A couple of weeks ago I approached my AH with separating.  It was a decision I had wrestled with for years.  I felt so at peace and calm just like you said I felt my HP was right there walking hand and hand with me.  The problem I have is the guilt when he calls/texts/or I see him and he tells me how much he misses me and the kids and wants to do anything to get better so he doesn't lose us.  My fear is I'm already gone.  I just can't say even if he does recover how I will feel in the days/months ahead.  I can see the depression in his face and I hate it.  However my whole life I've reacted to everyone's emotions and tried to be who they wanted me to be.  My family has played the guilt card so many times.  Al-Anon has made me feel like an adult.  I feel confident and want to learn about myself and be who I was meant to be.  I am also an alcoholic.  I just don't understand two weeks ago he was yelling at me that I'm in a religious cult (AA), I'm being brainwashed, and he doesn't have a problem like we think we do.  Now all of a suddent all these nice words, cards, flowers, and I hate to say it, but I'm just not feeling it, only guilt for me and pity for him.