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Rakenjake · Member

light

SLS · Senior Member

Welcome!! I am so happy for you that you found Al-Anon and that your AH found sobriety. Keep coming back--early sobriety can be a really trying time. The A changes so much, as does our relationship with the A. If he is in recovery and working a program, it is a little easier because you both speak the same language. Regardless, old patterns of relating and communicating have to change so that things can be different. You will find alot of support on this board and in the rooms of Al-Anon. Keep coming back!!

SLS

Rakenjake · Member

Thanks, you know whats interesting? It's not how much he's changed, it's how much he has come back. Somewhere along the 24 years that we have been together he changed and gradually over the last weeks he is the man who I fell in love with. I'd forgotton him. It's nice to have him back and Im grateful that we have this chance.
Rachel

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

What a great story. I was thinking about the whole issue of letting go for me. I loved the A but I also had to learn to love me. Certainly my relationship with the A was a huge symbol of how I did not love and care for myself and how much I wanted him to love and care for me. He didn't of course as his relationship to drugs and alcohol progressed he got worse. Sure he did things for me, showed caring all along the way but he got worse. I had no idea how to set limits, how to say no and mean it and I came to this group in a desperate place.

I am so glad for you that you found Al anon. I think even until last week when I went on a date I was still thinking the A could get better. Now I find myself in a space of letting go and taking actions to move on. That feels good for me. I no longer hold out hope that the A will get sober and come back and apologise.

I hope your A makes it through. I do but I think I would always have a plan b and be super clear about taking care of me. Taking care of me is something I let go completely when I met and merged with the A.

Maresie.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Rachel...Aloha!!

Your second response reminded me of a mini speaker conference by Fr. Martin a very great voice on the subject of alcoholism and an acknowledged expert in the field. He also is a recoverying man. The conference was on the subject of "The symptons of sobriety". It was a great meeting and there were alot of Al-Anons in the audience. He ended his presentation with, "You know when the alcoholic is recovering when you see the return of the person you lost in the first place". Ditto from you almost 20 years later.

Great for your alcoholic and the very same for you and the rest of the family.

(((((hugs))))) to you all.. smile

travors · Member

What a great and inspiring story, thank you for sharing. Reminds me of a quote that I really like from courage to change: "When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars".

On "detachment with love" in general - One night at a meeting I went to, a lady told a great story on detachment that always makes me smile: Every night her husband would come home drunk and he would collapse and sleep on the floor. She would then get out of bed, undress him and push, pull or carry him into the bed.
Well in al-anon she learned about detaching with love and decided to put it to work in her life. Now when her husband comes home drunk and collapses on the floor she leaves him to sleep on the floor - but she puts a blanket over him smile

Seems like a good compromise to me!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.