and all and we don't get along. OMG it is just Christmas with the boys. I think that they try to lay the blame on us for the state of affairs.
This is really tough for me. I still struggle with it- I mean, he is my husband and all he can say to me is how uncomfortable I make him, what I do wrong, etc. Its really hard for me to deal with negative people probably because I was raised by the experts of negativity.
Jean, have you been in my head lately?!
This is a daily occurence for me, only it's with my almost 20 year old daughter still at home.
For the most part, she's a good kid, but she exhibits much of the same attitudes as an active alcoholic. It goes beyond the typical teenaged angst.
Her current way of dealing with any 'stress' typical of becoming an adult, including her job, is to 'run away'. She is of the mind that if she ignores it, it will go away.
The consequences of her not finishing school are catching up with her. The consequences of acquiring a new full-time job in order to meet her car/insurance payments monthly, and then giving away hours and asking for time off are catching up with her.
This all comes out in verbal attacks on me, with a lot of foot stomping, screaming, and often slamming the door behind her.
I want to thank you so much for sharing this today. (((hugs)))
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
... and that it doesn't mean any more than that.
Taking the high road always makes one feel better about oneself. 
