The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a work in progress. Working al anon every day in all areas of my life. The other day I decided to go online and check up on my AH. He posts on this very immature and offensive website. a few months ago he promised me he wouldn't post anything offensive about me or my kids. I told him I didn't care because I wasn't going to look at the website anymore. He still reassured me he wouldn't say anything else. when I come here to this website, I am looking for mental health. I am not here to insult my AH or my kids. He is on that website acting out like a child....it is nothing constructive to his recovery or mine. so when I went to that nasty website, I found a post by him from last month that was very hurtful towards my kids. They are his step kids. I went there to see if he was keeping his word...but at the same time I went there after I said I wouldn't. the trust is gone in my marriage. He has said and done hurtful things that I can't continue to forgive. I told him I was done and wanted a divorce for sure. I just can't afford to file right now,but my plan is to do it soon. my not so good actions were going to that website and arguing with him about it. But at least I know the truth.
the good actions I took were to go to a meeting that night. It was the best most welcoming and relaxed meeting I have ever been to. They had a speaker who was very strong. She has 25 years in al anon. Lots of ESH.
Then, last night a new friend of mine in my new apartment complex asked me to a barbecue. I was surprised because I am probably at least 15 years older than her and her friends. I already had dinner plans, but I went to watch them play Bocce ball After dinner. It was really nice and relaxing. I was glad I went and socialized with new people. The only thing that was hard for me was they were drinking. Ugh. It wasnt a lot, but I find alcohol makes me so uncomfortable because of my AH. I guess I need to realize some people drink socially and do not have a problem.
anyway, I am glad I was able to go about my life after finding out about him posting on that website. Sometimes I feel like the things I go through could just put me in bed for days. But I never let it get that bad. I pick myself up and dust myself off and try to be involved with people and activities. Al anon has helped me so much. Thanks for listening.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Saturday 28th of June 2014 01:48:01 PM
Most of my prior partners kept some kind of journal or writings of their own. Every single time in the past, I read those journals. My current partner has tons of journals and I currently have zero desire to read them. Odd. I am sure it has to do with me and my growth, but also has to do with him/us. There is no need to do that detective work in a relationship that has mutual respect, trust, and reciprocal love. I already know what my partner thinks and feels about things and about us. He tells me.
So...aside from the nasty crap he (your AH) writes, the fact that you don't trust his heart and mind to not hurt you....THAT is the real deal killer....He probably can't get that back either. It's just gone.
You know I'm a firm believer in two things first off if I'm going to snoop it's on me that I cause myself pain, now I kind of have to deal with the information that I have .. meaning .. am I prepared to take action on what I know .. my second belief is .. it's just gut intuition .. I believe that the God of my understanding will provide the information regardless how it comes when I'm suppose to know and TRUST ME .. LOL .. there has been a ton .. even my former atty has shaken her head and said .. S .. if it was ANYONE else except you I would swear they were stalking their ex .. you have gone out of your way to avoid him at all costs .. this stuff just drops in your lap .. it doesn't matter where you are .. Starbucks, sitting at home, your phone ringing .. it's just amazing to me how these things just come up on you and present themselves. I told her ALL the time .. God provides what I need .. when I need it .. the messenger is just a little different.
Sooo now you know .. and what you choose to do is up to you .. if you are worried about money .. there is always legal aide and they can help you file for less money. That's just something to consider.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
There is a passage in one of our readers that I quote to myself and share with others at time: "I'll know what I need to know without any effort on my part." (Paraphrased) Whenever I think I need to know something, that quote helps pull me out of searches that will only send me into a spin.
I like this share...it reminds me of an incident I had that I took to my sponsor which was about what "she" (the alcoholic/addict) was talking trash to me and my sponsor said, "So I guess Words Can Hurt you" which comes from the "Sticks and Stones can hurt your bones but...chant. What could I do but to agree until I made the change. I chanced a date with my alcoholic/addict after that which was attended by her close friends and co-workers and when she got up to get a drink the group looked toward me and one of them said, "Of all the men she could have been with tonight, we're sorry she picked you". No biggie cause I had been in program long enough to understand what goes on with the alcoholic/addict to justify and blame the crap on rather than to accept responsibility for it themselves. I wasn't hurt it was just proof of how the disease works by being around recovering people in the program and site like MIP. By the way she got drunk that night and fell and hit her head and got a concussion that didn't kill her. It just got me sicker as my enabling kicked back in for a while just enough to prove I needed to be here. (((((hugs)))))
