The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think my daughter is using again. I know I`am not suppose to let this interfer with my program but I`am allowing it. The problem is I`am having difficulty with the program itself. The basic core of the program is spiritual and I`am having a hard time with the HP part. Today is particulary hard for me. I wish I could find a local meeting that wasn`t in a basement but most all of them seem to be, at least today they are. And most other evenings I`am babysitting. I`am highly sensitive to mold and mildew and basements almost always have some degree of either one or the other. Some of you may know that I have a 7 year old grandaughter that I love dearly and worry about. Last week as she and I were driving, we almost had a car accident. She said to me, "thats okay if we died grandma, at least we would die together and I would not have to say goodbye to you or Harley" (her 4 yr old dog). Well, don`t you know Harley died this weekend. Her mother never had him to the vet so he really never had proper care. We doent even know what he died of other than it appeared to be a seizure. This little girl as been through so many losses in her life and so many hurts. I know that she will grow strong from some of this but it also seems to be so unfair to me. Her mother has been yelling at me again in front of the child for the littlest things. I`am highly sensitive and have been crying all day long and I can`t seem to shake it. I guess I just need a place to go with my feelings where someone might understand. We (daughter & I started family therapy) but havent seen the counselor many times together. He would like to see us individually. I have seen her manipulate therapists, judges, DSS workers, etc... She is very pretty and manipulative... She lies to herself and them... Sorry for the ramble.. Thanks for listening...
(((((Samsgram)))))...It's okay for now...We all started at the beginning and everyone who made it thru that darkness used the courage you are using now. I cried when everyone was saying "Big boys/men don't cry" and I didn't want anything to stop me from healing. Maybe a face mask at the meeting would help with the breathing and letting the fellowship know what is going on with you regarding mold and mildew. Al-Anon is a caring fellowship they will respond.
I use to counsel and be counseled and I know how tiring active participation with an addict/alcoholic can be. It is not called insanity for nothing. It takes courage to explore and use all of the tools that are available to you including Family courts, Alternative to Violence and Abuse systems and the like.
The addiction of the Al-Anon member is enabling...enabling the problem to get worse even when I intended it to get better and doing and not doing what the winners in the program were doing. It takes time...work this program with patience and self love. If you don't have you to fall back on you don't have anyone. The consequence to a still using addict is that they eventually run out of time and then.....?
Many alcoholics are great manipulators. It may appear to you she is getting over on people but remember they have had professional training and have had a lot of experience dealing with addicts. They are not in denial.
I am so sorry for your grand daughter's loss. I am so glad she has you.
I hope you might try to the online meetings here ifyou can. There is some great sobriety there. I don't know there is a maxim about what you can and can't interfere with your program. Certainly any of us would be upset by an alcoholics actions. I don't think it is that we don't get upset. We do but it no longer controls our entire lives.
Holding ourselves up to perfect standards is not a al anon practice.
Sorry to hear of your problems....but the work on yourself (as you know) must continue if you are to have any chance of helping yourself or your granddaughter...good luck and you will find lots of support here.
This is a tough time for you. I am sending prayers your way. Your grand-daughter is lucky to have you. I remember my Grandmother with such love, she was great to me growing up. She was very good with clothes money which was great for a teenager. Your daughter is a sick lady so try to detach if you can. I'm sorry about the dog, thats just so tough. Remember the hp can be one of your own understanding.
Sorry you are having such a hard time. Why not joining us here online for some meetings to get yourself back on track. You grandaughter is blessed to have you in her life and I am so sorry she lost her beloved dog. Please keep working on You for you and your grandaughter Blessings
I`am so grateful for finding this program and all of you . Even if I can`t get it all yet. The love and support here is so precious. I hope everyone here knows how truly special they are.
