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my a b/f came over to visit labor day drunk as a mop,i told him no that i wouldnt couldnt have a sexual relationship with him any more he got offensive of course and i told him that he was sooo drunk he used that as an excuse to leave and take what few other things he had left here with him,so ok,he lost his cell ph. so theres no way i can call him to see if he is alright or whatever,he still has his truck and he has been drunk for 6 days straight he hasnt had no work to do suppose to have started back to work yesterday being tues.but i dunno ,i cant help but wonder whats going on with him for one thing i signed a peice of paper under his name at the used car lot saying i would be resonsible for non payment or any damages done to the truck his truck,its this is keeping me stressed out by not knowing what he is doing if he lost his job or wrecked his truck or is he locked up i dunno but still ill be helt resonsible for the truck if he dont take responsibility for it,im thinknig about calling the used car lot and telling the owner that i need my name taken off that one paper and tell him what my a is been doing.dont know if he willcare now that he has my sig.but can try,need esh here plz thanks for listening, silent
I think my main concern would be the truck being in your name and you being responsible. I have a similar issue with my A's truck however we own the truck and I can get my name off of it. That is a high priority to me.
All of that other stuff you are talking about is going to take time and keeping the focus on you and not being focused on him. What he does or doesn't do (again this is outside the truck issue) is none of your business anymore. I get soooo ticked off when other people tell me that about my stbax .. trust me I can rationalize why it is totally my business. The reality is that I have to surrender (someone said that word recently here and it resentates with me big time) and accept that he's going to do what he's going to do. I do feel it is my duty to protect my children as much as possible. What I worry about is only expending energy in a way that is so not productive for me. 90% of what I worry about doesn't happen and if it falls into the 10% can I even control it? Chances are not. What could I do if my stbax gets fired, or winds up in jail, or, or, or, or .. seriously .. there is nothing I can do.
Your responsibility is to you only .. he has his own consequences he will have to deal with, it's heart breaking to watch it all happen and crumble however to prolong or soften it does them a huge diservice.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You can tell them what is going on and ask them if they kept a 2nd key to the truck so they can go pick it up if the payment is missed. I did that with my alcoholic/addict when she stopped paying for the car I co-signed for. The vehicle is the main security for the note...not the signatures. When I learned how to take the weight off from the negative decisions I made everything got lighter.
I can see you growing. Your boundaries are getting a little firmer bit by bit and you are quicker to tell him "no" and to leave when he is treading over your boundaries. I suggest self-affirmations. My sponsor had me do this...It sounds sorta corny but it helped. Tape affirmations on your bathroom mirror. You can pick them but they can be thinks like "I am confident" "I am smart"...or just positive thoughts like "God is watching over me."
You are on a journey and the power to be strong and confident is within you. Sounds like you are slowly realizing it but it's hard not to slip back into old patterns of fear, self-sabotage, and codependency. Be kind to yourslef Silent!
