Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

deramam · deramam

I am struggling a lot with forgiving my AH for the things he has done. He cheated on me once (that I know of) 2 yrs ago before we got married and he's done a lot of stupid crap that has made me feel like a fool, publicly embarrassed me, hurt me emotionally, physically abused me and has lied millions of times. I...

Rusty Angel · Rusty Angel

Feeling the pain of unacknowledged thank yous. I recently gave some gifts to four of my grandchildren.....not one said thanks. Hurts. As they involved some hard work and sacrifice. Smacks of doing for the alcoholic and receiving nothing but contempt in response. Is there something wr...

el-cee · el-cee

I went to an aa convention the other night and the aa speaker really moved me. He was talking about the hell his life had been, homeless, life support a few times, begging for money, lost every family member, a common story. Nothing unusual really, he then talked about his surrender and his journey in aa...

LivinginthePresent · LivinginthePresent

Hi, I will try and make this as short as possible. I am trying to decide how to move forward regarding a relationship that I was in for three years, but that was ended (by him) three months ago. I have been pretty devastated since then, which brought up a lot of my codependent issues that had been hiding (...

slowlearner · slowlearner

I've been doing alot of soul searching lately and have realized that my AH and I are not really happy people. He has his life-which involves alot of drinking. And I have my life which I have mostly distanced myself from anything to do with his alcoholic behavior. We have two separate lives most of the...

Flower49 · Flower49

Whew, so I have to ask questions and also tell what I did that was completely insane. My AH went to a 1/2 house probably 30 days ago. He called me the day he left at 9 AM and said I have to go in there today by 1pm. I said ok, well let's hope this is a good thing, do you need anything etc. He said no he had what he neede...

salvie · salvie

Hi! My AH was drinking yesterday. I'm feeling sooo bad. I have headache and I'm crying. I realize that I powerless before my illness. AH doesn't understand why I'm crying. He invites me to go somewhere and have fun. I'm ACOA and I realize that I need love and support. But because low self esteem I kee...

Shibbydoo · Shibbydoo

I'm very torn on this topic and am hoping for some alanon advice. My sister is currently in rehab for the 5th or 6th time and today is her birthday. She and I were very close growing up, but have grown more and more apart over the last 8 years of her active use. We get closer during periods of her recovery o...

robind78 · robind78

I have a 29-year-old daughter who is currently living with her boyfriend in her car. They are both opioid addicts. She is currently on suboxone and he is on methadone. She is employed thankfully. her boyfriend is living off of her (no job in a year). I have been doing well detaching and letting her l...

Luiza · Luiza

Hello. It is 12:10pm here and although my husband has been awake for a while he was all the time in bed on his tablet (he did work had the whole week so I am not begrudging him for being in bed on his 1st day off after 6 days at work) however... He never had breakfast or anything to it but just asked my our 7 year ol...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

And not because I don't know it .. I know it .. lol. I am in a HALT mode as well as the extra H, hormonal as well it's that time of the month for sure. I had some weird things happen over the last couple of days .. as if getting so close to my divorce date and then my atty having a stroke isn't bizzaro enough .. My S...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I am a work in progress. Working al anon every day in all areas of my life. The other day I decided to go online and check up on my AH. He posts on this very immature and offensive website. a few months ago he promised me he wouldn't post anything offensive about me or my kids. I told him I didn't care because I w...

k80 · k80

Hi. I'm new here, and reaching out looking for some guidance. My husband had a drinking problem - not sure if he's an alcoholic, but definitely abuses alcohol (drinks beer/wine, anywhere from 3-5 days a week, usually to the point of being buzzed or intoxicated). He is definitely drinking more frequ...

blessed · blessed

I have only been at AlAnon for 3-4 weeks, but jumped in w/ both feet online, f2f, forum, and FB. I haved learned so much, and given up on some lies that I beleived. First, was my too long pursuit to find "someone/ anyone" that would make my AH stop drinking and be a leader in our family. Counselor...

LiveLaughLove · LiveLaughLove

I was looking at the details in the FAQ section regarding the meeting/chat room. Can someone please tell me if members on the message board use the same nickname for the meetings/chat or should we use a different name? Also, do many go into the chat room just to talk when they feel like sharing thought...

BRAlanon · BRAlanon

Hello fellow recovery people! I wanted to let you all know about a FREE app I made for smart phones, tablets etc., both Apple devices and Android based devices. It's an Al-Anon App that has daily sharings from The Forum, Al-anon's monthly magazine, a daily reflection and daily quote. You can find/i...

missmeliss · missmeliss

My mother just sent me a message, it was very long but basically i love you, I know you are feeling like poo, I'm sorry, I know you try so hard to work on yourself and I'm proud of you, and if you come home I won't pick on you I'll just do everything i can to support you BUT I cannot abide people sleeping all day so...

Rose50 · Rose50

I got a call this afternoon from the director of the sober living house where my son has been for the last 4 months. Seems he came to the house meeting clearly intoxicated and when they searched his room they found empty bottles, including mouthwash. He was taken to the ER and will be sent to detox. They ar...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I knew this wedding would not go off like a fairy tale. Future mother in law decided to tell my partner that having a big wedding at his age is "gauche" and it's too expensive and more than we can afford. She barely helped anyway. Really, I believe she doesn't want to be bothered flying up and s...

blessed · blessed

At first it was a little against everything I ever learned, to think of myself first. As a Christian, we are service oriented. Loving and serving others selflessly. However, as I thought about it more we are not promoting loving ourselves at the expense of others, but to better ourselves so we can be be...

Gaby · Gaby

One week ago he got arrested for the same thing today. I always look at our county jails and there I see his name.. I prayed this morning for god to give me a sign my son is alive and god heard me. In my eyes it's a blessing but as any mother it hurts very much. One hour later I get a phone call and it's my son .. He so...

lucymae · lucymae

Detaching from an alcoholic is hard sometimes. I have been with my husband for 27 years. Sometimes it's hard for me to see that he is an alcoholic because he is so high functioning. But I realized it doesn't matter if he is or not his behavior certainly shows it. This morning I woke up in a good mood until he...

slowlearner · slowlearner

I just need to say this today: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I need help in all three areas, I continually try to change my husbands drinking behavior - when I know that is something I can never do...

kidznrs · kidznrs

I grew up in alcoholic family and have attended alanon meetings in another state. They were great. I have tried several meetings where I now live, and have not found any to be as helpful. I'm really struggling with judging others. My marriage of a year and half is great, my wife is very forgiving, ve...

Truth · Truth

Well my week went better. I started the new counseling and we are going to do a lot of safety planning. The exchanges were okay. He tried to get me out of the public facility by standing in the parking lot for twenty minutes. I just stayed inside and reported it to the police. They were just going to respo...

MeeToo · MeeToo

I'm not sure where to begin but I sure could use some advice. I recently found out my AH's what I call "emotional" infidelity - Texting another woman from AA. He said they are just "friends" but when you spend an unbelievable amount of time texting each other and then seeing eac...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I have found it much easier to deal with my AH now that we live separately. God bless us, we sure do still love each other, and I pray that we make it through. None-the-less He is hard to live with. He certainly brings a HUGE energy into the room, whether it is for the good or for the bad. That is one of the thing...

Gaby · Gaby

Well from the last I knew my son was in jail and got released. He never called me so I really don't know how to take that.. but as spiritual as I am I pray to my HP to shield me with his armor and send his angels to protect my son. Lots of meetings and great face to face support helps me understand what I need to con...

likemyheart · likemyheart

By movie quotes - things I might not have paid much attention to until I started paying attention to the world through Al-Anon eyes. Eventually, all things merge into one................... and a river runs through it. What are your favorite movie phrases? I am haunted by waters...... How do you pic...

grateful2be · grateful2be

As you know, I'm only a few days from retiring and a few days from doing my part to dissolve the organization I created about 27 years ago. The workload has been intense. The people around me needy in part because I am retiring. And I am tired, tired, tired on all levels. I will remain tired until Tuesd...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Can't put it much more simply than that can I? I made it all the way to the end of the test, then found myself in a traffic situation I haven't encountered before and, I simply didn't know what the rule was and made the wrong call; instant fail. Felt so bad because I had gotten everything right up until then a...

blessed · blessed

My A has always been the kind of man that would not go to the dentist or doctor, etc, I was always reminding, begging, nagging, until one day I just said, "if you want your teeth to fall out, fine. I am done." Actually, a friend of mine said, "I stopped doing that and I just make sure the life...

blessed · blessed

This was in an online newsletter that I subscribe to and I found it appropriate for what I must do - Let Go & Let God. (edited for our purposes) The other day I was standing outside a restaurant right next to a tree that had recently been pruned. I was caring on a conversation with a friend but in the bac...

StargazerLily · StargazerLily

My sister was married last Thursday and it was beautiful. I had so much built up anxiety about it because of my strained relationship with her and our parents. A huge thunderstorm rolled in just as the ceremony began. She was married on a covered deck so it was very dramatic. Everyone was filled with exc...

lookingup · lookingup

He finally answered my call I debated on wether to call him since he wasn't tryin to even get in touch with me ,I started right off fussing at him ,he is of few words lately I told him I was tired of his bs and he said why I told him the way he was actin weird he said he was feeling weird that he was dizzy he dont make...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Hi Everyone I'm finally home and relaxing after a hard days work. My company is completely overhauling our manufacturing processes with new servers, software and every thing else you can think of. I'm one of the core team putting this together so hours and hours of extra work is now in our plates. T...

Truth · Truth

So the ex-A returned and tried to push the boundaries of the court order. I stuck to my boundary and said no. It actually got returned with an "ok". I will see how the exchanges go this week. I did catch him in a lie however I just chose to document it in my journal.

milkwood · milkwood

This is for you Melly

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

I'm sorry to say this but I will not be posting anything more here not even positive not only do I have my ex A watching everything I post I got a nasty email from my active ex mother. In law badgering me . I just got done dealing with this crap and now I'm being harassed from another state. I thank you all for yo...

Sallygcoe · Sallygcoe

I need some advice from those of you who have experience extreme anger, resentment, paranoia from their addict. My AS works for our family business (or used to, he walked out yesterday) and he has become even more angry, resentful and paranoid since coming out of rehab in Dec. I have never believed he s...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

Honestly, I don't like the term qualifier. Is it some kind of unspoken rule that we refer to the A in our lives as a qualifier? It just sound so secretive and odd to me. Am I the only one that feels this way?? Why can't we be honest and just say who the A is?? I like being honest in my shares...so I don't use this t...

Survivor55 · Survivor55

Yesterday I acknowledged for the first time I am a survivior of an alcoholic parent. This came about through therapy for an unrelated (or so I believed) issue and I am angry. For the first time I understand why I behave the way I do, the emotional neglect I survived and the blame I carry with me every day. I...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Well .. as I type this .. I just can't believe I'm actually typing this .. I'm not going to be divorced on 7/1 .. the reason? My atty suffered a stroke. Yes, .. you read that right .. I'm really in shock that this has and is happening. Now there are some good news things .. first off my atty is ok consideri...

Lyne · Lyne

I had the thought this morning that alanon is de-programming me from the crazy cult I was in with my A! My thinking got distorted, I lost my self-esteem, I became obsessed with what my A was doing, and I didn't have my own life. This is exactly what happens in cults-you loose yourself and let someone els...

NL14 · NL14

Hi all, sorry in advance if this is a little long. I'm new to Al-Anon. I've been married to my A for 20 years (as of last week), unhappily for at least the last 6 or so. He's been active on and off for most of our marriage, but fully active for the last couple of years. He's what you might call a "functiona...

MCALANON · MCALANON

hello - I am new to all this since cNov 2013. Been attending al anon 6 weeks - am not religious but it helps. My lovely son 38 is binge drinking since Nov 2013 when his partner left with baby girl (14 months), He's always been lonely and sad and, it seems, drunk too much in secret for 20 years to ease the p...

blessed · blessed

Because I am a "math" person; and have been in financial positions most of my career and that stuff just comes natural to me, I have always taken care of the family finances. My AH has always had a good job (in between layoffs) but has provided a good income to the family. Even though I have a bud...

deramam · deramam

My AH left Sunday night after he asked if he could go on a four wheeler ride. I knew it sounded like a bad idea but I said yes anyways because he was already out and would have done it if I had said no anyways. Well I asked him to be back in an hour-hour and 30 mins since I needed to go to the store and get OTC pain med...

phoenixmagicgirl · phoenixmagicgirl

I'm very very very slowly working my way back to f2f meetings..and I understand that going just to meetings won't help me as much as if I go to said meetings, find a sponsor and work the program. That being said..what are some ways I can stop enabling my Qualifier?...before I work on getting a sponsor. I f...

neshema2 · neshema2

Dear alanons I am not going to try to name you all, because I would be so sad if I left one of you out. So I shall write globally to all of you. I want to express my deepest thanks for those of you who helped me learn and grow and become the person that I am and the person I have hopes of being... Even those of y...

Truth · Truth

I don't know if it is just me but now I am noticing defense mechanisms. Can optimism be a defense mechanism?

Bry27 · Bry27

My wife or really soon to be ex wife takes pain meds for her back . She says she has a slipped disck and had scoliosis as a child. I do not recall her injury during our marraige. Of course when I tell he that hse would say " How dare you for not beliveing me and how can you forget my inhury. Here is what...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

my former friend is not as far along as I had hoped for her to be .. she has been relapsing probably on a regular basis .. I really hope and pray that she finds peace in the program .. I remind myself she's going back and there is always hope .. I was right to pull away when I did and allow things to play out. She i...

missmeliss · missmeliss

This past week hasn't been the easiest I've ever had. But, one foot in front of the other, you know. Cat peed on one of my pillows to cheer me up; I threw it out and the next day he peed on my other pillow- he always knows just how to make things better! No pillows for me for a while because I can't afford anythi...

Mari1978 · Mari1978

She would have been 36 years old today. She passed at the age of 12 from cancer. She was my childhood best friend. There are no coincidences. I feel truly blessed to have had the chance to have known such a beautiful soul here on earth at such a young age. Although sorrow in her passing she left us with an acc...

newday · newday

I'm an old acquaintance here. Love Alanon...and what it did for me years ago when I was in a long term relationship with a very active alcoholic. Well...as it turns out. I left him...and stayed single for years. I then met a beautiful man...who as it turns out...was an A too. Go figure!!! This man though...

licoricecat · licoricecat

I, as well as many others walk in late to meetings. I have medical issues, etc making it difficult to walk. Some of the seasoned members came together outside of the group and decided they want to ban me for coming in late. One of the other members who was speaking and I walked in quietly, getting a copy of...

blessed · blessed

This is a word that means a different things to different people; generally it is spoken of as a bad thing. My A spouse loves to say I am controlling. However, I have thought about this and meditated on it and to be "in control" is not nescesarily a bad thing. Someone has to be. We expect adults t...

leslina · leslina

I've never posted on a message board before so excuse me if this is not the correct way to go about it. I am assuming I just share a little bit of info and go from there but please tell me if this is incorrect. Here's some information about me and my situation: I have been married to an alcoholic for 8 years now...

Quanttrader · Quanttrader

A pal is having his 50th today. It was supposed to be 1-5 by the club pool, then dinner at 6. I went to the club and he had left everybody to go pass out, so everyone was just sitting around talking about him. I figured maybe he would be OK for dinner. So my wife and I get all dressed up, (her in a new outfit I bough...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	forgiveness (Preview) I am struggling a lot with forgiving my AH for the things he has done. He cheated on me once (that I know of) 2 yrs ago before we got married and he's done a lot of stupid crap that has made me feel like a fool, publicly embarrassed me, hurt me emotionally, physically abused me and has lied millions of times. I...	deramam	13	4254	Jun 30, 2014 by Aloha
	Gratitude (Preview) Feeling the pain of unacknowledged thank yous. I recently gave some gifts to four of my grandchildren.....not one said thanks. Hurts. As they involved some hard work and sacrifice. Smacks of doing for the alcoholic and receiving nothing but contempt in response. Is there something wr...	Rusty Angel	5	298	Jun 30, 2014 by grateful2be
	reaching bottom (Preview) I went to an aa convention the other night and the aa speaker really moved me. He was talking about the hell his life had been, homeless, life support a few times, begging for money, lost every family member, a common story. Nothing unusual really, he then talked about his surrender and his journey in aa...	el-cee	9	453	Jun 30, 2014 by grateful2be
	Would love input/perspectives (Preview) Hi, I will try and make this as short as possible. I am trying to decide how to move forward regarding a relationship that I was in for three years, but that was ended (by him) three months ago. I have been pretty devastated since then, which brought up a lot of my codependent issues that had been hiding (...	LivinginthePresent	9	465	Jun 30, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Is it time for me to move on...? (Preview) I've been doing alot of soul searching lately and have realized that my AH and I are not really happy people. He has his life-which involves alot of drinking. And I have my life which I have mostly distanced myself from anything to do with his alcoholic behavior. We have two separate lives most of the...	slowlearner	5	458	Jun 30, 2014 by el-cee
	AH Marriage and the 1/2 way house rules. (Preview) Whew, so I have to ask questions and also tell what I did that was completely insane. My AH went to a 1/2 house probably 30 days ago. He called me the day he left at 9 AM and said I have to go in there today by 1pm. I said ok, well let's hope this is a good thing, do you need anything etc. He said no he had what he neede...	Flower49	11	700	Jun 30, 2014 by pinkchip
	what can I do for me on the next day after my AH was drinking (Preview) Hi! My AH was drinking yesterday. I'm feeling sooo bad. I have headache and I'm crying. I realize that I powerless before my illness. AH doesn't understand why I'm crying. He invites me to go somewhere and have fun. I'm ACOA and I realize that I need love and support. But because low self esteem I kee...	salvie	13	436	Jun 30, 2014 by Jerry F
	Looking for Advice Siblings Advice Alanon Dilemma (Preview) I'm very torn on this topic and am hoping for some alanon advice. My sister is currently in rehab for the 5th or 6th time and today is her birthday. She and I were very close growing up, but have grown more and more apart over the last 8 years of her active use. We get closer during periods of her recovery o...	Shibbydoo	6	6297	Jun 30, 2014 by Jerry F
	I am scared (Preview) I have a 29-year-old daughter who is currently living with her boyfriend in her car. They are both opioid addicts. She is currently on suboxone and he is on methadone. She is employed thankfully. her boyfriend is living off of her (no job in a year). I have been doing well detaching and letting her l...	robind78	5	354	Jun 29, 2014 by Jerry F
	Should I tell my husband TO NOT ask my daughter to get beer for him from the fridge? (Preview) Hello. It is 12:10pm here and although my husband has been awake for a while he was all the time in bed on his tablet (he did work had the whole week so I am not begrudging him for being in bed on his 1st day off after 6 days at work) however... He never had breakfast or anything to it but just asked my our 7 year ol...	Luiza	24	607	Jun 29, 2014 by Jerry F
	Irritable (Preview) And not because I don't know it .. I know it .. lol. I am in a HALT mode as well as the extra H, hormonal as well it's that time of the month for sure. I had some weird things happen over the last couple of days .. as if getting so close to my divorce date and then my atty having a stroke isn't bizzaro enough .. My S...	SerenityRUS	6	345	Jun 29, 2014 by tiredtonite
	Not so good actions followed by good actions (Preview) I am a work in progress. Working al anon every day in all areas of my life. The other day I decided to go online and check up on my AH. He posts on this very immature and offensive website. a few months ago he promised me he wouldn't post anything offensive about me or my kids. I told him I didn't care because I w...	Newlife girl	7	328	Jun 29, 2014 by Jerry F
	New to group, insight/advice needed (Preview) Hi. I'm new here, and reaching out looking for some guidance. My husband had a drinking problem - not sure if he's an alcoholic, but definitely abuses alcohol (drinks beer/wine, anywhere from 3-5 days a week, usually to the point of being buzzed or intoxicated). He is definitely drinking more frequ...	k80	3	330	Jun 29, 2014 by Jerry F
	The Right Kind of Help (Preview) I have only been at AlAnon for 3-4 weeks, but jumped in w/ both feet online, f2f, forum, and FB. I haved learned so much, and given up on some lies that I beleived. First, was my too long pursuit to find "someone/ anyone" that would make my AH stop drinking and be a leader in our family. Counselor...	blessed	5	250	Jun 29, 2014 by Jerry F
	Meeting/Chat Room Questions (Preview) I was looking at the details in the FAQ section regarding the meeting/chat room. Can someone please tell me if members on the message board use the same nickname for the meetings/chat or should we use a different name? Also, do many go into the chat room just to talk when they feel like sharing thought...	LiveLaughLove	10	525	Jun 29, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	NEW Al-Anon App with daily sharing's , quotes etc Can be used on computers too (Preview) Hello fellow recovery people! I wanted to let you all know about a FREE app I made for smart phones, tablets etc., both Apple devices and Android based devices. It's an Al-Anon App that has daily sharings from The Forum, Al-anon's monthly magazine, a daily reflection and daily quote. You can find/i...	BRAlanon	8	13836	Jun 29, 2014 by grateful2be
	huh? (Preview) My mother just sent me a message, it was very long but basically i love you, I know you are feeling like poo, I'm sorry, I know you try so hard to work on yourself and I'm proud of you, and if you come home I won't pick on you I'll just do everything i can to support you BUT I cannot abide people sleeping all day so...	missmeliss	13	596	Jun 29, 2014 by Newlife girl
	He relapsed (Preview) I got a call this afternoon from the director of the sober living house where my son has been for the last 4 months. Seems he came to the house meeting clearly intoxicated and when they searched his room they found empty bottles, including mouthwash. He was taken to the ER and will be sent to detox. They ar...	Rose50	14	687	Jun 28, 2014 by grateful2be
	And here comes the drama (Preview) I knew this wedding would not go off like a fairy tale. Future mother in law decided to tell my partner that having a big wedding at his age is "gauche" and it's too expensive and more than we can afford. She barely helped anyway. Really, I believe she doesn't want to be bothered flying up and s...	pinkchip	25	672	Jun 28, 2014 by grateful2be
	Me, me, me (Preview) At first it was a little against everything I ever learned, to think of myself first. As a Christian, we are service oriented. Loving and serving others selflessly. However, as I thought about it more we are not promoting loving ourselves at the expense of others, but to better ourselves so we can be be...	blessed	2	278	Jun 28, 2014 by grateful2be
	My son is in jail again.. (Preview) One week ago he got arrested for the same thing today. I always look at our county jails and there I see his name.. I prayed this morning for god to give me a sign my son is alive and god heard me. In my eyes it's a blessing but as any mother it hurts very much. One hour later I get a phone call and it's my son .. He so...	Gaby	12	888	Jun 28, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Feeling down (Preview) Detaching from an alcoholic is hard sometimes. I have been with my husband for 27 years. Sometimes it's hard for me to see that he is an alcoholic because he is so high functioning. But I realized it doesn't matter if he is or not his behavior certainly shows it. This morning I woke up in a good mood until he...	lucymae	7	460	Jun 28, 2014 by Lainey
	Just had to say.... (Preview) I just need to say this today: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I need help in all three areas, I continually try to change my husbands drinking behavior - when I know that is something I can never do...	slowlearner	13	426	Jun 28, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	I think I don't want to lose this relationship (Preview) I grew up in alcoholic family and have attended alanon meetings in another state. They were great. I have tried several meetings where I now live, and have not found any to be as helpful. I'm really struggling with judging others. My marriage of a year and half is great, my wife is very forgiving, ve...	kidznrs	12	514	Jun 28, 2014 by karma13
	Started the new counseling (Preview) Well my week went better. I started the new counseling and we are going to do a lot of safety planning. The exchanges were okay. He tried to get me out of the public facility by standing in the parking lot for twenty minutes. I just stayed inside and reported it to the police. They were just going to respo...	Truth	2	266	Jun 28, 2014 by PP
	Advice about my AH's "emotional" Infidelity...for now. (Preview) I'm not sure where to begin but I sure could use some advice. I recently found out my AH's what I call "emotional" infidelity - Texting another woman from AA. He said they are just "friends" but when you spend an unbelievable amount of time texting each other and then seeing eac...	MeeToo	15	1441	Jun 27, 2014 by karma13
	Just because the A is aggravated with me, doesn't make it my fault nor does it require me to be defensive or hurt. (Preview) I have found it much easier to deal with my AH now that we live separately. God bless us, we sure do still love each other, and I pray that we make it through. None-the-less He is hard to live with. He certainly brings a HUGE energy into the room, whether it is for the good or for the bad. That is one of the thing...	sadsusie	6	513	Jun 27, 2014 by Mirandac
	Still have not heard from my son.. (Preview) Well from the last I knew my son was in jail and got released. He never called me so I really don't know how to take that.. but as spiritual as I am I pray to my HP to shield me with his armor and send his angels to protect my son. Lots of meetings and great face to face support helps me understand what I need to con...	Gaby	6	268	Jun 27, 2014 by PP
	I find myself moved more now.... (Preview) By movie quotes - things I might not have paid much attention to until I started paying attention to the world through Al-Anon eyes. Eventually, all things merge into one................... and a river runs through it. What are your favorite movie phrases? I am haunted by waters...... How do you pic...	likemyheart	10	455	Jun 27, 2014 by PP
	Crabby Appleton and Mercy (Preview) As you know, I'm only a few days from retiring and a few days from doing my part to dissolve the organization I created about 27 years ago. The workload has been intense. The people around me needy in part because I am retiring. And I am tired, tired, tired on all levels. I will remain tired until Tuesd...	grateful2be	20	385	Jun 27, 2014 by PP
	Failed. (Preview) Can't put it much more simply than that can I? I made it all the way to the end of the test, then found myself in a traffic situation I haven't encountered before and, I simply didn't know what the rule was and made the wrong call; instant fail. Felt so bad because I had gotten everything right up until then a...	missmeliss	12	521	Jun 27, 2014 by Jerry F
	Ah ha moment (Preview) My A has always been the kind of man that would not go to the dentist or doctor, etc, I was always reminding, begging, nagging, until one day I just said, "if you want your teeth to fall out, fine. I am done." Actually, a friend of mine said, "I stopped doing that and I just make sure the life...	blessed	7	347	Jun 26, 2014 by slowlearner
	Pruning time (Preview) This was in an online newsletter that I subscribe to and I found it appropriate for what I must do - Let Go & Let God. (edited for our purposes) The other day I was standing outside a restaurant right next to a tree that had recently been pruned. I was caring on a conversation with a friend but in the bac...	blessed	2	231	Jun 26, 2014 by grateful2be
	Sister's wedding: update (Preview) My sister was married last Thursday and it was beautiful. I had so much built up anxiety about it because of my strained relationship with her and our parents. A huge thunderstorm rolled in just as the ceremony began. She was married on a covered deck so it was very dramatic. Everyone was filled with exc...	StargazerLily	5	431	Jun 26, 2014 by StargazerLily
	I decided to call him (Preview) He finally answered my call I debated on wether to call him since he wasn't tryin to even get in touch with me ,I started right off fussing at him ,he is of few words lately I told him I was tired of his bs and he said why I told him the way he was actin weird he said he was feeling weird that he was dizzy he dont make...	lookingup	10	441	Jun 26, 2014 by pinkchip
	HP AT WORK??? (Preview) Hi Everyone I'm finally home and relaxing after a hard days work. My company is completely overhauling our manufacturing processes with new servers, software and every thing else you can think of. I'm one of the core team putting this together so hours and hours of extra work is now in our plates. T...	Cathyinaz	8	404	Jun 26, 2014 by PP
	Just say no.... (Preview) So the ex-A returned and tried to push the boundaries of the court order. I stuck to my boundary and said no. It actually got returned with an "ok". I will see how the exchanges go this week. I did catch him in a lie however I just chose to document it in my journal.	Truth	12	404	Jun 26, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Visualising success…. (Preview) This is for you Melly	milkwood	8	335	Jun 25, 2014 by Jen61
	Now being harassed from ex mother inlaw (Preview) I'm sorry to say this but I will not be posting anything more here not even positive not only do I have my ex A watching everything I post I got a nasty email from my active ex mother. In law badgering me . I just got done dealing with this crap and now I'm being harassed from another state. I thank you all for yo...	Wisdom67	16	3064	Jun 25, 2014 by Summerrose67
	Never stayed clean after rehab - now so angryu (Preview) I need some advice from those of you who have experience extreme anger, resentment, paranoia from their addict. My AS works for our family business (or used to, he walked out yesterday) and he has become even more angry, resentful and paranoid since coming out of rehab in Dec. I have never believed he s...	Sallygcoe	3	285	Jun 25, 2014 by hotrod
	Is using the term "qualifier" some kind of Al Anon rule?? (Preview) Honestly, I don't like the term qualifier. Is it some kind of unspoken rule that we refer to the A in our lives as a qualifier? It just sound so secretive and odd to me. Am I the only one that feels this way?? Why can't we be honest and just say who the A is?? I like being honest in my shares...so I don't use this t...	Newlife girl	12	6100	Jun 25, 2014 by maryjane
	Acknowledging I am an adult child of an alcoholic (Preview) Yesterday I acknowledged for the first time I am a survivior of an alcoholic parent. This came about through therapy for an unrelated (or so I believed) issue and I am angry. For the first time I understand why I behave the way I do, the emotional neglect I survived and the blame I carry with me every day. I...	Survivor55	9	518	Jun 25, 2014 by Survivor55
	6 Days and .. WTH happened??? (Preview) Well .. as I type this .. I just can't believe I'm actually typing this .. I'm not going to be divorced on 7/1 .. the reason? My atty suffered a stroke. Yes, .. you read that right .. I'm really in shock that this has and is happening. Now there are some good news things .. first off my atty is ok consideri...	SerenityRUS	9	469	Jun 25, 2014 by el-cee
	getting de-programmed (Preview) I had the thought this morning that alanon is de-programming me from the crazy cult I was in with my A! My thinking got distorted, I lost my self-esteem, I became obsessed with what my A was doing, and I didn't have my own life. This is exactly what happens in cults-you loose yourself and let someone els...	Lyne	2	216	Jun 25, 2014 by el-cee
	If you left your A, how did you do it? (Preview) Hi all, sorry in advance if this is a little long. I'm new to Al-Anon. I've been married to my A for 20 years (as of last week), unhappily for at least the last 6 or so. He's been active on and off for most of our marriage, but fully active for the last couple of years. He's what you might call a "functiona...	NL14	10	523	Jun 25, 2014 by Kerrymom
	new to this hurting so much (Preview) hello - I am new to all this since cNov 2013. Been attending al anon 6 weeks - am not religious but it helps. My lovely son 38 is binge drinking since Nov 2013 when his partner left with baby girl (14 months), He's always been lonely and sad and, it seems, drunk too much in secret for 20 years to ease the p...	MCALANON	20	691	Jun 25, 2014 by MCALANON
	Finanes (Preview) Because I am a "math" person; and have been in financial positions most of my career and that stuff just comes natural to me, I have always taken care of the family finances. My AH has always had a good job (in between layoffs) but has provided a good income to the family. Even though I have a bud...	blessed	10	360	Jun 25, 2014 by glad
	Opinions wanted ASAP! (Preview) My AH left Sunday night after he asked if he could go on a four wheeler ride. I knew it sounded like a bad idea but I said yes anyways because he was already out and would have done it if I had said no anyways. Well I asked him to be back in an hour-hour and 30 mins since I needed to go to the store and get OTC pain med...	deramam	10	523	Jun 25, 2014 by slowlearner
	how to stop enabling my Qualifier (Preview) I'm very very very slowly working my way back to f2f meetings..and I understand that going just to meetings won't help me as much as if I go to said meetings, find a sponsor and work the program. That being said..what are some ways I can stop enabling my Qualifier?...before I work on getting a sponsor. I f...	phoenixmagicgirl	11	691	Jun 25, 2014 by tiredtonite
	Dear Alanons............. (Preview) Dear alanons I am not going to try to name you all, because I would be so sad if I left one of you out. So I shall write globally to all of you. I want to express my deepest thanks for those of you who helped me learn and grow and become the person that I am and the person I have hopes of being... Even those of y...	neshema2	17	581	Jun 25, 2014 by karma13
	Want off the victim triangle.... (Preview) I don't know if it is just me but now I am noticing defense mechanisms. Can optimism be a defense mechanism?	Truth	23	698	Jun 25, 2014 by bud
	Is my wife Addicted to her Pain Meds ?? (Preview) My wife or really soon to be ex wife takes pain meds for her back . She says she has a slipped disck and had scoliosis as a child. I do not recall her injury during our marraige. Of course when I tell he that hse would say " How dare you for not beliveing me and how can you forget my inhury. Here is what...	Bry27	18	1602	Jun 25, 2014 by Newlife girl
	Found out .. (Preview) my former friend is not as far along as I had hoped for her to be .. she has been relapsing probably on a regular basis .. I really hope and pray that she finds peace in the program .. I remind myself she's going back and there is always hope .. I was right to pull away when I did and allow things to play out. She i...	SerenityRUS	5	324	Jun 24, 2014 by Green Eyes
	Eating my elephant. (Preview) This past week hasn't been the easiest I've ever had. But, one foot in front of the other, you know. Cat peed on one of my pillows to cheer me up; I threw it out and the next day he peed on my other pillow- he always knows just how to make things better! No pillows for me for a while because I can't afford anythi...	missmeliss	26	694	Jun 24, 2014 by blessed
	Happy Birthday Erica (Preview) She would have been 36 years old today. She passed at the age of 12 from cancer. She was my childhood best friend. There are no coincidences. I feel truly blessed to have had the chance to have known such a beautiful soul here on earth at such a young age. Although sorrow in her passing she left us with an acc...	Mari1978	4	356	Jun 24, 2014 by hotrod
	New husband who is 10 years sober. (Preview) I'm an old acquaintance here. Love Alanon...and what it did for me years ago when I was in a long term relationship with a very active alcoholic. Well...as it turns out. I left him...and stayed single for years. I then met a beautiful man...who as it turns out...was an A too. Go figure!!! This man though...	newday	6	548	Jun 24, 2014 by karma13
	Being Banned from Al-Anon for Being Late (Preview) I, as well as many others walk in late to meetings. I have medical issues, etc making it difficult to walk. Some of the seasoned members came together outside of the group and decided they want to ban me for coming in late. One of the other members who was speaking and I walked in quietly, getting a copy of...	licoricecat	24	1129	Jun 24, 2014 by grateful2be
	Control (Preview) This is a word that means a different things to different people; generally it is spoken of as a bad thing. My A spouse loves to say I am controlling. However, I have thought about this and meditated on it and to be "in control" is not nescesarily a bad thing. Someone has to be. We expect adults t...	blessed	3	519	Jun 24, 2014 by el-cee
	Not sure really what to say... (Preview) I've never posted on a message board before so excuse me if this is not the correct way to go about it. I am assuming I just share a little bit of info and go from there but please tell me if this is incorrect. Here's some information about me and my situation: I have been married to an alcoholic for 8 years now...	leslina	14	554	Jun 24, 2014 by grateful2be
	I just passed on a pals 50th B-Day party, am I wrong? (Preview) A pal is having his 50th today. It was supposed to be 1-5 by the club pool, then dinner at 6. I went to the club and he had left everybody to go pass out, so everyone was just sitting around talking about him. I figured maybe he would be OK for dinner. So my wife and I get all dressed up, (her in a new outfit I bough...	Quanttrader	16	439	Jun 24, 2014 by pinkchip
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.