The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spent YEARS fighting with this program because my situation was SSSOOOO Unique that NO ONE else could possibly understand! I mean, NO ONE ever felt like I did, went thru what I did, was treated as badly as I was, had to figure out everyone else's lives like I did. And then I left this program because there was NO way that it could help me. And the people in the program with their quaint sayings and their positive attitude and friendly suggestions, well, they had NO clue. None. They obviously had no idea what REAL life with a crackhead was like. *sigh* poor me, what could I do but just suffer thru it all. Even my AH agreed we were "different" we were not like "those people". See, it wasn't just me who thought so! I had backup!!!!
And then, I crashed, I hit my bottom, I joined the human race and it dawned on me that I was NOT unique. I was NO different from anyone else. Their issues and lives and their loss and pain were felt by them just as deeply as I felt mine. I was 30 years old with my life going into a nosedive before my eyes and taking my kids down too. I ran back to this program. I sat and cried and all these people put their arms around me and told me they understood, completly. I had to give up my "special status", fall off my high horse and accept to be accepted. What a gift.
I had attended church all my life. Both of my parents were very active in the church. I had a very strong faith. I prayed. I took communion, I was confirmed I understood not only my religion but many other religions. I explored. But I wasn't very spiritual. I thought it was like school. If you do ABC it equals XYZ and all is right in the world. It wasn't working for me. This program gave me a knew understanding of life and how it can be lived. If ABC isn't equalling XYZ then maybe I can try DEF. Who knew?!
I came to the same spot again this year when Gracie died. No one could relate to this one. No one has ever lived thru something THIS tragic. There I was, all alone again. How wrong I was. I haven't yet heard anyone say "yes, the exact same thing to me" But I have recieved so much unconditional love and understanding and support. I have rolled out my laundry list of what has gone wrong in my life many many times and NO one has said to me "Yup, Seren, you have it the worst! You win the Life Sucks award! And now we will wave our magic wand and it will be all better!" I have raged and whined and almost lost my mind with grief and stress. And this program has listened and reminded me I have choices, I have a program when I am ready.
"practice these principles in ALL our affairs" That is such a great reminder for me that I have these tools and I can use them in all aspects of my life, not just with the A. After all this program is mine, for me in MY life.
I am so glad that I am part of this life, this program and that I am no longer in the running for martyrhood. Much easier to leave those I love to HP. Still feels a bit strange sometimes, handing over control, especially when those I love ask me to take over. But our lives are so much better when I do.
Several years into this program a hint was given to me by a female member who said, "You know Jerry F, you might just try getting in touch with your female side." LOL boy was that some kind of foreign thought. I dismissed it as I was most of the rest of the program. I started to learn what she mean't over a period of time and it then became a major part of my recovering character. But I digress!!
I read your post and half way thru I said El is my female side LOL and awesome. So much of what you just posted is my story exactly!! I could have and have written much of what you just expressed almost exactly. I don't know Gracie. I have Gracie moments that brought my ego right inside the doors of hell and where I thought that now this is what makes me more special. This is truely my Joan of Arc moment or my Peter the Apostle ending but the program was glued around me and I also could not suffer in that self effacing way I did before I got here. I had come so far away from I don't know what's going on or how to get out of it to a "I know now and I know that I know now." Al-Anon is not about our differences it is about our similarities. If I continued to stick with my "terminal uniqueness" I would not be here; most likely dead or incarcerated in a mental institution under strong PD, OD, MPD meds. Someone told me at a local meeting that I should write a book of my story. I'm not so unique....I have a twin who has live it like I have. What a rip. Did you ever learn to speak in Latin also?
What a great post, and I think many of us - male and female alike, have followed a similar pattern.... When I first started into Al-Anon, I was very full of myself, and went to most meetings quietly "solving" everyone else's problems, and remember thinking that I should really be the facilitator or leader of these groups, as I could pretty much figure out what all of them "should" do..... Then it came to my life, my circumstances at home with an A-wife, and I had NO clue....
My sponsor challenged me on this, telling me I was both arrogant AND controlling, and he was 100% right. I also remember being in a counselor's office one day, bawling my eyes out, thinking my life was literally at the bottom and couldn't see things getting any better..... My counselor asked me a question, in a calm voice: "so Tom, do you STILL think you can control your wife's drinking", to which I sobbed "yes", and he replied, with a bit of a smile "and how's that working for you so far?" lol
I LOVE the Al-Anon slogans.... to some, they are trite and lightweight..... to me, they are empowering and serve as great reminders..... Like they say, our program is simple..... it ain't easy, but it IS simple.
Thanks
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Great post - great reminders to many of us that we to were once there and should always remember it. That is also some serious growth there for you - happy you shared it.
__________________
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I think that most of us have at one point or another thought there was NO ONE who had suffered as much as we had, if we are honest with ourselves. And, it is not easy to realise that there are other's experiencing similar things when we have no one to confide in, and society expects on the good things in life to be seen by others.
I hear you and I right along side you juggling for first spot, well that is I would have been except that now I have come here I might be along side you but I am not juggling for first spot anymore. So many others see to have had heavier burdens than me.
Now I just think Teamwork, makes us all winners, . Thank you Serendipity.
HeartB
P.S. I love that term "Terminal Uniqueness" SLS, spot on.
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Thanks for your post Serendipity. I am so guilty of this. I am arrogant and hold my self pity potty every day. No one understands, no one has ever gone thru this, and O woo is me. I think my arrogance bothers me the most. On my wall in my office I put up articles and quotes of those less fortunate then me particularly woman. I am so thankful for what I have and looking to appreciate my challenges.
(((((hugs)))))
makes us all winners, 
. Thank you Serendipity.
HeartB