Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

glad · glad

I keep learning new words and people's experiences and going ohhh, so that's why we fight like that or that's why we struggle with that. A post called what someone did or said a double bind but I don't exactly get it. Would someone please explain or give me another example? Thanks really will help- I have...

omajoy · omajoy

You have all read my vents on this situation I am in. My son's intermittent alcohol abuse led to a quick nasty divorce, secretly arranged by his EX, no legal counsel for him, he just said OK to it all and trusted her verbal promises. Two years of hell have ensued, with me in the middle. I was not asked nor di...

Codependent · Codependent

I was just reading one of the many wise responses to my last post and just wanted to pose the question...has anyone actually found their happy ending? Someone asked the great question..." If the A were sober and living the good life would he choose you to spend his life with?" While I don't...

debilyn · debilyn

I have vented on here quite a few times. Nothing has changed. nothing. What has changed is I give up. No worries please, I don't expect anyone to do anything or suggest anything. Believe me I have problem solved to death. Hav e worked hard on this. I used to: have a home, a loving mate, my kids, mother, fam...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I do not like birthdays or anything associated with them. Has nothing to do with aging, but it is an emotional thing for me because of my childhood issues. Anyhow, my daughter just turned 11 and the celebrating has come to an end (finally!) with a slumber party. Thank goodness! I was soooo resistant...

Codependent · Codependent

I promise I am not trying to play devil's advocate. You all have just given me a lot to think about and as I do more questions arise. I hope you all will see I am just trying to process it all and have patience with me. :) So many of your posts refer to choice..in terms of would he choose you? Or does he ever c...

Affected121 · Affected121

At a loss for what to do, I started writing, and ended up with a letter to a woman who is neither friend nor family, but has put me in the middle of this nonetheless. "How could you put so much into lying to the world that there's no room left for those who think you are the world? With every lie you bu...

JenniferN · JenniferN

First, I must tell you, this will most likely be a long post.... The weekend completely sucked.... It started with Friday, my 32nd birthday...woke him up at 1 p.m. (he works 3rd shift) to see if I could have the truck for the weekend or if he was taking me to my mother's house...He said he needed the truck a...

Aloha · Aloha

You know - it only just now dawned on me how weird my life has been and how in some bizarre way, each numerical month of the year I'm in happens to be the same number of the step I'm working. Month one, January - is when my life just flipped upside down, inside out and took a screaming cannon-ball leap into a...

glad · glad

I've recently set a few boundries and kinda feel like superwoman this morning. I will no longer have "self doubt" everytime I am not agreed with or I don't get my hearts desire. I can't expain it but I think I'm beginning to "get it" in terms of being able to be happy regardless of w...

Aloha · Aloha

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Great Recovery Group meeting last night that I attended. I loved it because there was so little discussion about our A's and our dealing with our A's. Just more focus on how we connect with our Hig...

ESH · ESH

Spent part of today going through (and shredding) all of my journals about my relationship with my A-bf and going through (and tossing out) all of the cards that he had ever given to me. I have been grieving the loss of our relationship for so long now that I don't even know exactly when "the loss o...

DANDTALWAYS · DANDTALWAYS

Well, my ABF has left...so I am getting a "break"...and it feels so good ...simply amazing, when he got out the car, my headache immediately went away! :) He call about 20 minutes later and said to me...you sound so happy now that I'm gone. I said, really you don't say (smiling). Anyway,...

ESH · ESH

Not only have an A-bf, but realizing a few of my nieces & nephews may be alcoholics, too. It scares me to think of the life that they are setting up for themselves... scares me to no end. It's one thing to have an A-bf... but quite another when it is a person that you have known since they were an itty-b...

serendipity · serendipity

A friend in my meeting this morning said " I used to believe that I had to control the universe. Comming here I learned I was NOT responsible for the world and that was such a HUGE relief!" I thought, Yeah, me too. But more so I felt that HP was in control, but I still needed to tell HP how to do it rig...

Codependent · Codependent

Okay, so I gave some thought to this after all your wonderful posts in response to my current situation. I think I get out of it...1. The ability to believe that I am having a relationship with him that he is now sober and present for which I never did when he was out of jail. 2. The ability to believe that...

DeadOrAlive · DeadOrAlive

Hi and thanks for being out there. I have been reading here for about a week, and it helps. I am in a bad time right now, all the more bad as it is familiar. I have been going to meetings for about 3 months now, once or maybe 2 times a week. I am still so isolated. I am today feeling really angry at my ah of 20 y...

hudsond · hudsond

Hello everybody! It has been awhile. I am back from maternity and have the cutest little 8 week old boy! I am back enjoying the baby stage even though my sober ah can get on my nerves about how I should do things. After the 1st month I wasn't sure we were going to make it, but I decided to try and let it roll...

serendipity · serendipity

I have been awful down lately, on myself and others. So, I was trying to remember the good things about myself. Maybe I don't apperciate these things or maybe I don't feel grateful for them, but they are still there. So, here goes! I am honest (even more so since leaving the A) with myself and with others...

Lost but still trying · Lost but still trying

Hi family! I haven't been here for a long time (a month+) and I have missed you all. The basic gist of my life now is that my AH went to detox for a little over a week and when he got out, was living with his dad & sister. He took 10 ambiens one night and flipped out so they kicked him out and his brother too...

Christy · Christy

(((((Alanuts))))) I felt a bit misunderstood but moreso kind of frustrated in a recent post. As I mulled it over I thought my frustration might be because I couldn't find the words I needed. I think what the book, "Happier Than God" has to say in terms of our choosing our personal truths has...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am confused but hanging in there! Anxiety got me yesterday and I feel like I need a break. I hope that I can start to feel better soon. I just need to say that I am confused and kinda depressed since I had a crazy weekend and am not in my right frame of mind still. I wish I could say more but because of anonymi...

java · java

I'm on my 4th marriage dealing with the effects of alcoholism. I have been spending a lot of time being resentful with my current husband and thought maybe I should talk on gratitude. When I came into this program after my second marriage I would never have understood me. What makes me tick, why I'm attr...

JenniferN · JenniferN

um ok...so while I was making a reply post just a few minutes ago the woman called...the fellow AA member from the far away group....wanting to speak to him, when I told her he wasn't here she apologized for bothering me but was just wondering if he was coming out there tonight to the meeting....I told he...

Jen · Jen

It is hard to tell my AH this. He is doing pretty well, has 6 months sober. But he often gets into this frame of mind that he seems to want reactions from me that validate his feelings about himself. So we had a discussion yesterday, before he left, about how I feel when he acts like this. He hovers around me,...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

So I went and the social worker came and I felt so much better having her there. My daughter had ISS (in school suspension) yesterday for being "disrespectful" and apparently she had made bunny ears behind the teacher and been chewing gum earlier in the day. Seemed frivilous to me but the...

sisdragonfly1957 · sisdragonfly1957

Haven't posted in a long time. I feel I got sucked back in Big time. E/ A/Bf called me just after the first of January, asking for my help. It was the worst I have ever seen him. Pain pills, muscle relaxers, slleeping pills and beer, hard liquor. And trying to raise his 8 year old son. This is a man who lived wi...

boobahsmommy · boobahsmommy

First I would like to say hello to you all. I hope that I'm in the right place (I've been told that this is where I need to be). Let me give you some background real quick. My fiance and I are both addicts. I am currently in recovery while he is still in active addiction. We are pretty much at the end. We h...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Hi Friends, This is going to be a whiney post, but I just need to get it out. My ah is trying to redeem himself as a father, which I know I should appreciate, but it bugs me! Yesterday while I was at work, and he wasn't, he left a voicemail asking if I wanted him to pick up anything for my daughter's bday party t...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

I had the day off (wow!) and AH asked if I wanted to go to his doctor's appt with him. I said I didn't want to go if he wasn't going to tell the doc what was really going on. He said he needed help and wanted to talk to the doctor so I said OK. He was honest, and told the doc about drinking everyday. Wasn't honest ab...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Hi, my name is Jennifer and my boyfriend is 252 days sober today. I'm kind of new to the program. I do attend meetings, on occasion, and I do have a sponsor that I don't really talk to because I like to isolate myself. And yes, I know that's not good. I know, I know. I haven't been taking care of me like I should...

Diva · Diva

I have one sister who is five years older than I. THis sister has always, "had it in for me". As long as I can remember. Ours has been a touchy relationship at best and a toxic one at worst. All of our lives I have always landed on my feet, been in the right place at the right time; I say I have a guardi...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, the A called me last night from jail. He apparently has been written up 3 times in 24 hours. To hear him told, of course, it really is for nothing he did. Anyway, he may be in "lock down" for the next month - which would solve the whole answering the phone issue. My problem today is a react...

MIDGET · MIDGET

Mt AH and I have been together for 15 plus yrs.Hes been a hard core alcoholic for over a yr.Lost his job , cause he was too drunk to go in .I forced him to go to rehab in Dec.He was doing really wel, sober for 60 days.Thn the nite he came home for an overnite pass he got drunk.Now most guys would want to be "w...

kissers · kissers

There was not a source to quote this from. Thought it hit the nail on the head regarding the previous post of being close. Are You Really Available? One of the questions which often comes up in relationship work involves how available people are for a healthy relationship. As someone at a recent worksh...

glad · glad

I'll try to be brief since I've already mentioned most of this. but don't count on it! The major issue with my boyfriend "A" is (very hurtful situations have occured that focus around him not wanting to share his heart with me, including him "trusting" or befriending anoth...

JenniferN · JenniferN

It took me a mintute to figure out if that is what I was feeling...disappointed...and yes, it is....not in me, of course in him. He was just talking about getting some computer work done here at home and the guy doing it won't be available until after Mike is gone this afternoon. He's going to get a new tat...

debilyn · debilyn

Thank you for your great responses. They made me giggle and feel warm. I bugged the massive mortgage company for seven hours. I had people all over trying to reach the two dept. supervisors I needed. I am not kidding. Finally a person said, I am tired of this, she was??? lol she said she was going to walk to...

JenniferN · JenniferN

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the replys. Since I've posted that, I have had time to think, serious time to think, and we did talk about it. I just wanted to spend time with him but didn't dwell on what I wanted or how I felt about it. I thought about the fact that he hasn't seen this particular fr...

JenniferN · JenniferN

I have been with my A for almost a year now, and over this past year I have kind of marveled at the fact that we are still together. I don't have the best track record with relationships. Except for being legally married for 5 years (separated 4 years), this is the longest relationship I've ever had!! E...

serendipity · serendipity

I can't hear enough about resentments. I have so many of them. Most days, I still feel pretty numb. But when the numbness wears off a bit there they are. Filling me with rage and anger. I need to hear some ESH on what y'all do with your resentments. I do not want to be a bitter old woman who abuses others becau...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have been thinking a lot lately about my capacaties for things. I have had various people in the house being sick including myself over the past few months and have been having to really push myself to make up time leading to working 14 hour fridays every week. After that I have to get up at 7 the next mo...

omajoy · omajoy

I noted in two posts yesterday ideas about moving to Florida. It is a great place to live for its climate. And that is very important to many people. Where I live is snowbird heaven...that season is from around December until end of March. Then they move back UP NORTH. It is also a huge crowded urban...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

A recent post brought up a great point, I thought. It was about the idea of "being close" to someone who is an A. What does it really mean to experience closeness? Is it even possible to have an experience of closeness with an A? I struggle with this a great deal with the A's in my life in relati...

glad · glad

Went to a great f2f meeting today where I was given the opportunity to share what I felt. Tonight for the first time in several years I don't feel a terrible pain/ grief about my situation. I don't know if it will last as I am accoustomed to waking and going to sleep feeling like I need to "make a decisi...

debilyn · debilyn

hi family, Most business obstacles do not get me to tears and frustration. About six months ago I wanted to do a loan mod.I had to put handicapped access things in my home.I need them for about 25% of my life right now. Most were outside. The Mortgage company made mistake after mistake. I called a lot bec...

Aloha · Aloha

Yesterday I just had a great day - didn't think about my AH and our problems at all. He seemed to be in the same frame of mind, so we actually had a decent evening together. No sulking, no "silent treatment", no residual anger permeating the atmosphere. Of course we both got tied up watching...

babysteps · babysteps

Maresie was posting recently about wanting someone to come and take her away, to protect her and make everything better. I just realized today that I have been wanting the same thing. I have been telling myself that I am not enabling my AH by not pitching in with our business. I tell myself that if I start...

glad · glad

My boyfriend just went to his first AA meeting. Anyone have any suggestions on how to show support/ love, give enough space when he gets home? Okay nevermind I guess, he just walked in with AA book and some kind of coin in one hand and a six pack in the other- I am not kidding. Oh well back to focusing on only m...

CJ098 · CJ098

a couple years ago my dad told me that if I loved my AH and wanted to stay with him, then I should join Al-anon. I had no idea what al-anon was.... and I thought it could not help me. I had the idea that al-anon were for people who chose to stay in a relationship and were weak for doing it. I thought to myself,...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Hi folks I am looking at Compulsion and Desire and trying to work out where fear fits into these, ifindeed it fits at all. Compulsion suggests that I have no self control over something/need, I must have/do whatever, whereas Desire suggests that I do have self control and it is a yearning, a 'I would li...

ally · ally

((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))) You might remember i had a relationship with someone a few weeks ago. And got scared and ended it because he was kind, caring, considerate, loving, and i had never experience that before from a guy. I have regretted it ever since. I hurt him, in a way i shouldn't hav...

kissers · kissers

My daughter's father called and left a message on my answering machine. He found out where we live and my phone number. It's been 8 years since I have seen or heard from him. The last time I saw him he was on drugs and drinking, was physically and verbally abusive. I had to get supervised visitation due to h...

glad · glad

I have no understanding of being scared of being close none at all I only see it as control and being mean and withholding. It hurts so much. I'm telling my A he can go this morning. 4 years of being loving, open, always wanting what's best for him and being told that I am the opposite (because of his progra...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, I haven't been able to post for a while and I have missed you all! I don't know if you remember that I ordered a replacement keyboard for my laptop off ebay- well, the guy has disappeared and I am disputing the charge so still no computer at home. Also, my motor blew up in my Jeep last week- cannot eve...

John · John

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Good afternoon family, When I first came here I thought that I would be walking the steps, just the ONCE. Now, almost six months later I realise that I will be walking them many times. It has also come as a complete surprise to realise that as a result of the moral and searching inventory of myself that I be...

serenity62 · serenity62

March Business Meeting Minutes: MIP Business meeting, held March 2, 2008. Chair opened meeting with the Serenity Prayer 1st thing on agenda was the Secretary's report: February minutes were accepted as written. Next on Agenda was Treasury report: Dot was unavailable so it was tabled until...

CJ098 · CJ098

Okay, I got home from school tonight and I have to be up at 5am to go to work. My AH goes to school too. He drinks on his breaks from class, because there is a liquor store in the same area the school is in. So, he left class early and I was already done, we left to go wait at the bus stop(we don't have a car). He...

canadianguy · canadianguy

I noticed that Toby Rice Drews, author of the "Getting Them Sober" books, recently published the following summary of "sobriety statistics". I'm confident that Toby would have no issue with me re-posting this here, and also would agree that statistics such as these are tou...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	What are double binds? (Preview) I keep learning new words and people's experiences and going ohhh, so that's why we fight like that or that's why we struggle with that. A post called what someone did or said a double bind but I don't exactly get it. Would someone please explain or give me another example? Thanks really will help- I have...	glad	5	533	Mar 11, 2008 by glad
	OK..give me some ESH on this (Preview) You have all read my vents on this situation I am in. My son's intermittent alcohol abuse led to a quick nasty divorce, secretly arranged by his EX, no legal counsel for him, he just said OK to it all and trusted her verbal promises. Two years of hell have ensued, with me in the middle. I was not asked nor di...	omajoy	9	641	Mar 11, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Are there any "success" stories? (Preview) I was just reading one of the many wise responses to my last post and just wanted to pose the question...has anyone actually found their happy ending? Someone asked the great question..." If the A were sober and living the good life would he choose you to spend his life with?" While I don't...	Codependent	17	3754	Mar 11, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Don't end up like me (Preview) I have vented on here quite a few times. Nothing has changed. nothing. What has changed is I give up. No worries please, I don't expect anyone to do anything or suggest anything. Believe me I have problem solved to death. Hav e worked hard on this. I used to: have a home, a loving mate, my kids, mother, fam...	debilyn	23	1102	Mar 11, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Sunday morning thoughts... (Preview) I do not like birthdays or anything associated with them. Has nothing to do with aging, but it is an emotional thing for me because of my childhood issues. Anyhow, my daughter just turned 11 and the celebrating has come to an end (finally!) with a slumber party. Thank goodness! I was soooo resistant...	Loupiness	7	428	Mar 10, 2008 by Jean4444
	Choice (Preview) I promise I am not trying to play devil's advocate. You all have just given me a lot to think about and as I do more questions arise. I hope you all will see I am just trying to process it all and have patience with me. :) So many of your posts refer to choice..in terms of would he choose you? Or does he ever c...	Codependent	6	394	Mar 10, 2008 by lin0606
	Struggling to find my place (Preview) At a loss for what to do, I started writing, and ended up with a letter to a woman who is neither friend nor family, but has put me in the middle of this nonetheless. "How could you put so much into lying to the world that there's no room left for those who think you are the world? With every lie you bu...	Affected121	4	607	Mar 10, 2008 by Affected121
	Rough Weekend (Preview) First, I must tell you, this will most likely be a long post.... The weekend completely sucked.... It started with Friday, my 32nd birthday...woke him up at 1 p.m. (he works 3rd shift) to see if I could have the truck for the weekend or if he was taking me to my mother's house...He said he needed the truck a...	JenniferN	4	351	Mar 10, 2008 by Jean4444
	Still on step three... P.U.S.H. (Preview) You know - it only just now dawned on me how weird my life has been and how in some bizarre way, each numerical month of the year I'm in happens to be the same number of the step I'm working. Month one, January - is when my life just flipped upside down, inside out and took a screaming cannon-ball leap into a...	Aloha	3	492	Mar 10, 2008 by maresie
	Light at end of tunnel (Preview) I've recently set a few boundries and kinda feel like superwoman this morning. I will no longer have "self doubt" everytime I am not agreed with or I don't get my hearts desire. I can't expain it but I think I'm beginning to "get it" in terms of being able to be happy regardless of w...	glad	5	511	Mar 10, 2008 by maresie
	Month Three, Step Three (Preview) *Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.* Great Recovery Group meeting last night that I attended. I loved it because there was so little discussion about our A's and our dealing with our A's. Just more focus on how we connect with our Hig...	Aloha	6	589	Mar 10, 2008 by maresie
	I'm so sick! Bleh! (Preview) Spent part of today going through (and shredding) all of my journals about my relationship with my A-bf and going through (and tossing out) all of the cards that he had ever given to me. I have been grieving the loss of our relationship for so long now that I don't even know exactly when "the loss o...	ESH	3	350	Mar 10, 2008 by Jean4444
	HOW DID U SPEND UR VACATION AWAY FROM UR A OR WAS IT DIFFICULT FOR U? (Preview) Well, my ABF has left...so I am getting a "break"...and it feels so good ...simply amazing, when he got out the car, my headache immediately went away! :) He call about 20 minutes later and said to me...you sound so happy now that I'm gone. I said, really you don't say (smiling). Anyway,...	DANDTALWAYS	7	502	Mar 10, 2008 by DANDTALWAYS
	So many alcoholics; so worried about it (Preview) Not only have an A-bf, but realizing a few of my nieces & nephews may be alcoholics, too. It scares me to think of the life that they are setting up for themselves... scares me to no end. It's one thing to have an A-bf... but quite another when it is a person that you have known since they were an itty-b...	ESH	4	595	Mar 10, 2008 by DANDTALWAYS
	meeting today about anger and HP (Preview) A friend in my meeting this morning said " I used to believe that I had to control the universe. Comming here I learned I was NOT responsible for the world and that was such a HUGE relief!" I thought, Yeah, me too. But more so I felt that HP was in control, but I still needed to tell HP how to do it rig...	serendipity	2	459	Mar 10, 2008 by glad
	What I get out of it... (Preview) Okay, so I gave some thought to this after all your wonderful posts in response to my current situation. I think I get out of it...1. The ability to believe that I am having a relationship with him that he is now sober and present for which I never did when he was out of jail. 2. The ability to believe that...	Codependent	5	579	Mar 10, 2008 by Lady
	New to the forum (Preview) Hi and thanks for being out there. I have been reading here for about a week, and it helps. I am in a bad time right now, all the more bad as it is familiar. I have been going to meetings for about 3 months now, once or maybe 2 times a week. I am still so isolated. I am today feeling really angry at my ah of 20 y...	DeadOrAlive	4	370	Mar 10, 2008 by Lady
	Back (Preview) Hello everybody! It has been awhile. I am back from maternity and have the cutest little 8 week old boy! I am back enjoying the baby stage even though my sober ah can get on my nerves about how I should do things. After the 1st month I wasn't sure we were going to make it, but I decided to try and let it roll...	hudsond	7	381	Mar 10, 2008 by Christy
	How about a positive quality about ourselves? (Preview) I have been awful down lately, on myself and others. So, I was trying to remember the good things about myself. Maybe I don't apperciate these things or maybe I don't feel grateful for them, but they are still there. So, here goes! I am honest (even more so since leaving the A) with myself and with others...	serendipity	13	740	Mar 9, 2008 by gardengal
	It's been a while. . . (Preview) Hi family! I haven't been here for a long time (a month+) and I have missed you all. The basic gist of my life now is that my AH went to detox for a little over a week and when he got out, was living with his dad & sister. He took 10 ambiens one night and flipped out so they kicked him out and his brother too...	Lost but still trying	3	385	Mar 9, 2008 by Karilynn
	Sorry, I just gave birth to a book..lol (Preview) (((((Alanuts))))) I felt a bit misunderstood but moreso kind of frustrated in a recent post. As I mulled it over I thought my frustration might be because I couldn't find the words I needed. I think what the book, "Happier Than God" has to say in terms of our choosing our personal truths has...	Christy	15	799	Mar 9, 2008 by wp
	Confused (Preview) I am confused but hanging in there! Anxiety got me yesterday and I feel like I need a break. I hope that I can start to feel better soon. I just need to say that I am confused and kinda depressed since I had a crazy weekend and am not in my right frame of mind still. I wish I could say more but because of anonymi...	Hoot Nanny	5	479	Mar 8, 2008 by Jean4444
	Grateful for the A? (Preview) I'm on my 4th marriage dealing with the effects of alcoholism. I have been spending a lot of time being resentful with my current husband and thought maybe I should talk on gratitude. When I came into this program after my second marriage I would never have understood me. What makes me tick, why I'm attr...	java	7	527	Mar 8, 2008 by round3
	A Test from my HP??? (Preview) um ok...so while I was making a reply post just a few minutes ago the woman called...the fellow AA member from the far away group....wanting to speak to him, when I told her he wasn't here she apologized for bothering me but was just wondering if he was coming out there tonight to the meeting....I told he...	JenniferN	4	595	Mar 8, 2008 by Jerry F
	I cannot be your self esteem. (Preview) It is hard to tell my AH this. He is doing pretty well, has 6 months sober. But he often gets into this frame of mind that he seems to want reactions from me that validate his feelings about himself. So we had a discussion yesterday, before he left, about how I feel when he acts like this. He hovers around me,...	Jen	7	730	Mar 8, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	Update on school meeting (Preview) So I went and the social worker came and I felt so much better having her there. My daughter had ISS (in school suspension) yesterday for being "disrespectful" and apparently she had made bunny ears behind the teacher and been chewing gum earlier in the day. Seemed frivilous to me but the...	carolinagirl	7	397	Mar 8, 2008 by Loupiness
	Just don'y know what to do!!! (Preview) Haven't posted in a long time. I feel I got sucked back in Big time. E/ A/Bf called me just after the first of January, asking for my help. It was the worst I have ever seen him. Pain pills, muscle relaxers, slleeping pills and beer, hard liquor. And trying to raise his 8 year old son. This is a man who lived wi...	sisdragonfly1957	5	651	Mar 7, 2008 by debilyn
	Hello...I need help... (Preview) First I would like to say hello to you all. I hope that I'm in the right place (I've been told that this is where I need to be). Let me give you some background real quick. My fiance and I are both addicts. I am currently in recovery while he is still in active addiction. We are pretty much at the end. We h...	boobahsmommy	11	504	Mar 7, 2008 by maresie
	Bittersweet (Preview) Hi Friends, This is going to be a whiney post, but I just need to get it out. My ah is trying to redeem himself as a father, which I know I should appreciate, but it bugs me! Yesterday while I was at work, and he wasn't, he left a voicemail asking if I wanted him to pick up anything for my daughter's bday party t...	Loupiness	8	425	Mar 7, 2008 by Karilynn
	AH goes to the doctor (Preview) I had the day off (wow!) and AH asked if I wanted to go to his doctor's appt with him. I said I didn't want to go if he wasn't going to tell the doc what was really going on. He said he needed help and wanted to talk to the doctor so I said OK. He was honest, and told the doc about drinking everyday. Wasn't honest ab...	RainyJamie	5	414	Mar 7, 2008 by RainyJamie
	Just saying HI (Preview) Hi, my name is Jennifer and my boyfriend is 252 days sober today. I'm kind of new to the program. I do attend meetings, on occasion, and I do have a sponsor that I don't really talk to because I like to isolate myself. And yes, I know that's not good. I know, I know. I haven't been taking care of me like I should...	JenniferN	7	534	Mar 7, 2008 by Jerry F
	I am begging for your input... (Preview) I have one sister who is five years older than I. THis sister has always, "had it in for me". As long as I can remember. Ours has been a touchy relationship at best and a toxic one at worst. All of our lives I have always landed on my feet, been in the right place at the right time; I say I have a guardi...	Diva	21	1020	Mar 6, 2008 by wp
	Am I jealous, insecure or both? (Preview) Well, the A called me last night from jail. He apparently has been written up 3 times in 24 hours. To hear him told, of course, it really is for nothing he did. Anyway, he may be in "lock down" for the next month - which would solve the whole answering the phone issue. My problem today is a react...	Codependent	8	634	Mar 6, 2008 by serendipity
	Help need advice ASAP (Preview) Mt AH and I have been together for 15 plus yrs.Hes been a hard core alcoholic for over a yr.Lost his job , cause he was too drunk to go in .I forced him to go to rehab in Dec.He was doing really wel, sober for 60 days.Thn the nite he came home for an overnite pass he got drunk.Now most guys would want to be "w...	MIDGET	10	431	Mar 6, 2008 by MIDGET
	Being emotionally available (Preview) There was not a source to quote this from. Thought it hit the nail on the head regarding the previous post of being close. *Are You Really Available?* One of the questions which often comes up in relationship work involves how available people are for a healthy relationship. As someone at a recent worksh...	kissers	2	391	Mar 6, 2008 by round3
	Should I have said yes I'll go with you? (Preview) I'll try to be brief since I've already mentioned most of this. but don't count on it! The major issue with my boyfriend "A" is (very hurtful situations have occured that focus around him not wanting to share his heart with me, including him "trusting" or befriending anoth...	glad	9	611	Mar 6, 2008 by Aloha
	Disappointment (Preview) It took me a mintute to figure out if that is what I was feeling...disappointed...and yes, it is....not in me, of course in him. He was just talking about getting some computer work done here at home and the guy doing it won't be available until after Mike is gone this afternoon. He's going to get a new tat...	JenniferN	6	426	Mar 6, 2008 by kissers
	update and thoink you (Preview) Thank you for your great responses. They made me giggle and feel warm. I bugged the massive mortgage company for seven hours. I had people all over trying to reach the two dept. supervisors I needed. I am not kidding. Finally a person said, I am tired of this, she was??? lol she said she was going to walk to...	debilyn	6	451	Mar 6, 2008 by maresie
	Thanks (Preview) I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the replys. Since I've posted that, I have had time to think, serious time to think, and we did talk about it. I just wanted to spend time with him but didn't dwell on what I wanted or how I felt about it. I thought about the fact that he hasn't seen this particular fr...	JenniferN	1	407	Mar 6, 2008 by Jen
	Paranoia (Preview) I have been with my A for almost a year now, and over this past year I have kind of marveled at the fact that we are still together. I don't have the best track record with relationships. Except for being legally married for 5 years (separated 4 years), this is the longest relationship I've ever had!! E...	JenniferN	3	436	Mar 6, 2008 by maresie
	Resentments (Preview) I can't hear enough about resentments. I have so many of them. Most days, I still feel pretty numb. But when the numbness wears off a bit there they are. Filling me with rage and anger. I need to hear some ESH on what y'all do with your resentments. I do not want to be a bitter old woman who abuses others becau...	serendipity	8	518	Mar 6, 2008 by java
	mental clarity and decision making! (Preview) I have been thinking a lot lately about my capacaties for things. I have had various people in the house being sick including myself over the past few months and have been having to really push myself to make up time leading to working 14 hour fridays every week. After that I have to get up at 7 the next mo...	carolinagirl	4	605	Mar 6, 2008 by Jean4444
	Considering FL? (Preview) I noted in two posts yesterday ideas about moving to Florida. It is a great place to live for its climate. And that is very important to many people. Where I live is snowbird heaven...that season is from around December until end of March. Then they move back UP NORTH. It is also a huge crowded urban...	omajoy	3	358	Mar 6, 2008 by omajoy
	"BEING CLOSE" (Preview) A recent post brought up a great point, I thought. It was about the idea of "being close" to someone who is an A. What does it really mean to experience closeness? Is it even possible to have an experience of closeness with an A? I struggle with this a great deal with the A's in my life in relati...	Jean4444	20	726	Mar 6, 2008 by Jerry F
	Ever wonder if meetings work? (Preview) Went to a great f2f meeting today where I was given the opportunity to share what I felt. Tonight for the first time in several years I don't feel a terrible pain/ grief about my situation. I don't know if it will last as I am accoustomed to waking and going to sleep feeling like I need to "make a decisi...	glad	5	699	Mar 6, 2008 by Jerry F
	friggin frustrated (Preview) hi family, Most business obstacles do not get me to tears and frustration. About six months ago I wanted to do a loan mod.I had to put handicapped access things in my home.I need them for about 25% of my life right now. Most were outside. The Mortgage company made mistake after mistake. I called a lot bec...	debilyn	6	404	Mar 6, 2008 by nmike
	Nice having days where I don't think about it (Preview) Yesterday I just had a great day - didn't think about my AH and our problems at all. He seemed to be in the same frame of mind, so we actually had a decent evening together. No sulking, no "silent treatment", no residual anger permeating the atmosphere. Of course we both got tied up watching...	Aloha	3	483	Mar 6, 2008 by nmike
	Didn't realize (Preview) Maresie was posting recently about wanting someone to come and take her away, to protect her and make everything better. I just realized today that I have been wanting the same thing. I have been telling myself that I am not enabling my AH by not pitching in with our business. I tell myself that if I start...	babysteps	4	395	Mar 5, 2008 by Loupiness
	First AA Meeting HELP! (Preview) My boyfriend just went to his first AA meeting. Anyone have any suggestions on how to show support/ love, give enough space when he gets home? Okay nevermind I guess, he just walked in with AA book and some kind of coin in one hand and a six pack in the other- I am not kidding. Oh well back to focusing on only m...	glad	7	401	Mar 5, 2008 by JenniferN
	When I thought Al-anon was dumb.... (Preview) a couple years ago my dad told me that if I loved my AH and wanted to stay with him, then I should join Al-anon. I had no idea what al-anon was.... and I thought it could not help me. I had the idea that al-anon were for people who chose to stay in a relationship and were weak for doing it. I thought to myself,...	CJ098	7	750	Mar 5, 2008 by JenniferN
	Compulsion and Desire... (Preview) Hi folks I am looking at Compulsion and Desire and trying to work out where fear fits into these, ifindeed it fits at all. Compulsion suggests that I have no self control over something/need, I must have/do whatever, whereas Desire suggests that I do have self control and it is a yearning, a 'I would li...	Heartbroken	5	753	Mar 5, 2008 by Heartbroken
	FEELING POWERLESS AND HURTING.... (Preview) ((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))) You might remember i had a relationship with someone a few weeks ago. And got scared and ended it because he was kind, caring, considerate, loving, and i had never experience that before from a guy. I have regretted it ever since. I hurt him, in a way i shouldn't hav...	ally	8	512	Mar 5, 2008 by Karilynn
	He calls after 8 years (Preview) My daughter's father called and left a message on my answering machine. He found out where we live and my phone number. It's been 8 years since I have seen or heard from him. The last time I saw him he was on drugs and drinking, was physically and verbally abusive. I had to get supervised visitation due to h...	kissers	9	655	Mar 5, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Will I stay strong this time? (Preview) I have no understanding of being scared of being close none at all I only see it as control and being mean and withholding. It hurts so much. I'm telling my A he can go this morning. 4 years of being loving, open, always wanting what's best for him and being told that I am the opposite (because of his progra...	glad	4	490	Mar 5, 2008 by Jean4444
	Doing his legwork (Preview) Well, I haven't been able to post for a while and I have missed you all! I don't know if you remember that I ordered a replacement keyboard for my laptop off ebay- well, the guy has disappeared and I am disputing the charge so still no computer at home. Also, my motor blew up in my Jeep last week- cannot eve...	Codependent	12	406	Mar 5, 2008 by Codependent
	Good Video of some of our characteristics as Al-Anon's (Preview)	John	1	586	Mar 5, 2008 by gardengal
	Not just the once; however I have a dicotomny. (Preview) Good afternoon family, When I first came here I thought that I would be walking the steps, just the ONCE. Now, almost six months later I realise that I will be walking them many times. It has also come as a complete surprise to realise that as a result of the moral and searching inventory of myself that I be...	Heartbroken	2	538	Mar 5, 2008 by Heartbroken
	March Business Meeting Minutes!! (Preview) March Business Meeting Minutes: MIP Business meeting, held March 2, 2008. Chair opened meeting with the Serenity Prayer 1st thing on agenda was the Secretary's report: February minutes were accepted as written. Next on Agenda was Treasury report: Dot was unavailable so it was tabled until...	serenity62	0	337	Mar 5, 2008 by serenity62
	Do I set the alarm clock? (Preview) Okay, I got home from school tonight and I have to be up at 5am to go to work. My AH goes to school too. He drinks on his breaks from class, because there is a liquor store in the same area the school is in. So, he left class early and I was already done, we left to go wait at the bus stop(we don't have a car). He...	CJ098	8	824	Mar 4, 2008 by concerned123
	Sobriety Statistics (the great debate) (Preview) I noticed that Toby Rice Drews, author of the "Getting Them Sober" books, recently published the following summary of "sobriety statistics". I'm confident that Toby would have no issue with me re-posting this here, and also would agree that statistics such as these are tou...	canadianguy	14	6737	Mar 4, 2008 by SLS
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