Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

drummerchick423 · drummerchick423

So, I posted before...I found out last week my exabf has been seeing his ex. I'm still, 1 week later, going around in circles about this. Here is the thing. I have a LOT of anger about this. I've thrown pillows..I've kicked things..and I feel like I'm getting caught up in circular irrational thinking. B...

maresie · maresie

As many of you have been here know the ex A (who I was with for more than 7 years) crashed the truck I had bought and eventually through a number of carefully crafted actions got all the money from the insurance company (he knew people who worked for a towing company). Its a long involved story and the ex...

flopadopilus · flopadopilus

I tend to give in and am seeing I am about to get ripped off in the divorce. I want the kids primary through the week and with him on the weekends, he wants 50/50 and no weekends is what he has gotten so far, so he can drink and party through the weekends and obviously he pays no child support. I am giving him the...

purpleraven · purpleraven

i had to be in court with my ex-husband this week, over custody matters, after child abuse. i've been fighting this same case for 3 years! i was so scared!, he was right behind me. when he spoke, i didn't realize why i was afraid of him, he didn't even try. when i stood up to speak, i physically felt like a wal...

mslouise · mslouise

Hi there....haven't been here in a while but have been reading some. I've worked really hard on myself and getting away from the 3 years of hell from my ex-abf (now been apart for almost 2years). I am totally off all anxienty / depression meds thanks to Al-Anon and my exercise program!! However, I ha...

Evian · Evian

AH and I had court today.. If you read my previous posts, then you know that CAS was taking us to court. Well... we have to have our own lawyers, and he has one, and I am still in the process, so had to use duty counsel. Needless to say, that was bull. She (duty counsel) read me what they wanted in the order, and...

pinkdaisy · pinkdaisy

Am I crazy for wanting a normal fit life. I hate the circle I am in right now I am still angry at him then the next i love him and I am calling him.. Oh wow I have issues. I want to be wanted and loved and enjoyed.. I am tried of not feeling good enough or like i deserve this. I am so comfortable in my marriage I dont w...

KLotus · KLotus

HI Everyone, Thank you for the privilidge of allowing me to join your online forum! As you can see, I am new at this. I've been in Al-Anon for two years now. In that time, I have gotten married, and now have a baby. My husband has stopped and started drinking several times. My daughter and I are current...

maresie · maresie

Next week will be 4 years since I physically moved out from the now ex A. For more than a year after I moved out I had contact with him and had the same chaos/crisis/space that was pretty much part of our entire relationship. 4 years on my lfe is very very hard. The financial inpact of living with an end st...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I know the title is familiar to many. Trying to wrap my head around how all my efforts to protect myself a few years ago, really just postponed the inevitable while enabling my exAH and his A g/f at the same time. Bleh! I spent about 15K on a divorce, and now the reasons and the details behind them are nu...

Chelle3 · Chelle3

I know that understanding alcoholism is supposed to help us to better live with active a's. There is one element of alcoholism that I can't reconcile in my head as being a disease, that of being able to quit if your will is strong enough... Please let me tell you what's led up to this and why it's affecting...

tj · tj

I feel there is something wrong with me. That I am in some way sick. I have an addiction. Me? I've never done drugs before in my life? Me? I don't even drink to get drunk - a few glass a year... My addiction seems to be in not caring for myself to the degree I should, but rather in devoting my energy to my husband...

Katy · Katy

Alot of what keeps me stuck is that I suffer rigid thinking, and also because I am a person that needs to understand how something works to beable to grasp the concept and so when it comes to something like an higher power, because I am wired the way I am, it is very difficult to trust something that I can't t...

flopadopilus · flopadopilus

Today after work I stopped by my exAH's (divorce won't be final until July) house to grab my daughter's bag, the girls were at my house. He says want to stop by tonight for a movie? I want to say no, but I say maybe let's see how the night goes. Then my girlfriend's mom died yesterday and I found out she is goi...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

My husband has been very active in recovery and had been doing very well. He is in two groups with a great bunch of Christian men. Last night, I suspected he had some alcohol. Not drunk, however, being around him for so many years that he got drunk, I know the signs. Speech not quite the same, some cra...

Ness · Ness

So my son has re-appeared, he's been spotted begging again. I'm led to believe he still has a roof over his head. He's in a right state. Its taken him 4 weeks to undo the 9 months of recovery he had, so back to the way he was and worse, seizures, self harm et al. My thoughts are swinging left and right over t...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

These boards are so comforting. I was so upset when I wrote my post and to see 15 posts with such wonderful information, advice and experiences has helped me so much. I love the lesson of "not asking questions when you already know the answer." I have done that in the past, but then my old se...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Again, In following up from my yesterday's post: The part regarding fear of either me having to leave, or him filing for divorce to punish me... In order for me to be able to make the best decisions in my best interest and my daughter's best interest (and ultimately my alcoholic husband's best inter...

member922 · member922

Now I am discovering more things about myself and my relationship with the A. For a short time now, he has respected not smoking around me. That is good. What I am now learning more about him. I think I was so concentrated on that, that I didn't realize that there are other things I don't like about him....

pinkdaisy · pinkdaisy

Tonight I finally went to a meeting.. Lets just say it was intresting... I found the topic was on compasion... Hmmm this was my first meeting and not the meeting I wanted tonight... I left tonight empty and hollow.. I came home shaken not knowing how to handle all of the emotions Compassion is somethin...

roonpugs · roonpugs

So I ran across an old external hard drive today and found a poem I started to write back in 2009 along with a journal I had started. It was a rough time dealing with a depressed drug/alcoholic/suicidal mother and depressed alcoholic/gaming husband. Reading my words from 2 years ago made me realize...

Debilyn · Debilyn

HI! Fell like I have been gone forever! It is BLUE sky absolutely beautiful up here! The moss on the trees looks so pretty in the sun. I have birds yelling at me from crows to stellars jays to get the dogs out of here. lol I do have lots of just bird areas I put food out. The river is almost azure again. I could no...

so very sad · so very sad

I am new to your site I am a wreck I have been with my ah for 24 years and have been married to him for 13 .He has been to two rehabs and we are bankrupt beacuse of his drinking which he blames me for the bankrupcy.I have dealt with the lies and the drinking trying to encourage him to stop in every way possible eve...

canadianguy · canadianguy

Hi all... just wanted to let the group know that I won't be able to continue giving away the free GTS books anymore - money is pretty tight around my place these days, and I just can't afford it.... I believe that I have two book remaining, and after those have been given away, I will take down the post at th...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

I kept the house that my then-husband and I have lived in since 1989. The house has a huge garage, which was built to acommodate all his power tools, kayaks, and other man toys. Other than his gun safe, which was too darn heavy for him and a friend to move, occupies this mostly empty garage. I do park my ve...

Mattie · Mattie

I've been having a hard time because I've been revisiting a place where my ex and I were very happy. It's hard not to fall into the old thinking, "If only I..." "I bet I could have made it work if..." "If I had just explained to him how his behavior made me feel..." &qu...

Tracy · Tracy

Any ESH would be appreciated. My aprtner has been sober for 8 months 5 months in rehab and 3 in supported living alot of people around him are saying he shou;ld not have a relationship within the first two years of his sobriety. We have cooled things off. In al anon I am also being tole after a big slip th...

Aimee · Aimee

Good afternoon friends! I haven't been to a f2f Al-anon meeting yet but I have been to a few AA meetings with my AH. It was a really great experience, and I heard a lot that rang true for me. Being a very shy, socially awkward person it was really comforting to go with my H and his sponsor and be kind of taken un...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Just wanted to tell you thank you for all your support during this time! Ya made me laugh and got me off my bum, helped me to understand things too. Son is on his way, I have all I need for the electric fence etc. I sure hope the dogs do ok. I have one area completely done for them, well Mac does. I was in Laundrom...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I have felt led to post on this topic for a while now. It is controversial in a way, but I see it as a part of my ESH to share, and it may just help one person who doesn't know what he/she doesn't know. My exAH was drinking/using for many years and I just did not know it. Honestly, I just thought he was a jerk...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Well... I am still going to CA I think. I had a big bout of not being sure if I wanted to go. I told my mom that I didn't & then changed my mind. The other question is: do they have a plan for me while I am there? It has been 9 days since I reported in to you all. I have been to see a new counselor who is OK but is not t...

RunnerMom · RunnerMom

Yesterday I was told (while I said nothing and walked away 5 separate times) the following: - AH is not worrying about me he is simply telling me what he doesn't find acceptable (I have said something like this to him for months now) about my behavior and is finally standing up for himself. - I don't see my...

roonpugs · roonpugs

My AH is almost to week 3wks of sobriety and this week has been just horrible... I DO NOT know how to read him or react to him. He's burying himself into work again when he said he would put us (his family) first he is not, he is angry, depressed, grumpy, touchy, sad (I think) he won't really talk to me. Fo...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

RLC's reply on another thread reminded me of the Alanon reading about pigeons (can't remember if it's in Courage to Change or One Day at a Time). In a nutshell, just says that when you go to the park and sit under a tree with pigeons in it, and pigeons do what pigeons DO, you get pooped on. The pigeons aren...

purpleraven · purpleraven

i know it was just unfortunate timing but i need to transition to a new sponsor, my f2f won't be back til the end of the month and even then she is retiring from service work for a while at least. a bunch of crisis stuff happened literally just a day after she left for vacation and is unreachable. i am not doin...

drummerchick423 · drummerchick423

Thought you all might find this helpful. It does a good job explaining why we often end up feeling mentally ill when in a relationshp with an addict/alcoholic. Addiction, Lies and Relationships Floyd P. Garrett, M.D. Addiction means always having to say you are sorry à and finally, when being sorry i...

RunnerMom · RunnerMom

My "R"AH has a few weeks of sobriety strung together between periods of drinking a "few" beers (according to him- sure!). He talks a good game, pretends to or maybe is going to AA meetings a lot, has a therapist (who he tells me he sees to deal with my "abuse"?!). He is m...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Watching the news and seeing the devastation of the tornadoes in North Carolina, and wondering how Carolina Girl is... Please let us know! Lou

stargal · stargal

Hi everyone. I'm having quite a tough week. Well, more like a tough few months or even years. I have been with my partner for 10 years. He is alcoholic and sometimes drug user. Why I have stayed this long is beyond me. We've gone through the whole cycle of me kicking him out. Promises made, he come...

Jozie · Jozie

You Know it is Funny at times the Things I learn in al-anon /Life... resently I have went thru a few hurdles in my life, and tho some are Very Hurtful and Very Real... I have learned that when someone speaks of "Perspective" its funny the differance from one person to another in how they "...

Crazy Frog · Crazy Frog

as anybody experienced the silent treatment? is it a "normal" behavior for an alcoholic? some days the AH talks non stop about Tv shows (yay!) and some days its complete silence. if i try to talk about hockey (big sport in canada) or kid or anything that might interest him i get silence. at f...

member922 · member922

I am planning on a wonderful weekend. My "whatever" back and forth A will spend a little time together. I am going to take some time to myself rather than waste it getting irritated with him and his behavior. I will spend half with him and half on my own. Guess we are trying for the millionth t...

Otie · Otie

Thanks Debilyn for the pictures of your sweet animals. I look forward to seeing them. My days have been so difficult lately---and just seeing them reconnects me to my soul for a brief moment. Gratefully, Otie.

Aloha · Aloha

Me and my really long posts again... My HP really, REALLY wanted me to somehow, some way, get involved with the Big Island Bash this year - it's an AA convention with Al-Anon participation. The local AA district primarily puts this on and Al-Anon members volunteer to help out. We've known the Bash was c...

roonpugs · roonpugs

Hi All, So it has been just over two weeks since my AH or do I call him my RAH stopped drinking. He said he's going to try it for awhile and see if it makes a difference in how he feels etc. I just wanted to get some feedback on what other's have experienced when their alcoholic was quitting or attempting reco...

member922 · member922

So I decided to spend this evening at home alone. I just got home and called the A after work. Guess what?? Ugh, he sounded stoned stoned stoned! I am so glad that I stuck to my guns and stayed home instead of dealing with that crap firsthand. Now I am hesitant to go over there tomorrow. I CANNOT stand t...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

My crazies. They are starting to kick in. I'm writing this out so I can see on the computer screen which is the least crazy option and maybe get some ESH from others. My gut is screaming that my AH is lying, lying, lying. My gut knows AH is planning either to hook up with his affair partner or to hide out an...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Sometimes you just feel so broken. You give EVERYTHING to something that falls apart and find yourself standing in the ruins trying to understand what went wrong. Functional Alcoholic. I think that is why so many of us end up in the mess we are in because at first we think the problems are normal couple p...

Debilyn · Debilyn

BORED!! I am freaking bored. sigh. I didn't even allow my kids or students to say that word! I have sat here as long as I can. Been reading a ton, that's cool. Everything that can be ready is. Pouring rain or I would do out and take my gliders apart.I love GREEN Oregon. This is crazy, a lot of you are in such tu...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Aloha Family...just dropping off the address to the new Al-Anon e-site. My wife and I were scanning it today and it is much more up-beat. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Give it a gander. In support (((hugs)))

Corgi2 · Corgi2

Hi all, went to a great meeting tonight. Met a lot of new people which is always inspiring. It is a step meeting, and although I am still working on the first few steps, the group discussed step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I got t...

Samsgram · Samsgram

I really don`t know how to condense this but I will try. I also don`t mean to be throwing everyone in the mental health field under the bus so to speak but this has been predominately my experience. My grandaughter who is now 7 had been in my custody when she was about 3. Her dad who had just gotten out of pris...

mle612 · mle612

I started writing my story last night, but got too emotional to finish. I could write a book and I am only 5 months into my relationship. My fiance told me pretty much up front that he was a recovering A. I could live with someone in recovery...we all have our baggage. We would go out and he would drink a...

Debilyn · Debilyn

http://community.webshots.com/user/gypsygma Everyone of these babies were so loved. Even if they came in trying to kill us, and some did!But every single one, learned they were loved and safe and found a home. They turned so sweet. We only lost them to age, or they were too abused to live much longer...

Aimee · Aimee

Last night my RAH was out of town for work and he called me at night to go on and on about how awful his day was, he hates his job, he lost a big sale, blah, blah, blah. And then something different happened! Instead of joining him in his rotten mood, I continued to have a lovely night, watched Real Housewives...

lizzakiss · lizzakiss

I don't know what to do, think or feel. I have been with my Abf for almost three years. In that time, he has never taken a drink. he has been "sober" for 8 years. Or the more appropriate term, dry. He doesn't work his program so I've learned he's not truly sober. Through alanon I've learne...

lostinDC · lostinDC

I am new to this website (and group). I have spent the last few days reading alot of the old posts. WOW! I never thought I was completely alone, but I never thought that I would hear so many things that were almost exact to my situation. Thanks to everyone for sharing. My story in a nutshell: I met my AH o...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

As some of you know, I've begun to attend meetings and benefiting greatly. Kinda weird last night - my sister, who is a recovering A for 30+ years, went with me. We've never, ever been close! This was the first thing we've ever done together - just the 2 of us. The "Little Jewel I'm referring to is t...

Evian · Evian

My morning today was awesome! Talked with a really good friend of mine... she is always so hard to get a hold of.. and found out that I'm eligible for Gov't funding to go back to school... YAY!!! Then 1pm hits, knock at the door. It was the CAS worker, serving me with court papers.. looks like we are going to...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Maybe how we were brought up has a lot to do with accepting we cannot control an A or anyone else? I grew up not hearing the word should much. We innately knew the rules. No one told us not to drink, not to smoke, not to do drugs etc. My brothers, and I, dressed clean and nice, did not party, we had lots of fun, bu...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	need help with anger and acceptance (Preview) So, I posted before...I found out last week my exabf has been seeing his ex. I'm still, 1 week later, going around in circles about this. Here is the thing. I have a LOT of anger about this. I've thrown pillows..I've kicked things..and I feel like I'm getting caught up in circular irrational thinking. B...	drummerchick423	16	970	Apr 22, 2011 by drummerchick423
	after the fleecing (Preview) As many of you have been here know the ex A (who I was with for more than 7 years) crashed the truck I had bought and eventually through a number of carefully crafted actions got all the money from the insurance company (he knew people who worked for a towing company). Its a long involved story and the ex...	maresie	5	1016	Apr 22, 2011 by Jerry F
	Need advice on divorce with kids (Preview) I tend to give in and am seeing I am about to get ripped off in the divorce. I want the kids primary through the week and with him on the weekends, he wants 50/50 and no weekends is what he has gotten so far, so he can drink and party through the weekends and obviously he pays no child support. I am giving him the...	flopadopilus	8	1139	Apr 22, 2011 by Mattie
	we won! (Preview) i had to be in court with my ex-husband this week, over custody matters, after child abuse. i've been fighting this same case for 3 years! i was so scared!, he was right behind me. when he spoke, i didn't realize why i was afraid of him, he didn't even try. when i stood up to speak, i physically felt like a wal...	purpleraven	6	775	Apr 22, 2011 by youfoundme
	How do I know what is normal and what is not anymore??? (Preview) Hi there....haven't been here in a while but have been reading some. I've worked really hard on myself and getting away from the 3 years of hell from my ex-abf (now been apart for almost 2years). I am totally off all anxienty / depression meds thanks to Al-Anon and my exercise program!! However, I ha...	mslouise	6	992	Apr 22, 2011 by maresie
	Court today (Preview) AH and I had court today.. If you read my previous posts, then you know that CAS was taking us to court. Well... we have to have our own lawyers, and he has one, and I am still in the process, so had to use duty counsel. Needless to say, that was bull. She (duty counsel) read me what they wanted in the order, and...	Evian	4	682	Apr 22, 2011 by maresie
	RANDOMS (Preview) Am I crazy for wanting a normal fit life. I hate the circle I am in right now I am still angry at him then the next i love him and I am calling him.. Oh wow I have issues. I want to be wanted and loved and enjoyed.. I am tried of not feeling good enough or like i deserve this. I am so comfortable in my marriage I dont w...	pinkdaisy	6	956	Apr 22, 2011 by maresie
	Feigning Recovery and Marriage recovery marriage (Preview) HI Everyone, Thank you for the privilidge of allowing me to join your online forum! As you can see, I am new at this. I've been in Al-Anon for two years now. In that time, I have gotten married, and now have a baby. My husband has stopped and started drinking several times. My daughter and I are current...	KLotus	8	9913	Apr 22, 2011 by pinkchip
	4 years on new insights (Preview) Next week will be 4 years since I physically moved out from the now ex A. For more than a year after I moved out I had contact with him and had the same chaos/crisis/space that was pretty much part of our entire relationship. 4 years on my lfe is very very hard. The financial inpact of living with an end st...	maresie	5	837	Apr 22, 2011 by Ness
	paying for the sins of the A.. (Preview) I know the title is familiar to many. Trying to wrap my head around how all my efforts to protect myself a few years ago, really just postponed the inevitable while enabling my exAH and his A g/f at the same time. Bleh! I spent about 15K on a divorce, and now the reasons and the details behind them are nu...	Loupiness	5	942	Apr 21, 2011 by maresie
	One thing I can't understand about alcoholism.. (Preview) I know that understanding alcoholism is supposed to help us to better live with active a's. There is one element of alcoholism that I can't reconcile in my head as being a disease, that of being able to quit if your will is strong enough... Please let me tell you what's led up to this and why it's affecting...	Chelle3	25	6681	Apr 21, 2011 by maresie
	I might have an addiction?! (Preview) I feel there is something wrong with me. That I am in some way sick. I have an addiction. Me? I've never done drugs before in my life? Me? I don't even drink to get drunk - a few glass a year... My addiction seems to be in not caring for myself to the degree I should, but rather in devoting my energy to my husband...	tj	5	1005	Apr 21, 2011 by glad lee
	rigid thinking? (Preview) Alot of what keeps me stuck is that I suffer rigid thinking, and also because I am a person that needs to understand how something works to beable to grasp the concept and so when it comes to something like an higher power, because I am wired the way I am, it is very difficult to trust something that I can't t...	Katy	4	870	Apr 21, 2011 by Freya
	Going crazy (Preview) Today after work I stopped by my exAH's (divorce won't be final until July) house to grab my daughter's bag, the girls were at my house. He says want to stop by tonight for a movie? I want to say no, but I say maybe let's see how the night goes. Then my girlfriend's mom died yesterday and I found out she is goi...	flopadopilus	6	753	Apr 21, 2011 by drummerchick423
	Help me with dealing with lying (Preview) My husband has been very active in recovery and had been doing very well. He is in two groups with a great bunch of Christian men. Last night, I suspected he had some alcohol. Not drunk, however, being around him for so many years that he got drunk, I know the signs. Speech not quite the same, some cra...	wifeofalcoholic	14	1734	Apr 20, 2011 by drummerchick423
	Update.....back on the radar (Preview) So my son has re-appeared, he's been spotted begging again. I'm led to believe he still has a roof over his head. He's in a right state. Its taken him 4 weeks to undo the 9 months of recovery he had, so back to the way he was and worse, seizures, self harm et al. My thoughts are swinging left and right over t...	Ness	6	736	Apr 20, 2011 by hotrod
	Thank You, Thank you (Preview) These boards are so comforting. I was so upset when I wrote my post and to see 15 posts with such wonderful information, advice and experiences has helped me so much. I love the lesson of "not asking questions when you already know the answer." I have done that in the past, but then my old se...	wifeofalcoholic	7	816	Apr 20, 2011 by John
	Child, marriage and thoughts on custody (Preview) Hi Again, In following up from my yesterday's post: The part regarding fear of either me having to leave, or him filing for divorce to punish me... In order for me to be able to make the best decisions in my best interest and my daughter's best interest (and ultimately my alcoholic husband's best inter...	KLotus	3	874	Apr 20, 2011 by Otie
	Some new discoveries (Preview) Now I am discovering more things about myself and my relationship with the A. For a short time now, he has respected not smoking around me. That is good. What I am now learning more about him. I think I was so concentrated on that, that I didn't realize that there are other things I don't like about him....	member922	3	742	Apr 20, 2011 by member922
	First Meeting tonight (Preview) Tonight I finally went to a meeting.. Lets just say it was intresting... I found the topic was on compasion... Hmmm this was my first meeting and not the meeting I wanted tonight... I left tonight empty and hollow.. I came home shaken not knowing how to handle all of the emotions Compassion is somethin...	pinkdaisy	10	909	Apr 20, 2011 by Otie
	Funny how we tend to forget the past... LONG (Preview) So I ran across an old external hard drive today and found a poem I started to write back in 2009 along with a journal I had started. It was a rough time dealing with a depressed drug/alcoholic/suicidal mother and depressed alcoholic/gaming husband. Reading my words from 2 years ago made me realize...	roonpugs	6	744	Apr 20, 2011 by roonpugs
	Mountain lady....in a dress.... (Preview) HI! Fell like I have been gone forever! It is BLUE sky absolutely beautiful up here! The moss on the trees looks so pretty in the sun. I have birds yelling at me from crows to stellars jays to get the dogs out of here. lol I do have lots of just bird areas I put food out. The river is almost azure again. I could no...	Debilyn	7	1027	Apr 20, 2011 by Otie
	Please if anyone has any advice I need it (Preview) I am new to your site I am a wreck I have been with my ah for 24 years and have been married to him for 13 .He has been to two rehabs and we are bankrupt beacuse of his drinking which he blames me for the bankrupcy.I have dealt with the lies and the drinking trying to encourage him to stop in every way possible eve...	so very sad	12	1274	Apr 19, 2011 by so very sad
	No more free books.... :) (Preview) Hi all... just wanted to let the group know that I won't be able to continue giving away the free GTS books anymore - money is pretty tight around my place these days, and I just can't afford it.... I believe that I have two book remaining, and after those have been given away, I will take down the post at th...	canadianguy	6	1253	Apr 19, 2011 by Debilyn
	An Artifact of One of My Old Behaviors (Preview) I kept the house that my then-husband and I have lived in since 1989. The house has a huge garage, which was built to acommodate all his power tools, kayaks, and other man toys. Other than his gun safe, which was too darn heavy for him and a friend to move, occupies this mostly empty garage. I do park my ve...	GailMichelle	8	740	Apr 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Even my subconscious knows (Preview) I've been having a hard time because I've been revisiting a place where my ex and I were very happy. It's hard not to fall into the old thinking, "If only I..." "I bet I could have made it work if..." "If I had just explained to him how his behavior made me feel..." &qu...	Mattie	7	794	Apr 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	sobriety/relationships (Preview) Any ESH would be appreciated. My aprtner has been sober for 8 months 5 months in rehab and 3 in supported living alot of people around him are saying he shou;ld not have a relationship within the first two years of his sobriety. We have cooled things off. In al anon I am also being tole after a big slip th...	Tracy	7	3572	Apr 19, 2011 by Tracy
	AA meetings (Preview) Good afternoon friends! I haven't been to a f2f Al-anon meeting yet but I have been to a few AA meetings with my AH. It was a really great experience, and I heard a lot that rang true for me. Being a very shy, socially awkward person it was really comforting to go with my H and his sponsor and be kind of taken un...	Aimee	8	720	Apr 19, 2011 by Aimee
	moven up and staying today (Preview) Just wanted to tell you thank you for all your support during this time! Ya made me laugh and got me off my bum, helped me to understand things too. Son is on his way, I have all I need for the electric fence etc. I sure hope the dogs do ok. I have one area completely done for them, well Mac does. I was in Laundrom...	Debilyn	5	886	Apr 19, 2011 by DreamsOver
	"Forced" Recovery (Preview) I have felt led to post on this topic for a while now. It is controversial in a way, but I see it as a part of my ESH to share, and it may just help one person who doesn't know what he/she doesn't know. My exAH was drinking/using for many years and I just did not know it. Honestly, I just thought he was a jerk...	Loupiness	5	828	Apr 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	still uncertainty (Preview) Well... I am still going to CA I think. I had a big bout of not being sure if I wanted to go. I told my mom that I didn't & then changed my mind. The other question is: do they have a plan for me while I am there? It has been 9 days since I reported in to you all. I have been to see a new counselor who is OK but is not t...	Hoot Nanny	2	540	Apr 18, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Crazy making (Preview) Yesterday I was told (while I said nothing and walked away 5 separate times) the following: - AH is not worrying about me he is simply telling me what he doesn't find acceptable (I have said something like this to him for months now) about my behavior and is finally standing up for himself. - I don't see my...	RunnerMom	11	1085	Apr 18, 2011 by Crazy Frog
	Weeks keep getting worse... (Preview) My AH is almost to week 3wks of sobriety and this week has been just horrible... I DO NOT know how to read him or react to him. He's burying himself into work again when he said he would put us (his family) first he is not, he is angry, depressed, grumpy, touchy, sad (I think) he won't really talk to me. Fo...	roonpugs	8	761	Apr 18, 2011 by Loupiness
	Pigeons ... taking things personally (Preview) RLC's reply on another thread reminded me of the Alanon reading about pigeons (can't remember if it's in Courage to Change or One Day at a Time). In a nutshell, just says that when you go to the park and sit under a tree with pigeons in it, and pigeons do what pigeons DO, you get pooped on. The pigeons aren...	White Rabbit	7	4022	Apr 17, 2011 by danielle0516
	not doing well without sponsor (Preview) i know it was just unfortunate timing but i need to transition to a new sponsor, my f2f won't be back til the end of the month and even then she is retiring from service work for a while at least. a bunch of crisis stuff happened literally just a day after she left for vacation and is unreachable. i am not doin...	purpleraven	4	835	Apr 17, 2011 by purpleraven
	article: Addiction, Lying and Relationships (Preview) Thought you all might find this helpful. It does a good job explaining why we often end up feeling mentally ill when in a relationshp with an addict/alcoholic. Addiction, Lies and Relationships Floyd P. Garrett, M.D. Addiction means always having to say you are sorry à and finally, when being sorry i...	drummerchick423	14	1492	Apr 17, 2011 by hotrod
	NOTHING IS DIFFERENT (Preview) My "R"AH has a few weeks of sobriety strung together between periods of drinking a "few" beers (according to him- sure!). He talks a good game, pretends to or maybe is going to AA meetings a lot, has a therapist (who he tells me he sees to deal with my "abuse"?!). He is m...	RunnerMom	7	1243	Apr 17, 2011 by parfait624
	Carolina Girl... (Preview) Watching the news and seeing the devastation of the tornadoes in North Carolina, and wondering how Carolina Girl is... Please let us know! Lou	Loupiness	1	597	Apr 17, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Introduction (Preview) Hi everyone. I'm having quite a tough week. Well, more like a tough few months or even years. I have been with my partner for 10 years. He is alcoholic and sometimes drug user. Why I have stayed this long is beyond me. We've gone through the whole cycle of me kicking him out. Promises made, he come...	stargal	8	754	Apr 17, 2011 by DreamXL
	Prespective??, Precieve?? (Preview) You Know it is Funny at times the Things I learn in al-anon /Life... resently I have went thru a few hurdles in my life, and tho some are Very Hurtful and Very Real... I have learned that when someone speaks of "Perspective" its funny the differance from one person to another in how they "...	Jozie	3	1119	Apr 17, 2011 by abbyal
	Silent treatment (Preview) as anybody experienced the silent treatment? is it a "normal" behavior for an alcoholic? some days the AH talks non stop about Tv shows (yay!) and some days its complete silence. if i try to talk about hockey (big sport in canada) or kid or anything that might interest him i get silence. at f...	Crazy Frog	8	4711	Apr 17, 2011 by abbyal
	Happy Weekend!!! (Preview) I am planning on a wonderful weekend. My "whatever" back and forth A will spend a little time together. I am going to take some time to myself rather than waste it getting irritated with him and his behavior. I will spend half with him and half on my own. Guess we are trying for the millionth t...	member922	8	883	Apr 16, 2011 by likemyheart
	Thanking Debilyn for her babies (Preview) Thanks Debilyn for the pictures of your sweet animals. I look forward to seeing them. My days have been so difficult lately---and just seeing them reconnects me to my soul for a brief moment. Gratefully, Otie.	Otie	3	718	Apr 16, 2011 by Debilyn
	Seeing recovery working for me (Preview) Me and my really long posts again... My HP really, REALLY wanted me to somehow, some way, get involved with the Big Island Bash this year - it's an AA convention with Al-Anon participation. The local AA district primarily puts this on and Al-Anon members volunteer to help out. We've known the Bash was c...	Aloha	1	653	Apr 16, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Emotions running high with newly recovering AH (Preview) Hi All, So it has been just over two weeks since my AH or do I call him my RAH stopped drinking. He said he's going to try it for awhile and see if it makes a difference in how he feels etc. I just wanted to get some feedback on what other's have experienced when their alcoholic was quitting or attempting reco...	roonpugs	13	876	Apr 16, 2011 by Sheral
	Made a good choice, but a broken record (Preview) So I decided to spend this evening at home alone. I just got home and called the A after work. Guess what?? Ugh, he sounded stoned stoned stoned! I am so glad that I stuck to my guns and stayed home instead of dealing with that crap firsthand. Now I am hesitant to go over there tomorrow. I CANNOT stand t...	member922	7	852	Apr 16, 2011 by member922
	Feeling my crazies starting to build (Preview) My crazies. They are starting to kick in. I'm writing this out so I can see on the computer screen which is the least crazy option and maybe get some ESH from others. My gut is screaming that my AH is lying, lying, lying. My gut knows AH is planning either to hook up with his affair partner or to hide out an...	Very Very Tired	11	885	Apr 16, 2011 by RunnerMom
	Functional Alcoholic (Preview) Sometimes you just feel so broken. You give EVERYTHING to something that falls apart and find yourself standing in the ruins trying to understand what went wrong. Functional Alcoholic. I think that is why so many of us end up in the mess we are in because at first we think the problems are normal couple p...	likemyheart	10	3251	Apr 16, 2011 by mle612
	Am going to say a bad word! (Preview) BORED!! I am freaking bored. sigh. I didn't even allow my kids or students to say that word! I have sat here as long as I can. Been reading a ton, that's cool. Everything that can be ready is. Pouring rain or I would do out and take my gliders apart.I love GREEN Oregon. This is crazy, a lot of you are in such tu...	Debilyn	4	686	Apr 15, 2011 by Loupiness
	Check it out!! (Preview) Aloha Family...just dropping off the address to the new Al-Anon e-site. My wife and I were scanning it today and it is much more up-beat. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Give it a gander. In support (((hugs)))	Jerry F	4	1051	Apr 15, 2011 by danielle0516
	Need some advice... (Preview) Hi all, went to a great meeting tonight. Met a lot of new people which is always inspiring. It is a step meeting, and although I am still working on the first few steps, the group discussed step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I got t...	Corgi2	6	729	Apr 15, 2011 by Corgi2
	I need some help or suggestions... (Preview) I really don`t know how to condense this but I will try. I also don`t mean to be throwing everyone in the mental health field under the bus so to speak but this has been predominately my experience. My grandaughter who is now 7 had been in my custody when she was about 3. Her dad who had just gotten out of pris...	Samsgram	10	973	Apr 15, 2011 by Samsgram
	New to this (Preview) I started writing my story last night, but got too emotional to finish. I could write a book and I am only 5 months into my relationship. My fiance told me pretty much up front that he was a recovering A. I could live with someone in recovery...we all have our baggage. We would go out and he would drink a...	mle612	9	880	Apr 15, 2011 by mle612
	For Otie (Preview) http://community.webshots.com/user/gypsygma Everyone of these babies were so loved. Even if they came in trying to kill us, and some did!But every single one, learned they were loved and safe and found a home. They turned so sweet. We only lost them to age, or they were too abused to live much longer...	Debilyn	0	556	Apr 15, 2011 by Debilyn
	Patting myself on the back * pat pat * (Preview) Last night my RAH was out of town for work and he called me at night to go on and on about how awful his day was, he hates his job, he lost a big sale, blah, blah, blah. And then something different happened! Instead of joining him in his rotten mood, I continued to have a lovely night, watched Real Housewives...	Aimee	3	817	Apr 15, 2011 by Debilyn
	Save me from my sick head (Preview) I don't know what to do, think or feel. I have been with my Abf for almost three years. In that time, he has never taken a drink. he has been "sober" for 8 years. Or the more appropriate term, dry. He doesn't work his program so I've learned he's not truly sober. Through alanon I've learne...	lizzakiss	5	935	Apr 15, 2011 by hotrod
	new here and surprised so many stories sound like mine (Preview) I am new to this website (and group). I have spent the last few days reading alot of the old posts. WOW! I never thought I was completely alone, but I never thought that I would hear so many things that were almost exact to my situation. Thanks to everyone for sharing. My story in a nutshell: I met my AH o...	lostinDC	6	775	Apr 15, 2011 by Jerry F
	A Little Jewel (Preview) As some of you know, I've begun to attend meetings and benefiting greatly. Kinda weird last night - my sister, who is a recovering A for 30+ years, went with me. We've never, ever been close! This was the first thing we've ever done together - just the 2 of us. The "Little Jewel I'm referring to is t...	GailMichelle	8	745	Apr 14, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Good news day and then.... (Preview) My morning today was awesome! Talked with a really good friend of mine... she is always so hard to get a hold of.. and found out that I'm eligible for Gov't funding to go back to school... YAY!!! Then 1pm hits, knock at the door. It was the CAS worker, serving me with court papers.. looks like we are going to...	Evian	6	933	Apr 14, 2011 by Jerry F
	Just dawned on me, and what about you? (Preview) Maybe how we were brought up has a lot to do with accepting we cannot control an A or anyone else? I grew up not hearing the word should much. We innately knew the rules. No one told us not to drink, not to smoke, not to do drugs etc. My brothers, and I, dressed clean and nice, did not party, we had lots of fun, bu...	Debilyn	6	535	Apr 14, 2011 by danielle0516
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.