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How Do You Deal With A's Family That Blames You
(Preview)
Now that my A is finally in a treatment center, I have decided after 10 years of addiction and abuse that it was time for me to separate from him. Of course, he is playing the victim to his family, that I am deserting him in his time of need. Let me be clear, I have only asked for a separation to work on ourselve...
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TrudyS85
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11
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910
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The end. And the beginning.
(Preview)
My A is finally gone. It's almost two weeks now. The first week was really tough, cried my eyes out for days. The second week has been a little better. I'm still sad that things ended the way they did. I still miss the lovely, kind, generous man my A used to be. I still think of and miss the early years when thi...
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pineapple
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9
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522
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Is Friendship with the ExA Possible?
(Preview)
So has anyone been able to remain friends with the Ex. Mine seems to think we can be friends now that I get that he loves me, but won't quit drinking, and our differences will cause us to fight so we can't be together. Wants to call me with all his problems now and tell me how he's ready to give up because of al...
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JJ21
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7
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587
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How do you know if you can trust them again?
(Preview)
After my having kicked him out two months ago and his having nearly died and then subsequently being hospitalized in a detox/rehab facility, my husband has now been sober three weeks (out of the hospital for two), is doing the 90 meetings in 90 days, and starts outside therapy and psychiatric treatme...
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holivex
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11
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631
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Doing My Best to Follow HP's Lead!
(Preview)
This has been a Week to Practice.. Practice... Practice & its only Wens! I at times can get to place & ask WHY ME? and as I start to see the Light at the end of the tunnel growing further & further away... HOWEVER! This has been a Humbling week to say the least... My Momma has taking on some Healt...
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Jozie
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4
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417
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An unencumbered life
(Preview)
Right now I am coloring my hair - ha, you needed to know that eh? last night I got home from a 480 mile driving job at 12:30 am, drank a glass of wine and watched Dr. Who to unwind (and negate the effects of the caffeine I'd had earlier to be awake during the trip) and truly enjoyed just being in my own living roo...
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likemyheart
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4
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574
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I Feel So Ugly
(Preview)
Haven't been here for a long while. I've been trying to deal with things on my own. Things have gotten progressively worse, as the months have gone by. I don't think I have ever felt so bad about myself. I have felt so terribly ugly, out of shape, fat, undesirable. It has come to a screeching halt recently...
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kissers
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12
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624
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:(
(Preview)
I need spill my guts here. So here it goes. I have always been very kind to people. I never try to put them down in any way or be rude. I go the extra mile. I give without reservation. I even give free photo shoots per month (people draw), sometimes I even just do it for free (because I know someone is really str...
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InspiredPhotography
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7
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694
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Meeting/chat room - error
(Preview)
Hi, I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place. I can't get into the chat room (well it's the meetings I really want to access.) When I try I get an error message that says "start up error Java lang error" Can anyone please advise me what I need to do. Thanks Jane
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UK Jane
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5
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306
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Disappointed by Al-Anon friend
(Preview)
Hi all,
I am in Al-Anon since a few months and I have searched and prayed for a sponsor for a while. One friend, who is going to many meetings and was there when I felt really bad at the beginning of my journey, almost became "the one". Our relationship was almost like the one of a sponsor and sp...
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pikelpak
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5
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726
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I created my first crisis with the bf
(Preview)
Last night I went on facebook and my bf had a picture of him and a friend of his, she was beautiful and they were at a school party together with an hawaiin theme and it was titled getting Leighed with him and her name. They have studied together and are friends from him going to school for the last year. The p...
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Breakingfree
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12
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688
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Feel like I'm losing my mind!!!
(Preview)
Today was one of the hardest days since I left my AH on monday. After calling for divorce papers yesterday, my mind has once again gone back to the 'on the fence' possitions. I feel so confused between the concepts of Re-acting and Acting. I've gone from feeling that I want a divorce as a reaction to his d...
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Inuyami
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7
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609
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Brand New Day!
(Preview)
Hey everyone. I haven't been on much. I have been so busy. I have a photo shoot today! I am so excited!!! Last few days it has rained! Today is looking like a beautiful cloudy day with a tad bit of rays! I babysat for a close friend lastnight, she is taking my girls today for a few hours (before she works toni...
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InspiredPhotography
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1
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287
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Went to my first F2F tonight...
(Preview)
I was scared, nervous and about to be sick. But after the emotional roller coaster I've been through these past 2 days, I knew it was the place to be. I actually made the mistake of going to the wrong side of the building and I was greeted by a very large welcoming group of people that thought I was there...
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ELEKTRAWMN
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3
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465
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Friday nite...im home, hes out
(Preview)
This seems to be a pattern lately. We go somewhere, party, lakeside fire, etc, as a family and I come home with my child and somtimes others while the drinkers party the night away. Its odd..when I get home, I LOVE the peace and quiet and the responsibility of caring for and putting kids safely to bed. But...
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Theoceancalls
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2
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457
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I will & I can try not to be negative.
(Preview)
I am going to try today not to be negative. I have every opportunity to send positive messages on this forum. After all, life is too short to be negative. My Ah & I have had some trying moments lately because I have been so negative & took all my stress out on him. I am working on not putting him down &...
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Hoot Nanny
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2
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583
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Newcomer here
(Preview)
Hello! Just needed some advice on a current situation. Anyways to keep it brief my mom just got out of rehab a little over a month ago for alcohol and prescription drugs (xanax). This is the 4th time shes been to rehab, so I was optimistic it would actually work this time. She has a sponsor, and has been att...
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wilson12
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4
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425
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On Edge
(Preview)
Well My AH quit about 2 months ago this morning he comes home and tell me well tomorrow is our anniversery (34YRS) and the football games on i'd like to have a few beers I reminded him my bounderys I Made If he had that 1 drink i'm filing for divorce he did not remember yeah right he did not remember. I HATE THI...
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peacewithin
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3
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337
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I did it. I kicked him out.
(Preview)
I set a boundary and I stuck to it. I did wind up leaving work early and I came home and made him leave. Not only did he buy "two tallboys" like he assured me... he bought the other 4 as well. They were all gone. Arguement ensued yet I kept my composure (for most of it) I kept telling him to l...
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ELEKTRAWMN
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9
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866
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Tired of the struggle
(Preview)
Needed to come here to vent. Maybe if I do this, others will stop and learn to protect themselves from this horrible disease. I had NO idea what being an addict meant, or how a person cannot have a usual marriage with one. I had been widowed 18 years, super independant. I had to work hard at being a wife like...
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Debilyn
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11
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630
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I Stood My Ground - Told Him I Want Separation
(Preview)
I DID IT! Drove over to treatment center yesterday for first 'counseling session', I have been reading "CoDependent No More" and was ready. I calmly stated I needed a separation for myself, I was not comfortable living with him, and that even though he is saying he will 'work on it to be th...
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TrudyS85
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5
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531
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TRADIIION 10
(Preview)
http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t50726032/tradition-10-alanon/
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hotrod
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0
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307
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How do I know how bad the recovery process will be?
(Preview)
My sister has an alcohol problem and I'd like to discuss it with her to find out if she'd like help. The problem is, I don't know how bad her alcohol problem is, as I don't live with her. This is relevant, because I don't know if quitting will throw her into serious withdrawal symptoms. She doesn't hav...
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Gabriel9877
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8
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500
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learning to be a sponsee
(Preview)
So i aske dsomeone to sponsor me. She told me the following week at the next meting that she has just been really busy :/ I really do not know her that well and i want to start the steps but she seems unavailbale and i feel like i am imposing if i call her. I know it may just be my insecurities but i feel more comfo...
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LadyBug
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4
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908
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Called the court today...
(Preview)
Yesterday I battled with the choice on weather or not I should call my county court house to begin the paper work for a divorce. But as the title spoils, I made the final decision today. Dispite my annitial re-action to put of my choice until he got 'better', as of last night my mind has been made up. I canno...
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Inuyami
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2
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380
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Changing my view of women
(Preview)
Hello, my name is Slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. I am 28 years old and have been a member for 2.5 years. I would like to share on my life experiences with the women in my life and alcoholism has affected my perception. I grew up in a home where my father was the alcoholic. My mom developed sc...
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slogan_jim
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10
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521
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Feeling so lonely!!
(Preview)
I have not been on here in quite a while. It's been tough to come back to the board since my mentor passed away and he meant a lot to me and always made me see what was right in front of my face. Also he always made me realize that I was to take care of myself first. Well he's gone now but his lessons live on. But st...
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wildthang86
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4
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507
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First day of school
(Preview)
Today was the first day of kindergarten for our oldest. My wife and I and our 3 year old took her to the bus stop and spent some time with the other parents waiting for the bus. My daughter was very excited and smiling and happy and before we knew it, she was on the bus and gone. All day, I have felt extremely em...
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usedtobeanyer
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6
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535
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Talk me off the edge...
(Preview)
Just got in an arguement with AH when I went home for lunch. He's currently out of work (still).... He told me as a threat before I left... "Guess I'll be going to the store today"... ie beer run. He's been sober for quite some time. Long story short I spoke to him once while he was at the sto...
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ELEKTRAWMN
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5
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514
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so far so good"update"
(Preview)
i drove over by where he is liveing while he was at work,and his freind told me that my a was back to work and that he told him that he "my a" was gonna mess around and lose his job and truck ,my a told him yes he knew that.so for now i guess im safe with the truck,it worries me though that he might end up...
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silent
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2
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323
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I'm back.. Crazy stuff
(Preview)
Hi Everyone! I have been gone for a few weeks. We went on vacation and had a wondeful time on the cruise. My son (13) was in heaven. We wound up going with some friends, so my son had a buddy. It was a 7 day cruise, Mexican Rivera. It was orignially going to be my honeymoon with the ex. When I got back I have bee...
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katfshh
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12
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487
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looking ahead not behind; staying in the moment but nervous & anxious!
(Preview)
I think I said it alll in the subject heading. I have a lot of anxiety today. But if I look ahead to the possibilties I might actually have a good day. I have almost constant scalp itch. It went away but is definitely back! I use a solution that is strictly for the scalp. I use it every night before bedtime. It...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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389
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What is everyone having for supper?
(Preview)
I decided to get creative LOL. I am making some tomato vegtable sausage soup! Smells so good! Only thing I just wished I had not run out of rice :) What is everyone planning for supper tonight? -- Edited by InspiredPhotography on Thursday 6th of September 2012 04:07:58 PM
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InspiredPhotography
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13
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476
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New to this but a long time dealing with AH alone
(Preview)
Hi. It's good to find a place to talk to people who are living with an alcoholic loved one. I've been married to my husband for 13 yrs and I was aware that he drank but unaware of the extent of his addiction. I have tried (unsuccessfully) to help my husband by encouraging him to go to therapy, by going to coup...
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Stevie
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13
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511
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Praying for compassion for daugter!
(Preview)
I'm so hurt and angry with my a/a daughter, her 7y.o. daughter has been living with her dad for almost 2yrs. now because she was to lazy to get up and take her to school. 2 wks ago she let her 17y.o. go live with them (step-father) 4 1/2hrs. away. He wanted to go, and has a good relationship with his step-fa...
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Highlyfavored
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3
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401
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I've finally left my alcoholic boyfriend
(Preview)
So finally, after 2 years of off and on again with my ABF, I've ended things. I've done it so many times before, however this time feels different to me. I'm ready to fight for my sanity, to not get swept up in the dysfunction of trying to make him feel better about himself in the midst of seriously destruct...
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Hopeful06
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5
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2540
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Decision to separate and the calm that followed
(Preview)
A couple of weeks ago I approached my AH with separating. It was a decision I had wrestled with for years. I felt so at peace and calm just like you said I felt my HP was right there walking hand and hand with me. The problem I have is the guilt when he calls/texts/or I see him and he tells me how much he miss...
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gr8tful01
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1
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383
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Decision to divorce, and the calm that followed
(Preview)
Hi, I'm Dolly and I am married to an alcoholic. I've been going to face to face meetings sporadically for a few years now and have recently stepped up to more regular attendance, as I find myself feeling so lifted by the grace of Al Anon. My AH is highly functioning and the binge drinking type, but the per...
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Dolly Llama
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9
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535
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Sick since I left
(Preview)
Hello again everybody. As some of you have read I left my AH on monday afternoon during a horrible fight over what he though I was thinking about him. An AH with anxiety problems is terribly hard to keep up with and sometimes I don't even know why he's picking a fight. BUT I digress. The reason I wan...
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Inuyami
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7
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486
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My disease
(Preview)
I am going to school full time, working 3 day weekends and have 2 kids for all those who don't know my story. I have a new boy friend and I am all over the place emotionally, I atleast do not feel addicted to him. I still at times feel addicted to my exAH who emails me like crazy and I asked him repeatedly to stop...
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Breakingfree
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5
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700
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New Here
(Preview)
Hello, I've been reading posts here for some time and finally decided to post myself. I have been dating an alcoholic for about 5.5 years on and off and it has been total chaos- I kick him out he acts okay for a few weeks/maybe months and then the lies, ditches me, and stops working again. When I met him,...
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Gingerbread81
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5
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496
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Today A Little Tougher
(Preview)
Welp... My Day started again at 4:45 AM and Off & Running with My Momma to the Doctors... And because we have been doing this Pretty Much All Week, the Results are Slowly Trickling back in! And today was one of those Low Blow Kinda Days! I Love My Cody-Mom Very Much, and Sometimes she is Like Speaking t...
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Jozie
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2
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466
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I am leaving my AH.
(Preview)
I am leaving my AH. He has promised to get help & never does. He just makes promises so I won't leave. We have two small children (2 & 3 years old). I can't let them keep seeing alcohol being abused this way. My grandmother, grandfather, & both aunts were alcoholics. I can't risk it for their f...
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so_tired
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11
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636
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Punching Bag
(Preview)
Hello, This is the first time I have used this forum (or any for that matter) and am just looking for some advice. I am married to a currently sober alcoholic. We have been together for nearly 5 years, married for 2 and have 2 beautiful children. For the first years of our relationship my husband drang he...
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JD
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14
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720
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How much should I interfere?
(Preview)
Hi all, this is my first post. I am new-ish to al-anon and am very grateful. However, being new means I don't have a lot of answers. I am starting to learn about detachment and "live and let live". This is so freeing to me, but I do not know when and how much it applies in my home life. My husband is a...
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goldie7108
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6
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591
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What Words Did You Use to Tell Them It's Over
(Preview)
I am ready to move on. After the suicide attempt last week, my AH is in 30 day treatment program. I know it is time to tell him we can't live under the same roof anymore. Does anyone have any advice on how you expressed this to your A in the most healthy way possible. I don't want to trudge out my laundry list of...
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TrudyS85
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12
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613
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My Night
(Preview)
So I was prepared to have nice relaxing evening. Yes A was pissed I wouldn't allow his A friend to come A and drink in our home. So he left in mad rage to go see him 30 minutes away. Only 20 minutes later he walks back in the door. Tells me on and on that's it's our damn house and if he wants his friends over (they c...
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InspiredPhotography
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9
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494
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Opening up
(Preview)
AH went back to a meeting last night after missing several weeks and relapsing. When he got home he was very open about his feelings and the "whys" and "what fors". I just listened. He told me he realized something yesterday. He's in an authority position being the bosses son. He...
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JAMIE74
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4
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496
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Panic Attack
(Preview)
I think I am having my first panic attack. The more I read about Florida divorce laws the more I am freaking out. The laws here are very unfriendly, no fault state. I am reading horror stories about people having to pay lifetime alimony - lifetime!! I admit I am panicking and I know this is premature but my...
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TrudyS85
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2
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358
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Hoping for a good day...so much for that
(Preview)
This is part of my reply from on one of my earlier posts... ..."Luckily he hadn't been drinking yesterday, he was in bed all day. After I got there with the kids he got up to say hi and back to bed he went and only got up to eat, not interacting with his kids at all. I had to work this morning and he got up to a...
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JAMIE74
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5
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496
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sober husband yet i am lonely...
(Preview)
hi everyone, i feel so alone. there is no intimacy in my marriage. husband is 2 years sober and active in aa. i am involved in alanon. i cannot figure out how to put the spark back into my marriage. we rarely touch, hug or kiss. sex once a year (and not very fulfilling) we live together like best fri...
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debhud
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7
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853
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Today Is My Birthday - Life Sucks
(Preview)
Today is my birthday, no flowers, no parties, my gift was my AH trying to kill himself Tuesday, now he is tucked away in 30 day program, as usual the world is taking care of him. Who takes care of me? I went to the lawyer yesterday, he said that this is a long process, but ultimately my AH will not only get alim...
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TrudyS85
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13
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735
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Just about Me
(Preview)
Hi everyone. I am feeling alittle down. I miss my girls so much. They are both back to school. Not only that I have been experiencing dizzy spells, at times I actually forget things. Like things I wouldn't. Which really has been scaring me. I am only 32 years old. Sense of familiarity seems to be distorte...
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InspiredPhotography
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3
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356
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general questions from someone just starting out
(Preview)
My wife just completed a 30 day inpatient treatment program. Before she went in our mariiage was disasterous. Infidelity (multiple times), drunk to the point of blacking out multiple time per week, frighteneing behavior when drinking, multiple attempts at suicide that came via text messages whi...
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Steveareeno
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7
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538
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How often do you call your sponsor?
(Preview)
Hey Guys, I recently took the step of getting a sponsor. It's a step that I feel is imporant in recovery. I asked them about 3 weeks ago after I had spoken at an open meeting and they agreed. I saw them at a meeting about 2 weeks later and he asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I agreed. I shared so much about my lif...
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slogan_jim
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6
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980
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Stressed out
(Preview)
I'm stressed out. And probably starting to get depressed. I've not progressed enough on my PhD to pass the first year and will write up what I've done for the past year as an MPhil, still a good qualification. I've been given 3 months money from the university to do this. Its been a massive shock I left a g...
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jitsuka
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1
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443
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Guilty?
(Preview)
Why do I feel guilty? He's been in bed for 4 days so my son and I decide to go see a movie and go eat this afternoon. I asked AH if he wanted to go and he said no. So I am gone 20 minutes and he is calling trying to make me feel bad about leaving him alone. Why didn't I go get him some lunch and bring back to him before I w...
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JAMIE74
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13
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556
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stressed out
(Preview)
my a b/f came over to visit labor day drunk as a mop,i told him no that i wouldnt couldnt have a sexual relationship with him any more he got offensive of course and i told him that he was sooo drunk he used that as an excuse to leave and take what few other things he had left here with him,so ok,he lost his cell p...
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silent
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3
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351
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Pawning things and panhandling
(Preview)
Once he spends his whole paycheck, he starts pawning things and even panhandling to get money for alcohol. Yes, there is always money for drinks. ALWAYS! even if there is no money for rent. GRRR. I was expectingi t to be raining/storming big time when I woke up this morning but it wasn't. It's overcast a...
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callmemara
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12
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697
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Hi
(Preview)
Hi my MIP family. I'm finding it tough these last few months but reading here keeps me supported. My husband's illness has kept him debilitated all summer, Im distressed at how diminished my big strong handsome guy has become..he goes for a heart procedure next week. The grief of our loss (death of our...
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Ness
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8
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539
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