Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

As many of you know I am FAT... not just a little fat but really fat. So I have decided to go back on the atkins diet and this time have decided to add in some exercising. So I am getting up an hour earlier (I love to sleep) and going down to the work out room in the morning and doing cardio on the treadmill for...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Where I live, it's a really tough place to be an alcoholic (ok, not like any place is easy). The area I live in is world-famous for it's wine. Grape-growing is our agriculture and wine-producing is the staple of our economy. Wine is everywhere, and that is not an exaggeration. Parties, fund-raise...

maresie · maresie

I am still on step one two three after one year of leaving the A. My living situation is not good, my finances are bad, my health isn't the greatest - I had an awful asthma attack on the weekend. I am isolated and alone a lot. I am disorganized. I have few resources. In so many ways my life is not right but o...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I remember in the beginning when I first escaped the chaos of living with an addict/alcoholic I had to be out all the time, stirring things up, looking for a new man, I THRIVED on the chaos and now it was gone!!! I didn't know what to do with myself. If you have ever quit smoking, it was a lot like that. A po...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

I've already done a lot of crying this morning, and I have no doubt I will do more. I don't know of any mother who doesn't have dreams for her children. I am no exception. In order to maintain any semblance of sanity, I finally let go and let God have my oldest daughter. This morning, I did the same...

shadow1 · shadow1

As some of you know my A and I have split and I have filed for divorce. He and his sister bought a house together and they moved in the first part of Jan/08. Well by the end of march he had kicked her out. (I'm not sure how you kick someone out of their own house) so that left the A and our youngest son (13) livin...

zodiac · zodiac

hello, I've come to this site because I am having trouble getting to f2f meetings and I need a place where others understand and listen. I know from the f2f meetings that we rarely offer advice, but rather share our experiences and allow our AA family to pick what is useful from our sharing I come from a w...

Gailey · Gailey

Is your trust in your HP today? Trusting in your HP is a decision we make just like we choose anything else in life. You chose what to wear today, you probably chose what you would have for breakfast, and you can choose to trust HP today, too! When you choose to trust YOUR HP, there is a peace that settles on t...

seekingserenity · seekingserenity

My HP has brought something to my attention. This is something I've known all my life but not something that I've ever really thought about in terms of looking for answers as to how to change this. Probably because of fear. Fear of rejection and failure but quite frankly that's all I've ever known beca...

Gailey · Gailey

It is so great to see you back again. I have thought about you often. Gail

omajoy · omajoy

Thanks for all the wise responses I got to my "anger spin" post yesterday. Luckily, I am still sane enough to get it!! Logically and intellectually I do know that only I can take charge and clean up my act. I am trying. A huge TO DO list I made yesterday will keep me busy for several days or maybe...

intothewoods · intothewoods

A mutual friend invited me and my A to a party where there will be drinking (maybe even drug use), and I really don't know what to do. I think it's insensitive for her, but I'm not really surprised. I said 'mutual friend,' but she's also one of his old drinking buddies. She's in denial of his problem (and he...

lmw · lmw

I just got a message from my A. He's been renting a room in the next town and I let him see the kids when he's sober; I've been giving him rides to work, taking him to the laundromat occassionally, the grocery store, etc. He called Saturday afternoon and I missed his call - I was actually busy making cook...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

Well, it finally happened.....With her newly given freedom to drink with no control from me, she drank herself stupid enough to have a small accident on the motorcycle with our 8 yr old daughter. I think [hope] it is a blessing in disguise as no broken bones...just a few gravel strawberries and bruis...

help4wife · help4wife

Hi all! I am new to this and would love any support. My husband (now of almost 16 years) I believe is an alcoholic and here is my story: We have been married almost 16 years. We have 3 children. I was 18 when we married and he was 22. We have had a fairly good marriage for the most part and I always say it would be t...

omajoy · omajoy

I have been angry so long it somehow feels normal; my son and my spouse have been admonishing me all week about how I am just plain mad all the time and it shows in everything I do. I know it, I acknowledge it, I can't control it (yet). I have just tried thinking this all through to the point where it is making...

Lanchas · Lanchas

My mom just said that she hasn't been drinking for 2 weeks! AHHHH I.....I ....I need someone to talk to! Lanchas

ddub · ddub

This is hard, I don't like it and kind of bummed out about it all. I probably worked too hard to make this my 2nd marriage work for the past 20+ years and all along my AH was unavailable as a workaholic & now an A or he just refused to participate in our relationship the way I hoped for. I can see this in h...

Just For Now · Just For Now

I thought that on this board, venting was an "OK" thing to do. That was one of the pros to this board--being able to vent any feelings....anger, sadness, joy, peace, etc. without any repercussions from our A or other persons in Alanon or here with MIP. Instead, one of my posts was altered a...

Aloha · Aloha

I'll preface this by saying it's definitely apparent my AH is going through some major issues right now with his disease. Lately he's just been defensive, and in particular, impatient! I left an example of his wanting to fix things "NOW" in another post. Here I am tonight with yet an...

Aloha · Aloha

Whew. After attending another AA speaker meeting tonight and talking with a fellow Al-anon member who attended the AA meeting, too, I found myself back in that conversation of "gee - I have NO idea what my AH is doing in regards to drinking. Is he working on staying sober, or is he drinking, just...

Suzannah · Suzannah

It's Monday night here and I am off to the hospital again in the morning for my ALL day PMP session. I am going to be having an early night i.e. off to after this. However, I thought I would just check in before hand to say: I have been resting and reading a lot of Al-anon in between my exercise sessions, and ca...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

When you [we] let go of controlling the A and the A comes home drunk and does stupid [&dangerous] things....what should we do?/ I know that talking normally is out of the question when they are drunk, so I just ignore the A wife and go on with my own life. Then the day after...she is hungover and in p...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, I was sitting here typing this morning and I saw a movement to my left. I looked over and it was a nice big ol' hairy spider. Ok so my initial reaction was to scream lol (I have seen a spider shudder from a scream of mine before), but I didn't. Something told me to just watch it. So I sat here watching the...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

I'm an American expat living [for 6 yrs now] in a remote village in Thailand and [mostly happily] married with children [8&10yrs]to a Thai woman and she is what i call a 'binge drinker' in that she will occasionally [3 or 4 x a year] go off on a drinking binge and drink til stupid or drops or pukes. No...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, What a day, what a week. Yesterday a co-worker of mine was fired. This was rather unexpected. Not the fact that she was, but the timing. There were reasons. I turned 30 today, and that is messing with my head. I don't know why really. Ok let's be honest. I am lonley. I miss my husband, but I miss the il...

Codependent · Codependent

Haven't posted in a while, but have been reading some books. One is When You Love Them More Than They Love You- Overcoming Codependency in Relationships. A Great Read. Well, the A is out of solitary and has resumed calling. I try not to answer every call, but for whatever reason feel stressed watching...

java · java

After two years, almost, of marriage, and one year of not working, I finally asked the A to leave. This was not easy as I had asked before and he refused. He had even physically made me stay in the house when I wanted to leave, I had been able to file an ex-parte on him last year but the responsibliliteis of th...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

Hi All, I'm new to this board and as my 'handle' implies, I'm an american expat living in Thailand and married to a Thai woman who is an occasional [3-4x/year] and when she does drink, she drinks until she pukes or drops. Otherwise she is a good wife and mother, but these "occasions" have don...

glad · glad

I noticed that there is an abbrev. for Justify Argue Defend Explain JADE So therefore it must be an issue talked about in Alanon. Can anyone give me a view on this... the reason I ask is my A simply will not explain anything, justify anything or defend himself or an issue..he argues but it's kinda wild.. n...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Just to let you all know my friend's dad is doing TONS better. He's off the ventilator and complaining because his kids took off work and came down there to see him. SO...he's doing GOOD! The step-mom is awake and her heart rate is rising, when it get's to where it should be, they'll do MRI's and CT scans....

laurab · laurab

Hello, I haven't been posting, just lurking here for over 6 months, but I am back. I saw a therapist for a while, and joined a therapy group and both were helpful up to a point. I have accepted intellectually that I can't help my A son get sober, but he is in my head so much of the time, especially now that he en...

thaiexpat · thaiexpat

I get a little confused by this 'control' thing. I have recently been enlightened by this great forum on the issue of not controlling my binge drinking wife [as previously posted 'stranger in a strange land'] and if anything, I now feel more at ease and even witnessed her moderate drinking last night...

glad · glad

I tried to post this early this morning but don't think it did so Forgive me if it shows up twice!! Love ya'll!!!! Realized some of my extream negative feelings Friday night were due to my needing a BControl shot (which is just strong harmones) I missed my reagualr appointment and can't get one till Ma...

BooBoo313 · BooBoo313

Had a big blow up tonight with AH. He thought about what we had discussed week or so ago and he decided he didn't need any help and thought I was exaggerating the problem. Afraid I lost my temper, but it gave me the courage to actually ask him to leave. OK. It was out. Please leave. But he says no--its h...

ddub · ddub

Hello family, The ride is up and down but feel some calm at the moment. I've been reading a lot of different sources and working on step 4. I came across this short reading on hope in despair to tuck in my pocket for the next harrowing ride so I wanted to share the bit that just grabbed me with a good feeling...

julieabc · julieabc

Hello! I am brand new here and wondered where I could get the books someone mention ODAT and Courage to Change? Thanks

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hi everyone, Forgive me if you get this post twice. Forgot to put a subject line and I don't think the first post worked. Anyway, just wanted to say "Hi". It's been a while since I posted last, been dealing with life, getting to face to face meetings and trying to focus on myself. It's been pret...

intothewoods · intothewoods

Hi everybody! I am so glad that I found this forum! I was having a very hard time, wallowing in a black pit of depression/resentment/fear, using my anger at my A to hurt myself... and then I found this forum! Reading everyone's stories and advice really touched my heart (I was seriously crying in front o...

maresie · maresie

Next year it will one year since I moved out from the A. Not one year since I last spoke to him but one year since I took that irrevocable step of leaving him. I no longer feel grief stricken or rageful at the A. Certainly very angry but nothing like the rage I once felt. My life is far from comfortable but i...

glad · glad

I am learning that I don't have to feel guilty about things other people do. Even if those things hurt me, My hurt's in life are not punishments because of my bad decisions (lovely little bit of religious thinking stuffed into my head growing up) I'm officially kicking that out of my head!! And may need...

JenniferN · JenniferN

Hello (((family))) The very good friend I spoke of in the other posts is needing prayers to your HP please. His father and step-mother were in a very bad motor cycle accident Friday in Mississippi and are in the hospital there. Here is what he said on our myspace bulliten board: Just to let everyone know...

glad · glad

I've been posting and crying you all know that. Well it just dawned on me I may not have to struggle with the decision of staying or not alanon may do that for me... He seems angry I'm on this board right now. Slaming things around etc. Even though he said he didn't want to talk to me. ( and I have told him he ca...

Aloha · Aloha

Well, I wasn't able to get ahold of my sponsor last night. I left her a wacky message, though - but of course, she's an al-anoner, I'm sure it all made perfect sense to her whenever it is she got her message. After the message, I sat down and meditated and prayed. Falling back to my usual fail-safe, &qu...

glad lee · glad lee

Dear Family, I just got back from an al-anon group therapy meeting. It is facilitated by a retired rehab counselor who also authored a book on addiction. I feel so hurt because he called on me (after someone shared how grateful they are for their husband)....and I shared how I felt a twinge of jealou...

Tracy · Tracy

can anyone tell me how to get into the chatroom have tried link on main page. I have also gone on link from sticky's post don,t seem to be able to aqccess it thanks

Christy · Christy

http://www.soulfulliving.com/the_shadow_process.htmEach of us must make the conscious choice to step out of the belief that we are victims of our lives and open up to the possibility that we have created our particular circumstances for a reason. We...

glad · glad

Not as strong as some of my alanon friends. Don't know if I ever will be. Not as strong as the women I see here that have real issues like husbands cheating or beating them. Still feeling sorry for myself anyway. Tried to talk to BF tonight. Didn't go about it right for sure. But even if I had not sure the resu...

Tracy · Tracy

Wow this is so hard I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps entering my mind all the time I do love him my AB. However when he comes into my mind I tell myself to focus on me I am the only person I can conrol. I must admit my life seems a lot more manageable already without him here I have more money, more f...

ally · ally

((((((Guys)))))))) For so long in my life i have accepted who everyone else wanted me to be. Blended in according to their wishes. Pleased everyone by doing what they asked. As opposed to saying no, and risking confrontations with them. I was a people pleaser, always finding happiness in doing f...

Codependent · Codependent

I have noticed that the A has a great deal of compassion for his fellow cell mates. He genuinely seems to "care" about their needs and frustration. I also noticed in some of the responses to my post that others of you have noticed that your A also seemed to give or want you to give to their &quo...

DeadOrAlive · DeadOrAlive

I am hate, hate, hating weekends these days. Number one irritation is my AH and my teen sleep and sleep. The place is a mess and during the week school and work takes up sp much energy. My AH used to always go out for most of Sat./Sun. and I would wake up my son and get the whole place cleaned up. But wakin...

nmike · nmike

Thanks to you all for being there for me and the rest of us Alanoners and the Alanoners that don't know they need us. I come here and post with my "big and heavy" burdens and you always help me up when I can't do it for myself. There is such power in our experience, strength and hope. Just because I...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Just wanted to say Hi to everyone! My sleep is getting better! Before, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping but I can say that today I actually slept in and feel rested. Thanks everyone for giving me the chance to air out some things I may not have been able to, GB you all! Kathleen

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Last night was awful. Mark asked if he could go pub and my heart sank. Then I said why did you buys cans and then go pub we dont have the money then I said he couldnt go till leah was in bed. I know I so naughty for controling it. When he did go I didnt make a fuss. I realised what I did wrong so I didnt nag. I just give...

glad · glad

If anyone saw my post about barking dog that is driving me insane someone suggested giving him peanut butter. I made the worlds thickest pb sandwich and thew it over fence. For about 90 seconds I had peace. Now he is at it again, not as loud or as much but still woofing about every 20 seconds, for about 10 se...

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Last week end my A hit me. he was drunk at the time. It all started when we got in bed i pulled the covers off him and he punched me 6 or 7 times in the leg. I was under the cover so it didnt hurt too much in fact my feelings were hurt more. I have a little bruise nothing huge. After he did it he said you cant get me in t...

serenity62 · serenity62

APRIL BUSINESS MEETING MINUTES: MIP APRIL MINUTES: Chair opened with the Serenity Prayer, 1st on agenda was Secretary report: Minutes from the March 2, 2008 were approved as written......... Next on agenda was treasury report: no report available due to dot being ill. Next on agenda is old b...

Leetle · Leetle

I was hoping this was in my area. It isn't, but is in Minnesota, Florida, Oregon, MY and Illinois in the coming months. Here is the link to the Hazeldon website with details on the conference and dates for anyone interested. http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/womenhealing

Tracy · Tracy

Hi all need some feedback really confused. I have been doing research around co dependency, enabling etc. It seems like everything I have been doing for my A enabling him etc, has been to get my own needs me. I am that insecure I give my all hoping to be loved plus I feel superiour. That is horrible. Accor...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Working on me... (Preview) As many of you know I am FAT... not just a little fat but really fat. So I have decided to go back on the atkins diet and this time have decided to add in some exercising. So I am getting up an hour earlier (I love to sleep) and going down to the work out room in the morning and doing cardio on the treadmill for...	carolinagirl	9	442	Apr 17, 2008 by carolinagirl
	the "other side" (Preview) Where I live, it's a really tough place to be an alcoholic (ok, not like any place is easy). The area I live in is world-famous for it's wine. Grape-growing is our agriculture and wine-producing is the staple of our economy. Wine is everywhere, and that is not an exaggeration. Parties, fund-raise...	Loupiness	3	320	Apr 17, 2008 by maresie
	life is unmanageable (Preview) I am still on step one two three after one year of leaving the A. My living situation is not good, my finances are bad, my health isn't the greatest - I had an awful asthma attack on the weekend. I am isolated and alone a lot. I am disorganized. I have few resources. In so many ways my life is not right but o...	maresie	4	428	Apr 17, 2008 by mum2leahnjosh
	Time heals all... (Preview) I remember in the beginning when I first escaped the chaos of living with an addict/alcoholic I had to be out all the time, stirring things up, looking for a new man, I THRIVED on the chaos and now it was gone!!! I didn't know what to do with myself. If you have ever quit smoking, it was a lot like that. A po...	carolinagirl	5	390	Apr 16, 2008 by Jean4444
	Emotional pain in recovery... (Preview) I've already done a lot of crying this morning, and I have no doubt I will do more. I don't know of any mother who doesn't have dreams for her children. I am no exception. In order to maintain any semblance of sanity, I finally let go and let God have my oldest daughter. This morning, I did the same...	Tenderheartsks	6	558	Apr 16, 2008 by Jean4444
	Fire :-( (Preview) As some of you know my A and I have split and I have filed for divorce. He and his sister bought a house together and they moved in the first part of Jan/08. Well by the end of march he had kicked her out. (I'm not sure how you kick someone out of their own house) so that left the A and our youngest son (13) livin...	shadow1	12	500	Apr 16, 2008 by cookie1971
	Newbie--hi (Preview) hello, I've come to this site because I am having trouble getting to f2f meetings and I need a place where others understand and listen. I know from the f2f meetings that we rarely offer advice, but rather share our experiences and allow our AA family to pick what is useful from our sharing I come from a w...	zodiac	4	416	Apr 16, 2008 by cookie1971
	Trusting HP (Preview) Is your trust in your HP today? Trusting in your HP is a decision we make just like we choose anything else in life. You chose what to wear today, you probably chose what you would have for breakfast, and you can choose to trust HP today, too! When you choose to trust YOUR HP, there is a peace that settles on t...	Gailey	8	484	Apr 16, 2008 by cookie1971
	doubt.... (Preview) My HP has brought something to my attention. This is something I've known all my life but not something that I've ever really thought about in terms of looking for answers as to how to change this. Probably because of fear. Fear of rejection and failure but quite frankly that's all I've ever known beca...	seekingserenity	5	390	Apr 16, 2008 by cookie1971
	laurab (Preview) It is so great to see you back again. I have thought about you often. Gail	Gailey	1	310	Apr 16, 2008 by laurab
	confusing emotion (Preview) Thanks for all the wise responses I got to my "anger spin" post yesterday. Luckily, I am still sane enough to get it!! Logically and intellectually I do know that only I can take charge and clean up my act. I am trying. A huge TO DO list I made yesterday will keep me busy for several days or maybe...	omajoy	3	412	Apr 16, 2008 by Jen
	Party panic! (Preview) A mutual friend invited me and my A to a party where there will be drinking (maybe even drug use), and I really don't know what to do. I think it's insensitive for her, but I'm not really surprised. I said 'mutual friend,' but she's also one of his old drinking buddies. She's in denial of his problem (and he...	intothewoods	6	299	Apr 16, 2008 by intothewoods
	I don't want to want to help him! (Preview) I just got a message from my A. He's been renting a room in the next town and I let him see the kids when he's sober; I've been giving him rides to work, taking him to the laundromat occassionally, the grocery store, etc. He called Saturday afternoon and I missed his call - I was actually busy making cook...	lmw	10	638	Apr 16, 2008 by aBirdyToldMe
	accident with child=blessing?? (Preview) Well, it finally happened.....With her newly given freedom to drink with no control from me, she drank herself stupid enough to have a small accident on the motorcycle with our 8 yr old daughter. I think [hope] it is a blessing in disguise as no broken bones...just a few gravel strawberries and bruis...	thaiexpat	7	347	Apr 15, 2008 by MIDGET
	Where do I start? (Preview) Hi all! I am new to this and would love any support. My husband (now of almost 16 years) I believe is an alcoholic and here is my story: We have been married almost 16 years. We have 3 children. I was 18 when we married and he was 22. We have had a fairly good marriage for the most part and I always say it would be t...	help4wife	18	723	Apr 15, 2008 by teapot
	the anger spin (Preview) I have been angry so long it somehow feels normal; my son and my spouse have been admonishing me all week about how I am just plain mad all the time and it shows in everything I do. I know it, I acknowledge it, I can't control it (yet). I have just tried thinking this all through to the point where it is making...	omajoy	9	544	Apr 15, 2008 by Christy
	AHHHHHH i need to talk to someone! (Preview) My mom just said that she hasn't been drinking for 2 weeks! AHHHH I.....I ....I need someone to talk to! Lanchas	Lanchas	7	2002	Apr 15, 2008 by maresie
	illusion of relationship (Preview) This is hard, I don't like it and kind of bummed out about it all. I probably worked too hard to make this my 2nd marriage work for the past 20+ years and all along my AH was unavailable as a workaholic & now an A or he just refused to participate in our relationship the way I hoped for. I can see this in h...	ddub	12	576	Apr 15, 2008 by Karilynn
	Apology to all (Preview) I thought that on this board, venting was an "OK" thing to do. That was one of the pros to this board--being able to vent any feelings....anger, sadness, joy, peace, etc. without any repercussions from our A or other persons in Alanon or here with MIP. Instead, one of my posts was altered a...	Just For Now	9	387	Apr 15, 2008 by maresie
	The impatient alcoholic (Preview) I'll preface this by saying it's definitely apparent my AH is going through some major issues right now with his disease. Lately he's just been defensive, and in particular, impatient! I left an example of his wanting to fix things "NOW" in another post. Here I am tonight with yet an...	Aloha	5	405	Apr 15, 2008 by Aloha
	Be careful what you ask - and be ready for the answers. (Preview) Whew. After attending another AA speaker meeting tonight and talking with a fellow Al-anon member who attended the AA meeting, too, I found myself back in that conversation of "gee - I have NO idea what my AH is doing in regards to drinking. Is he working on staying sober, or is he drinking, just...	Aloha	5	702	Apr 15, 2008 by intothewoods
	Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised! (Preview) It's Monday night here and I am off to the hospital again in the morning for my ALL day PMP session. I am going to be having an early night i.e. off to after this. However, I thought I would just check in before hand to say: I have been resting and reading a lot of Al-anon in between my exercise sessions, and ca...	Suzannah	6	1249	Apr 15, 2008 by Jen
	what to do with the ANGER/SILENCE??? (Preview) When you [we] let go of controlling the A and the A comes home drunk and does stupid [&dangerous] things....what should we do?/ I know that talking normally is out of the question when they are drunk, so I just ignore the A wife and go on with my own life. Then the day after...she is hungover and in p...	thaiexpat	10	816	Apr 15, 2008 by maresie
	What do Spiders and Alanon have in common? (Preview) Hi all, I was sitting here typing this morning and I saw a movement to my left. I looked over and it was a nice big ol' hairy spider. Ok so my initial reaction was to scream lol (I have seen a spider shudder from a scream of mine before), but I didn't. Something told me to just watch it. So I sat here watching the...	Mandy123	10	676	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	a stranger in a strange land (Preview) I'm an American expat living [for 6 yrs now] in a remote village in Thailand and [mostly happily] married with children [8&10yrs]to a Thai woman and she is what i call a 'binge drinker' in that she will occasionally [3 or 4 x a year] go off on a drinking binge and drink til stupid or drops or pukes. No...	thaiexpat	5	563	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Need a kick in the butt (Preview) Hi all, What a day, what a week. Yesterday a co-worker of mine was fired. This was rather unexpected. Not the fact that she was, but the timing. There were reasons. I turned 30 today, and that is messing with my head. I don't know why really. Ok let's be honest. I am lonley. I miss my husband, but I miss the il...	Mandy123	12	555	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Hi All (Preview) Haven't posted in a while, but have been reading some books. One is When You Love Them More Than They Love You- Overcoming Codependency in Relationships. A Great Read. Well, the A is out of solitary and has resumed calling. I try not to answer every call, but for whatever reason feel stressed watching...	Codependent	11	406	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Finally A is leaving (Preview) After two years, almost, of marriage, and one year of not working, I finally asked the A to leave. This was not easy as I had asked before and he refused. He had even physically made me stay in the house when I wanted to leave, I had been able to file an ex-parte on him last year but the responsibliliteis of th...	java	8	535	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	binge drinking = alcoholic??? (Preview) Hi All, I'm new to this board and as my 'handle' implies, I'm an american expat living in Thailand and married to a Thai woman who is an occasional [3-4x/year] and when she does drink, she drinks until she pukes or drops. Otherwise she is a good wife and mother, but these "occasions" have don...	thaiexpat	9	702	Apr 15, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Question? JADE (Preview) I noticed that there is an abbrev. for Justify Argue Defend Explain JADE So therefore it must be an issue talked about in Alanon. Can anyone give me a view on this... the reason I ask is my A simply will not explain anything, justify anything or defend himself or an issue..he argues but it's kinda wild.. n...	glad	9	3071	Apr 15, 2008 by glad
	Friend's Dad Update (Preview) Just to let you all know my friend's dad is doing TONS better. He's off the ventilator and complaining because his kids took off work and came down there to see him. SO...he's doing GOOD! The step-mom is awake and her heart rate is rising, when it get's to where it should be, they'll do MRI's and CT scans....	JenniferN	6	275	Apr 14, 2008 by carosie
	He is my son, always (Preview) Hello, I haven't been posting, just lurking here for over 6 months, but I am back. I saw a therapist for a while, and joined a therapy group and both were helpful up to a point. I have accepted intellectually that I can't help my A son get sober, but he is in my head so much of the time, especially now that he en...	laurab	9	450	Apr 14, 2008 by laurab
	when, what and how to control?? (Preview) I get a little confused by this 'control' thing. I have recently been enlightened by this great forum on the issue of not controlling my binge drinking wife [as previously posted 'stranger in a strange land'] and if anything, I now feel more at ease and even witnessed her moderate drinking last night...	thaiexpat	5	560	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	We learn, we grow, we stumble we fall! (Preview) I tried to post this early this morning but don't think it did so Forgive me if it shows up twice!! Love ya'll!!!! Realized some of my extream negative feelings Friday night were due to my needing a BControl shot (which is just strong harmones) I missed my reagualr appointment and can't get one till Ma...	glad	3	636	Apr 14, 2008 by Aloha
	Blow up! (Preview) Had a big blow up tonight with AH. He thought about what we had discussed week or so ago and he decided he didn't need any help and thought I was exaggerating the problem. Afraid I lost my temper, but it gave me the courage to actually ask him to leave. OK. It was out. Please leave. But he says no--its h...	BooBoo313	5	398	Apr 14, 2008 by lin0606
	hope in despair (Preview) Hello family, The ride is up and down but feel some calm at the moment. I've been reading a lot of different sources and working on step 4. I came across this short reading on hope in despair to tuck in my pocket for the next harrowing ride so I wanted to share the bit that just grabbed me with a good feeling...	ddub	6	488	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	books (Preview) Hello! I am brand new here and wondered where I could get the books someone mention ODAT and Courage to Change? Thanks	julieabc	5	355	Apr 14, 2008 by Mobirdie
	Checking In (Preview) Hi everyone, Forgive me if you get this post twice. Forgot to put a subject line and I don't think the first post worked. Anyway, just wanted to say "Hi". It's been a while since I posted last, been dealing with life, getting to face to face meetings and trying to focus on myself. It's been pret...	Rocky38	2	435	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	So glad I found ya'll! Still got a few questions... (Preview) Hi everybody! I am so glad that I found this forum! I was having a very hard time, wallowing in a black pit of depression/resentment/fear, using my anger at my A to hurt myself... and then I found this forum! Reading everyone's stories and advice really touched my heart (I was seriously crying in front o...	intothewoods	8	516	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	one year on new goals, new life (Preview) Next year it will one year since I moved out from the A. Not one year since I last spoke to him but one year since I took that irrevocable step of leaving him. I no longer feel grief stricken or rageful at the A. Certainly very angry but nothing like the rage I once felt. My life is far from comfortable but i...	maresie	6	544	Apr 14, 2008 by maresie
	From my head to my heart! (Preview) I am learning that I don't have to feel guilty about things other people do. Even if those things hurt me, My hurt's in life are not punishments because of my bad decisions (lovely little bit of religious thinking stuffed into my head growing up) I'm officially kicking that out of my head!! And may need...	glad	3	421	Apr 14, 2008 by round3
	My friend needs your prayers please (Preview) Hello (((family))) The very good friend I spoke of in the other posts is needing prayers to your HP please. His father and step-mother were in a very bad motor cycle accident Friday in Mississippi and are in the hospital there. Here is what he said on our myspace bulliten board: Just to let everyone know...	JenniferN	1	438	Apr 14, 2008 by rtexas
	oh my gosh! realized something (Preview) I've been posting and crying you all know that. Well it just dawned on me I may not have to struggle with the decision of staying or not alanon may do that for me... He seems angry I'm on this board right now. Slaming things around etc. Even though he said he didn't want to talk to me. ( and I have told him he ca...	glad	2	435	Apr 14, 2008 by glad
	Amazing how many times ODAT applies to what I'm feeling (Preview) Well, I wasn't able to get ahold of my sponsor last night. I left her a wacky message, though - but of course, she's an al-anoner, I'm sure it all made perfect sense to her whenever it is she got her message. After the message, I sat down and meditated and prayed. Falling back to my usual fail-safe, &qu...	Aloha	5	662	Apr 14, 2008 by Aloha
	Recovering from meeting (Preview) Dear Family, I just got back from an al-anon group therapy meeting. It is facilitated by a retired rehab counselor who also authored a book on addiction. I feel so hurt because he called on me (after someone shared how grateful they are for their husband)....and I shared how I felt a twinge of jealou...	glad lee	11	464	Apr 13, 2008 by Jen
	want to chat (Preview) can anyone tell me how to get into the chatroom have tried link on main page. I have also gone on link from sticky's post don,t seem to be able to aqccess it thanks	Tracy	1	370	Apr 13, 2008 by Christy
	The Shadow process (Preview) http://www.soulfulliving.com/the_shadow_process.htmEach of us must make the conscious choice to step out of the belief that we are victims of our lives and open up to the possibility that we have created our particular circumstances for a reason. We...	Christy	12	2496	Apr 13, 2008 by paulaque
	Okay guys I'm not working it tonight! (Preview) Not as strong as some of my alanon friends. Don't know if I ever will be. Not as strong as the women I see here that have real issues like husbands cheating or beating them. Still feeling sorry for myself anyway. Tried to talk to BF tonight. Didn't go about it right for sure. But even if I had not sure the resu...	glad	3	491	Apr 13, 2008 by lin0606
	Concentrating on myself (Preview) Wow this is so hard I don't know what to do with myself. He keeps entering my mind all the time I do love him my AB. However when he comes into my mind I tell myself to focus on me I am the only person I can conrol. I must admit my life seems a lot more manageable already without him here I have more money, more f...	Tracy	2	482	Apr 13, 2008 by lin0606
	I AM WHAT I AM... (Preview) ((((((Guys)))))))) For so long in my life i have accepted who everyone else wanted me to be. Blended in according to their wishes. Pleased everyone by doing what they asked. As opposed to saying no, and risking confrontations with them. I was a people pleaser, always finding happiness in doing f...	ally	5	299	Apr 13, 2008 by ESH
	They give to others (Preview) I have noticed that the A has a great deal of compassion for his fellow cell mates. He genuinely seems to "care" about their needs and frustration. I also noticed in some of the responses to my post that others of you have noticed that your A also seemed to give or want you to give to their &quo...	Codependent	12	437	Apr 13, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Resenting (Preview) I am hate, hate, hating weekends these days. Number one irritation is my AH and my teen sleep and sleep. The place is a mess and during the week school and work takes up sp much energy. My AH used to always go out for most of Sat./Sun. and I would wake up my son and get the whole place cleaned up. But wakin...	DeadOrAlive	4	644	Apr 13, 2008 by cookie1971
	Did I remember to say thanks? (Preview) Thanks to you all for being there for me and the rest of us Alanoners and the Alanoners that don't know they need us. I come here and post with my "big and heavy" burdens and you always help me up when I can't do it for myself. There is such power in our experience, strength and hope. Just because I...	nmike	5	558	Apr 12, 2008 by cookie1971
	Hi! (Preview) Just wanted to say Hi to everyone! My sleep is getting better! Before, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping but I can say that today I actually slept in and feel rested. Thanks everyone for giving me the chance to air out some things I may not have been able to, GB you all! Kathleen	Hoot Nanny	4	388	Apr 12, 2008 by cookie1971
	Last Night (Preview) Last night was awful. Mark asked if he could go pub and my heart sank. Then I said why did you buys cans and then go pub we dont have the money then I said he couldnt go till leah was in bed. I know I so naughty for controling it. When he did go I didnt make a fuss. I realised what I did wrong so I didnt nag. I just give...	mum2leahnjosh	3	319	Apr 12, 2008 by ESH
	Bassett hounds eat really fast! (Preview) If anyone saw my post about barking dog that is driving me insane someone suggested giving him peanut butter. I made the worlds thickest pb sandwich and thew it over fence. For about 90 seconds I had peace. Now he is at it again, not as loud or as much but still woofing about every 20 seconds, for about 10 se...	glad	3	393	Apr 12, 2008 by glad
	Not again (Preview) Last week end my A hit me. he was drunk at the time. It all started when we got in bed i pulled the covers off him and he punched me 6 or 7 times in the leg. I was under the cover so it didnt hurt too much in fact my feelings were hurt more. I have a little bruise nothing huge. After he did it he said you cant get me in t...	mum2leahnjosh	7	492	Apr 12, 2008 by lin0606
	April Business Meeting Minutes: (Preview) APRIL BUSINESS MEETING MINUTES: MIP APRIL MINUTES: Chair opened with the Serenity Prayer, 1st on agenda was Secretary report: Minutes from the March 2, 2008 were approved as written......... Next on agenda was treasury report: no report available due to dot being ill. Next on agenda is old b...	serenity62	0	385	Apr 12, 2008 by serenity62
	Women Healing Conference (Preview) I was hoping this was in my area. It isn't, but is in Minnesota, Florida, Oregon, MY and Illinois in the coming months. Here is the link to the Hazeldon website with details on the conference and dates for anyone interested. http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/womenhealing	Leetle	1	233	Apr 12, 2008 by ddub
	Conditional love (Preview) Hi all need some feedback really confused. I have been doing research around co dependency, enabling etc. It seems like everything I have been doing for my A enabling him etc, has been to get my own needs me. I am that insecure I give my all hoping to be loved plus I feel superiour. That is horrible. Accor...	Tracy	4	2330	Apr 11, 2008 by maresie
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.