The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just stumbled upon this site - thankfully. I have a brother who has been an alcoholic for a very long time. He has a young son and a wife, and has decided to go to rehab - for the third time - today.
I dont know what I expect to get out of posting, but Im just so boggled by a slew of emotions and I really dont know what to do about them all.
Im angry - so angry at him. Really? Going in again? Dont they have to, at some point, learn how to rely on themselves and the program and not go back to rehab?
I dont get it. You are ruining your life, your marriage. If you are getting off the path, call your sponsor, go to more meetings, do SOMETHING! But drink? Really? Again?
Im scared for him. He is on anti depressants and has talked of suicide. Apparently, really thought about it last night, which is what prompted him to call the facility he has been at before.
Im angry that our entire family revolves around him - how is he? did he go to work? was he in church? is he drinking? how does he seem? is he going to meetings?
EVERYTHING revolves around him, and I especially do NOT like how all of this worries my mom. She doesnt deserve this. At all.
Im so sorry if I sound harsh. Just so angry. How do you do well for 6, 8 months and then get so down about life and drink soo much and get to that horrible place again? How does that happen? I dont understand. I wish I did. I dont.
I love my brother. I want him to get better, but I am so full of fear, anger, disappointment and disbelief that I dont know what to do. :(
Apologies if Ive been too mean. Im just kindof in that place right now. :(
Hi concerned, and welcome to MIP... your anger and frustration are understandable...
My perspective on this is more of a positive - I am glad he chose rehab (even if it's for the 3rd, or 30th time!) as opposed to the alternatives of giving up, and/or suicide, etc... "as long as there is breath, there is hope"...
I have personally seen A's finally find sobriety after a LOT more than three rehab stints, and many brushes with health issues and potential death. He's trying, and that counts for something....
What about you - what are you doing, for YOUR recovery in all this? Your brother's alcoholism has obviously adversely affected you and your whole family in many ways.... Al-Anon can help.... as can reading good books on the subject, to educate yourself - not only about what HE is going through, but also how it is affecting you.
"He will either drink, or he won't... .what are YOU gonna do?"
Here's hoping you choose recovery for you.
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Relapse is indeed optional and NOT part of recovery thank God. Unfortunately, many do relapse several times before staying sober. I can only tell you that I have been in the spot your brother is in, and I think it's just that he feels he is in so much pain that the self-destructive decisions don't even matter. The drinking is a passive suicide attempt anyhow. He is not capable of caring how it affects others. He is only seeking relief from emotional pain. I pretty much know he isn't trying to hurt you guys and thinks he is hurting himself...That is the way it always goes..."Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink." His program needs tweaking again it would appear. He also needs to pay diligent attention to his mental health and to truly accept that alcohol is not a good medication for depression. I had to do that, but I can't say what another person has to go through to get to the level of acceptance I did.
You really painted a vivid picture of the tornado of damage an alcoholic can do to their family. ALL of what you stated are valid feelings and it makes me feel even more committed to my own sobriety. So thanks for helping me stay sober at least.
