The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a summer cold and a broken toe. My oldest daughter was committed yesterday and I have no intention of having her come back into my home. For those of you who know me you know of the ongoing chaos that has been surrounding her for years. This is her second commitment. She has been defiant and disrespectful to a level that most mothers would have beaten her until CPS took her away. Fortunately for me CPS has been on my side and is making sure that she is not going to continue to threaten and intimidate my two other children who have had no attention pretty much their entire lives.
Still, I feel like a failure, like I should have been able to fix her, to save her, like I didn't do enough. I can accept now that I have given all I have to give and I have other people who rely on me and need my love and attention. The situation has become such that she is in danger either from her own actions or from me because I have come to a point where I will no longer tolerate ANY disrespect. I'm at work today feeling like crap because I have missed so many days being at the courthouse and dealing with the police and cps in the past two weeks that I can't afford to miss any more time.
I feel for all the parents of A's out there. My daughter exhibits all the behaviros of an A (self absorption, nothing is ever her fault, thinks she can say/do whatever she wants with no consequence, etc.) but is not one yet. I hope that I am doing the right thing now to get her the help she needs before she ends up that way. She hates me now, hopefully she will thank me later. I feel a little guilty that I am happy and releived to have her gone and have peace in my home. I feel a little guilty that I have no intention of having her return. I will not continue doing the same thing I have done for the past three years trying to get help with her. I am jumping off the merry go round!!
Whine? I think you have the right, you've been through a lot it sounds. I'm sorry to hear that you've had it so difficult. You're doing the best you can and you do have a responsibility to other children as well. Basically you're doing "damage control"....by that I mean, you cant' get things the way you want them, but you're at least making things better in some areas....I think that's all we can do sometimes. Your daughter obviously needs more than you can give her at home and you seem to know this. Good luck, I hope things improve.
You're right, I do know this and it has taken me three years to realize I have given all I have to give and she needs more. Still it's hard not to feel guilty when you send your child away. Always thinking there was something more I could have done. I know I'm doing the best I can with what I have tho :)
I know how difficult these past few years have been with your daughter. You know all too well that being a parent is not a popularity contest. You have made a difficult choice in the best interest of your entire family.
I just wanted to share that I have a 21 year old sponsee whose mother placed her in wilderness training twice in her lifetime Once when she was 13 and again when she reached 16. The sponsee is a beautiful young confident women. She is living in NY, has a job. following her dream of acting and had a positive relationship with MOM.
Praying that your daughter will respond to this new place in a positive manner.
One Day at a Time, love. No one knows what the future holds.
Big, big hugs. Sorry this is happening, as the others said, hopefully things will turn around for her . . . but at this point it really is up to her to do the work.
Thank you for sharing with us, not whining at all. We are here for you.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I've been wondering how you are. I'm sorry for what you are going through. As the parent of two teens, I can only imagine how difficult and painful it must be. Hopefully this is what you all need to change and grow.
Thank you for coming back and sharing.
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
