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My AH is acting all cool, saw him this evening on his way somewhere all dressed up and sober and I'm starting to get paranoid and ask myself all these questions. "What's he up to"? He will be here all day while I am away and I am scared that he's happy because he might be taking revenge on me for kicking him out. When he's like this he's usually up to something. Puts on his best face and can decieve anyone who doesn't know him..... His main controlling point has been that he is never going to let another woman dump on him...... He has threatened horrible things that have had me in grips of fear for years. So old habits die hard, now that he can't control me......I'm thinking paranoid thoughts.. What's he going to sell when he comes over? I need to think about asking him not to come when I am not here. Then it's really going to hit the fan..... Perhaps he's just smug and pretending to have friends!!! He is very good friends with our neighbours and comes to drink with them regularly. Just like when he lived at home!! I think he misses them more than me! LOL. They of course are in deepest sympathy for this poor man who's wife has kicked him out for drinking! (violin music)What a thing to do, stop a man from having a drink!! And I bet he is just loving the sympathy!! What I feel is that he is asking neighbours to keep an eye on me ...and that gives him a feeling of power over me. Gee.. I am paranoid now aren't I? Hp is more powerful than all and I know I am doing the right thing for me. My son has told his friends in his own words that"me and mum got sick of dad drinking and told him to leave!!" He is happier and more relaxed too and I know he feels safe at night. At least I don't have to worry about wanting to run back to him. Sorry I know I shouldn't be pulling down my AH. It is just so good to blap!! thanks guys....
Blab away girl! Get it out. Sometimes it makes it clearer when we can see it all in black and white.
I wouldn't call what you are thinking paranoid. Realistic yes. Based on what he has done and said in the past, the things you are anticipating are very likely to occur. Living with an active A drives us crazy. We constantly try to attribute "sane and rational" qualities to them that they simply do not posess.
I think the best you can do at this moment is protect yourself, your child and your stuff. Do not let him walk out of your house with anything. Consult a lawyer if you need to. I know I have heard time and again about alanons who finally leave and then feel guilty and let the A's walk all over them and take "stuff" because it's just "stuff" after all. Baloney. That adds to the A's sense of entitlement. And it's not fair. What is the saying from the AA big book? Love cannot exist without justice.
I do not think you are being paranoid. You are living in reality. And reality is your husband is an A and has all the isms that go with that. Stay safe. There is no such thing as overreacting when it comes to leaving an active A. Don't be scared to call the police if you need to and come here and vent, vent, vent!!!
This the phase where I found out that the alcoholic was gone and the disease still owned me. It's the phase where I started learning to let go and let God. It did have some positives...I lost weight and was looking good myself and I learned how to do some long distance jogging....running from my place 4 miles past her place (you know why now) and back. I hated running!! So far so good I got the weight back, don't run or walk too darn fast and have this almost permanent smile on my kisser.
the disease absolutely owns me. I am almost one year out from living with the A In some ways I am worse, I feel more on edge, more afraid, more at risk. On another level I am so relieved. I am so absolutely clear it is totally over these days and it took me such a long time to get there.
I agree with serenidipity, your not being paranoid, just watching your back. Look out for you. Asking him to come by only while you're there is a good idea if he'll do it. Good luck and I'll be thinking of you. Java
Silver may I say or invite you to stop looking at him and what he may or may not do,protect you.
It is easy to change locks/doorknobs. Make sure all your windows are locked.
In focusing on protecting you, yours and your home, it is making boundaries.You do not have to answer to him when he freaks. Why tell him anything? simple change the locks.
If he breaks in,call the police.IF he threatens you get an R order.
My goal here is to encourage you to stop looking at him at all. Who cares if he dresses up or whatever? If you are ready to let go, let go.
My experience was to do what I needed for me.Not considering him at all.
It is so freeing. When we pay attention to the diseases bs,when we still think we need to explain ourselves to them, we are still controlled by the aism.
I remember a long time ago when I lived with my A, he got all ugly and said I am leaving. He left for a week or so. I was completely under the impression we were over.I started seeing this nice guy. Was not a JW then. We shared,and were close.
Well here comes the A back.He was so shocked I had moved on. He was expecting to just come home again.
I see them hanging on to us, manipulating when we don't even realize it.controlling us.
Anyway big hugs, if you need help changing locks give me a call....love,debilyn
