Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

MariaShea · MariaShea

Are you a controller or a doormat? In dealing with my son's addiction, I find I am a both. I try and control him yet I am a doormat at times giving in to him. Before Al-Anon I had no awareness of either so I have learned some things there.

pocerutuf · pocerutuf

I have know my Wife for 10 years now. We just got married (finally) on September 1 2010, 10 years to the day that we met. There has been very good times and a lot of very bad times. Over the course of our relationship, we have broken up several times but always seem to come back to each other. I did however,...

maresie · maresie

I met a guy recently quite by chance who turned out to be a drug dealer. I chose quite clearly not to be involved with him but I do still talk to him, now its if I meet him by chance. Recently on a boiling hot day I was out doing errands, swamped with shopping bags, waterless and feeling absolutely exhausted...

kath · kath

My baby and I spent a couple of hours today at the park with my AH. I did not bring up any issues. We were having a nice time and then suddenly out of the blue he asks me if I still want to be married to him. Instead of screaming and yelling and crying at him I calmly told him that I would not continue to live with hi...

casa · casa

The Chair opened the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. First Item: Meeting schedule and a lack of people chairing their assigned meetings was discussed. This topic had to be tabled to the next meeting due to lack of attendance. It was suggested that an email should be sent out to all ops that chair aski...

pax · pax

So, continuing on the topic of Ilovedog's thread - when you just get to the point when you deliberately do not snoop, how do you get over the anxiety of needing to know? I guess I'm asking for specific methods self-care, perhaps deliberate trains of thought, which may be used during the transition...

need lots of help · need lots of help

I can't take it anymore. I have given it my all and then some for YEARS! I can no longer live with an alcoholic. I will give him the papers on Monday. I signed a lease to an apt ready to move in labor day weekend. I am praying that he allows me to leave with the kids. Thankfully, he doesn't drink during th...

lyndebi · lyndebi

Been many weeks now. Debilyn has grown up in many ways. After kicking effexor, which I would avoid at all costs had I known how horrible it is to get of, I am back. I was too mellow, the effexor allowed me to suck up and swallow things I now do not. No more allowing anyone to take advantage of me, even when they...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

I have noticed on these boards that a LOT of folks speak of the alcoholics in their lives as an ex. Does anyone stay in these relationships? Can it work out? I guess I'm scared that I'll end up divorced like many of the people here and that is not what I want. I love my dh, despite his major shortcomings....

Jozie · Jozie

This is one that I Truly have to Work on... I am the Person that when, you stub your toe, I am on my way to the nurse before you can reach in your purse and pull one out.. ... Just yesterday while in the bathroom mirror chatin with HP, I had mentioned Working on How "I" am when my husband Speaks... I...

FlyingSquirrel · FlyingSquirrel

(Ok, I'm being facetious) So, we've been separated 2 years. She was 7 months sober, then went back out a week ago. Threatened suicide and then spent the night at the guy's house she had cheated on me with, who she supposedly hadn't seen in 5 months. I didn't text or talk to her for a full week, (she tried...

stopandchat · stopandchat

Hi all, I posted a few days ago that my AH relapsed after 9 months of sobriety. I was determined to not get involved with his disasters. However, that didn't quite happen. I let him come back to live with me for a couple of days. He's currently on probation, and his probation officer suggested he go to this...

DreamsOver · DreamsOver

My AS has a court date next week and I have hope he will be ordered into rehab. maybe he will take this offer to work on his addiction. I have been in contact with the director of the rehab center and he is an ex-addict that understands all about this terrible affliction. I have been reading your post this...

Maize · Maize

I have just realized through a special reading in The Language of Letting go, that I have spent my life participating in harmful situations without even knowing I was being hurt or hurting. I had severe childhood trauma, I had a dad who was my step dad who adopted my brother and I who was an alcoholic,...

abbyal · abbyal

DONT QUIT When things go wrong as they sometimes will, when the road your trudging seems all uphill. When the funds run low , and the debts are high , And u want to smile , but u have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must but don"t you quit .Life is queer with its twists and turns ,...

Rora · Rora

I've heard some speak very eloquently about how it has taken them so long to dig out of their relationship with their A. I think I'm learning all about this and then some. I'm learning how very bad it had become and how very deep I am and how very long it will take me to dig out.... I've been separated from t...

snodebb · snodebb

What am I suppose to do the day after he was so drunk and I come home from work and he is sober. I'm thinking because he needed me to take him somewhere and he new I wouldn't if he had been drinking. Am I just suppose to act like it never happed? Do I bring it up? I won't be lovie dovie with him cause I don't feel...

MariaShea · MariaShea

My alcoholic father died when I was 15. My 37 year old son has been an alcoholic since he was 16. Now, he is homeless and jobless. Somebody save me from this pain. He is going to die too. I can feel it coming. When the pain gets so bad, can I become like a shooting star and just fizzle out? Then, no more pain......

this too shall pass · this too shall pass

I have been married 3years and 8 months. I knew him for 3 years before that... things were always bad... we fight all the time over the silliest of things.. in the past 6 months i have refused to give in to every little thing and it has gotten worse.. every time we fight he takes off and goes out to party with h...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Time is flying by so I will make this quick! I am sitting in a library in my hometown where I spend time on this computer! I only have 27 minutes so here goes! I am getting more grateful as I sit here! I have a load of friends & so much to thank them for! I guess I have been blessed beyond measure. This weeken...

pineapple · pineapple

My AH quit drinking 6 months ago and was doing pretty good. He had a couple of slips, one or two drinks a couple of times but was making real progress. But things have gone downhill fast the last few weeks. We are having problems with our partner who wants to sell the property which means we will have to find...

snodebb · snodebb

Well I knew it wouldnt last long. Drinking on Monday, Tuesday and super drunk tonight. Our daughter got on the bus tonight and he was on the bus and she had to sit by him and she knew right away he was drunk. They got off the bus and she stopped at a friends house and call to warn me. yep he is super drunk. He wa...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I'm not suicidal...not even that depressed but I'm flat lined.......other than my daughter I dont' feel that there is much to live for.....nothing seems to bring me that much happiness and nothing excites me...it's like I have this filter that no happiness gets in ....I'm no upset, nothing happene...

barisax · barisax

She's back. Or at least she was for a 4-day weekend. She's back to the "place" for two more weeks and then she's out for good (hopefully). It's a new experience seeing her without her wild mood swings. Her "up" state was magnetic as you might imagine. The normal pattern for ou...

JustJill · JustJill

I have been reading for several weeks. Just joined today. My boyfriend of almost six years just left. We got in the car to go somewhere and I just said have you been drinking? He said No, but I could tell he had. I just do not understand how he could be, he was alone in my house for maybe 15 minutes. Well he told...

RLC · RLC

Choices !!! How important that word is in my life and everyone's life. We make choices large and small from the time we wake up until the time we go to bed at night. We make good choices and we make bad choices, sometimes a choice we think is right turns out to be wrong. Choices can be as small as what we are...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Because I was attending to an amends for myself (the abused child) as I was writing a letter to my program "brother" who at first I displayed anger at being taken away unjustly without notice and then later found out that I myself would have had him incarcerated had I all the information. I b...

Allee · Allee

My AH has been in rehab (out of state) for 30 days. He is working the program, attending and participating in meetings. He is thinking rationally and has his priorities in order. He quit drinking 23 years ago but due to back surgeries became addicted to prescription drugs. His drug of choice was alc...

cuteamy7 · cuteamy7

It's been awhile since I posted about my AMom. I am a 44 yr old woman struggling with loving my mom and taking the high road when she says hatefilled things to me on the phone or via email and recently facebook. At the end of April she started picking at me about everything important or not. It got to the p...

suzip · suzip

It is very comforting to me to not worry about what I am going to do in a month. Or next year. Even next week. I am looking forward only to things that make me smile and happy, my kids High School sports games, my alanon f2f meetings, the trainer that kicks my butt on Sunday mornings at the park.. running in th...

Sangyaa · Sangyaa

So we've reached the point in my Abf's first week off heroin when he decides that I would be better off without him and pushes me away. He tells me if I were older, i'd be smarter and I would've left by now. He says he's bad for me. The funny thing is, my life is kind of a mess- everything of value pawned, work...

pattyann1963 · pattyann1963

hi,sorry its been such a long time since ive been here but i promissed someone here that i would post,she said she could relate,well im trying to disconnect from my 1 yr relationship with my b/f whom id fallen in love with,at this time in my life i do not need a b/f ive never been w/o one though but looking ba...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I dont' know what made me think of this today but a story I'd heard before came to mind and I could identify with it. Maybe someone else will as well. A martial artist, who had become quite proficient, sought a new master to further his training. He found who he was looking for and asked the master to teac...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Aloha Ohana (family)...just got a thought and feeling provoking email from a person in the other room. LOL It was one of those that immediately triggers my fangs and talons and a hiss and I pounced on it with my best pre-program skills and then re-read it to see if there was enough heat and flash and we...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((Family))), After several weeks away I am back. It feels good. I have missed you all. I did lots of hard thinking regarding the relationship with my sister. My cousin came from Texas & I had a great time with her and my other cousin. We went to a family diner that my family use to go to all the ti...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have a summer cold and a broken toe. My oldest daughter was committed yesterday and I have no intention of having her come back into my home. For those of you who know me you know of the ongoing chaos that has been surrounding her for years. This is her second commitment. She has been defiant and disr...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

It's hard for me to feel gratitude as a general feeling because I'm angry, sad and frustrated about my marriage and how my wife's behavior negatively impacts my daughter, plus the fact that I'm pretty helpless to do anything about it. I can defend my daughter, thus causing a fight, which upsets my dau...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I was wondering if people are finding happiness? I've come to the conclusion that's it's the bottom line for my life. I just want to feel happy and contented. I'm not asking for any particular "thing" out of life, just that feeling. As probably some can Identify with I've lived most of m...

susie56543 · susie56543

This is a pretty long one; but if you feel like reading it, I get to my point at the bottom. I'm so happy that I found al-anon. I have been trying SO hard to back off from trying to control my boyfriend's addiction. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and he relapsed July 1st. If I hadn't found you guys & al-anon, I wou...

stopandchat · stopandchat

It seems as though it's really harsh to say that another human being is "hopeless." However, I am truly starting to think there is no hope for my AH. He has been to countless rehabs, in various programs, numerous hospitals, has all the support he has needed and then some. However, he is still...

pax · pax

I was wondering if any other newbies are having a little trouble getting used to the term 'HP'. I just say God, but I understand that this doesn't work for everyone. When I see 'HP' in a post I first think of Harry Potter, and then Hewlitt Packard

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I have to give credit to my therapist. I'm beginning to think my HP (I can't believe I'm saying this, given my moods recently but this board and program are infectious!) placed this particular person in my life because she is exactly what I need. She has a perky, upbeat, lively personality and seems ab...

snodebb · snodebb

I posted earlier that I was going camping and excpected hubby to either come home drunk or and show up on time. I told him we were leaving at 4pm with or without hime. The girls got the food ready while I was at work, got the trailer loaded. They sent me a text at 3pm as I was leaveing work and said Dad's home...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I'm still working on my deck and I'm beginning to see parallels in this project to me, my attitudes and my life. I'm also beginning to think that my HP placed this project in front of me for a reason (there I go again...). Whether intentional on my HP's part or not, here is what I'm learning: 1. Patience fo...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

I confronted dh on the beers I found out he drank while at dinner while traveling for business. He first lied and then admitted to it. We had a very long productive talk about my snooping, trust issues, promises made before we got married, our son, and our happiness. Basically, it came down to: he wan...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Feeling down again...as my other post mentioned....but I'm also tired of working on myself. I've been in Therapy for 3 years in the past and 2 years currently. Did Alanon for 5 years in the past...I know I need to start up again but with my schedule and the fact that because I'm already out so much worki...

Sweet Stanley · Sweet Stanley

I was going to respond to the camping post but decided to start a new topic on the subject. My AH and I spent the weekend at an AA/Alanon camperama. I just wanted to say that it was a great weekend! A lot of laughs, games, and fellowship. We had an open meeting on Saturday night around the campfire and it wa...

kinker · kinker

Have shared. Maybe paranoid however feel like not welcome. Told to go to f2f not always easy, am not looking for sympathy but answers and support just not feeling it. seems those that have been here a long time show interest only in new people. Told to go to Al Alon by therapist that it would help, am feeli...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

Thank you all for the wonderful and kind words you have given me after this horrible tragedy that happened in my home. We are all barely getting thru but we are. With Hope, Andrea

FlyingSquirrel · FlyingSquirrel

I attended a couple meetings last year but couldn't manage to wrap my poor newly sober brain around it. I'm thinking about going again now, because I view relationship issues as the biggest threat to my sobriety, my wife just went back out and spent the night at her boyfriend's house (see Charlie Brow...

maresie · maresie

I grew up in a family that were severely mentally ill. There were no boundaries in that place, everything was a disaster and catastrophe ruled. My parents and indeed my siblings could not cope with day to day living so they didn't they merely survived it. Most of my life I have therefore been pretty &...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

I got a call from my ex a little while ago. He says he's going out tonight and will pick up my 9 year old son in the morning for church, instead of picking him up tonight. Fine with me - I'd rather have my kid at home anyway! But I couldn't help thinking that I hope he doesn't get hurt tonight going out. He ha...

Carol_Lynn · Carol_Lynn

Carol, alanon. From reading my last post and everyone's wonderful feedback ("I go thru enough at home"), I realize that I still determine my own worthiness or goodness by everyone else's behavior toward me. This undoubtedly came from living in an alcoholic household. When I don't satis...

kath · kath

Has almost been two months since my children and I have seen my AH. It has been almost two weeks since we have "spoken" through text. We left back in November. I kept going back to his house to bring the kids for a visit because I felt responsible. Since my last visit to go see him I decided that I...

Cosmos · Cosmos

Hi I have been writing here many times before since I joined Al-Anon in the end of April this year. And I always find that it helps me to make important choices in my life. I entered Al-Anon, still while being in the relationship with a girl in England (I am Norwegian, but study in England). She broke up w...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

After speaking to my dh about his drinking and hiding it, he acknowledged it and told me he'd not drink again. He seemed pretty sincere and things between us had been good since then. We took a mini family 3 day vacation last week and the 3 of us spend all 72 hrs together. We hiked, fished, and went drivi...

snodebb · snodebb

This is only my 2nd time posting. I AH has been drunk every night for the last 2 weeks and I mean super drunk, except for the weekend because we were camping and he doesnt drink if he is with us 24hrs. He drinks before he gets home at night or he hangs out in the garage and hides hes beer in there. The last time we...

shellsea · shellsea

Hello Friends,I came to a huge realization today. I am an ACOA and not a "joiner" when it comes to groups (church, community activities, etc.). I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in on others having fun. My mom phoned me today and I told her I was at a quilt show. I have always want...

stopandchat · stopandchat

I'm sad about it...he managed to stay sober for 9 months. I'm happy that he is not here at our home though. I don't know what's going to happen with him. If he manages to stop now, he may have a chance. If not, I believe he's going to kill himself. I did ask someone to go by the apartment he's living in to make su...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I'm working on my back deck, replacing the boards that are 20 years old, rotting etc. I've had so many problems and I feel pretty discouraged. For one thing I'm no carpenter and while I had some experience doing the front deck (which went way easier for a variety of reasons) it seems that the experienc...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Which One Are You? (Preview) Are you a controller or a doormat? In dealing with my son's addiction, I find I am a both. I try and control him yet I am a doormat at times giving in to him. Before Al-Anon I had no awareness of either so I have learned some things there.	MariaShea	8	635	Sep 5, 2010 by Jerry F
	When do I say I can't do this anymore? (Preview) I have know my Wife for 10 years now. We just got married (finally) on September 1 2010, 10 years to the day that we met. There has been very good times and a lot of very bad times. Over the course of our relationship, we have broken up several times but always seem to come back to each other. I did however,...	pocerutuf	10	1841	Sep 5, 2010 by pocerutuf
	Self care (Preview) I met a guy recently quite by chance who turned out to be a drug dealer. I chose quite clearly not to be involved with him but I do still talk to him, now its if I meet him by chance. Recently on a boiling hot day I was out doing errands, swamped with shopping bags, waterless and feeling absolutely exhausted...	maresie	7	952	Sep 5, 2010 by maresie
	Getting Stronger (Preview) My baby and I spent a couple of hours today at the park with my AH. I did not bring up any issues. We were having a nice time and then suddenly out of the blue he asks me if I still want to be married to him. Instead of screaming and yelling and crying at him I calmly told him that I would not continue to live with hi...	kath	3	739	Sep 5, 2010 by pineapple
	08.15.10 MIP Chatroom Group Business Meeting Minutes (Preview) The Chair opened the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. First Item: Meeting schedule and a lack of people chairing their assigned meetings was discussed. This topic had to be tabled to the next meeting due to lack of attendance. It was suggested that an email should be sent out to all ops that chair aski...	casa	4	406	Sep 5, 2010 by lyndebi
	Ending the snooping (Preview) So, continuing on the topic of Ilovedog's thread - when you just get to the point when you deliberately do not snoop, how do you get over the anxiety of needing to know? I guess I'm asking for specific methods self-care, perhaps deliberate trains of thought, which may be used during the transition...	pax	15	1035	Sep 4, 2010 by wifeofalcoholic
	I filed for a divorce today! (Preview) I can't take it anymore. I have given it my all and then some for YEARS! I can no longer live with an alcoholic. I will give him the papers on Monday. I signed a lease to an apt ready to move in labor day weekend. I am praying that he allows me to leave with the kids. Thankfully, he doesn't drink during th...	need lots of help	12	993	Sep 4, 2010 by wifeofalcoholic
	The healthy person comes out of the armor (Preview) Been many weeks now. Debilyn has grown up in many ways. After kicking effexor, which I would avoid at all costs had I known how horrible it is to get of, I am back. I was too mellow, the effexor allowed me to suck up and swallow things I now do not. No more allowing anyone to take advantage of me, even when they...	lyndebi	7	822	Sep 4, 2010 by maresie
	How many stay? (Preview) I have noticed on these boards that a LOT of folks speak of the alcoholics in their lives as an ex. Does anyone stay in these relationships? Can it work out? I guess I'm scared that I'll end up divorced like many of the people here and that is not what I want. I love my dh, despite his major shortcomings....	ilovedogs	15	1329	Sep 4, 2010 by Andrea12
	INTIMACY... Wake up .... (Preview) This is one that I Truly have to Work on... I am the Person that when, you stub your toe, I am on my way to the nurse before you can reach in your purse and pull one out.. ... Just yesterday while in the bathroom mirror chatin with HP, I had mentioned Working on How "I" am when my husband Speaks... I...	Jozie	6	861	Sep 4, 2010 by Andrea12
	My wife is not an alcoholic after all, never was. What a relief! (Preview) (Ok, I'm being facetious) So, we've been separated 2 years. She was 7 months sober, then went back out a week ago. Threatened suicide and then spent the night at the guy's house she had cheated on me with, who she supposedly hadn't seen in 5 months. I didn't text or talk to her for a full week, (she tried...	FlyingSquirrel	13	1160	Sep 4, 2010 by Andrea12
	Just left AH at a 5-day detox facility (Preview) Hi all, I posted a few days ago that my AH relapsed after 9 months of sobriety. I was determined to not get involved with his disasters. However, that didn't quite happen. I let him come back to live with me for a couple of days. He's currently on probation, and his probation officer suggested he go to this...	stopandchat	5	524	Sep 4, 2010 by Andrea12
	Just Wanted To Share.... (Preview) My AS has a court date next week and I have hope he will be ordered into rehab. maybe he will take this offer to work on his addiction. I have been in contact with the director of the rehab center and he is an ex-addict that understands all about this terrible affliction. I have been reading your post this...	DreamsOver	4	727	Sep 4, 2010 by Andrea12
	Overcoming my own sickness (Preview) I have just realized through a special reading in The Language of Letting go, that I have spent my life participating in harmful situations without even knowing I was being hurt or hurting. I had severe childhood trauma, I had a dad who was my step dad who adopted my brother and I who was an alcoholic,...	Maize	9	1036	Sep 4, 2010 by Andrea12
	Something I found a long time ago . (Preview) DONT QUIT When things go wrong as they sometimes will, when the road your trudging seems all uphill. When the funds run low , and the debts are high , And u want to smile , but u have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must but don"t you quit .Life is queer with its twists and turns ,...	abbyal	8	859	Sep 4, 2010 by Andrea12
	Another layer to the problem... (Preview) I've heard some speak very eloquently about how it has taken them so long to dig out of their relationship with their A. I think I'm learning all about this and then some. I'm learning how very bad it had become and how very deep I am and how very long it will take me to dig out.... I've been separated from t...	Rora	10	950	Sep 4, 2010 by Bettina
	How am I suppose to act when he is sober the next day??? (Preview) What am I suppose to do the day after he was so drunk and I come home from work and he is sober. I'm thinking because he needed me to take him somewhere and he new I wouldn't if he had been drinking. Am I just suppose to act like it never happed? Do I bring it up? I won't be lovie dovie with him cause I don't feel...	snodebb	13	1158	Sep 4, 2010 by Maize
	All in the Family (Preview) My alcoholic father died when I was 15. My 37 year old son has been an alcoholic since he was 16. Now, he is homeless and jobless. Somebody save me from this pain. He is going to die too. I can feel it coming. When the pain gets so bad, can I become like a shooting star and just fizzle out? Then, no more pain......	MariaShea	9	822	Sep 4, 2010 by MariaShea
	how do I know I cannot take no more and it's time to leave? (Preview) I have been married 3years and 8 months. I knew him for 3 years before that... things were always bad... we fight all the time over the silliest of things.. in the past 6 months i have refused to give in to every little thing and it has gotten worse.. every time we fight he takes off and goes out to party with h...	this too shall pass	16	1046	Sep 4, 2010 by this too shall pass
	Oh well... (Preview) Time is flying by so I will make this quick! I am sitting in a library in my hometown where I spend time on this computer! I only have 27 minutes so here goes! I am getting more grateful as I sit here! I have a load of friends & so much to thank them for! I guess I have been blessed beyond measure. This weeken...	Hoot Nanny	2	713	Sep 3, 2010 by jewel91
	could use some help (Preview) My AH quit drinking 6 months ago and was doing pretty good. He had a couple of slips, one or two drinks a couple of times but was making real progress. But things have gone downhill fast the last few weeks. We are having problems with our partner who wants to sell the property which means we will have to find...	pineapple	4	758	Sep 3, 2010 by pineapple
	So much for the great family camping trip (Preview) Well I knew it wouldnt last long. Drinking on Monday, Tuesday and super drunk tonight. Our daughter got on the bus tonight and he was on the bus and she had to sit by him and she knew right away he was drunk. They got off the bus and she stopped at a friends house and call to warn me. yep he is super drunk. He wa...	snodebb	4	764	Sep 3, 2010 by Maize
	Still worried that I have nothing to live for... (Preview) I'm not suicidal...not even that depressed but I'm flat lined.......other than my daughter I dont' feel that there is much to live for.....nothing seems to bring me that much happiness and nothing excites me...it's like I have this filter that no happiness gets in ....I'm no upset, nothing happene...	mjhyankees	19	1375	Sep 3, 2010 by kitty
	More Goddess, Less Drama (Preview) She's back. Or at least she was for a 4-day weekend. She's back to the "place" for two more weeks and then she's out for good (hopefully). It's a new experience seeing her without her wild mood swings. Her "up" state was magnetic as you might imagine. The normal pattern for ou...	barisax	4	1200	Sep 3, 2010 by barisax
	Boyfriend just left my home (Preview) I have been reading for several weeks. Just joined today. My boyfriend of almost six years just left. We got in the car to go somewhere and I just said have you been drinking? He said No, but I could tell he had. I just do not understand how he could be, he was alone in my house for maybe 15 minutes. Well he told...	JustJill	9	992	Sep 3, 2010 by JustJill
	Choices !!! (Preview) Choices !!! How important that word is in my life and everyone's life. We make choices large and small from the time we wake up until the time we go to bed at night. We make good choices and we make bad choices, sometimes a choice we think is right turns out to be wrong. Choices can be as small as what we are...	RLC	6	1253	Sep 3, 2010 by this too shall pass
	Maize you caught me crying... (Preview) Because I was attending to an amends for myself (the abused child) as I was writing a letter to my program "brother" who at first I displayed anger at being taken away unjustly without notice and then later found out that I myself would have had him incarcerated had I all the information. I b...	Jerry F	1	1041	Sep 2, 2010 by Maize
	Rehab Duration (Preview) My AH has been in rehab (out of state) for 30 days. He is working the program, attending and participating in meetings. He is thinking rationally and has his priorities in order. He quit drinking 23 years ago but due to back surgeries became addicted to prescription drugs. His drug of choice was alc...	Allee	4	854	Sep 2, 2010 by abbyal
	More stuff with Mom (Preview) It's been awhile since I posted about my AMom. I am a 44 yr old woman struggling with loving my mom and taking the high road when she says hatefilled things to me on the phone or via email and recently facebook. At the end of April she started picking at me about everything important or not. It got to the p...	cuteamy7	3	662	Sep 2, 2010 by abbyal
	living for today (Preview) It is very comforting to me to not worry about what I am going to do in a month. Or next year. Even next week. I am looking forward only to things that make me smile and happy, my kids High School sports games, my alanon f2f meetings, the trainer that kicks my butt on Sunday mornings at the park.. running in th...	suzip	3	818	Sep 2, 2010 by Maize
	Feeling rejected, hopeless, and a total wreck. (Preview) So we've reached the point in my Abf's first week off heroin when he decides that I would be better off without him and pushes me away. He tells me if I were older, i'd be smarter and I would've left by now. He says he's bad for me. The funny thing is, my life is kind of a mess- everything of value pawned, work...	Sangyaa	8	884	Sep 2, 2010 by Sangyaa
	pattycakes,in dispair (Preview) hi,sorry its been such a long time since ive been here but i promissed someone here that i would post,she said she could relate,well im trying to disconnect from my 1 yr relationship with my b/f whom id fallen in love with,at this time in my life i do not need a b/f ive never been w/o one though but looking ba...	pattyann1963	4	804	Sep 2, 2010 by xeno59
	Story about learning..... (Preview) I dont' know what made me think of this today but a story I'd heard before came to mind and I could identify with it. Maybe someone else will as well. A martial artist, who had become quite proficient, sought a new master to further his training. He found who he was looking for and asked the master to teac...	mjhyankees	4	778	Sep 1, 2010 by Jerry F
	Practice, Practice, Practice... (Preview) Aloha Ohana (family)...just got a thought and feeling provoking email from a person in the other room. LOL It was one of those that immediately triggers my fangs and talons and a hiss and I pounced on it with my best pre-program skills and then re-read it to see if there was enough heat and flash and we...	Jerry F	7	1179	Sep 1, 2010 by Andrea12
	Letting things be & detaching (Preview) ((((Family))), After several weeks away I am back. It feels good. I have missed you all. I did lots of hard thinking regarding the relationship with my sister. My cousin came from Texas & I had a great time with her and my other cousin. We went to a family diner that my family use to go to all the ti...	Karilynn	4	694	Sep 1, 2010 by Andrea12
	Just want to whine... (Preview) I have a summer cold and a broken toe. My oldest daughter was committed yesterday and I have no intention of having her come back into my home. For those of you who know me you know of the ongoing chaos that has been surrounding her for years. This is her second commitment. She has been defiant and disr...	carolinagirl	7	738	Sep 1, 2010 by Loupiness
	Some gratitude creeping in....... (Preview) It's hard for me to feel gratitude as a general feeling because I'm angry, sad and frustrated about my marriage and how my wife's behavior negatively impacts my daughter, plus the fact that I'm pretty helpless to do anything about it. I can defend my daughter, thus causing a fight, which upsets my dau...	mjhyankees	5	724	Aug 31, 2010 by canadianguy
	How do you find happiness..... (Preview) I was wondering if people are finding happiness? I've come to the conclusion that's it's the bottom line for my life. I just want to feel happy and contented. I'm not asking for any particular "thing" out of life, just that feeling. As probably some can Identify with I've lived most of m...	mjhyankees	9	1845	Aug 31, 2010 by tlcate
	Advice for a mommy-to-be? (Preview) This is a pretty long one; but if you feel like reading it, I get to my point at the bottom. I'm so happy that I found al-anon. I have been trying SO hard to back off from trying to control my boyfriend's addiction. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and he relapsed July 1st. If I hadn't found you guys & al-anon, I wou...	susie56543	6	1023	Aug 30, 2010 by susie56543
	Can there really be no hope for another human being? (Preview) It seems as though it's really harsh to say that another human being is "hopeless." However, I am truly starting to think there is no hope for my AH. He has been to countless rehabs, in various programs, numerous hospitals, has all the support he has needed and then some. However, he is still...	stopandchat	13	703	Aug 30, 2010 by Bettina
	a different trinitarian HP (Preview) I was wondering if any other newbies are having a little trouble getting used to the term 'HP'. I just say God, but I understand that this doesn't work for everyone. When I see 'HP' in a post I first think of Harry Potter, and then Hewlitt Packard	pax	5	872	Aug 30, 2010 by Bettina
	Hit between the eyes.... (Preview) I have to give credit to my therapist. I'm beginning to think my HP (I can't believe I'm saying this, given my moods recently but this board and program are infectious!) placed this particular person in my life because she is exactly what I need. She has a perky, upbeat, lively personality and seems ab...	mjhyankees	2	885	Aug 30, 2010 by tlcate
	I'm shocked !!! Had a wonderful camping trip!!! (Preview) I posted earlier that I was going camping and excpected hubby to either come home drunk or and show up on time. I told him we were leaving at 4pm with or without hime. The girls got the food ready while I was at work, got the trailer loaded. They sent me a text at 3pm as I was leaveing work and said Dad's home...	snodebb	7	826	Aug 30, 2010 by hotrod
	Deck update........ (Preview) I'm still working on my deck and I'm beginning to see parallels in this project to me, my attitudes and my life. I'm also beginning to think that my HP placed this project in front of me for a reason (there I go again...). Whether intentional on my HP's part or not, here is what I'm learning: 1. Patience fo...	mjhyankees	4	745	Aug 30, 2010 by Aloha
	He asked for forgiveness but we're at an impasse (Preview) I confronted dh on the beers I found out he drank while at dinner while traveling for business. He first lied and then admitted to it. We had a very long productive talk about my snooping, trust issues, promises made before we got married, our son, and our happiness. Basically, it came down to: he wan...	ilovedogs	14	890	Aug 30, 2010 by Aloha
	Tired of all this work. (Preview) Feeling down again...as my other post mentioned....but I'm also tired of working on myself. I've been in Therapy for 3 years in the past and 2 years currently. Did Alanon for 5 years in the past...I know I need to start up again but with my schedule and the fact that because I'm already out so much worki...	mjhyankees	15	1032	Aug 30, 2010 by bcg
	camperama (Preview) I was going to respond to the camping post but decided to start a new topic on the subject. My AH and I spent the weekend at an AA/Alanon camperama. I just wanted to say that it was a great weekend! A lot of laughs, games, and fellowship. We had an open meeting on Saturday night around the campfire and it wa...	Sweet Stanley	0	578	Aug 30, 2010 by Sweet Stanley
	feel ignored. (Preview) Have shared. Maybe paranoid however feel like not welcome. Told to go to f2f not always easy, am not looking for sympathy but answers and support just not feeling it. seems those that have been here a long time show interest only in new people. Told to go to Al Alon by therapist that it would help, am feeli...	kinker	9	724	Aug 30, 2010 by never going back
	Thank You (Preview) Thank you all for the wonderful and kind words you have given me after this horrible tragedy that happened in my home. We are all barely getting thru but we are. With Hope, Andrea	Andrea12	4	576	Aug 30, 2010 by Karilynn
	Can someone please explain Al-Anon to me in a nutshell? Preferably someone who's also in AA? (Preview) I attended a couple meetings last year but couldn't manage to wrap my poor newly sober brain around it. I'm thinking about going again now, because I view relationship issues as the biggest threat to my sobriety, my wife just went back out and spent the night at her boyfriend's house (see Charlie Brow...	FlyingSquirrel	11	2247	Aug 29, 2010 by mon123
	Bad choices (Preview) I grew up in a family that were severely mentally ill. There were no boundaries in that place, everything was a disaster and catastrophe ruled. My parents and indeed my siblings could not cope with day to day living so they didn't they merely survived it. Most of my life I have therefore been pretty &...	maresie	5	874	Aug 29, 2010 by maresie
	Old thinking (Preview) I got a call from my ex a little while ago. He says he's going out tonight and will pick up my 9 year old son in the morning for church, instead of picking him up tonight. Fine with me - I'd rather have my kid at home anyway! But I couldn't help thinking that I hope he doesn't get hurt tonight going out. He ha...	White Rabbit	2	757	Aug 29, 2010 by maresie
	when will I learn detachment? (Preview) Carol, alanon. From reading my last post and everyone's wonderful feedback ("I go thru enough at home"), I realize that I still determine my own worthiness or goodness by everyone else's behavior toward me. This undoubtedly came from living in an alcoholic household. When I don't satis...	Carol_Lynn	8	1233	Aug 29, 2010 by Carol_Lynn
	the great silence (Preview) Has almost been two months since my children and I have seen my AH. It has been almost two weeks since we have "spoken" through text. We left back in November. I kept going back to his house to bring the kids for a visit because I felt responsible. Since my last visit to go see him I decided that I...	kath	5	874	Aug 29, 2010 by dragonflys
	I CAN'T WIN (Preview) Hi I have been writing here many times before since I joined Al-Anon in the end of April this year. And I always find that it helps me to make important choices in my life. I entered Al-Anon, still while being in the relationship with a girl in England (I am Norwegian, but study in England). She broke up w...	Cosmos	9	1005	Aug 29, 2010 by DreamXL
	I snooped.....was that a bad thing? (Preview) After speaking to my dh about his drinking and hiding it, he acknowledged it and told me he'd not drink again. He seemed pretty sincere and things between us had been good since then. We took a mini family 3 day vacation last week and the 3 of us spend all 72 hrs together. We hiked, fished, and went drivi...	ilovedogs	19	867	Aug 29, 2010 by Bettina
	every time we plan something he comes home drunk!!!!!!!!!!1 (Preview) This is only my 2nd time posting. I AH has been drunk every night for the last 2 weeks and I mean super drunk, except for the weekend because we were camping and he doesnt drink if he is with us 24hrs. He drinks before he gets home at night or he hangs out in the garage and hides hes beer in there. The last time we...	snodebb	11	1138	Aug 29, 2010 by GailMichelle
	Fear of Intimacy and Fear of Failure (Preview) Hello Friends,I came to a huge realization today. I am an ACOA and not a "joiner" when it comes to groups (church, community activities, etc.). I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in on others having fun. My mom phoned me today and I told her I was at a quilt show. I have always want...	shellsea	5	1114	Aug 28, 2010 by shellsea
	AH relapsed today.... (Preview) I'm sad about it...he managed to stay sober for 9 months. I'm happy that he is not here at our home though. I don't know what's going to happen with him. If he manages to stop now, he may have a chance. If not, I believe he's going to kill himself. I did ask someone to go by the apartment he's living in to make su...	stopandchat	7	474	Aug 28, 2010 by fishinmama
	Easy to get down on myself.... (Preview) I'm working on my back deck, replacing the boards that are 20 years old, rotting etc. I've had so many problems and I feel pretty discouraged. For one thing I'm no carpenter and while I had some experience doing the front deck (which went way easier for a variety of reasons) it seems that the experienc...	mjhyankees	10	707	Aug 28, 2010 by maresie
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.