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Hello! Just needed some advice on a current situation. Anyways to keep it brief my mom just got out of rehab a little over a month ago for alcohol and prescription drugs (xanax). This is the 4th time shes been to rehab, so I was optimistic it would actually work this time. She has a sponsor, and has been attending AA meetings regularly which is good. So last night I had talked to my mom on the phone while she was at a friends house and immediately noticed her slurring. So when she got home I asked her if she had a couple drinks and she denied it, saying her friend gave her a vicodin for back pain. Im 18 now, and my whole life I have grown up with her drinking and can tell when she has had a drink. Then today I asked her again, and she denied it and kept changing the subject. I dont know for sure, but im pretty much positive that she had a couple drinks. I would really appreciate some advice :)
Hi wilson 12 and welcome to MIP. You are in the right place here. In my experience, alcoholics are masters at denying and lying. Maybe she really did take a vicodin for pain. Maybe she has started drinking again. Either way, there is nothing you can do about it. It's her life, her choice. That was hard for me to accept at first. But I slowly realized it was true. My A wanted to drink so he was going to. And nothing I did made any difference. I tried everything I could think of and nothing helped. I finally found this place. It helped ME to realize I was making myself crazy while my A continued to drink and was oblivious to the effect it had on me. I suggest you learn about the disease of addiction, and about the fellowship of alanon. And keep coming back here. There is much wisdom and support to be found.
The lying. It's part of what addicts / alcoholics do. I, too, always knew when the A was using. Yet he ALWAYS denied it. Trust what YOU know, not what the A says. Lying is part of the disease.
Please find your way to the book "getting them sober" -- it will help you. Please keep coming back here to learn the skills you need to stay healthy despite having a mom who is an A. We can learn to have a decent life that is NOT tied to their ups and downs and craziness...really.
She probably had more than "a couple" and AA only recommends taking medications prescribed by a doctor - and then following the prescription to a T - and seriously questioning the need for medications that have mind altering affect that may be prescribed - because it's all too easy to get a doctor to give you xanax. Taking a vicodin from a friend is a relapse plain and simple even without the alcohol.
So....I guess I'm saying that expectations have got to remain low because she is certainly showing a pattern of reluctance and dishonesty and that is the main thing that stops recovery from working. Time and time again, I hear anyone can get sober as long as they have the capacity to be honest....
How to put up with being let down by your mom over and over again....I do not have direct experience, strength, and hope on that one. ACOA and Alanon are the places to go to find folks that can directly relate. It's not going to work just because you want it more than she wants it for herself.
I do admire your for you strength - I can't imagine having the where with all to seek out and find a place like this at 18. You must be exceptionally bright. I'm sorry your mom is sick with this disease of addiction.
I am so sorry. I went through alot of that with my mom too. Hugs. Learn to be healthy despite of her A disease. Keep coming back to Al Anon....you will find awesome support here.
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
