The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just hate this uncontrolable sadness. Is it worth it? Will it ever change? What is "normal"? Feel very lost and alone. My boundry with my AH is when he picks up a drink I check out for the day physically. I can not be around him when he drinks so a leave. The past three nites I have had to close the store which means work til 8 he gets off at 4:30. So its a given he's drinking with his buddies so haven't been around him since Monday. Todays my day off so I'm sure he'll come straight home and stay sober for the day. Problem is I woke up this morning very depressed, can't stop the tears and really just tired of living this way. Its just soo hard living with an A. I don't even want to see him today. This is not a life. Trying desperately to pull myself up.
I'm reminded of the saying "Nothing changes if nothing changes." It's no wonder you're depressed, this is a depressing situation. Are there some changes you could make in what you do to make your life better?
All can do is work on myself which i try to do daily. I don't mind being alone its when your susposed to be sharing a life with someone and they're not mentally available to participate. I'm very trapped in my life to a degree because a take care of my 86 year old mother who has lived with me for 13 years. I would love to just get away from home for a night and go visit one of my daughters and see the grandkids but I don't have that option. My mother depends on me for all her meals and to get her ready for bed. So my time away from the house is very limited. I can't have someone come in to help because of my AH is very unpredictable (especially if I'm out of pocket). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Aloha SB...I use to feel that trapped also and it was murder on my spirit until I found the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups which saved my life. Not only did I learn that there are many many more options available to me so that I don't "have to" do it all alone and that many of my options actually are better than my own participation. I had to get into the rooms first and then learn what open mindedness is and how to use it. There are services available that will come care for your mom while you are not available...just imagine your self not being available. It can and does happen so "act as if" and start the search. You seem to be in "Caretaker" mode for the day and that is very tiring, mind, body, spirit and emotions. The alcoholic is a grown up (maybe not very mature) and it is expected that he can take care of himself and you can allow him the dignity of his choice and go exercise your own. It's okay to go visit your daughter or go to a movie or go to a Al-Anon meeting and the meeting after the meeting (coffee chat).
Like sadness...happiness is an inside job and it doesn't need another person, place or thing to make it happen. Be Happy...practice, practice, practice. ((((hugs))))
Dear sarebaer, I wholeheartedly agree with Jerry F when he suggests to seek help with the caretaking. All caretakers NEED it. Do an all-out search. Begin with The local chapter of the Council on Aging and go from there. I'll bet that a seperate posting here asking for suggestions will produce a lot of ideas on where help is available.
Stick with al-anon and get caretaking relief. Constant caretaking wears your defenses down so much. You need all of your strength, so PLEASE take care of yourself first!!!
